PDA

View Full Version : Shoot the hostage.



kayleamay
02-16-2010, 07:17 PM
I've had that stuck in my mind all morning. Anyone else got some universal advice to share?

It can be good or bad. It all ends the same anyway, right?

Alpha Echo
02-16-2010, 07:18 PM
Ummm....hmmmm....

Never turn him down.

sorry, sex is in my head...

Wayne K
02-16-2010, 07:19 PM
Kill them all, kill them all, La la la la la

DL Hegel
02-16-2010, 07:19 PM
You got Quickwit tied up in a locker again?

DL Hegel
02-16-2010, 07:20 PM
Kick them all, kick them all, La la la la la

Thanks Wayne I will:)

Silent Rob
02-16-2010, 07:21 PM
Give me all your money.

Wayne K
02-16-2010, 07:22 PM
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/WDM_96X40BU&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/WDM_96X40BU&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Cella
02-16-2010, 07:25 PM
Give me all your money.
advice, huh?

KellyAssauer
02-16-2010, 07:26 PM
Shoot the hostage. I've had that stuck in my mind all morning. Anyone else got some universal advice to share?
It can be good or bad. It all ends the same anyway, right?

Shoot the hostage, reminds me of
"Lines you never hear the lead male say in the movies:"
specifically:

"Do what you want to the girl,... just leave me alone."


I have no idea whose comedy routine that came from,
(or why I've remembered it).

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 07:26 PM
How 'bout...

Measure twice, then buy a size smaller because you need the motivation?

Silent Rob
02-16-2010, 07:28 PM
How 'bout...

Measure twice, then buy a size smaller because you need the motivation?

Or...how about:

Measure twice, then stop crying and buy a swedish enlarging pump.

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 07:29 PM
Harry: Alright, pop quiz: The airport. Gunman with one hostage, he's using her for cover, he's almost to the plane. You're a hundred feet away.
Jack: ...
Harry: Jack?
Jack: Shoot the hostage.
Harry: What?
Jack: Take her out of the equation. Go for the good wound and he can't get to the plane with her. Clear shot.
Harry: You are deeply nuts, you know that? "Shoot the hostage"... jeez...
— Speed (1994) .

Wayne K
02-16-2010, 07:30 PM
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/uahCxf-dVLo&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/uahCxf-dVLo&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 07:38 PM
Never keep an angry gnome waiting.

Wayne K
02-16-2010, 07:39 PM
True dat

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 07:40 PM
When in doubt, bedazzle it.

DL Hegel
02-16-2010, 07:40 PM
*kicks the garden gnome*

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 07:41 PM
Never kick a garden gnome when barefooted.

*hands DL an icepack*

Silent Rob
02-16-2010, 07:41 PM
Never arrive in Vegas on the Greyhound.

shyne
02-16-2010, 07:42 PM
Sweep the leg

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 07:43 PM
Never arrive in Vegas on the Greyhound.

I think that's the wisest thing I've seen you post, but that ain't sayin' much.


Never invite a muppet to an ankle convention.

Silent Rob
02-16-2010, 07:44 PM
I think that's the wisest thing I've seen you post, but that ain't sayin' much.


Never invite a muppet to an ankle convention.

I've got another one!

Always follow through.

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 07:45 PM
Never trust a man with a small sword.

aadams73
02-16-2010, 07:48 PM
Never get caught with a live boy or a dead hooker.

DL Hegel
02-16-2010, 07:53 PM
Never kick a garden gnome when barefooted.

*hands DL an icepack*

Thanks but that's how I like to kick them;)

*puts icepack on the bruised gnome*

James81
02-16-2010, 07:56 PM
Don't chew bubblegum and take a bath at the same time and do NOT under any circumstances do that the night before you're supposed to have school pictures taken.

Don't open that Exit door that has wires running up the wall to some doo-hickey on the wall and do NOT be eating an ice cream cone when you do it.

Those were two hard lessons to learn, lemme tell ya.

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 07:59 PM
Deny. Deny. Deny.

aadams73
02-16-2010, 07:59 PM
Wear gloves.

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 08:00 PM
Don't eat the shrimp.

Cella
02-16-2010, 08:02 PM
Run for the hills

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 08:03 PM
Never judge a book by it's contents, unless it's your diary.

Cella
02-16-2010, 08:04 PM
don't pee in the pool

Silent Rob
02-16-2010, 08:06 PM
Always eat the yellow snow. It's the most delicious snow.

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 08:08 PM
Always ask for more than you expect.

ad_lucem
02-16-2010, 08:11 PM
To all those contemplating a truck stop burrito from a vending machine: You only live once.

Wayne K
02-16-2010, 08:13 PM
Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze.

Silent Rob
02-16-2010, 08:14 PM
Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze.


Good point. Never trust a man with a fake limp.

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 08:16 PM
Never take advice from strangers. It's worthless. Take their money instead. Then, run.

Silent Rob
02-16-2010, 08:18 PM
Crime pays if you're good at it.

Cella
02-16-2010, 08:19 PM
pay the man

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 08:20 PM
You never think about thumbs, until you lose one.

Wayne K
02-16-2010, 08:20 PM
If you wanna dance you have to pay the band, and if you wanna borrow you have to pay the man

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 08:23 PM
Never yell at a cop right before shift change.

semilargeintestine
02-16-2010, 08:27 PM
Always make sure your phone is charged when going somewhere secluded by yourself.


To all those contemplating a truck stop burrito from a vending machine: You only live once.

Even more of a reason to pass.

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 08:44 PM
Never trust a bunny with a mustache.

JoeEkaitis
02-16-2010, 09:21 PM
Be considerate. Flush twice. Light a match.

aadams73
02-16-2010, 09:24 PM
Always eat cookies in bed.

Do not ask me why--just do it. Sheesh.

quickWit
02-16-2010, 09:31 PM
They always f*ck you at the drive-thru.

Cella
02-16-2010, 09:35 PM
now that's service you can count on ;)

Wayne K
02-16-2010, 09:36 PM
When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 09:38 PM
Only wear your nice pajamas to the grocery store.

aadams73
02-16-2010, 09:39 PM
They always f*ck you at the drive-thru.

Wow, you really can "Have it Your Way" at Burger King!

Cella
02-16-2010, 09:39 PM
if you're gonna shoot--shoot to score

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 09:40 PM
If you're going to score, shoot him afterward.

Wayne K
02-16-2010, 09:44 PM
One shot. One kill

Cella
02-16-2010, 09:53 PM
One shot. One kill
one world.

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 09:55 PM
Keep dangerous friends. They're more protective.

Cella
02-16-2010, 09:55 PM
keep one in your wallet

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 09:59 PM
keep one in your wallet

Ah yes, and sometimes expiration dates do matter.

aadams73
02-16-2010, 10:00 PM
Keep your friends close and your enemies in refrigerated storage until summer when the ground is softer.

Cella
02-16-2010, 10:00 PM
Ah yes, and sometimes expiration dates do matter.
I know, right?


I've learned my lesson.....

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 10:06 PM
All of the penicillin in the world won't cure pregnancy.

Wayne K
02-16-2010, 10:07 PM
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

Cella
02-16-2010, 10:08 PM
but will it take the nausea away?

Wayne K
02-16-2010, 10:10 PM
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

Cella
02-16-2010, 10:10 PM
"Anything worth doing is worth doing tomorrow" -- Homer Simpson

Cella
02-16-2010, 10:14 PM
actually, I think the vitamins are worse than the pregnancy symptoms.


(that's my advice, anyway)

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 10:52 PM
Always take a stool softener when forced to ingest iron packed prenatal vitamins.


Oh, and always take the advice of crazy nurses in writing forums.

Cella
02-16-2010, 10:57 PM
Laugh Out Loud!



(more advice from me)

writerterri
02-16-2010, 10:58 PM
Dork pleanty and often.

rhymegirl
02-16-2010, 11:08 PM
Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe.

writerterri
02-16-2010, 11:21 PM
When going hiking bring a donkey or the man you're with will do.

kayleamay
02-16-2010, 11:23 PM
Never go hiking with terri.

rhymegirl
02-16-2010, 11:25 PM
Never tie your shoelaces together when setting out on a long hike.

writerterri
02-16-2010, 11:29 PM
Ryme won't but kayleamay.

DL Hegel
02-17-2010, 12:51 AM
I've had that stuck in my mind all morning. Anyone else got some universal advice to share?

It can be good or bad. It all ends the same anyway, right?

i got a present for you...

http://cache1.asset-cache.net/xc/200118873-001.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=5047FA587DE1CADEAADD306153AD4A62731AE3D52FAEFECA 4045EC85A548BF65B5AF9B7D601FECA8

aadams73
02-17-2010, 01:29 AM
If you can't be good, be good at it.

quickWit
02-17-2010, 01:33 AM
Anyone worth doing is worth doing well.












wait...

aadams73
02-17-2010, 01:38 AM
When your life flashes before your eyes, make sure you TIVO it.

McDonald's: do you know where your loved ones really go when they die?

writerterri
02-17-2010, 01:51 AM
Don't sit next to the glass at the Shamu show at Sea World unless you can throw QuickWif in front of you.

Susie
02-17-2010, 02:04 AM
Never prelick chocolit cuz I do it?!

Perks
02-17-2010, 02:07 AM
I saw the comedian Dave Atell advise that if you ever see a naked man running away - run with that man. Whatever is bad enough to make a man run down the street with his business flopping left and right with his panic, you definitely don't want to get caught by it.

kayleamay
02-17-2010, 02:18 AM
A good friend will stand with you through the trial. A great friend will help you commit the crime.

Wayne K
02-17-2010, 02:22 AM
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

writerterri
02-17-2010, 02:29 AM
I saw the comedian Dave Atell advise that if you ever see a naked man running away - run with that man. Whatever is bad enough to make a man run down the street with his business flopping left and right with his panic, you definitely don't want to get caught by it.



:roll:

bettielee
02-17-2010, 05:44 AM
You got Quickwit tied up in a locker again?

I thought this said "You got Quickwit tied up with a hooker again?"

bwah ha ha ha ha ha!

robeiae
02-17-2010, 05:49 AM
Don't actually blow on it. That's just an expression.

robeiae
02-17-2010, 05:51 AM
When Quickie nods his head, hit it with the hammer.

DL Hegel
02-17-2010, 05:54 AM
*Cheers random Quickie violence*

kayleamay
02-17-2010, 06:00 AM
i got a present for you...

http://cache1.asset-cache.net/xc/200118873-001.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=5047FA587DE1CADEAADD306153AD4A62731AE3D52FAEFECA 4045EC85A548BF65B5AF9B7D601FECA8

Is this? Nah. Could it be...my very own hostage? Stand back. I may emote.


I thought this said "You got Quickwit tied up with a hooker again?"



It is a recurring theme.




Don't actually blow on it. That's just an expression.

Good to know.

DL Hegel
02-17-2010, 06:11 AM
Is this? Nah. Could it be...my very own hostage? Stand back. I may emote.



:D
It is a recurring theme.



Only bcs he thinks he's ben affleck

robeiae
02-17-2010, 06:22 AM
If you feel like you might need to be sick, let me know before I pay for the room.

robeiae
02-17-2010, 06:24 AM
Stop teaching men to fish. It stinks in here.

Wayne K
02-17-2010, 06:25 AM
That woman was like a milk truck. She had a blind spot.

Wayne K
02-17-2010, 06:26 AM
I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue, you were saying something about best intentions. What's the matter? Oh, you were finished! Well, allow me to retort. What does Marsellus Wallace look like?

writerterri
02-17-2010, 06:27 AM
Don't actually blow on it. That's just an expression.


OH!

aadams73
02-17-2010, 06:32 AM
Stop teaching men to fish. It stinks in here.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you'll never have to put up with him on weekends again.

Wayne K
02-17-2010, 06:39 AM
Old fishermen never die. They just smell that way

writerterri
02-17-2010, 06:42 AM
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you'll never have to put up with him on weekends again.


Dang! i'm buying my hubby a boat and golf clubs!

rhymegirl
02-17-2010, 07:06 AM
Stop teaching men to fish. It stinks in here.

Hmm. We're gonna be seeing some fish photos soon, I think.

Wayne K
02-17-2010, 07:07 AM
Certainly it can core a apple

DL Hegel
02-17-2010, 07:19 AM
Don't change horses before your chickens hatch.

kayleamay
02-17-2010, 07:22 AM
Better late than pregnant.

Wayne K
02-17-2010, 07:24 AM
A rolling stone, can give you a helluva bruise.

DL Hegel
02-17-2010, 07:31 AM
dumb as a can of worms

Wayne K
02-17-2010, 07:39 AM
Bake in a 350 degree oven for 45 minutes until golden brown. Let stand for 5 minutes before serving.

DL Hegel
02-17-2010, 07:41 AM
fought like a lamb.



gentle as a tiger.

writerterri
02-17-2010, 08:00 AM
Don't hold your own head under the covers then fart. It's not as funny.

aadams73
02-17-2010, 08:02 AM
If you can't beat 'em, spank 'em.

Or set 'em on fire. :D

kayleamay
02-17-2010, 08:44 AM
Duct tape. It's more than just a parenting tool.

Silent Rob
02-17-2010, 03:03 PM
Ducked tape. It's not just for ducks.

Silent Rob
02-17-2010, 03:04 PM
That leads me onto my best piece of advice ever. And it's aimed specifically at YOU!


DUCK!

aadams73
02-17-2010, 03:23 PM
When life gives you lemons, throw them at the guy with paper cuts. Because that's funny.

Wayne K
02-17-2010, 03:35 PM
Addition: One and one is two. Two and two is four. And five'll getcha ten if you play your cards right.

regdog
02-17-2010, 03:47 PM
Anyone worth doing is worth doing well.












wait...

That's what she said








Oh come one, someone had to say it

Wayne K
02-17-2010, 05:08 PM
Lets not start splitting hares.

NeuroFizz
02-17-2010, 05:49 PM
Advice I will give my son when he is of the proper age and relationship-ready...

You're not done until she's done.

kayleamay
02-17-2010, 06:49 PM
Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Ferris Bueller

(He's my hero.)

robeiae
02-17-2010, 06:50 PM
We're all gonna die.

Wayne K
02-17-2010, 06:52 PM
Age and deception always beats youth and agility

kayleamay
02-17-2010, 07:25 PM
Never order a hamburger in a Chinese restaurant.

Silent Rob
02-17-2010, 07:38 PM
Never trust a plumber who arrives without a shirt and sports a huge 1980s moustache.

kayleamay
02-17-2010, 07:46 PM
If you do that too often you'll go blind and grow red fur on your palms.

aadams73
02-17-2010, 10:17 PM
Don't try and feed raw steak to a bull.

They don't like it, really.

quickWit
02-17-2010, 10:25 PM
OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys.

Wayne K
02-17-2010, 10:37 PM
Every secret of a writer's soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind is written large in his works. -Virginia Woolf

quickWit
02-18-2010, 12:01 AM
People suck.

aadams73
02-18-2010, 12:03 AM
Sometimes it's best not to make the obvious comment.

Cella
02-18-2010, 12:29 AM
Sometimes it's best not to make the obvious comment.
you mean like, "Get the F*ck out of my house before I blow your head off,"??

I mean, do you really need to explain? I'd think the gun would say it all, really....

aadams73
02-18-2010, 12:48 AM
you mean like, "Get the F*ck out of my house before I blow your head off,"??


That, and "Don't roll naked in the poison ivy!"

or, "Don't eat the yellow snow!"

But I guess some people have no survival instincts.

DL Hegel
02-18-2010, 05:58 AM
People suck.
also (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfZbFh7qlCQ)

kayleamay
02-18-2010, 07:19 AM
Stay away from Hegel when she's out of bubblegum.

DL Hegel
02-18-2010, 07:32 AM
Stay away from Hegel when she's out of bubblegum.

:roll:

Bunnies, sheep, and annoying vowel boys beware;)

quickWit
02-18-2010, 06:09 PM
Lay back and think of England.

Wayne K
02-18-2010, 06:26 PM
Its bad enough I'm going to hell, I'll be damned if I go in a hand basket.

writerterri
02-19-2010, 06:06 AM
Advice I will give my son when he is of the proper age and relationship-ready...

You're not done until she's done.


I heart you!


And tell your daughters to demand it! I did. And if he didn't wait he would have to put up with my mood for a while. And it wasn't good.

writerterri
02-19-2010, 06:06 AM
Its bad enough I'm going to hell, I'll be damned if I go in a hand basket.


How about in a hot tub?

DL Hegel
02-19-2010, 06:08 AM
kick the bucket bunny.

writerterri
02-19-2010, 06:14 AM
kick the bucket bunny.


You're mean!


I just can't resist a wiggly nose.

kayleamay
05-09-2010, 08:16 PM
If you want to keep him, boil the bunny.

Lavern08
05-10-2010, 01:17 AM
Didn't read all of them, so I apologize if this has been posted...


Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative in the same night. ;)

DragonHeart
05-14-2010, 08:29 PM
18-wheelers have the right of way.