continued adventures in teh crazy....

Okay, so APS (adult protective services) followed up with me.

So, it seems everything is hunky-dory to the investigator.



My mother has all but completely isolated my grandmother from peers and family, won't let her talk on the phone without the speaker phone on, multiple relatives have been witness to violence between the two of them.

But, oh well, nothing anyone can do about it.

I'm out. I'm done. I've told them to stay away and leave me alone indefinitely. Any violation of that request will end in an order of protection being filed by me.

Near 30 years of teh crazy from my family... no thanks, I'm getting off this ride... they want to abuse each other and live in hell, fine, so be it. I've begged them to stop. I've tried to change things, but I'm DONE.

I want to live in relative peace with the family I've created. It isn't perfect, but it's a helluvalot better than either my husband or I had growing up. And I'm not going to risk that for people determined to be miserable and pass on misery.

writerterri said:

Congratulations! You have just moved into being healthier than they are.


Welcome to the committee!

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Thanks. I still have a boatload of guilt, but I'll get over it in time.

I was a little frustrated in talking to the APS worker, because I got the distinct impression she thought I was the nut in the situation. My mother has such a knack for coming off as the poor, sane victim of the world.

They also contacted my other relatives, one of whom will be calling this evening.

My head is pounding, but maybe I can put this behind me in the near future. Having nightmares every night about them, though.

I still think this is the healthiest option for me and for my family. My six year old picked up the phone and listened in on the conversation when my mom called about the cops being at their house and blood being all over from my grandmother, etc. Yeah, that was scarring. He had a meltdown (crying, saying he was scared) at school the other day over it...so much that the teacher got calls from other parents worried about the whole thing.

But, we're moving on. I can't make anyone else be healthy. Time to accept reality and do what works for me/mine.

writerterri said:

You're right. Making boundaries is hard and our sub conscience feels guilty because a sense of healthy-self was lost somewhere in the mis-balance of what is right and what is wrong. Now that you're righting it you'll deal with those feelings. Stick with the boundaries and your healthy-self will strengthen and balance back out. It will empower you in time, sistergirlydorkfriend!

I know first hand. I've taken a stand with these people and they now have more respect for me because I stuck to my boundaries. They now realize that they can't treat me like a toilet bowl or my family. We get along just fine as of this moment.

Good for you!

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Boundaries are so difficult to stick to with family. Especially, saying "no" to parental figures.

I do envy those rare cases of people with Norman-Rockwell inspired families, LOL...if they do exist. I'm starting to think they're somewhat like Nessy or Bigfoot. Sighted from time to time, but not necessarily real.

But, I'm starting to see that if I don't (and if people in my general situation don't) then the next generation suffers. When I invite that into the house it impacts me, but it also ripples out to my husband and kids who have no connection to the dysfunction except through me.

Given the level of teh crazy w/ my mother, I don't think I can have a relationship without it being detrimental. Congrats on getting to a good place with your boogeymen. Mine, I'm afraid, has to be locked away for good. I've tried too many times to keep the crap and the crazy at bay w/ her and have gotten burned every single time.

I've come down to looking at it this way:

I want to have a good relationship w/ my own kids as they grow up. I want them to focus on the positive in life and be healthy. Maybe that way some day I can have the close healthy relationship to them/their kids/their kids' kids that I always wished my parents could have had.

But letting them see teh crazy and me putting up with teh crazy and forcing them to suffer teh crazy... that's jeopardizing that future.

Nope. Can't do that.

Thanks guys.

Heard back from my relative, looks like she's mulling over the idea of trying to get guardianship. So, maybe there will be a happier ending for them. Maybe I've gotten some kind of positive ball rolling...even if for sanity and safety sake I won't be involved further.

I'm feeling damn lucky to have my kids and hubby in all of this. I don't think I'd have the strength without them as motivation.