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PoppysInARow
02-12-2010, 05:46 AM
I'm looking for a beta for my Young Adult fantasy novel at 72K words. I'm looking for brutal honesty, because I'm not going to get any better if people keep patting me on the back and saying "That's great. That's fine."

I fear what I'm lacking in my book is tension, so any tips that way are appreciated. I'm not looking for line by line, just the general look at characterization, plot, pacing, tension and the like.

If you're interested, please PM me your email and I'll send you the first chapter. If we're a good match, well, we'll go from there. :)

My description is pasted below. Drop me a line!


Cursed with a weak heart, Jonah could die at any moment. It doesn't help that his Magik eats away at his lifespan every time he uses it, either.

Jonah just wants to spend his remaining days in the monastery-- however long they may be. But when all the children in his village disappear in a cloud of green smoke, Jonah is sent on a mission to bring them back. It's a mission Jonah is sure he won't live through.

He quickly learns that the Order of Grie is responsible for the missing children, not just in his village but across the country. The Order is a group of religious fanatics who plan on using the children's youth in a ceremony to resurrect the God of Death to destroy the impure. As Jonah delves into the corruption, selfishness and pollution of the outside world, he learns the Order may be closer to him than he thought. And the kidnapped children may have just been a rouse to lure him into a trap.

Jonah just may have the advantage of facing a God of Death. He is, after all, walking the fine lines between life and death. But he'll have to stop the Order and halt the resurrection of a god before his heart gives out-- which may leave him less time than he thought.

mellymel
02-12-2010, 06:11 AM
Hey Poppy,

I don't have enough experience to take on a job as a beta reader but I remember the piece you posted for your first chapter in YA SYW forum and absolutely loved it. Hope you get a great beta who can give you all the harsh/honest cirts that you're looking for.

Good Luck!!!

PoppysInARow
02-12-2010, 06:28 AM
Thanks. And I'm so glad you liked it. ^___^

PoppysInARow
02-15-2010, 12:02 AM
Still looking if anyone's interested.