The AbsoluteWrite Absolutely Awful Poetry Crit-eek Thread

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Here is where you can crit-eek any, some, or all of the poems entered for the 'AbsoluteWrite Absolutely Awful Poetry Contest'. Now, remember this is a competition for the worst poem, so your crit-eeks MUST be about how to make the poem WORSE, or admiration of the BAD POINTS of the poem.

NOTE: Any suggestions put in here for how to make a poem worse can NOT be used to worsen the associated competition entry (see competition rules) so go ahead.. sabotage your competition! Prevent them making their poetry worse before the deadline by pointing out what they COULD have done here.
 

Nateskate

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Bad Poems R' Us.

Roses are red. Stones are real crunchy

Like fruitloops and milk, I have them for lunchy

well, not stone, I meant cereal for lunch, and I know stones aren't entirely

crunchy, but you know they might crunch a little when a dump druck drives

over them, or, heavy equiptment, you know, like crunch, crunch in the tires.

Come on, you know what I mean, don't you?

Why are you looking at me like that?

Haven't you ever written anything you are proud of

Why, you judgmental, feather-blasted, toad loving...

Oh forget it, never mind!

Is this bad enough for ya!
 

Nateskate

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Eye of a pig
Tick in a twiddle
Move over dog
you're starting to piddle

eggs that have rotted
Boils filled with fungus
The tongue of a turd
sprays bad poems among us
 

Nateskate

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scfirenice said:
Oh my god...That is priceless!

Wow.

See mine under the contest thread!

This isn't the contest thread? My life's story!

This is so my first day of class!

"Which way is science..."

"That was last period, you missed science!"

"Oh, I thought it was fourth period"
 
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Nateskate

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Some Crit EEEEKS

scfirenice; What can I say; but you show'd me the way! Thanks

I think Cassie really gets "bad" poetry. The over the top love poem really nails it on the head. It captures the heart of clinging love gone bad. Bad poetry should either shock you or makes you want to puke. Anymore love, and I'm there. It should be titled, "Clinging and Cloying"- good job.

Eldragon, "Now there's a woman I can never measure up to! Yikes, I guess a sensitive heart and interesting mind just don't cut it these days. Now, again, in my own experience, I find an interesting mind, those sweet "inches" between the ears, well you just can do things to please a soul (and the body is connected to the soul) that some people can't imagine. Of course, that's another story, and only my wife know's for sure.

Joe Ekaitis: Man, you can keep going with this. How about the people who pull out in front of your car on the street, making you hit the brakes, and then proceeding fifteen miles under the speed limit for the next five miles in a no-passing lane!
 
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Nateskate

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Jenna, I didn't think you were capable of bad writing. Good job!

I'd give you rep points, but isn't that like tipping the owner????
 

Nateskate

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Rich, that was actually quite good. You're going to have to practice being bad.

Now repeat after me, "I will not make sense...I will not make sense...I will not..."
 

Nateskate

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JAlpha said:
Thanks Nateskate. I thought it was bad too--so bad, I didn't even want to post
it under my known screen name.
Now, I'm going to have to join a witness protection program:gone: and start my writing career all over again:Headbang:

But isn't that the point? If they run you out of the board, you've won, right! I wish I was that horrible. In fact, maybe I am, but I'm not ashamed of the fact. I stink, and I'm going to relish in that fact. That's what being the badest is all about dude. Let's whip out the bikes and the chains, man (not in the male sense-equal opportunity bad poets gang), and ride through dumping bad poetry all over the land.
 
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reph

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Question about awarding prizes

Is there a limit on the number of rep points a person can give in a day? I intend to enter. I want to pay the entry fee after all entries are in, so I can go down the thread and not miss anybody* and so I can give a second point to my unfavorite.** If there are a hundred entries, will vBulletin let me give a hundred points all together?

This contest is a great idea.

*The vBulletin feature that supposedly marks your place for you misbehaves. I don't trust it.

**Suppose the poem I find baddest comes in at the end of the thread. I'll have to sequence the point-giving so I can rep its author twice.
 

Richard

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I must admit, I'm not quite sure what the point of mandatory repping is, what with them being completely invisible...
 

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Repping

A few people have enquired about different aspects.. so here are an accumulation of answers.

Yes it does mean give a point to all the entrants, not just the ones that were entered before your poem. Who knows.. there might only be 50 entries.. there might be 400.. there are more than 2000 accounts I hear.. so.. but no..

The more people that enter the competition, the more points each contestant gets just for entering - that's the idea.. that as more people enter there is more and more incentive for people to enter.

As for how to give the points, gradually or all at once, that is a personal choice. The voting period will take a week so there is plenty of time to pay the fee at the end of the competition if that is how you prefer to do it. Or give the rep points as you read each entry. Just be sure that the fee is paid before the winner is announced.. if we discover that the winner didn't pay the fee there would be a disqualification (although how we get the winner's prize back I am not sure!).

The value of rep points... well, that is in the eye of the beholder, and as the only beholder is the individual who is to say whether each entrant will value their rep points or not except them?

Have fun with it. I'm certainly loving the entries and it already looks impossible to tell who will win. And don't forget you are all free to edit your poems to make them worse and worse until the final deadline.
 

mkcbunny

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Oh My!

These poems are awful. And I mean that in the best possible way. I'm feeling both pain and delight in reading them.
 

rtilryarms

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I am literally rolling on the floor laughing my socks off. What a sell idea. The cost is only one Board reputation point but your entire personal reputation is lost after posting.

I must go post;
I must go post;

WAIT RT! save the rhyming for the contest!
 

Unique

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Dreadful! Each and every one.

Just when you think they can't get any worse - - they do! EEEeeek! I'm going blind!
 

JAlpha

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William Haskins said:
these may be some of the best poems ever published in this forum.

"I resemble that remark."
groucho.gif
 

rtilryarms

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I vote to publish an anthology with biographies! Not using our real names of course. It is just stupid enough to make $millions!
 

Nateskate

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William's here

William's here, so the game is afoot
"First I be," says he. Pirate smile, and
dagger in place.

But is he willie, or billie, or nillie?
William Haskins, where are you?
Under a rock?
Under a sock?
Preparing words in a crock?

I know you can be bad, happy, or sad
but will you be Bob, or Rob, or Clay?
Or will you be William,
that's what I say?

William proved he can be good
and so he should;
but dare he take off his mask
and post bad prose
without a Pseudo?

Come out, come out, from wherever you are!
Joust or duel? No, I'm no fool
No, I don't suck
but when Willie pulls out the stops
Duck!