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View Full Version : The Febreeze people have lost their minds



Perks
01-18-2010, 01:39 AM
I've been stopped cold in the cleaning aisle at the grocer's. Febreeze's new scent is called 'Brazilian Carnivale' and I can't help but wonder if I were to pull the trigger on that can if I would be assaulted by the reek of fried food, sweat, and semen.

I have a suggestion for their next product roll-out. How's about:

Mardi Gras Gutter

and

Pamplona Sidewalk in July

Fran
01-18-2010, 01:50 AM
How about - Glasgow Taxi Rank At Midnight?

I'm highly allergic to that vile stuff anyway. Like skin peeling off my lips, bright red rash and breathing problems allergic. But everyone at my work still uses half a bloody can of the stuff every time they've been to the toilet. If it's that good why do they need half a can?

alleycat
01-18-2010, 02:02 AM
I prefer the more natural scents.

Cow Pasture After Rain and Dead Possum in the Road.

alleycat
01-18-2010, 02:13 AM
For the kids there could be Old Eggs & Green Cheese and Wet Gym Socks.

semilargeintestine
01-18-2010, 03:21 AM
Poop-Stained Sheets After a Night of Heavy Drinking for the college folks among us (or those wishing for a touch of nostalgia).

Xelebes
01-18-2010, 03:27 AM
I'm thinking Feline Ammonia has got to be something popular.

Jersey Chick
01-18-2010, 03:43 AM
For those of us in NJ -

Landfill scent

Swamp breeze

Refinery Finest

:D

BenPanced
01-18-2010, 03:44 AM
Then there's New York Subway After Closing Time.

Or Summer In The Chicago Loop Stop.

Or I Don't Even Want To Know What That Is.

Or Where The Hell's That Horrible Smell Coming From?

Or the classic My, What An Incredible Stench You've Discovered.

Or my favorite childhood scent Christmas Eve. No, not bayberry and pine and cinnamon or anything like that. From the Christmas Eves when I was growing up, it's Kool, Salem, Camel Unfiltered, Lucky Strike, and Kent.

MattW
01-18-2010, 03:52 AM
I've been stopped cold in the cleaning aisle at the grocer's. Febreeze's new scent is called 'Brazilian Carnivale' and I can't help but wonder if I were to pull the trigger on that can if I would be assaulted by the reek of fried food, sweat, and semen.


Probably not far from the truth.

KellyAssauer
01-18-2010, 03:57 AM
I want to include one from my youth
that makes me oddly nauseous and yet
reminiscent for those long car trips with my Dad:

Vinyl Ford and Full Ashtray.

aadams73
01-18-2010, 04:04 AM
Febreeze, Mumbai in July

bettielee
01-18-2010, 04:26 AM
omg... when I saw that thing about Carnivale, I thought you were going to say something about thong stench.

I'm sorry I went there people, but after the urine/feminine product thread, I have no self-editor anymore.

Hittman
01-18-2010, 06:14 AM
It took me a while to even find this, but back on '01 I ran this story on an old blog:

Febreze, who made their name sucking nasty odors out of things, has recently marketed a Scent Stories, a $35 device that spews a sequence of scents, which, they claim, tells a story.

Each disk contains five different, related scents, which are "played" in sequence, one half hour per smell. For instance, "Explore a Mountain Trail" provides the smells "Following the Winding Creek," "Walking Beside the Wildflowers," "Exploring the Mountains," "High in the Mountain Pass," and "Gazing at the Tall Firs." Other "stories" include "Wandering Barefoot on the Shore," "Strolling through the Garden," "Shades of Vanilla," (I wasn't aware that odors came in different shades) and "Celebrate The Holidays."

This thing is obviously designed for women - there are no pictures of men anywhere on their sappy web site. But Quick Hitts has learned that disks for men are currently in beta testing.

"Morning at The Bachelor's Apartment" features "What is that smell?" "Whose Underwear is in the Refrigerator," "Cold Pizza for Breakfast," "Cleaning Up Last Night's Beer," and "Which T-shirt is Clean Enough to Wear Again."

"Taxi Driver" features "Picking up the Sweaty Guy From The Gym," "Grandma Buys Her Perfume at Wal-Mart by The Quart," "Stuck in Traffic Behind a Garbage Truck," "I shouldn't have eaten lunch at Taco Bell," and "Please, not in my Cab!"

Disks that have been tested and rejected include "Humid Day at The Hog Farm" and "Visiting Grandpa at the Nursing Home."

Perks
01-18-2010, 08:06 AM
I love you guys.

BenPanced
01-18-2010, 08:54 AM
Writer's Desk: cold day-old coffee, a stale bagel and cream cheese, an ashtray that should have been empty three days ago, cheap bargain-basement Scotch, and the dried tears of a broken heart.

CatSlave
01-18-2010, 09:35 AM
What I hate are bathroom air fresheners that smell like apples and cinnamon or sweet spices.

Now I can't eat apple pie without thinking of a toilet. :eek:

Matera the Mad
01-18-2010, 09:40 AM
How about F### all stupid stinking pollution crud?

CatSlave
01-18-2010, 10:52 AM
Eau de Paper Mill is particularly disgusting.

Almost as bad as being downwind of a cattle feeding operation.
But with the cattle you also get black flies.
Many, many flies. :D

Priene
01-18-2010, 01:41 PM
They're targeting sports fans as well: Hartlepool United Away End Toilets

Stlight
01-18-2010, 02:45 PM
glad to see the allergy remarks. the day after I used the stuff, not the new scent, my cat went into grand mal seizures for the first time in his life. The vets all said it couldn't be related. I just keep thinking it was the absolutely only thing different in that 24 hour period. It was winter so windows were closed, no allergines drifting in as one vet suggested.

ETA He had petite mal seizures for the rest of his life, which was about another year. However he was 17.

so I'm not saying there is a relationship, I'm just saying. And I'm saying I'm glad to hear some folks are allergic to the stuff, though I'm sorry you have allergies.

Fran
01-18-2010, 02:53 PM
glad to see the allergy remarks. the day after I used the stuff, not the new scent, my cat went into grand mal seizures for the first time in his life. The vets all said it couldn't be related. I just keep thinking it was the absolutely only thing different in that 24 hour period. It was winter so windows were closed, no allergines drifting in as one vet suggested.

I got a nasty fly invasion at my old flat one summer and my friend came round with a can of flyspray. I went out because the stuff makes me ill but when I came back my cat was throwing up everywhere. So I agree with you - cats can be allergic to stuff like that too.

Samantha's_Song
01-18-2010, 03:38 PM
I think their next fragrance should be - A hot humid night in a brothel. This would be especially beneficial in a chip shop methinks.

brainstorm77
01-18-2010, 03:39 PM
ick.

Elaine Margarett
01-18-2010, 04:47 PM
[QUOTE=alleycat;4502517]I prefer the more natural scents.

Cow Pasture After Rain QUOTE]

I happen to like cow pastures after rain, although you have to watch where you step...

KTC
01-18-2010, 04:49 PM
I picked up FEBREEZE HOCKEY BAG STANK the other day. For those days my son actually puts his equipment in the garage instead of dumping it in the front foyer. We miss the stank when he does this...so it's nice to have stank in a can to bring that most desired stank back into our lives. Thank you, Febreeze!

Elaine Margarett
01-18-2010, 04:49 PM
I want to include one from my youth
that makes me oddly nauseous and yet
reminiscent for those long car trips with my Dad:

Vinyl Ford and Full Ashtray.

OMG. I Still have issues involving long car trips. Of course, now, it seems all I do is travel. Thank God for xanax

Thump
01-18-2010, 04:51 PM
I'm thinking Feline Ammonia has got to be something popular.

I've got the natural version of that one. All organic. Litter tray in the corner of the room.

regdog
01-18-2010, 05:02 PM
I have a relative who never had any breathing troubles get so sick from that crap the doctors thought he had COPD. When his girlfriend stopped spraying everything in the house with he, his breathing problems disappeared.


A scent Febreeze might consider, Hot Summer Trash Pick Up Day

backslashbaby
01-18-2010, 06:45 PM
Bright Vegas Mornings

Costa Rican Riverwalk*


*you know how spoiled beans smell? Think coffee bean waste. Add to the volcanic sulfur. *shudder*

aadams73
01-18-2010, 06:56 PM
Febreze, Leper Colony

Fran
01-18-2010, 08:42 PM
Wet Dog In Stuffy Pub.

lucidzfl
01-18-2010, 08:45 PM
Febreze: German Brothel Mop

veinglory
01-18-2010, 09:59 PM
For a rural, rustic scent I would recommend this low point in my nasal experiences: 'clearing out the mouse traps on a pig farm'.

lucidzfl
01-18-2010, 10:03 PM
For a rural, rustic scent I would recommend this low point in my nasal experiences: 'clearing out the mouse traps on a pig farm'.

To be fair to the world of olfactory crushing evil, the worst smell I've ever encountered was at a roadside gas station bathroom in the middle of the jungle in Malaysia, a few hours outside of Kuala Lumpur.

It was just a hole, in the middle of a wide tile room. There was a bucket of what I presume should have been water, in order to splash it around the room to clean up.

It was very obvious that no one had cleaned in years. It was also, amazingly enough, obvious that apparently a lot of people in Malaysia have the ability to shit while remaining perfectly vertical. Seriously, there was diarrhea at least 3-4 foot in the air on the walls. Did I mention this was in the heat of a jungle?

Yeah.

Febreze: Malaysian Swamp Ass Edition.

aadams73
01-18-2010, 10:15 PM
Febreze: Slaughterhouse

(Or, abattoir if you want to get fancy.)

veinglory
01-18-2010, 10:28 PM
'Abattoir' would be the Glade version.

brainstorm77
01-18-2010, 10:30 PM
Whore In Distress.. Imagine that scent! LOL

benbradley
01-18-2010, 10:51 PM
Last Call For Alcohol.

As I heard it, "you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."

brainstorm77
01-18-2010, 10:52 PM
Outhouse in July.

aadams73
01-18-2010, 10:54 PM
'Abattoir' would be the Glade version.

Ah yes, one of their plugin oil thingys.

Fran
01-18-2010, 11:07 PM
Ah yes, one of their plugin oil thingys.

I like the three in one scents the best - it triples the opportunity for their vile chemical stench to kill me. :D

Samantha's_Song
01-18-2010, 11:08 PM
John Wayne Gacey's crawlspace.

Sweetleaf
01-18-2010, 11:20 PM
North Wind off the Treatment Plant.

aadams73, you may remember that one? ;)

sheadakota
01-18-2010, 11:50 PM
Outhouse in July.
or port-a-potty poppouri

Bathroom after morning dump

or my personal favorite;

dead cat on a hot tin roof-

BenPanced
01-19-2010, 12:30 AM
Last Call For Alcohol.

As I heard it, "you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."
Hotel Time, Motel Time, Time To Go.

Facedown on the Barroom Floor is another favorite.

Then there's Men's Room at the Citgo.

aadams73
01-19-2010, 01:39 AM
North Wind off the Treatment Plant.

aadams73, you may remember that one? ;)

Remember it? My class went there on a field trip when I was 9 or 10.

I'm still trying to recover from the stink. :D

CatSlave
01-19-2010, 02:30 AM
glad to see the allergy remarks. the day after I used the stuff, not the new scent, my cat went into grand mal seizures for the first time in his life. The vets all said it couldn't be related. I just keep thinking it was the absolutely only thing different in that 24 hour period. It was winter so windows were closed, no allergines drifting in as one vet suggested.

ETA He had petite mal seizures for the rest of his life, which was about another year. However he was 17.

so I'm not saying there is a relationship, I'm just saying. And I'm saying I'm glad to hear some folks are allergic to the stuff, though I'm sorry you have allergies.

Just to derail for a second: My cat almost DIED from wearing a grocery-store brand flea collar.
My vet said NEVER NEVER use it; it can kill the cat.
So I switched to Frontline and had no further problems.

Back on track: the stinkiest stink of which you can think.

backslashbaby
01-19-2010, 03:22 AM
I wasn't doing the stinkiest. The stinkiest ever in my entire life?

Dead robber being eaten by vultures down gulley by golfcourse on Costa Rican river.

My first, and only, human dead body smell experience. It's as bad as they say. The river nearly covered it up, though. I don't know how the buzzards could go down there :D

pink lily
01-19-2010, 03:22 AM
I think their next fragrance should be - A hot humid night in a brothel. This would be especially beneficial in a chip shop methinks.
Oooh. That's what it used to smell like outside of the Union Carbide plant on MacCorkle Avenue in South Charleston, WV, 20 years ago. Well, we called it "Dead Hooker Crotch Rot."

Samantha's_Song
01-19-2010, 04:42 AM
:roll:

Oooh. That's what it used to smell like outside of the Union Carbide plant on MacCorkle Avenue in South Charleston, WV, 20 years ago. Well, we called it "Dead Hooker Crotch Rot."

BenPanced
01-19-2010, 05:06 AM
I wasn't doing the stinkiest. The stinkiest ever in my entire life?

Dead robber being eaten by vultures down gulley by golfcourse on Costa Rican river.

My first, and only, human dead body smell experience. It's as bad as they say. The river nearly covered it up, though. I don't know how the buzzards could go down there :D
The worst was the summer we experienced the Uniroyal plant (manufactured rubber and vinyl goods, home of Naugahyde), the Hy-Ration dog food plant, and the recycling facility down the road from Hy-Ration in full bloom. Summer. No central air. Could only have the windows open.

I suggest they manufacture that as "Summer Bloom".

AZ_Dawn
01-19-2010, 07:34 AM
What, no one mentioned parfume de skunk? I've smelled skunk stink; it's vile and it lingers for days. :e2thud:

Anaquana
01-19-2010, 07:44 AM
How about eau de ferret litter box?

Priene
01-19-2010, 10:37 AM
Dead robber being eaten by vultures down gulley by golfcourse on Costa Rican river.

How do you know he was a robber if he was already being devoured by birds?

STKlingaman
01-19-2010, 10:50 AM
You mean they're catching up
with the rest of us?

backslashbaby
01-20-2010, 02:44 AM
How do you know he was a robber if he was already being devoured by birds?

Two days before, our neighbor's guard shot a robber that had broken in to their house as he was running toward the golfcourse behind our house. He was nowhere to be found, and the only place he could have run to in that time was this deep side of the ravine to the river. On the 13th hole where we lived (not kidding - I can take you there, lol).

So days later, while at the 13th hole proper, there were several buzzards swooping down and a smell wafting up that smelled a lot like dead farm animals. Hideous stench.

Granted, nobody went down there to check! It's too steep and there are poisonous things in scrub like that.

The smell cleared up in the next few days. Ew.

Xelebes
01-20-2010, 03:26 AM
I've got the natural version of that one. All organic. Litter tray in the corner of the room.

But do you have hundreds of cats and a hundred litter boxes to match the awesomeness that is Febreeze Feline Ammonia?

zenwriter
01-20-2010, 05:57 AM
What about something for us Canadians? Kensington Market cheese shop in August

Perks
01-20-2010, 06:44 AM
as for ode de skunk, people think I'm odd, but a breezy touch of skunk mixed in with cool summer evening air along the humid Ohio River is strangely nice to me,
I wish I knew why...
I really thought I was the only one. I don't find skunk-smell offense, just interesting.

I'm afraid I've said too much...

Ol' Fashioned Girl
01-20-2010, 07:44 AM
It's okay, Assauer and Perks... I kinda sorta like it, too... if it's far off and just wafting in on the breeze.