PDA

View Full Version : When you got married...



Stlight
02-23-2010, 09:35 AM
I was watching a greatest cakes show and one was for a wedding. He pretty much ignored the bride’s wishes to follow her mothers, then was surprised when the bride didn’t like the cake. They worked it out later.

So I was wondering, when you got married was your wedding cake the one you wanted or the one your mother wanted? If your mother did it bother you then, now?

I’ll answer first:

My mother picked out the cake, since I had no decorating sense. I wanted blue flowers, which would have ended civilization as we knew it. It infuriated me then. A couple of decades later it only bothers me when something reminds me of it now. I was willing to have my own wedding, priest, reception, everything, but she went ballistic to have the show. I gave into Dad's request for peace in our time.

We are a rather dramatic family. ;)

Wayne K
02-23-2010, 09:37 AM
We didn'thave one, but now you have me wondering what the cake deal was at Susie's wedding.

writerterri
02-23-2010, 10:20 AM
We ordered a piece of cake at The Olive Garden. It was just what we ordered.

My first thought it that it was scripted into the show for ratings. Most are like that but my second thought is that the mother was probably paying for it and wanted the cake her way or her daughter can take the highway.

Or something like that.


But if the daughter is paying for the cake in full she should have gotten the cake her way or go to Burger King. :D

MattW
02-23-2010, 10:45 AM
I find it so odd that parents who pay for weddings insist on having it done to their tastes. Those seem like the same people that pad guest lists, not with the couple's friends, but with the parent's associates, business partners, and friends they are trying to impress.

Though I can see how it would take a strong willed child to stand up to the financial backers of the wedding, especially when they are young. Shoot, we paid for ours by scrimping and saving on our own (at 30 years old), and we still had some hard conversations to deflect parental demands. Some rifts still have not healed because people forget it was my wedding, not some party that happened to have a priest and rings.

aadams73
02-23-2010, 01:14 PM
My mother was really great about the whole thing. We had one moment where we snapped and had a fight, but we got over it.

With regards to the cake, I got exactly what I wanted. It was beautiful...and delicious.

Cassiopeia
02-23-2010, 01:42 PM
My mother couldn't be bothered to be a part of it and only showed up because it would look bad if she didn't and then she proceeded to pick apart the hat and veil I had picked out to the point of even dropping it in the store and I was so busy I didn't even notice it didn't make it to the car.

And she had to tell me all the nasty things my soon to be In-laws had to say so my entire day was ruined between her and the rest of the lot.

As for my cake, it was exactly as I wanted. I picked it out, I paid for it, I picked it up.

Not the greatest day of my life.

sheadakota
02-23-2010, 02:49 PM
My mother had nothing to do with my wedding other than showing up-

One of my friends was a culinary chef at the time and very much into baking, he made me a beautiful cake and it was yummy beyond believe! The best part it was a gift-

Disa
02-23-2010, 02:55 PM
We didn't have a big elaborate wedding-went to the JP. Some friends gave us a huge, wonderful reception, though. My mother bought, picked out, and brought the cake to the reception. I was grateful then and I'm still grateful now.

Fran
02-23-2010, 02:58 PM
I'm unlikely to marry but if I did my first instinct would be to elope, assuming the groom was amenable. Cake? Nah. I prefer profiteroles. I think threatening to elope is an underused tactic in these discussions. ;)

thethinker42
02-23-2010, 03:37 PM
I was pretty apathetic about the cake. Make it layered, make sure there's enough for everyone, beyond that, don't care. *shrug* Just didn't seem like a big deal to me, not with all the other stress relating to that day.

scarletpeaches
02-23-2010, 03:40 PM
Not married, but still answering.

My wedding cake will be chocolate. :D

The only fruit cake at my wedding will be me.

As for my mother? Even if she was still around she wouldn't be a part of the day anyway. I don't understand people who let themselves be pressganged into shit they don't want on THEIR DAY. It's got sod all to do with your family.

So saith me, who'd invite her dad, and that's it.

thethinker42
02-23-2010, 03:48 PM
I don't understand people who let themselves be pressganged into shit they don't want on THEIR DAY. It's got sod all to do with your family.

Amen to that. I know some people do it to keep the peace, but I wasn't really faced with the issue. My grandmother completely commandeered my mom's wedding, so my mom went out of her way to make sure my wedding was done my way. We actually planned most of it together and had a grand time doing so. The end result was a FUN wedding, which is what I wanted.

Really, the only one who tried to have their own way with my wedding was my dad. And I suppose I can't really blame him...after all, I was asking him to walk me down the aisle to "The Imperial Death March" from Star Wars, which may have been a somewhat tall order for my conservative dad. We were still arguing about it right up until the moment the music started playing. He thought everyone would be offended or whatever. Everyone loved it, the whole place was roaring with laughter, and he very quickly admitted that it wasn't as big a deal as he thought it would be. :D

scarletpeaches
02-23-2010, 03:52 PM
My dad wants to walk me down the aisle but I've already told him he won't be, because it's a sign of possession, to give your daughter away. When I get married it'll be because I want to, and I'll walk down the aisle willingly.

But the 'fun' thing? Oh yeah. Chocolate cake...a bouncy castle at the reception...ushers dressed as teletubbies...anything for a laugh, while still keeping the solemnity of the occasion (yes really).

It's an important day so the ceremony should be respectful, but the reception will be one mad party if I have anything to do with it.

regdog
02-23-2010, 04:21 PM
Single here, but if and I stress IF I were to ever get married, only two people would decide the wedding plans, myself and my intended. No one thinks for me or makes me accept what they want.

Jersey Chick
02-23-2010, 04:54 PM
When I got married -

We split the cost 3 ways with my mom and my inlaws. Aside from writing the checks - neither mom nor inlaws wanted any input aside from knowing when and where to show up. They were great this way.

My cake was yellow, with chocolate mousse filling. Done the way my husband and I (well, mostly me - he didn't care, really) wanted.

Wedding was where and when we wanted. (I wanted to elope but my husband's family is HUGE and somewhat religious. I conceded to a church wedding because it was important to them and not important enough to me to fight them on it. Though, I gotta admit, I still kinda wish an Elvis impersonator officiated)

The only argument my mom and I got into was the morning of, in the salon, over whether I was wearing the veil over my face or not. She said yes, I said no. I won. The fight lasted about ten minutes and we both agreed it was a stupid thing to bicker over. I think it was last minute nerves.

My brother walked me down the aisle because I refused to let my dad (long, boring story - don't ask, cause I ain't tellin' :))

All in all -it was a perfect day, even though beads kept falling off my dress, it was bustled slightly crooked because one of the buttons vanished, and I almost mooned everyone because the train was so long, I was wrapping it over my arm outside the church afterward, and kept pulling and pulling until my best friend's mom told me I'd pulled up half the skirt as well. It was the end of June and warm.

Thank God for crinolines. :D

Perks
02-23-2010, 05:44 PM
Yeah, my mother-in-law had told me a story about her mother taking over her wedding plans and turning the day into something that had very little to do with the bride's wishes. I didn't realize at the time that this is fairly common. Both my mother and mother-in-law were angels and we all had a wonderful time.

As far as the cake goes, I picked it. I don't remember what it was other than it was really good. I even ate the icing, which is a very rare thing. I didn't want a miniature bride and groom on the cake, so I asked that they just put flowers on it. They forgot. When I got there and spied the completely bare cake, I said, "Um, there were supposed to be flowers on it." The caterer checked her notes, smiled at me, plucked a couple of flowers each out of my bouquet, the table's arrangement, and the altar pieces (we got married in a castle, so the reception was in the great hall right outside the chapel) and stabbed them into the top of the cake. We high-fived each other and I went about my business.

It was a really nice day.

quickWit
02-23-2010, 05:46 PM
The only thing I remember about the cake at our wedding was the way it squished through my fingers when I shoved it in my wife's face.

Pretty sure it was what we wanted, though. :)

Alpha Echo
02-23-2010, 05:48 PM
My first wedding was in Jamaica, and we had whatever little white cake they gave with the ceremony.

My second wedding is going to be on a fishing boat 3 miles off shore with only my SO's favorite Captain (to do the ceremony) and son (to take pictures). So no cake, only fishing.

Perks
02-23-2010, 05:49 PM
So no cake, only fishing.Yeah, fishcakes don't really seem a wedding-y thing.

thethinker42
02-23-2010, 05:52 PM
The only thing I remember about the cake at our wedding was the way it squished through my fingers when I shoved it in my wife's face.

Pretty sure it was what we wanted, though. :)

I remember asking my mom if perhaps we should have gotten a different type of frosting, because damn, that stuff did NOT want to come off my glasses...

Ah well. We got some glorious pictures of the cake-smashing, so it was worth the extra lens-scrubbing. :D

Cella
02-23-2010, 05:55 PM
The cake looked exactly like I wanted it to, although it was cheesecake (bleh). Three tiers, all a different flavor. Supposedly it was quite tasty.

Elaine Margarett
02-23-2010, 05:58 PM
I was as far away from a bridezilla as one can be. The first wedding dress I tried on I bought for 99.00; found bridesmaids dresses that cost my attendents 20 bucks, didn't even want to get married in a church... too much trouble, too much planning, too much money!

Hubby wanted the church wedding. He was breifly married before by the JP because his ex got pregnant on purpose. He said he wanted to do it right this time...ah...how could I say no?

My stepdaughter who is as dear to me as anyone was my flowergirl (she was four, almost five at the time). She tells everyone we *are* related, since we share so many traits, lol. What a dear!

The one thing I did insist on was the cake, lol. Devils food with buttercream icing, my favorite. This was in 1983, when no one had anything but the traditional white cake, white icing.

It was yummy!

stormie
02-23-2010, 06:09 PM
My mother was wonderful, but my mother-in-law.... Since my MIL paid for certain things (so she could "take over," as we found out too late), she insisted we have an all white cake with white flowers and the that old-fashioned '50s-style bride and groom on top. Where the baker dug that tiny plastic couple from, I don't know.

Well, that day I was too nervous to even care.

shakeysix
02-23-2010, 06:16 PM
we got married back in the hippie daze. my husband's family was in new york. we were in kansas with my family. we didn't want a ceremony at all. had some idea about pledging our love on the family homestead as the sun came up. unfortunately the family homestead was pretty much a cow pie minefield so that was out. at mom's insistence we opted for the local catholic church. my husband had a huge curly beard and my mom did talk him into trimming it into a goatee. for the pictures she said. since he was only 5'5 and weighed about 130 pounds i can see now the wisdom of her words. our three daughters have a hoot over our wedding pix to this day. i wore a lavender gingham dress trimmed with burlap, and wedgie sandals. we wanted the choir to sing "jeremiah bullfrog" as we left the church. the priest flat refused. i'm still pissed about that one. we had a reception in my grandmother's garden. an old rose was in bloom and the whole yard smelled heavenly. my cake was chocolate and vanilla with lots of white icing. made by my cousin who does this for a living still. my dad grew a beard so my husband wouldn't be the only "hippie". all in all i had things pretty much my way. my mom--a strong willed woman--was content to shut up and pay. i was pregnant and even at 108 lbs. beginning to show.---s6

Cella
02-23-2010, 06:22 PM
It's kind of funny, isn't it? The wedding you would have now if you could plan it all over again...

I was 19 and had a perfect storybook wedding; outside with a horse and carriage and everything. But now, it wouldn't be appropriate for a woman approaching 30 (IMO--no offense to those brides planning this:rolleyes:)

I loved it, but it would be something else entirely now.

Mr Flibble
02-23-2010, 06:29 PM
My Dad made and iced my cake - to my orders, not my mother's. I mean, whose wedding was it? Not hers. Didn't bother my mother any either. She helped me pick stuff out ( I am NOT a natural clothes shopper...) but the decisions were always mine.

Possibly because she rightly surmised that on this thing, I was more stubborn than her :D

She was way worse when I was expecting my first though. She bought everything before I got the chance to, and I was disappointed, for instance, not to get the little fella his first teddy. A few quiet words from my Dad got her to calm down.

CaroGirl
02-23-2010, 06:40 PM
I have no memory of my wedding cake, other than I had one. My mother and I probably chose it together. My mother's not the steam-roller kind. Although I did defer to the parents in some of the more traditional aspects of my wedding. Some people's parents (particularly young people just starting out, as we were) pay for a large chunk of the wedding. That's why the parents get a say in the festivities. If you want it to be "your day", by all means pay for it. But we were young, pre-career, and burdened with student loans. That said, my wedding was AWESOME!

charlotte49ers
02-23-2010, 06:43 PM
My wedding cake was exactly what I wanted.

My flowers on the other hand? She did the exact OPPOSITE of what I wanted. Still ticks me off to this day. Can someone tell me how you screw up a fat rose bouquet? Mine was the size of a salad plate, no kidding. And I said NO purple and the most prominent flower in my arrangements was a giant deep purple thing. Grr...

She did the same thing to my friend recently, too (I told them not to use her). She said she didn't care what she did as long as there were no Gerber daisies and no carnations. Every bouquet was FULL of Gerber daisies and carnations. Yeah, she's an awesome florist.

Jersey Chick
02-23-2010, 07:07 PM
I LOVED my bouquet - it was a waterfall of white roses and Queen Anne's lace... **le sigh**

The only thing I was unhappy about was the guest list - my family is very small (I mean, like 10 people if we invited cousins) and his is very large. Plus, my in laws were those who invited everyone they ever met. Our guest list was nearly 400 people and 390 sat on one side of the church. I was amazed the whole building didn't list.

The reception was in a church hall - the dance floor was a basketball court (too bad they covered up the nets - though it looked very pretty - a slam-dunk contest would have been teh ossumest) so it was HUGE! My wedding was almost 13 years ago and to this day, everyone talks about what a great time they had at my wedding - even without the slam-dunk contest. :D

It was a great day, and over too quickly...

ad_lucem
02-23-2010, 07:09 PM
Um...got married in Vegas in a black cocktail dress.

We actually planned it that way, so, drop the visions of a whirlwind affair ;) (Both of our families are so dysfunctional, there was no way we would've wanted either of the sides at the wedding. Nor would either group have wanted to be there since, at the time, my father was sticking to his conviction that I was disowned, my mother hates my husband, and my husband's mother hates me. LOL )

So, yeah, the cake we had at dinner that night was quite nice and just as ordered.

I kind of hope my daughter can have a nice white wedding, if that's what she wants. But, if she wants to get married in Vegas by Elvis or Captain Picard, I'm cool with that, too. :D

(My only regret is not getting a Star Trek or Elvis wedding...I just couldn't talk my husband into it.)

thethinker42
02-23-2010, 07:13 PM
I'm not big on flowers, but I'd always wanted fire and ice roses for my wedding. A family friend is a florist, and she did the whole thing in fire and ice roses...it was gorgeous. :)

Wayne K
02-23-2010, 07:16 PM
The only cake at my next wedding will be beefcake, and I haven't decided who yet.

quickWit
02-23-2010, 07:19 PM
The only cake at my next wedding will be beefcake, and I haven't decided who yet.

Alright, alright, Wayne. I'll do it, but only because we're pals, and stuff.

*flexes glutes*

Jersey Chick
02-23-2010, 08:02 PM
MY EYES!!!!!

ad_lucem
02-23-2010, 08:04 PM
Alright, alright, Wayne. I'll do it, but only because we're pals, and stuff.

*flexes glutes*

:roll:

mscelina
02-23-2010, 08:22 PM
I've seen that episode of Cake Boss, and the girl agreed at the consultation to have white calla lilies and draping and when she showed up the day before the wedding to look at the cake, pretended like she hadn't and then squirted different colored icing all over the completed cake so he would have "inspiration." A class a beyotch of the worst sort.

I made the cake for my daughter's wedding and it turned out lovely. The groom's mother made the groom's cake for the wedding and it was decorated with plastic GI Joes pointing a gun at a Barbie stuck right in the middle. (No lie) Then, when they brought the "cake" into the reception, they tracked dog shit in on their shoes.

The theme from Deliverance was playing in the mind the whole time...

ad_lucem
02-23-2010, 08:27 PM
I've seen that episode of Cake Boss, and the girl agreed at the consultation to have white calla lilies and draping and when she showed up the day before the wedding to look at the cake, pretended like she hadn't and then squirted different colored icing all over the completed cake so he would have "inspiration." A class a beyotch of the worst sort.

I made the cake for my daughter's wedding and it turned out lovely. The groom's mother made the groom's cake for the wedding and it was decorated with plastic GI Joes pointing a gun at a Barbie stuck right in the middle. (No lie) Then, when they brought the "cake" into the reception, they tracked dog shit in on their shoes.

The theme from Deliverance was playing in the mind the whole time...

See, this is one of the positive aspects of a Vegas wedding sans relatives... I could see my husband's side coming up with the cake you described...or worse...I'm betting worse...

Afterall, my step mother in law once showed off her "naughty candy molds" to me. Including some white chocolate lollipops she'd already made.

She was so proud of the fact she'd been able to get the perfect flesh colors for it. And didn't the labia look realistic?

:Wha:

Mela
02-23-2010, 08:28 PM
I couldn't eat my strawberry shortcake wedding cake because I was having big time blood sugar/gluten issues at the time. As I happened to be one week shy of turning 40 no one could tell me what or what not to do (my father did pay for the liquor and renting the place, which was the carriage house of an estate - very nice - lots of antiques - we were married in the solarium, which was still decorated for Christmas (Jan. 8).

I had been told in roundabout ways afterwards that no one cared for the food and because I chose a jazz band there were few who were downright resentful that there was no bunny hop or Mony Mony to dance to.

Which is to say, you can't let other people's baggage - or egos or complete lack of manners - ruin such an important event.

mscelina
02-23-2010, 08:31 PM
See, this is one of the positive aspects of a Vegas wedding sans relatives... I could see my husband's side coming up with the cake you described...or worse...I'm betting worse...

Afterall, my step mother in law once showed off her "naughty candy molds" to me. Including some white chocolate lollipops she'd already made.

She was so proud of the fact she'd been able to get the perfect flesh colors for it. And didn't the labia look realistic?

:Wha:

I tried to bribe the kids to elope--to no avail. Son-in-law's grandfather was a minister so the enterprise was doomed from the outset. What was really interesting happened after the wedding, when I had to gently explain to the son-in-law that -- no, the offered money was to get them to NOT have a wedding. Since they'd gone against my wishes and had the wedding, there was no more money.

Funny, that. I don't remember if I disliked him before that or not but it's safe to say that in between his parents and that question my rather tepid tolerance of him evaporated.

Sophia
02-23-2010, 08:41 PM
Ooh, chocolate cake, or marble cake, or ginger cake, or that buttery almond cake would all have been yummy. :D *goes off to drool*

The wedding I wanted was to put on a nice skirt and top I had, walk up to the bus stop on my own, get on the bus, go to the registrar where I would meet up with my bloke, and then after doing the vows and signing etc. with a couple of friends as witnesses, go to a party with some friends and a mariachi band. Cheap, stress-free and personal to us. I would have loved that. :)

I was another one who went along with family wishes out of a sense of duty and keeping the peace. I was told it was all about what the guests expected. I don't like attention on me, so the hordes of relatives and going along with all the stuff leading up to it left me feeling very uncomfortable and definitely like I fell short of what a 'proper' bride was like. I try not to think about it otherwise I get a bit resentful. And then feel guilty because people did generally mean well! Ah, weddings. I've always thought the Elvis/Picard/Vegas ones sounded brilliant. :D

MaryMumsy
02-23-2010, 09:19 PM
We had the traditional Catholic wedding. My dress was great, my Mom made it exactly like I wanted. I only had one attendant and told her to get something she liked and would wear again. The cake was yummy and had flowers on the top, not those little dolls. MIL was unhappy we didn't have a sit-down dinner, too bad-she wasn't paying and I didn't want it. The two flies in the ointment were courtesy of MIL: two children who hadn't been invited, but she told their mother it was OK to bring them; no pics of my relatives because she hi-jacked the photographer to take pics of all their relatives/friends/neighbors. Didn't know about the pics until I got the proofs back.

MM

WildScribe
02-23-2010, 09:21 PM
My mother and I probably could have gotten into an epic fight over who cared less. I asked my grandmother to make it since she can make BEAUTIFUL cakes, and then drove her nuts with "I don't care, grandma, I trust you to make it beautiful, do whatever you want."

It turned out both beautiful and perfect, of course, even after the caterers accidentally smashed the bottom layer and nearly made my granny cry.

rhymegirl
02-23-2010, 09:56 PM
I can barely even remember the cake.

All I remember at the reception is my husband trying to get me to go under the table with him.

Lavern08
02-23-2010, 10:14 PM
...Which is to say, you can't let other people's baggage - or egos or complete lack of manners - ruin such an important event.

Exactly - And that's why we eloped! ;)

Hunny's family wanted to have a reception similar to something from "Hee-Haw" and my family expected something torn from the pages of "Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous!" :flag:

Yeshanu
02-23-2010, 10:15 PM
My ex has been trying to encourage my kids to elope for years, or, barring that, to have a morning wedding with a wedding breakfast instead of a supper. (He wants tux and tails, or no party at all, it seems...)

Anyhow, our wedding was jointly planned by my mother and me, and I remember us choosing the menu, invitations, etc. together. It was a great bonding time for us, but we had a good relationship before that and do not have wildly dissimilar tastes.

I can foresee my daughter's wedding being similar, but if we disagree on details, she'll win automatically. Not only is it her day, she has better fashion and decorating sense than I do.

That being said, most of us can be glad that our cakes did not look very much like any of the cakes from this blog. (http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/search/label/Wedding%20Cakes)

Mr Flibble
02-23-2010, 10:24 PM
The wedding I wanted was to put on a nice skirt and top I had, walk up to the bus stop on my own, get on the bus, go to the registrar where I would meet up with my bloke, and then after doing the vows and signing etc. with a couple of friends as witnesses, go to a party with some friends and a mariachi band. Cheap, stress-free and personal to us. I would have loved that. :)

That's what we were going for, only we invited family to come to the pub after ( one I'm sure you know ;)) where we had a greta spread laid on and teh garden to ourselves. It was awesome turning up on a harley trike and in a Bugatti though. :D Including the honeymoon, it cost way less than a grand.

Relatives often comment that it was 'the most relaxed wedding I've ever been to' and when we went to a huge do a fortnight later people kept sidling up and saying 'I preferred yours. The food was better too!' It was so relaxed it even persuaded my cousin to get married - she'd sworn off because she hated the idea of the 'do' you 'had' to have.

ad_lucem
02-23-2010, 10:26 PM
That being said, most of us can be glad that our cakes did not look very much like any of the cakes from this blog. (http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/search/label/Wedding%20Cakes)

:roll:*gasp* *choke* *cry* AHAHahahaAHAHahaha *gasp* *snort*

I love cake wrecks.

The bride and groom peeps...the wedding cake with a picture from the morgue complete with toe-tag....with the caption "Til' Death"

:roll:*gasp* *choke* *cry* AHAHahahaAHAHahaha *gasp* *snort*

charlotte49ers
02-23-2010, 10:49 PM
Found a picture of my dumb bouquet. And yes, that's lace poking out of the bottom.

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b16/theplavichs/AmandaandReagan.jpg

It was so teeny, I didn't even hold it in most of my pictures. :( And it had this completely disproportional long, skinny stem.

stormie
02-23-2010, 11:05 PM
I can barely even remember the cake.

All I remember at the reception is my husband trying to get me to go under the table with him.
:ROFL: (Of course, the two of you were probably Rolling On The Floor Laughing. And doing other things....)

Jersey Chick
02-23-2010, 11:14 PM
My cake topper was Lenox china and too heavy for the cake (WTF was Lenox thinking?!?!?) It was put on top the cake for pictures and then taken off before it could sink.

And my husband was forbidden, on pain of death, to smash cake in my face. I'd have smashed something of his - yes, I had no sense of humor about that. It took me too long to do my hair and makeup to have him ruin it with buttercream icing.

You know how people clink the silverware against the crystal to get the bride and groom to run at each other top speed to kiss? No one could do that at our reception - we were always together. My mom likes to say everyone could feel the love in the room.

Awwww....

ad_lucem
02-23-2010, 11:18 PM
I can barely even remember the cake.

All I remember at the reception is my husband trying to get me to go under the table with him.

Maybe my mind is more twisted than it ought to be, but when I read this, there were two thoughts that came to mind:

1) The events of the day must have aroused his passions.

2) Which one of the relatives brought a gun, and did the cops get there quickly enough to prevent excessive carnage?

DeleyanLee
02-23-2010, 11:21 PM
We eloped. We stopped for ice cream (no cake) on the drive back, so we both got what we wanted. It was very basic and simple.

We eloped for many reasons--the main one being that neither of us wanted our families involved in deciding anything. Both families have a LONG history of deciding everything and not giving the person(s) being honored any consideration so it was easier for us if we just ignored the whole thing.

Cella
02-23-2010, 11:43 PM
Good for you, Del! :fistpump

Lavern08
02-24-2010, 12:31 AM
And my husband was forbidden, on pain of death, to smash cake in my face.

It took me too long to do my hair and makeup to have him ruin it with buttercream icing.

Indeed!

Am I the only one who absolutely hates that *lovely* tradition?

Fran
02-24-2010, 12:33 AM
Indeed!

Am I the only one who absolutely hates that *lovely* tradition?

I didn't know that WAS a tradition. I've never heard of it before.

WildScribe
02-24-2010, 12:36 AM
Indeed!

Am I the only one who absolutely hates that *lovely* tradition?

My husband and I had a talk about it beforehand, and we both agreed that it was a very silly idea. We fed each other NICELY. :)

ad_lucem
02-24-2010, 12:47 AM
Indeed!

Am I the only one who absolutely hates that *lovely* tradition?

Nope. And my husband knows better than to try anything like that. No threats required. He just...knows...

I'm still trying to talk him into a vow renewal in Vegas for our 10th, though. This time... we're going with Elvis at least if I can't talk him into Star Trek.

But, cake in the face? No. There would be bloodshed.

tjwriter
02-24-2010, 12:47 AM
My cake was beautiful and delicious. I found the best cake lady. My mom was my wedding planner and it worked out wonderfully for us. And my aunt did my flowers (artificial) and they were beautiful. I'll have to dig out a picture.

ETA: And there was no smashing. Maybe a little smearing around the mouth, but absolutely no smashing.

Perks
02-24-2010, 12:54 AM
ETA: And there was no smashing. Maybe a little smearing around the mouth, but absolutely no smashing.

There was not even any smearing at mine. I'd been adamant about that and his friends had tried to goad him into it. My glare is more powerful than his friends.

I'm not about the cake-smooshing.

stormie
02-24-2010, 12:55 AM
My husband and I had a talk about it beforehand, and we both agreed that it was a very silly idea. We fed each other NICELY. :)
We did too. I mean, all that sugary stuff all over the face--major blemishes the next day.

Besides, I like cake too much (even my MIL's idea of a wedding cake) to waste it.

semilargeintestine
02-24-2010, 01:03 AM
My girlfriend probably wouldn't even want to "feed" each other nicely in front of everyone, let alone smash cake into each our faces. I think it's a weird tradition that I have no desire to ever participate in, so I'm sure she feels the same. We will probably have two "weddings" that aren't exactly normal. Should be fun.

Lavern08
02-24-2010, 01:07 AM
IF we'd had a wedding, and IF my Hunny had smashed cake in my face, there would not have been any *wedding night loving* for him at all.

I. Am. Dead. Serious. People!

semilargeintestine
02-24-2010, 01:15 AM
IF we'd had a wedding, and IF my Hunny had smashed cake in my face, there would not have been any *wedding night loving* for him at all.

I. Am. Dead. Serious. People!

There will be wedding night sexy time cake-smashing or not. My luck though, she'll be in Niddah starting that day.

Jersey Chick
02-24-2010, 01:18 AM
We were at a wedding where the groom actually chased the bride down and smashed it in her face, on top of her head, you name it, he caked it. In turn, she threw cake at him. It was the most childish thing I'd ever seen (to this day.) Surprisingly, the wedding reception lasted longer than the marriage.

semilargeintestine
02-24-2010, 01:21 AM
Yeah, that is childish. There will be none of that with us. The cake is going to be something good too, dammit. Like chocolate peanut butter. With Reeses Peanut Butter cups on it. Mmmmm...

quickWit
02-24-2010, 01:23 AM
You silly broads are missing the point. It's all about the love.

:D

IceCreamEmpress
02-24-2010, 01:40 AM
We had incredible cake at our wedding (made by the administrative assistant in my husband's department and her daughter, who have a side business doing catering and OH MY GOD are they talented) and I only wish we'd had time to sit down and eat it.

But we got married in our mid-30s and paid for our own wedding (my dad paid for the flowers, which was a lovely gift) so it was just the way we wanted it. We had magicians, too.

And we did feed each other cake, which I had always been kind of "meh" about as a gesture but for whatever reason I found it incredibly touching at the time.

My husband cried during the ceremony. It was sweet. He is sentimental unlike me.

sheadakota
02-24-2010, 02:14 AM
You silly broads are missing the point. It's all about the love.

:D
ah, yes, nothing says love like frosting in your sinuses :evil

quickWit
02-24-2010, 02:20 AM
ah, yes, nothing says love like frosting in your sinuses :evil

Exactly. It's been over 20 years and she still smells buttercream every time she sneezes. It's a reminder of our enduring lurve.

Jersey Chick
02-24-2010, 02:34 AM
We fed each other cake - that's okay. The smooshing in the face is not okay. :D

Unless it's teh bunneh - smoosh away - no matter what you choose to smoosh with.

ad_lucem
02-24-2010, 02:42 AM
Exactly. It's been over 20 years and she still smells buttercream every time she sneezes. It's a reminder of our enduring lurve.

There's just something about the thought of "20 years" and "buttercream frosting" that doesn't sound too pleasant.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but something tells me they don't go together...

thethinker42
02-24-2010, 03:02 AM
The cake-smashing thing...I'm not 100% sure if this is accurate, but this it what I was told:

The bride feeding the cake to the groom is her first "exercise" as a wife...doing something for her husband, basically being subservient. Smearing it on his face is a last act of rebellion. Subsequently wiping it off is "okay, okay, I'll submit."

That could be complete bullshit...I have no idea. Never really cared to verify it, because we just did it because we both agreed beforehand that the cake-smashing would be some silly fun and would make for some hilarious pictures. It was, it did, and everyone got a laugh out of it. My mom just kindly advised me that if we got any frosting on her wedding dress, there would be blood. (we didn't)

To each their own. :D

semilargeintestine
02-24-2010, 03:04 AM
At first glance, that seems like feminist stuff they put on later to just have something else to tear down. But, it is a stupid enough tradition where that could actually be the explanation. Either way, it's not happening with me. She won't have a chance to wash her hands before that part, and I'm not letting her put any food in my mouth with dirty hands.

Stlight
02-24-2010, 03:26 AM
No, cake smashing, we simply never thought about it. If we had, still no. Remember this was the dignified wedding for my father's business friends and relatives I'd never met. It was full service with Mass. No photographers, no flowers, and due to a snow storm, no lights or music. The power came on for the reception, which was at the church - punch and coffee only.

With the help of our friends my groom and I had planned the entire wedding and reception at a lovely old Victorian house in the heart of the city. Mother went ballistic that it wasn't safe the guests would all be mugged. Etc etc. I don't know where she found muggers in that part of town...

The reception afterward, where 'the nice guests' would be afraid to go, was fun.

I do have to say my wedding dress was perfect. A friend woke up, saw the snow. She called my to-be he called me, we rushed out bought a couple of yards of white wool. My friend made a floor length, A line, high collar, long sleeve dress in time for the evening wedding.

So glad to hear from everyone about the cakes and other things. I'd completely forgotten about flowers. The flowerist who made the opposite of requested bunches must have done it on purpose, it doesn't make sense otherwise. Maybe she hates weddings?

rhymegirl
02-24-2010, 03:32 AM
Maybe my mind is more twisted than it ought to be, but when I read this, there were two thoughts that came to mind:

1) The events of the day must have aroused his passions.

2) Which one of the relatives brought a gun, and did the cops get there quickly enough to prevent excessive carnage?

The answer is the first one.

Actually, he told me ahead of time that he was either going to put me on top of the table or underneath it. Silly guy.

WildScribe
02-24-2010, 04:40 AM
IF we'd had a wedding, and IF my Hunny had smashed cake in my face, there would not have been any *wedding night loving* for him at all.

I. Am. Dead. Serious. People!

I don't think we had sex on the wedding night. I remember watching a movie, and I remember waking up hours later sprawled across the bed and still dressed. We both totally passed out before we even finished the movie. Then I think we ordered pizza for dinner and passed out again. ;)

Silver King
02-24-2010, 05:24 AM
When I was married, my sister made the wedding cake. She was a baker and decorator extraordinaire. She'd always been a bit of a show-off, and I got the feeling that she outdid herself more as a way to prove her cake making prowess than as a gift to her brother. You'd have to know her, I guess, or witnessed the way she dragged guests past that cake to admire her handiwork.

When it came time to share a slice with my new bride, there was no thought or desire between us to mash it into each others' faces. She simply offered me a small morsel, which I accepted from her fingers, and I offered her some in return. What she did next surprised me, as I'm sure it did some of the guests looking on: She held my hand between both of hers, then took the first three fingers that were holding the cake deep into her mouth. A low cooing sound hummed from her throat, and she ever so slowly released my fingers past her lips, where not a spec of icing was left on my flesh.

At that moment, I was ready to skip the rest of the reception and move on to more pressing matters. :D

Wayne K
02-24-2010, 05:26 AM
We don't let teh gays marry, but fish are fine. What a country

IceCreamEmpress
02-24-2010, 05:28 AM
I usually see grooms smushing cake into the brides' faces more than the reverse, so I'm not buying that "it's feminist!" explanation.

thethinker42
02-24-2010, 05:28 AM
When it came time to share a slice with my new bride, there was no thought or desire between us to mash it into each others' faces. She simply offered me a small morsel, which I accepted from her fingers, and I offered her some in return. What she did next surprised me, as I'm sure it did some of the guests looking on: She held my hand between both of hers, then took the first three fingers that were holding the cake deep into her mouth. A low cooing sound hummed from her throat, and she ever so slowly released my fingers past her lips, where not a spec of icing was left on my flesh.

At that moment, I was ready to skip the rest of the reception and move on to more pressing matters. :D

Epic. Win. :D

WildScribe
02-24-2010, 05:31 AM
Epic. Win. :D

Second that. I like your wife.

Silver King
02-24-2010, 05:35 AM
We don't let teh gays marry, but fish are fine. What a country
That's because some fish species can change sex to suit their environment. Makes it all legal, no matter which body of water they reside.

Wayne K
02-24-2010, 05:37 AM
Transsexual fishes?

WildScribe
02-24-2010, 05:43 AM
Transsexual fishes?

I hear they're from Transylvania. Originally. :)

Silver King
02-24-2010, 05:49 AM
Transsexual fishes?
Kinda, only it's referred to as sequential hermaphrodites, where the sex change occurs naturally without any scalpels.

MattW
02-24-2010, 05:37 PM
An observation, not about the fine folks here, but in general.

Many brides aggressively deny their mothers the chance to interfere in a wedding, which I think is somewhat fair, yet at the same time, refuse any input from the groom because it is "her day."

If it was her day, why bother with a wedding, why not have a grand party where everyone lines up to kiss her ass?

thethinker42
02-24-2010, 05:41 PM
An observation, not about the fine folks here, but in general.

Many brides aggressively deny their mothers the chance to interfere in a wedding, which I think is somewhat fair, yet at the same time, refuse any input from the groom because it is "her day."

If it was her day, why bother with a wedding, why not have a grand party where everyone lines up to kiss her ass?

I'm with you on this one. My husband had a lot of input on ours even though he was at sea up until two weeks before the wedding. It was his day too.

For that matter, I was open to input from my mom, too. She helped a hell of a lot. The whole bridezilla thing disgusts me. I wasn't about to allow someone to commandeer my wedding, but I was certainly open to input and suggestions.

Jersey Chick
02-24-2010, 05:52 PM
My husband had input - but he basically said, "Whatever you want (except for the Vegas/Elvis impersonator) is fine with me." Still, I dragged him all over the place to find the perfect this and best that.

As for my wedding night - we watched The Shining (how utterly romantic, no??) and it was the same night Mike Tyson bit off Evander Holyfield's ear.

How's that for a point of reference? ;)

Mr Flibble
02-24-2010, 06:29 PM
Old Man had plenty of say in all of it ( though his mum did insist he wore a suit)

Until it came time for the speech when he came over all shy and clammed up :D

MattW
02-24-2010, 06:45 PM
I had input on the things that were important to me, and let my wife know she had free rein for the things she wanted.

I micromanaged the DJ, and sampled every possible dish and cake/icing combo.

Jersey Chick
02-24-2010, 06:47 PM
My husband took care of the music. The deejay was a friend of his - we got a good deal. :D

I think he enjoyed sampling all the food - we must've gone to 20 places before deciding.

rhymegirl
02-24-2010, 07:09 PM
It is amazing the way families try to decide wedding plans for a couple.

My husband and I simply wanted to get married by a justice of the peace with only two witnesses present--basically a best man and maid of honor. That's it.

Nothing fancy.

However, his family and my family protested. "Oh no, we HAVE to be there!" So the guest list grew. First it was just his brothers and sisters and mother and my sisters and parents, then we added his boss and wife, his friends, my friends....

I never cared about fancy cakes, flowers, a band, wedding gown, any of that stuff. I wore a white dress. We had a nice dinner, no band, very simple ceremony.

Lavern08
02-24-2010, 07:31 PM
After we did a simple exchange of vows in our Pastor's office, we went to a great Seafood Restaurant...

...I made sure Hunny ate plenty of oysters. ;)

ad_lucem
02-24-2010, 07:42 PM
An observation, not about the fine folks here, but in general.

Many brides aggressively deny their mothers the chance to interfere in a wedding, which I think is somewhat fair, yet at the same time, refuse any input from the groom because it is "her day."

If it was her day, why bother with a wedding, why not have a grand party where everyone lines up to kiss her ass?


Those bridezilla shows and wedding planner shows and gown ordering shows and cake shows (what a big production weddings are, eh?)...I've caught a few minutes channel surfing here and there. But, my first thought is always "Why the @#$@# would anyone want to marry that thing in the first place????"

I mean, if she's that much of a raging yaknowwhat over the wedding, what happens on down the line?

Good in bed? Rich pappy and lined up to inherit everything? Groom has an insurance policy on her and cut the brake lines to the wedding limo.... I mean, srsly, WHAT?

MattW
02-24-2010, 08:49 PM
Those bridezilla shows and wedding planner shows and gown ordering shows and cake shows (what a big production weddings are, eh?)...I've caught a few minutes channel surfing here and there. But, my first thought is always "Why the @#$@# would anyone want to marry that thing in the first place????"

As the father of a little girl, I want her to have wonderful things and great experiences, but what kind of expectations do things like these set?

There's a whole spoiled princess industry* out there trying to bankrupt me already, and she's only 2 months old!



* (toddler, tween & teen pageants, super sweet sixteens, Benz birthdays, and outlandish weddings)

ad_lucem
02-24-2010, 08:56 PM
As the father of a little girl, I want her to have wonderful things and great experiences, but what kind of expectations do things like these set?

There's a whole spoiled princess industry* out there trying to bankrupt me already, and she's only 2 months old!



* (toddler, tween & teen pageants, super sweet sixteens, Benz birthdays, and outlandish weddings)

That's my one and only girl in my avy.

But, don't get the wrong idea. She's got two (soon to be three) brothers to keep her grounded in reality.

And by that I mean, the girl may like to dress as a princess, but shows a healthy appreciation for mudpies, trains, trucks, nerf guns and pirate swords.

Hopefully, this will hold... because I don't play the lotto and don't have any rich relatives to kick the bucket and leave me flush with cash...nor do I harbour any real hope of becoming rich and famous through writing...

So... the whole princess industry can bite me. Can't get blood from a turnip, you know ;)