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Ali B
02-09-2010, 12:16 AM
I need true stories from married couples that sleep in separate beds and are still happily married for an article I'm writing for AOL.

For example, my husband and I sleep in different beds because he dream fights. Yep, he has Kung Foo dreams that he acts out in real life as he sleeps. To avoid severe injury, we sleep separately most of the time.

Send me your story! Tell me why you sleep separately, how long it has been going on, how it helps your marriage, what friends or family think about your sleep habits and, the biggest question, where do you have sex? His bed? Yours? Neither? Does one of you tiptoe over to the otherís bed or do you yell across the room? No need to be graphic, we just want the gist. The funnier your story the better.
I will use just your first name in the article and the state you live in so that you can retain your anonymity.

I need your story before February 11th. When the article is published I will send you a link.
You can send your story to my email (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/alinabradford@gmail.com) or you can PM me here.

Thanks!

abctriplets
02-09-2010, 02:39 AM
Well, its not consistently separate, but my wife and I often find each other in different bedrooms - one in our bed, the other with the kids if they're having a rough night (which is often...)

Ali B
02-09-2010, 08:17 AM
Well, its not consistently separate, but my wife and I often find each other in different bedrooms - one in our bed, the other with the kids if they're having a rough night (which is often...)

Thanks for the reply! Do you mind if I PM you some questions?

abctriplets
02-09-2010, 05:59 PM
Sure, you can send me questions :)

underthecity
02-09-2010, 06:00 PM
My grandparents on my mother's side slept in separate bedrooms because of my grandpa's loud snoring. They both passed on in the 1980s, so I don't know if it was a generational thing or not. As for your other question, well, the less I think about that the better. As to whether they had a happy marriage, it's hard to say. I was too young to know, but looking back, they seemed happy, or at least they tolerated each other. I didn't see them all that often, just for yearly visits.

Not sure if that helps your story or not, but that's all I can think of.

Wayne K
02-09-2010, 06:04 PM
My first wife hogged the bed, so I used to sleep on the couch. We didn't think much about it. Why do you have to sleep together to be in love?

It's a sleep thing. If I can't sleep, and someone insists that I be in the same bed with them, it's doomed.

CACTUSWENDY
02-09-2010, 06:16 PM
Hum. Since I am no longer married I'm not sure about the happy part. :D
Because he was a snorer and could fart up a storm I slept else where as I am a very light sleeper.

My parents were very much in love for many years. My father could snore the roof down. (My room was upstairs and the sounds would boom through out the house.) The last few years, after I left home, they slept in separate rooms. My dad told me he wished they had done it years sooner but he was afraid of what others might think if they ever found out. He said it was a shame that my mom had to put up with it all those years. I know she took naps everyday and I can understand why. (I know for a fact that they were still getting it on.)

icerose
02-09-2010, 06:27 PM
My parents sleep in separate beds. My dad is a blanket hog and my mom has lupus and sometimes just the heat of someone else's body really hurts her. They too wish they had done it sooner, because then my dad gets all the blankets he wants and she doesn't have so much pain. During a string of recent illnesses my mom needed a lot of medical equipment attached to her so sharing a bed then wouldn't have worked anyway. They are very much in love but there isn't any passion due to both of their illnesses. Still they are very tender toward each other and they miss each other if one is visiting one of us kids for a few days.

Purple Tulip
02-09-2010, 08:30 PM
I used to have friends who had seperate bedrooms. They did it for the snoring issue. However the thing they both liked was that they could each decorate their bedrooms however they wanted. It was very clear whose bedroom was whose based on the decor. They also liked each having their own closet (older house) and she had room for a vanity. As for sex, I know they had it. I just never asked when or where.

stitchingirl
02-09-2010, 09:38 PM
If you'd listen to my mom, you would think my dad is like a herd of wild elephants whenever he comes to bed. "He knocks against the bed and then he coughs a little, then he.." So, she sleeps in my old bedroom upstairs, while he has their bedroom downstairs. He comes to bed at 3 or 4 in the morning, I guess.

As far as sex? I really don't think I want that visual painted in my head. I've seen my dad in shorts and he's got knobby old knees. Please don't paint that picture in my head of my parents. Eww.:scared:

padnar
02-10-2010, 09:11 AM
If you'd listen to my mom, you would think my dad is like a herd of wild elephants whenever he comes to bed. "He knocks against the bed and then he coughs a little, then he.." So, she sleeps in my old bedroom upstairs, while he has their bedroom downstairs. He comes to bed at 3 or 4 in the morning, I guess.

As far as sex? I really don't think I want that visual painted in my head. I've seen my dad in shorts and he's got knobby old knees. Please don't paint that picture in my head of my parents. Eww.:scared:
I thought only we Indians are hypocrites . My parents never slept with each other However though we are middle age we still sleep together
padma

SilverBirch
02-10-2010, 11:18 PM
You may want to check out this thread as well:
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=161537

stitchingirl
02-11-2010, 12:09 AM
But my mom hasn't slept in the same bed as my dad in....um...3 or 4 months now. She said that she hasn't slept so good in years.

I don't know where the hypocrit part came from. I might've written my post confusing, but doubt that it's hypocritical.

padnar
02-11-2010, 08:25 AM
But my mom hasn't slept in the same bed as my dad in....um...3 or 4 months now. She said that she hasn't slept so good in years.

I don't know where the hypocrit part came from. I might've written my post confusing, but doubt that it's hypocritical.

I just talked generally. My In-laws go with each other . A maid servant remarked arent they ashamed to be always with each other. In that sense I talked of hypocrisy and nothing else.
padma

Stargazer
02-11-2010, 04:57 PM
My wife and I divided into two rooms a few years ago when her hay-fever went completely out of control and then we both got so used to having a massive bed all to ourselves, we just ran with it.

We are now back in the same room but I have my own quilt, she has hers, so there are never any battles about covers any more.

Rob.

stitchingirl
02-11-2010, 06:22 PM
Had me confused. I sat there looking at my post for five minutes trying to figure out where I wrote it wrong. Almost sent it my beta, "Am I writing this reply wrong?"

I thought I heard or read somewhere that the percentage of married couples who sleep separate is more than what most people think. I don't think I could sleep away from my husband. Comfort. Instant blanket. I don't know which one.

When my parents did share the same room, they had twin bed and just pushed them together. I guess my dad tosses and turns and kept waking her up. My mom is like the world's lightest sleeper. A fly sneezing in her room and she could hear it.

threedogpeople
02-12-2010, 02:38 PM
Hubby and I sleep in the same bed at home but always sleep in separate beds when we travel.

We are contemplating separate bedrooms at home (with generous visitation rights - ahumm). He snores, has very disrupted sleep and is an early bird (I'm talking 5 a.m. or so). I'm a chronic pain patient, have a very hard time falling asleep (note the time of this post), pain wakes me up several times a night AND I'm a night owl. I panic if someone wakes me before 8:30 or 9:00 a.m.

Wayne K
02-12-2010, 02:41 PM
My wife hangs upside down in the closet

stitchingirl
02-12-2010, 04:12 PM
My wife hangs upside down in the closet

Awesome! Man, vampires are cool!

sunandshadow
02-12-2010, 09:33 PM
I'm not married but I've considered this issue from the point of view of someone going into a relationship - will it be off-putting to a new boyfriend if I tell them I don't want to sleep in the same bed? I am a night owl, I can't sleep on the same schedule as someone who works 9-5. I also don't like getting stuck to the person next to me by sweat :P and really the whole time I'm trying to sleep next to them I'm trying to ignore them and need to restrain myself to be quiet and not move around so I don't bother them... it's just not pleasant. I only worry whether it would make it difficult to get together for sex, because usually I'm in the mood at 1 or 2 am when the average person would already be sleeping. :(

scarletpeaches
02-12-2010, 09:40 PM
My wife hangs upside down in the closetAre you calling her an old bat?

maxmordon
02-12-2010, 09:41 PM
My grandparents sleep in different places: my grandma on a bed and my grandpa in a hammock since he grew up used to that and just can't bring himself sleeping over a flat face,

justAnotherWriter
02-13-2010, 12:00 AM
My wife and I have seperate beds, and I can't imagine living any other way.

People need their own space. Even children start to want their own rooms early on. Society tells us that we must share the same room, but this is a lower class phenomenon that has somehow wormed its way into the collective culture. Go on a tour of a grand old mansion or palace. There will be a "his" bedroom and a "her" bedroom.

In most (all?) parts of Europe in the middle ages, anyone of any standing had seperate bedrooms. Living in the same room was for peasants. People slept in the same bedrooms because they had no choice. I will never understand why people actually prefer this. It's not like you can't sleep over your spouse's room when you feel the need.

My room is mine. It has my stuff in it, it's where I write, where I work. I go to sleep 2, 3 in the morning, my wife much earlier. I can watch tv, read, walk around, eat, all without tiptoeing around or disturbing anyone. Well, except my dog. :)

People sometimes ask, "But how do you have sex?"

Well, little Bobby, boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina, and you take one and...you get the idea. :)

stitchingirl
02-13-2010, 04:33 AM
If we had any empty bedrooms, I think Scott and I would sleep separate. Guess one can only take snoring so long before it drives them batty. Honestly, I do not know that I'm snoring. :flag:

WildScribe
02-16-2010, 08:22 PM
Thanks to this thread, my husband and I are seriously considering separating our bedrooms. We've already started to figure out exactly how we would need to rearrange the office to accommodate the extra stuff in our spare room, and how we would redo the living room to cope with the loss of the futon... Hm.

Bookewyrme
02-18-2010, 12:56 AM
My husband's grandparents not only have separate rooms, but separate houses. Next to each other. But they are still married, and she cooks for him and he takes care of her yard, they are financially dependent on each other, etc. As for sex, I really don't want to think about it!

Personally, I would be quite upset if we moved into separate beds/rooms. I always panic when I wake up in the morning and find he's slept on the couch for whatever reason. For us though, same bed =/= snuggled up together, so we still have our own space in the bed. But every couple is different. :)

Collectonian
02-18-2010, 02:20 AM
Wow, seriously?? While I do want to sleep with my SO sometimes, I have often thought the best marriage for me would be one where I and my husband would have separate homes, that we sometimes share with one another, and sometimes don't :-P

trickywoo
02-20-2010, 06:32 AM
When I'm pregnant, I sleep in a separate bed. Mostly because of nausea, restless sleep, insomnia, huge belly - all the joys of pregnancy.

It's wonderful - we both sleep better. And enjoy having our own space as others have said. And in some ways it rekindles the romance.

stitchingirl
02-20-2010, 06:36 AM
My brother-in-law was friends with someone like that, too. He lived a few houses down from us, while his wife lived in another city. I never understood that concept, myself. It's one thing to have separate rooms, but separate houses?! Might as well not even be married.