View Full Version : Beta needed for first few chapters of urban fantasy/paranormal/romance YA novel

03-06-2010, 12:38 AM
I haven't 100% decided how to classify this novel, so excuse the fifty word subject. The book is a YA novel that I've been working on for years, and would very much appreciate it if someone could take a look at the first few chapters. They are, in my opinion, my weakest chapters, but they are the ones that agents would judge my novel on. Thusly, they need to be improved.

From my query, which is currently being edited:

"In Greek mythology, Persephone, the daughter of the goddess Demeter, captures the attention of the infamous underworld god, Hades. He knows he must have her, and steals her away into his kingdom. As the story goes, she wishes to leave, but eats the seed of a pomegranate and is forced to stay with her new husband. My novel Persephone is a reimagining of sorts, with the Greek myth at the heart of its inspiration.

The world is so full of mystery, but just what those mysteries held, Rhian never knew. That is until an eccentric young man makes his way into her life, his charming and handsome friend the new target of her admiration. However harmless he appears at first, Rhian’s best friend Tally knows better. In Mexico, her kinds are called the “Nahual”, or people who, in ancient times, were able to transform into their “spirit animals” at will to protect what was important to them. The two have been inseparable since early childhood, so when this dangerous man enters Rhian’s life, Tally finds it is her responsibility to keep the mortal girl safe. Unfortunately for the two of them, this sense of responsibility results in the death of a very powerful and ancient woman, causing a cataclysmic chain of events.

Persephone is the story of a girl that quickly finds her world of high school graduation and college tuition shattered by something much more dangerous."

I should warn you - YES, this novel does include vampires. If that is a deal-breaker for you, that's okay. They're not Twilight-inspired by any means, as I hate Twilight and what Meyer has done with vampires. I'd rather them be compared with Anne Rice's vampires, though I would never go so far as to think I am as talented as her.

:3 Just reply here if you'd like to take a look at them. I'll accept multiple people. If you are willing, just reply with your e-mail, or private message me if you would prefer doing it that way.

A speedy response (under a week) would be amazing, but I don't expect it. However, I'll probably start pestering you after two weeks or so, so be warned. It's only 5 or 6 chapters I'm sending, so it shouldn't be too difficult to get done.

03-06-2010, 05:26 AM
Ooo, ooo. I'll read. Send me a pm if you're interested.

03-10-2010, 01:38 AM
I don't mind checking it out. Sounds pretty interesting. ;)

03-11-2010, 05:33 PM
I'll take a look too if you want? :)