That, Which, and Than -- what else do I need to purge?

Plot Device · Feb 4, 2010

Those three words can be overused dead wood, bogging down the flow and sucking the life out of your novel. So I have been diligently performing word searches and throwing out as many needless instances of them all as I can.

Any more major offenders that I should maybe perform additional search and destroy missions against???

Chris P · Feb 4, 2010

Very, really, mostly, actually most adverbs (including actually).

I use too many prepositional phrases in an effort to be descriptive. "He set the gun down on the table" is said just as well by "He set the gun down." Unless the gun being on the table is important, don't mention it.

Plot Device · Feb 4, 2010

Thanks, Chris. You're awesome! REALLY and TRULY and ACTUALLY very mostly awesome!

Seriously, though. Very helpful.

Kisatchie · Feb 4, 2010

Jeez, cut out adverbs, cut out adjectives, cut out prepositional phrases? Pretty soon all you're left with is "See Spot run."

Chris P · Feb 4, 2010

Kisatchie said:
Jeez, cut out adverbs, cut out adjectives, cut out prepositional phrases? Pretty soon all you're left with is "See Spot run."

Not all of them; just those that aren't necessary.

Compare with:

Not all of them, of course; only those that aren't completely essential to the reader's understanding of the plot or the action.

Does the second sentence convey any information not conveyed by the first? Does the second sentence add to the reader's enjoyment? If the answer to either of these questions is "yes," then the wordier version might be better.

thothguard51 · Feb 4, 2010

"AS IF" and "toward or towards." Both examples are somewhat indecisive to me as a reader. Now, if a character says, as if, as part of dialogue, that is different.

I also don't think you can cut out all the "that" uses without sounding unrealistic. We use the word freely everyday without thinking if we are using it improperly. In most cases, "that" can be eliminated as unnecessary. IMHO...

fadeaccompli · Feb 4, 2010

"Stand up" and "sit down" can frequently be cut to "stand" and "sit". Minor thing, but as long as one's looking for words to trim...

thothguard51 · Feb 4, 2010

Yes, stand up always gets me. Can one stand sideways?

Fallen · Feb 5, 2010

Plot Device said:
Any more major offenders that I should maybe perform additional search and destroy missions against???

Hmm, I can only really judge that by seeing your words in action. It's no good me giving you a list of words without knowing anything about your work. What usage I loathe entirely, could work perfectly well in yours. For instance, tautology (your 'stand up' example), it might work lovely if you're portraying a kid as kids are great ones for using two words to describe one thing, but it might be disasturous for the aspiring auithor trying to narrate a descent atmosphere (darkness descended down on the village). Therefore I'd love the former, scrap out the latter. Just try not to go in looking for specific words: look at the whole picture. Standardising should really be left to the classroom.

Maryn · Feb 5, 2010

Let me dig out the big list one more time, with feeling. No writer would want to eliminate all these words, of course, but every one of them, plus whatever pet words you happen to overuse, can be in your manuscript without adding a thing to its quality--which means it should be deleted. Take a second look, to see if it really needs to be there, at:

*-ing beginnings
*-ly
*-ness
a bit
a little
a little bit
a lot
actually
all
almost
always
am
and so
anxiously
anyhow
anyway
appears
are
aren't
as
as * was *-ing
as *-ed
at least
be
been
began *ing
began to
completely
considered
continued
continued to
could be heard/seen/felt/etc.
did
didn't
do/does
doesn't
don't
down
eagerly
every
exactly
exist/exists/existed
extremely
fairly
felt
finally
frequently
get
glared
got
grin/grinned
groaned
had
has
have
heard
highly
hoped
I (in a first person narrative)
intended
is
isn't
just
kind of
knew
know
known
looked
make/makes
many
merely
most
mostly
nearly
need
never
not
noticed
occur/occurred/occurs
of
often
only
planned
prepared
pretty
probably
proceed(ed) to
put
quite
rather
reached
realized
really
recalled
regarded
remembered
saw
seem
seemed
seems
sensed
set out to
show/shows
slightly
smelled
smile, smiled
so (as a sequential word)
so then
some
somewhat
sort of
started to
suddenly
that
then
there was
though
thought
totally
tried to
up
utterly
very
waited to
wanted
was *-ed
was *-ing
wasn't
went
were
wholly
will
wished
wondered
won't
would

Maryn, who did not hand-craft this list all by herself

Matera the Mad · Feb 5, 2010

I don't know...sometimes you have to glare. But the as-es, lordy -- anyone ever see "watched as" perform a necessary function?

Maryn · Feb 6, 2010

Matera the Mad said:
I don't know...sometimes you have to glare. But the as-es, lordy -- anyone ever see "watched as" perform a necessary function?

Certainly not, except in kinky sex scenes where the watching matters.

Otherwise, sounds like good old-fashioned filtering.

Maryn, who keeps filters in a box near the coffee maker

Snowstorm · Feb 6, 2010

I just spent two solid mind-numbing days searching for:

that
just
of (a biggie for me)
ing (an even bigger biggie for me)
by
was
were
which
said
had
be
am
is
are
it
with
like
and

I keep this list in a file in my writing folder. Man, it's tedious as hell and it's the only part I hate in writing. When my eyesight and mind starts working after I'm done, the piece is so much better. My WIP dropped 600 words when I finished, but oh, it's so much tighter.

I admit my eyes crossed when I read through Maryn's list. :Jaw:

Snowstorm, who doesn't have Maryn's mental acuity.

Arkie · Feb 6, 2010

Ever wonder why when you pick up books by new authors off the front tables at Barnes and Noble they all sound alike, no distinguishable voice, like they were written for androids. That's because all the adverbs, adjectives, splint infinitives and prepositions have been weeded out, and with them the author's voice.

Maryn · Feb 6, 2010

I can't say I agree with you, Arkie. A lot of what I read is written lean and tight, yet still has plenty of authorial voice. Perhaps we read in different genres?

I can say that when I critique work for others, those who are generous with descriptors, adverbs, etc. also tend to write 'fat' and include a lot which does nothing to illuminate character or advance the story. So far, nobody I've critiqued who's guilty of that has seen paid publication--or had any more vivid an authorial voice than those who write with fewer, and better, words.

Maryn, ever so politely disagreeing

Arkie · Feb 6, 2010

Maryn said:
I can't say I agree with you, Arkie. A lot of what I read is written lean and tight, yet still has plenty of authorial voice. Perhaps we read in different genres?

I can say that when I critique work for others, those who are generous with descriptors, adverbs, etc. also tend to write 'fat' and include a lot which does nothing to illuminate character or advance the story. So far, nobody I've critiqued who's guilty of that has seen paid publication--or had any more vivid an authorial voice than those who write with fewer, and better, words.

Maryn, ever so politely disagreeing

It may be my reader's ear, but I can count on two hands the authors that I can open their books in the middle without looking at the cover and know who they are. People like Nabokov, Elmore Leonard, James Lee Burke, Robert B. Parker, Annie Proulx, I know immediately, but few others. I'm getting ready to read Pat Conroy's latest and see if he has a voice.

Plot Device · Feb 6, 2010

Maryn! I'm speechless!

:Jaw:

Maybe we should make your one post into a sticky all by itself!

Plot Device · Feb 6, 2010

Quoting for writing assistance. (Search word: "assistance.")

Maryn said:
Let me dig out the big list one more time, with feeling. No writer would want to eliminate all these words, of course, but every one of them, plus whatever pet words you happen to overuse, can be in your manuscript without adding a thing to its quality--which means it should be deleted. Take a second look, to see if it really needs to be there, at:

*-ing beginnings
*-ly
*-ness
a bit
a little
a little bit
a lot
actually
all
almost
always
am
and so
anxiously
anyhow
anyway
appears
are
aren't
as
as * was *-ing
as *-ed
at least
be
been
began *ing
began to
completely
considered
continued
continued to
could be heard/seen/felt/etc.
did
didn't
do/does
doesn't
don't
down
eagerly
every
exactly
exist/exists/existed
extremely
fairly
felt
finally
frequently
get
glared
got
grin/grinned
groaned
had
has
have
heard
highly
hoped
I (in a first person narrative)
intended
is
isn't
just
kind of
knew
know
known
looked
make/makes
many
merely
most
mostly
nearly
need
never
not
noticed
occur/occurred/occurs
of
often
only
planned
prepared
pretty
probably
proceed(ed) to
put
quite
rather
reached
realized
really
recalled
regarded
remembered
saw
seem
seemed
seems
sensed
set out to
show/shows
slightly
smelled
smile, smiled
so (as a sequential word)
so then
some
somewhat
sort of
started to
suddenly
that
then
there was
though
thought
totally
tried to
up
utterly
very
waited to
wanted
was *-ed
was *-ing
wasn't
went
were
wholly
will
wished
wondered
won't
would

Maryn, who did not hand-craft this list all by herself

RJK · Feb 8, 2010

The key word here is overuse. Every word has its place, but like relatives and raw fish, if they're around too much, their appeal goes away.

Maryn, you missed one of my big offenders, "it," but Snowstorm caught it.

crazynance · Feb 8, 2010

Plot Device said:
Maryn! I'm speechless!

Maybe we should make your one post into a sticky all by itself!

Here, here! Second that motion.. Excellent advice, and exactly, precisely what I needed to hear in my ears!

Ardelie · Feb 8, 2010

Just be careful! I did this with a manuscript and it sounded flat afterward. Thankfully I kept an original copy before this type of edit. I agree with Arkie a little bit. Keep your author voice intact but don't write fat.

I would mostly look for extranneous words. If you take out all the adverbs fine, but sometimes you need to replace them with a different description that clarifies what the adverb did in just one word. Not always the best idea. The list by Maryn should be useful. I try to delete the following with very few exceptions:

of (when it follows off)
up
down
back
that (only when it can be deleted with no confusion. I hate stumbling over a sentence cause it needs a that.)

That, Which, and Than -- what else do I need to purge?

A woman said to write like a man.

Likes metaphors mixed, not stirred

A woman said to write like a man.

I stop at railroad crossings

Likes metaphors mixed, not stirred

A Gentleman of a refined age...

here and there again

A Gentleman of a refined age...

Stood at the coalface

Baaa!

Bartender, gimme a Linux Mint

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Baby plot bunneh sniffs out a clue

a reader's ear and a writer's heart

Baaa!

a reader's ear and a writer's heart

A woman said to write like a man.

A woman said to write like a man.

Sheriff Bullwinkle the Poet says:

~call me Mrs Writer ~

Ardelie