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Cassiopeia
02-21-2010, 12:40 AM
I am putting this here because I know it's going to turn into a free-for-all no matter what so why not make it a party right? But what kind of man has the following habits:

Asks for and makes appointments only to cancel at the last minute with the reason, "my dear friend just found out they have cancer yesterday and I want to go be supportive"...keep in mind he's known all day and declared that his appointment with the other person was the only thing he had going and looked forward to. (by appointment I don't mean date, I mean an international business call)

Sends text messages to said business associate that say, "If you were here: where would I be taking you out for dinner tonight." (totally out of the blue and random)

Drops random Facebook messages titled as "My favorite movie--lake house"
or "This is the week." and gives an acquaintance his entire week schedule.

Sends business associate photos of his kids, dog and home, randomly, over and over again.

When conversing with business contact via email take offense at a benign comment and goes off on tangents meant for someone else. (probably a female)

Posts the most embarrassing, self incriminating videos on Youtube from his younger years and links them on Facebook.

-----------
So I could go on but I hope that's enough. I think this guy is quirky enough to be a great character, BUT I can't figure out what he has. Is this a social disorder, mental disorder, self esteem deficiency or over inflated ego...or, maybe, I don't know, taught no manners and has no filter for appropriate interactions?

Help me out. What's up with this guy and what kind of characters have you come across in your life that you just know you have to write a character based on them.

stormie
02-21-2010, 12:47 AM
Cass, your character sounds self-important. Most likely from the time he was a baby, and never left the ego stage. Maybe parents who fostered that him, allowing him to have his way and also praising him for every poop he did 'til he was an adult.

I knew a guy like that; he even would tell business associates about his colonoscopies or "severe" back pain. "Me,me,me."

It would make a wonderful character!

Wicked
02-21-2010, 12:53 AM
I'm having flashbacks to the Aspergers thread. *flinches*

It struck me as something of a social disorder. Difficulty recognizing boundaries.

kayleamay
02-21-2010, 12:55 AM
I vote narcissist.

Cassiopeia
02-21-2010, 12:55 AM
Cass, your character sounds self-important. Most likely from the time he was a baby, and never left the ego stage. Maybe parents who fostered that him, allowing him to have his way and also praising him for every poop he did 'til he was an adult.

I knew a guy like that; he even would tell business associates about his colonoscopies or "severe" back pain. "Me,me,me."

It would make a wonderful character!thanks stormie, I do think he's showing that whole, I'm so important and you just don't get it so let me explain this to you, syndrome


I'm having flashbacks to the Aspergers thread. *flinches*

It struck me as something of a social disorder. Difficulty recognizing boundaries. A mutual friend says they suspect he has it. He's completely brilliant at maths, taught at a university for years. he's now a business consultant in another country.

Which is part why I bring this up. Is this cultural?

ad_lucem
02-21-2010, 12:55 AM
Sounds like a classic narcissist:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652

stormie
02-21-2010, 12:56 AM
No, Wicked, I'd say not Aspergers. I have two sons and a nephew--all young adults, and I've read a lot about it. Yes, their social sense isn't quite there, but Cass' character and the person I knew was more very self-absorbed. Many Asperger's have a hard time with Facebook and MySpace and texting and IMing.

Cassiopeia
02-21-2010, 12:56 AM
I vote narcissist.oh interesting...why do you say that?

Cassiopeia
02-21-2010, 12:58 AM
No, Wicked, I'd say not Aspergers. I have two sons and a nephew--all young adults, and I've read a lot about it. Yes, their social sense isn't quite there, but Cass' character and the person I knew was more very self-absorbed. Many Asperger's have a hard time with Facebook and MySpace and texting and IMing.
now see that's what I thought too. but then, i think right now that Asperger's is the prescription pad diagnose of the last decade.

stormie
02-21-2010, 12:59 AM
Sounds like a classic narcissist:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652
Maybe--I just read the symptoms. Interesting!

ad_lucem
02-21-2010, 12:59 AM
thanks stormie, I do think he's showing that whole, I'm so important and you just don't get it so let me explain this to you, syndrome

A mutual friend says they suspect he has it. He's completely brilliant at maths, taught at a university for years. he's now a business consultant in another country.

Which is part why I bring this up. Is this cultural?

It doesn't sound like Aspergers. Being socially clueless and being in perpetual over-share mode is probably the hallmark of some other sort of disorder. From what I've ever understood, ASD tends to make people far less "chatty"...they may have trouble discerning social cues and trouble with interactions...but not so much the massive over-share and in-your-face sort of thing. If I understand it correctly.

You might try flipping through the DSM-IV. There are all sorts of personality disorders that fit the character you described in whole or in part.

kayleamay
02-21-2010, 01:00 AM
I was actually about to post the same link that ad_lucem posted.

Redundant, but here you go anyway. I have one of these in my family. They can be very difficult to be around for extended periods of time.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652

stormie
02-21-2010, 01:00 AM
now see that's what I thought too. but then, i think right now that Asperger's is the prescription pad diagnose of the last decade.
Yes, I've noticed that. My sons were dxd way back when hardly anyone knew about it. Besides, Aspergers might be merged with autism and called "PDD." (Pervasive Developmental Disorder)

So, the character-- not Aspergers. Narcissistic--more likely.

Cassiopeia
02-21-2010, 01:00 AM
oh did I mention that he also wants to tell anyone who will listen why everything is his wife's fault. She's cold, unfeeling, dead emotionally, spiritually based in fundamentalism and unevolved and the list goes on. Nothing seems to be his fault.

Cassiopeia
02-21-2010, 01:01 AM
Yes, I've noticed that. My sons were dxd way back when hardly anyone knew about it.yes. i know some real asperger children and then wham, suddenly we all have it (okay I exaggerate, is there a disorder for that too)?

Cassiopeia
02-21-2010, 01:02 AM
It doesn't sound like Aspergers. Being socially clueless and being in perpetual over-share mode is probably the hallmark of some other sort of disorder. From what I've ever understood, ASD tends to make people far less "chatty"...they may have trouble discerning social cues and trouble with interactions...but not so much the massive over-share and in-your-face sort of thing. If I understand it correctly.

You might try flipping through the DSM-IV. There are all sorts of personality disorders that fit the character you described in whole or in part.okay I know I'm gonna get smacked for this but couldn't it just be he's a complete jerk?

Wicked
02-21-2010, 01:04 AM
okay I know I'm gonna get smacked for this but couldn't it just be he's a complete jerk?

Hmm. Does he ever seem to recognize the fact he may have overstepped, and become uncomfortable, or try to make amends?

If not, I'm willing to go with jerk.

ad_lucem
02-21-2010, 01:05 AM
No, Wicked, I'd say not Aspergers. I have two sons and a nephew--all young adults, and I've read a lot about it. Yes, their social sense isn't quite there, but Cass' character and the person I knew was more very self-absorbed. Many Asperger's have a hard time with Facebook and MySpace and texting and IMing.

Yep. I'd agree. ASD and Aspie folks seem to have trouble picking up on why one would even bother with social media--let alone over use it. :)

They're probably better off than the rest of us in that aspect. Many are amazingly brilliant and living in their own universe. Makes you wonder if the social butterflies of the world aren't the ones with the real trouble ;)

Just my two bits...

stormie
02-21-2010, 01:05 AM
okay I know I'm gonna get smacked for this but couldn't it just be he's a complete jerk?
LOL! A jerk who's narcissistic maybe?!

ad_lucem
02-21-2010, 01:08 AM
okay I know I'm gonna get smacked for this but couldn't it just be he's a complete jerk?


I think jerk is the lay term for narcissist.

((waits to be smacked))

No, seriously, I'm a firm believer that we're all nuts and each person is disordered mentally to some varying degree.

We could all probably use some psychoactive drugs and cognitive behavioral therapy to fix our shortcomings...

But...if you're looking for a "what would a shrink call this guy"

My money is on narcissist or a personality disorder.

kayleamay
02-21-2010, 01:08 AM
I think that would be like saying a teenage girl with Borderline Personality Disorder was just a brat. Tomato, tomahto. I think it's a matter of degree and disability.

stormie
02-21-2010, 01:11 AM
I go with ad lucem. And yep--we all have something or other. Well, except this guy I know who thinks he's absolutely God's chosen one. Oh, and then there's my neighbor, Mr.Manly-man....

See, Cass' character wouldn't even know he's got a problem or too. He's too wonderful!

Therefore, I vote narcissism (sp?)

ad_lucem
02-21-2010, 01:12 AM
I think that would be like saying a teenage girl with Borderline Personality Disorder was just a brat. Tomato, tomahto. I think it's a matter of degree and disability.

True.

And I've gotta say... I read this wonderful book:

http://www.amazon.com/Preventing-Misdiagnosis-Women-Psychiatric-Development/dp/0761900470

Verrrrrrrrrrrrry interesting read... not that this guy is a girl... but I found it a good reminder of the way physiology can impact behavior and vice versa.

Our brains don't reside somewhere totally outside the system, ya know.

For an added twist, the guy could have experienced brain damage leading to personality changes. Stranger things have happened.

backslashbaby
02-21-2010, 01:13 AM
I'd have to see how his other friends on FB do things to decide on any of the FB stuff. If they do the same and enjoy it when he does, is it overshare or narcississtic? You might not be similar to his main clique. That's kind of an odd thing about social networking, I think.

It's kind of the same with e-mailing things. Is it a big group list?

I'm not saying he's not a jerk, lol, just that tastes in internet-related stuff differ considerably.

ad_lucem
02-21-2010, 01:16 AM
Venn Diagram of Social Media: http://skinnyminnymedia.com/resources/graphics/20090617_venn.jpg

Cassiopeia
02-21-2010, 01:18 AM
Hmm. Does he ever seem to recognize the fact he may have overstepped, and become uncomfortable, or try to make amends?

If not, I'm willing to go with jerk.You guys, I'm laughing so hard. You have no idea. Maybe it's this forum's fault (yeah let's blame it on that) but I've developed you know this sort of quirky quippy thing of replying to emails. I see the humour in things when maybe I shouldn't of.

Here's an experience.

I get this random email, outlining EVERYTHING in his week. And at the end, he says, I'll be in touch when I land...

So, *snickers* you know me, I gotta be funny so I reply with..."Be sure your tray tables and seat backs are in their upright and locked position and thank you for flying busy-people-R-us Airlines.

(what?? I think it's funny *shakes with laughter for a moment* )

He emails me back, You know Kim, that sounds like a criticism. And proceeds to explain to me that "I feel it's best when I have multiple clients contacting me to help each of them".

(did you hear the sound of screeching breaks?) I smacked him upside the head with, "Easy there soldier, I didn't mean anything by that and I don't know where your comments are coming from (probably your situation with your separation from your wife (i so wanted to say go get laid but didn't)but when on to say... btw...I ran a multi-million dollar company blah blah blah...so I'd be the last to misunderstand or question you."

He comes back with..."Oh I'm so glad, I am going for radical clarity these days, something you clearly have a handle on."

Is there a I'm not amused smilie? I need that one. Cos just when I think my not communicating with him has him leaving, he comes around 10 days later to want to chat with me about our common business interests.

Now hey, I admit, I'm a little cranky today. I didn't fall asleep till after 3 am, had a fitful sleep and was up at half past eight only to find, he was canceling the very appointment HE WANTED (I'd rather sleep in on saturday, how about you all?). With a lame excuse that well, in my not so humble opinion, if the friend means that much to him why in hell wasn't he by their side first thing in the morning, (he's nine hours ahead of me).

Oh i love a good rant! I just love a good rant. :)

Okay ladies and germs...this is supposed to be a business contact. A B U S I N E S S contact. And last night he sent a text..."if you were in cape town tonight, where would I be taking you for dinner?"

Someone should warn this guy, I'm armed ( I wield the mighty writer's pen) (Hey! I do ya know)! and I am dangerous. (lack of sleep does that to you)AND I'm busy. YO! dude...college student trying to get a business off the ground and save my financial toocous.


LOL! A jerk who's narcissistic maybe?!*mutters* yeah... Narcissistic jerk.

Cassiopeia
02-21-2010, 01:24 AM
I go with ad lucem. And yep--we all have something or other. Well, except this guy I know who thinks he's absolutely God's chosen one. Oh, and then there's my neighbor, Mr.Manly-man....

See, Cass' character wouldn't even know he's got a problem or too. He's too wonderful!

Therefore, I vote narcissism (sp?)
*more muttering* And you know what? The mutual friend---the one I love like a son!!...well he promised me it was only to introduce us as business collegues and when I pushed him to make sure he wasn't match making, he said "well, would it be sooo bad if you hit it off?"

yes, YES IT WOULD!

*kicks her desk* bloody hell. I'm busy...relationships just muddy the waters and I finally have my focus. (Okay so NOT today but normally I do.)

Hell KTC has me getting up by six am each morning (yes yes, I know Kevin you get up at half past four, YOU SHOW OFF)

Wow. I guess I shouldn't go so long without ten daily posts on AW.

Sorry folks...but this guy, he's annoying me and I know I have to play nice when I don't want to. I want to tell him, YOu freaking lying fishy tail of a tail. Tell your story walking.

but can I say that? Nope...

Okay so I'd make a great character too. What was that you said about meds, Wicked?

Ps...don't tell Carole I'm posting here. I'm supposed to be studying.


eta: Oh I forgot to mention...his friends say he's forgetful and has no real sense of how to interact. But they love him sooo much cos he's just sooo amazing.

ad_lucem
02-21-2010, 01:29 AM
You guys, I'm laughing so hard. You have no idea. Maybe it's this forum's fault (yeah let's blame it on that) but I've developed you know this sort of quirky quippy thing of replying to emails. I see the humour in things when maybe I shouldn't of.

Here's an experience.

I get this random email, outlining EVERYTHING in his week. And at the end, he says, I'll be in touch when I land...

So, *snickers* you know me, I gotta be funny so I reply with..."Be sure your tray tables and seat backs are in their upright and locked position and thank you for flying busy-people-R-us Airlines.

(what?? I think it's funny *shakes with laughter for a moment* )

He emails me back, You know Kim, that sounds like a criticism. And proceeds to explain to me that "I feel it's best when I have multiple clients contacting me to help each of them".

(did you hear the sound of screeching breaks?) I smacked him upside the head with, "Easy there soldier, I didn't mean anything by that and I don't know where your comments are coming from (probably your situation with your separation from your wife (i so wanted to say go get laid but didn't)but when on to say... btw...I ran a multi-million dollar company blah blah blah...so I'd be the last to misunderstand or question you."

He comes back with..."Oh I'm so glad, I am going for radical clarity these days, something you clearly have a handle on."

Is there a I'm not amused smilie? I need that one. Cos just when I think my not communicating with him has him leaving, he comes around 10 days later to want to chat with me about our common business interests.

Now hey, I admit, I'm a little cranky today. I didn't fall asleep till after 3 am, had a fitful sleep and was up at half past eight only to find, he was canceling the very appointment HE WANTED (I'd rather sleep in on saturday, how about you all?). With a lame excuse that well, in my not so humble opinion, if the friend means that much to him why in hell wasn't he by their side first thing in the morning, (he's nine hours ahead of me).

Oh i love a good rant! I just love a good rant. :)

Okay ladies and germs...this is supposed to be a business contact. A B U S I N E S S contact. And last night he sent a text..."if you were in cape town tonight, where would I be taking you for dinner?"

Someone should warn this guy, I'm armed ( I wield the mighty writer's pen) (Hey! I do ya know)! and I am dangerous. (lack of sleep does that to you)AND I'm busy. YO! dude...college student trying to get a business off the ground and save my financial toocous.

*mutters* yeah... Narcissistic jerk.

Wow, small world, I didn't even know you knew my uncle.

I always called him The Man Who Would Be King.

The guy thinks he's God's gift to the universe, craps on everyone he meets, has been married several times (and once even managed to double up thanks to dual Brit/US citizenship), and has no concept of a heliocentric system because he's convinced there's daylight only because the sun is shining out is a-hole.

What you've described fits him to a T.

Wicked
02-21-2010, 01:31 AM
Okay so I'd make a great character too. What was that you said about meds, Wicked?



Wasn't me. No meds here. I'm an all natural misfit. :D

They'd have to catch me and pry them down my throat.

Cassiopeia
02-21-2010, 01:33 AM
Wow, small world, I didn't even know you knew my uncle.

I always called him The Man Who Would Be King.

The guy thinks he's God's gift to the universe, craps on everyone he meets, has been married several times (and once even managed to double up thanks to dual Brit/US citizenship), and has no concept of a heliocentric system because he's convinced there's daylight only because the sun is shining out is a-hole.

What you've described fits him to a T.So..um...*fiddles with the paper on her desk* Is your uncle like South African age 57 and still married to his wife (btw I've seen her photos, she's lovely) but separated for two years now and runs a business consultancy firm?

IF not, we need to alert the FBI, the CIA, Interpol, the CDC or the ABC or whatever the hell agency will get them both of the freaking street. (or at the very least out of my email inbox) I deleted him from my FB account :D *sigh* the sweet smell of control.

Cassiopeia
02-21-2010, 01:34 AM
Wasn't me. No meds here. I'm an all natural misfit. :D

They'd have to catch me and pry them down my throat.oh. it must have been someone else or my other personalities are talking to me again. :D

Wicked
02-21-2010, 01:34 AM
and has no concept of a heliocentric system because he's convinced there's daylight only because the sun is shining out is a-hole.


:Jaw: That is both horrible and hysterical all at the same time. :ROFL:

ad_lucem
02-21-2010, 01:41 AM
So..um...*fiddles with the paper on her desk* Is your uncle like South African age 57 and still married to his wife (btw I've seen her photos, she's lovely) but separated for two years now and runs a business consultancy firm?

IF not, we need to alert the FBI, the CIA, Interpol, the CDC or the ABC or whatever the hell agency will get them both of the freaking street. (or at the very least out of my email inbox) I deleted him from my FB account :D *sigh* the sweet smell of control.

Damn, close but no cigar! Roughly the same age, and runs a business consultancy firm, but not South African. UK/US nationality/citizen...and first rate youknowwhat-bag.

I wonder if it's something to do with business consultants?

Cassiopeia
02-21-2010, 01:41 AM
Oh oh! I just went back through the thread, there are some AWESOME descriptions in here and they fit one of my MST secondary characters.

He's just to wonderful.
The Man Who Would be King
Narcissistic jerk
Natural misfit

keep them coming. it's all good material. :)

Cassiopeia
02-21-2010, 01:44 AM
Damn, close but no cigar! Roughly the same age, and runs a business consultancy firm, but not South African. UK/US nationality/citizen...and first rate youknowwhat-bag.

I wonder if it's something to do with business consultants?eeps eeps..don't say that. I'M a business consultant. Well from a communications stand point.

Oh hey, that reminds me of another man at a luncheon I went to on Wednesday. This guy was your typical salesman.

Get this, when he took my hand to shake it, he squeezed it REALLY hard quickly and then let go. IT FREAKING left my hand throbbing and after he did it, he tipped his head back, looked down his nose at me, squinted his eyes and smiles smugly.

I think he was trying to intimidate me. or is this some Alpha male thingy?

stormie
02-21-2010, 04:59 AM
....Oh hey, that reminds me of another man at a luncheon I went to on Wednesday. This guy was your typical salesman.

Get this, when he took my hand to shake it, he squeezed it REALLY hard quickly and then let go. IT FREAKING left my hand throbbing and after he did it, he tipped his head back nosebleed, looked down his nose at me something in his eyes, squinted his eyes myopic and smiles smugly dentures hurting.

I think he was trying to intimidate me. or is this some Alpha male thingy?
I'd call this one "Mr.Manly-ManII." My neighbor is Mr.Manly-Man I. He invented it.

ad_lucem
02-21-2010, 06:30 AM
:Jaw: That is both horrible and hysterical all at the same time. :ROFL:


It's the truth, though. If you met him, you'd be frightened by the accuracy of the description.



eeps eeps..don't say that. I'M a business consultant. Well from a communications stand point.

Oh hey, that reminds me of another man at a luncheon I went to on Wednesday. This guy was your typical salesman.

Get this, when he took my hand to shake it, he squeezed it REALLY hard quickly and then let go. IT FREAKING left my hand throbbing and after he did it, he tipped his head back, looked down his nose at me, squinted his eyes and smiles smugly.

I think he was trying to intimidate me. or is this some Alpha male thingy?

I don't know. :Shrug: People are... really... really... strange...

For some reason I'm picturing a smarmy used car salesman, and for some reason the stench of heavy cologne comes to mind...maybe some oversized veneers on the teeth and a fake tan to go with it, too.

aadams73
02-21-2010, 06:44 AM
Yes, I'm familiar with this type of man. He's the Asshole Sapien.

jennontheisland
02-21-2010, 06:45 AM
eeps eeps..don't say that. I'M a business consultant. Well from a communications stand point.

Oh hey, that reminds me of another man at a luncheon I went to on Wednesday. This guy was your typical salesman.

Get this, when he took my hand to shake it, he squeezed it REALLY hard quickly and then let go. IT FREAKING left my hand throbbing and after he did it, he tipped his head back, looked down his nose at me, squinted his eyes and smiles smugly.

I think he was trying to intimidate me. or is this some Alpha male thingy?

Ug. I had clients pull that crap on me all the time when I was in sales. It makes them very uncomfortable when you comment on it, I've found. Especially if the comment may or may not imply that there is some underlying reason for the need to demonstrate their vice like grip. (or that only one hand has the vice like grip ;) )

Silver King
02-21-2010, 06:59 AM
Yes, I'm familiar with this type of man. He's the Asshole Sapien.
This is the medical diagnosis you are seeking, Cass, described in layman terms.

LOG
02-21-2010, 07:05 AM
I was diagnosed with mild autistic-aspergers as a child.

For the most part it's pretty controllable. I haven't done anything abnormally stupid for about a week, and before that it had been a few months.

So, unless it's severe, it's not really an excuse for societal incorrectness.

Rebekah7
02-21-2010, 07:08 AM
Yes, I'm familiar with this type of man. He's the Asshole Sapien.

Or "Mr. (or Miss) Double Standard".

ad_lucem
02-21-2010, 07:38 AM
I was diagnosed with mild autistic-aspergers as a child.

For the most part it's pretty controllable. I haven't done anything abnormally stupid for about a week, and before that it had been a few months.

So, unless it's severe, it's not really an excuse for societal incorrectness.

Well, ya got me beat then. I'm trying to keep teh stoopid down to a once a week occurrence.

Hoping I can acheive this one small goal before the 30 mark, since, as legend has it, personality is largely solidified by then...

Cassiopeia
02-21-2010, 07:40 AM
I'd call this one "Mr.Manly-ManII." My neighbor is Mr.Manly-Man I. He invented it.oh my gosh, i can't breathe! LOL.


It's the truth, though. If you met him, you'd be frightened by the accuracy of the description.




I don't know. :Shrug: People are... really... really... strange...

For some reason I'm picturing a smarmy used car salesman, and for some reason the stench of heavy cologne comes to mind...maybe some oversized veneers on the teeth and a fake tan to go with it, too.I don't remember the cologne we were in a group in a mexican diner but the teeth, this man needs to be introduced to the idea of dental hygiene. Missing teeth and yellow.


Yes, I'm familiar with this type of man. He's the Asshole Sapien.ahahahahahahahaahahaaha.

Oh my face! OWOWOWOW...you guys have me in stitches.

Xelebes
02-21-2010, 07:49 AM
No, Wicked, I'd say not Aspergers. I have two sons and a nephew--all young adults, and I've read a lot about it. Yes, their social sense isn't quite there, but Cass' character and the person I knew was more very self-absorbed. Many Asperger's have a hard time with Facebook and MySpace and texting and IMing.


But we're pretty ok with using forums, lol.

Cassiopeia
02-21-2010, 08:13 AM
But we're pretty ok with using forums, lol.And you manage the chatroom well too. :)

writerterri
02-21-2010, 08:17 AM
Sounds like a classic narcissist:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652


I actually talked to someone like that.