PDA

View Full Version : Engagement/wedding parties and etiquette



RedStringSoul
03-07-2010, 12:29 AM
I've got a few quick questions about wedding etiquette. I'm married myself but we did the no fuss city hall wedding.

My story's timeline looks like it is going to be partly dependent on my MC's cousin's wedding. I need to know how long after the engagement one could expect a formal engagement party to take place as well as how long before the wedding bridal showers and bachelorette parties normally take place.

Thanks!

Parametric
03-07-2010, 12:33 AM
Quick figures from my friend's wedding: bachelorette party 27th of February, wedding 27th of March.

stormie
03-07-2010, 12:39 AM
Pretty much anything goes. Engagement parties usually are pretty soon after the announcement. If it's the Catholic church, a couple has to wait a year and go for pre-marital counseling before getting married, unless there's a dispensation for some reason.

Bridal shower is usually about anywhere from three to one month from the wedding. Again, this is just a guideline. You can pretty much just use your imagination and storyline.

One other thing: Some halls are booked a year or more in advance if the date or the place is highly popular for weddings, therefore making the couple wait awhile to get married.

Jersey Chick
03-07-2010, 01:16 AM
We didn't have an engagement party - my inlaws invited me and my family out to dinner to officially welcome me into the family.

We did Pre-Cana (huge waste of time, IMHO) the fall before our wedding.

I was married on June 28, my bridal shower was around May 18-ish. My husband's bachelor party was the same night as my bachelorette party - both were the weekend before our wedding.

Halls and churches are usually busiest May/June and September/October (at least here they are) - so those dates are likely to take at least a year, like stormie said - in some cases, it's even longer.

StephanieFox
03-07-2010, 02:14 AM
No engagment party. Showers about a week or two before the wedding. Ten months from engagment to wedding. We chose the wedding date because that when we could get the location we wanted.

sheadakota
03-07-2010, 03:15 AM
My niece is getting married in may, her bridal party is March 20th-
Engagement parties? Seriously?
I never even knew such a thing existed.
I think that falls under the same riduculous as 'Push presents'

Sorry But how many presents can you buy someone for one event?

Jersey Chick
03-07-2010, 03:35 AM
Back in 1992, when I was engaged the first time, we had an engagement party. It was nice. When we broke up 6 months before the wedding, it was a nightmare because I had to return all the gifts (except for those lottery tickets from my cheapskate cousin. Who the eff gives someone effing lottery tickets for their engagement????)

Some people in my family wouldn't take their gifts back. I don't know about his side - that was all on him.

That was part of the reason why I didn't have an engagement party. A waste of time, to be honest. I liked the families getting together instead.

mtrenteseau
03-07-2010, 08:34 AM
Pretty much anything goes. Engagement parties usually are pretty soon after the announcement. If it's the Catholic church, a couple has to wait a year and go for pre-marital counseling before getting married, unless there's a dispensation for some reason.

When my parents got married it was only six months.

At least in the 60s, Catholics couldn't get married during Lent or Advent. So when my parents wanted to pick a date in December, they were told it either had to be after Christmas, or before Advent.

They went with the last Saturdy before Advent started - November 23, 1963.

There were more mourners in the church than wedding guests.

Whenever I think of engagement parties, I think of the ones in Coming to America or the new Alice in Wonderland, where the prospective bride doesn't know that's what the party is for and isn't keen on marrying the guy.

frimble3
03-07-2010, 08:41 AM
Lottery tickets: the gift that says, 'this one's a gamble'.

Ms Hollands
03-07-2010, 04:44 PM
Certainly amongst my friends in Australia, it was customary to have the engagement party within about a month of getting engaged, then bucks night/hens night a week before the wedding. My Brit friends seem to have stag weekends/hens weekends which gets a bit annoying (just bloody get married!), and it's anything from a month before the wedding to a week before, but typically one or two weeks before the big day. I think of all my friends who have gotten married, only one had a bridal shower and that's because her mum hassled her into it. It differed from a hens night because it was during the day and involved pinning the willy on the cut-out of a naked cartoon man, and giving the bride gifts for the kitchen. Very, very weird day, that one.

waylander
03-07-2010, 05:25 PM
My Brit friends seem to have stag weekends/hens weekends which gets a bit annoying (just bloody get married!), and it's anything from a month before the wedding to a week before, but typically one or two weeks before the big day.

You need that time before the wedding to sort out the court appearances arising from the stag/hen night

stormie
03-07-2010, 07:41 PM
When my parents got married it was only six months.

At least in the 60s, Catholics couldn't get married during Lent or Advent. So when my parents wanted to pick a date in December, they were told it either had to be after Christmas, or before Advent. For the past thirty years or so, you can get married during Lent or Advent. And you have to wait a year now to get married in the Catholic church, unless you get special dispensation. This came into practice about fifteen years ago, give or take. (I taught in a Catholic school and volunteer in our parish.)

cscarlet
03-07-2010, 09:18 PM
I got engaged on a July 1st and our Engagement party was that September.

Shower/Bachelorette party was the following July (all of my wedding party was from out of town so we combined the two days into one day/night bash), and the wedding itself was that September. So we had about a year between everything.

Oh, and my husband's bachelor party was in Mid August - a few weeks before the wedding.

Jersey Chick
03-07-2010, 09:31 PM
Lottery tickets: the gift that says, 'this one's a gamble'.

Or, "we're too cheap to get you anything that costs more than $5" <- this is actually the truth. :D

blackrose602
03-08-2010, 05:09 AM
Married (and divorced) twice. The first time, we were engaged just before Christmas. No official engagement party, but the sets of parents took turns treating us and each other to dinner, and some of our friends took us out one night. Since it was Christmastime, these were kind of combined Christmas/engagement celebrations. The wedding was June 15. Our bachelor/bachelorette parties (same night, different parties) were at the end of May. The rehearsal dinner, the night before the wedding, was at a Chinese restaurant.

Second time around, we actually got married twice. We were living in New Orleans, and just kind of up and decided to get married. Had my favorite tarot reader, who was also a licensed priest (Wicca), marry us under the Dueling Oaks in City Park. My parents took us and a couple of friends to dinner the night before, at a Chinese restaurant. About a month later, we traveled to FL to have a big June wedding ceremony with friends and family on the beach at midnight. We had a combined "bachelor/bachelorette" party at a nightclub in Tampa, but since we were already married, we decided to party together instead of separately. That was about three or four days before the ceremony.

Moral of the story: You can do whatever fits your storyline. Weddings are so personalized these days, some couples do "destination weddings" where everything's compressed into the few days that everyone's in an exotic location, some people follow an old-fashioned timeline...anything goes, if it fits your characters' background/beliefs.

Second Moral: If I ever get married again, it won't be in June and I won't have the rehearsal dinner at a Chinese restaurant!

johnnysannie
03-08-2010, 07:26 PM
For the past thirty years or so, you can get married during Lent or Advent. And you have to wait a year now to get married in the Catholic church, unless you get special dispensation. This came into practice about fifteen years ago, give or take. (I taught in a Catholic school and volunteer in our parish.)

Hmm...sixteen years ago (maybe it's that one extra year) the priest wouldn't let me have a wedding during Lent, not until after Easter.

No engagement party; just a small party after the rehearsal for the family and attendants the night of the rehearsal held at the church which was two nights before the actual wedding. Nothing fancy - meat and cheese trays, etc.

My wedding shower was actually about one week after the wedding.

stormie
03-08-2010, 07:40 PM
Hmm...sixteen years ago (maybe it's that one extra year) the priest wouldn't let me have a wedding during Lent, not until after Easter.
I was married over twenty years ago in the Catholic church, the day before Palm Sunday. That was an old rule, no marriages in Lent or Advent. And the church used to require all statues covered during Lent. Some parishes still do that anyway, ours hasn't done that in well over twenty years. The 1994 Catechism of the Catholic Church doesn't state any restrictions on day of marriage. Each diocese or parish, I have noticed, use their own judgement when they will or will not marry a couple. Or whom they will marry. Our parish will not marry anyone whose family isn't registered in the parish.

DrZoidberg
03-09-2010, 12:18 PM
I think you need to supply setting, class of the engaged and religion of those getting married.