Our daughter was seventeen, the driver who rear-ended someone in 2003--the anniversary is only days away. This accident should have been a major inconvenience, but because someone was not buckled in, there was a fatality. The passenger was thrown from the car and run over by a loaded semi which happened to be there. It is not clear which killed her.
She was fifteen.
Car accidents: Well, what I'm interested in knowing right now is what usually happens in the aftermath? Sure, there's a financial strain, but in what ways? Is it the stress of repair bills / buying a new car?
Selecting a new car and making sure it's what you want and the price is fair is always stressful. Having to do it quickly because the rental car provided by your insurer is due back just adds to the stress. For me, there was the additional stress of driving an unfamiliar car, substantially different than the one in the accident, during the worst driving conditions of the year, winter.
Or insurance costs? How do you deal with insurance after a car accident? I'd love some personal stories.[/FONT]
Our insurance rates shot way, way up. The family of the dead girl and the trucking company sued us for a combined total of $23.5 million, far more than our insurance coverage plus our total assets. Although it was too late for this accident's coverage, we added a separate insurance policy for a million-dollar payout in the event of accidental death. It was not cheap. Still isn't. But lawsuits seeking millions are the norm.
Survivor's Guilt: This one may be a bit personal, although it's the most critical part to the story I'm currently writing. The story is about a girl who was in a car accident that put one man in a coma. At first, she tries blaming other people before she starts blaming herself. What I'd like to know, however, is what kind of feelings and thought patterns are evoked from this type of incident? Are there "what if's" or "if only's?" Or is it something like self-loathing?
The state police (who were terrific throughout--hats off to them) made a point of taking me and my husband aside and telling us that survivor's guilt can be so strong that the survivor harms or kills himself or herself. He did not want to see the existing tragedy doubled and suggested we keep her close and arrange for counseling immediately. As luck would have it, she'd begun counseling for something else two weeks before. The counseling barely helped that issue, but it really did help with the survivor's guilt.
Our daughter was not doing anything wrong, really. She was within the posted speed limit, straight and sober, and simply did not see that the vehicle in her lane was stopped in time to stop herself. It was simply an accident. She was able, with counseling, to accept that she caused an accident, but she would not beat herself up over a death which was fully avoidable. The girl was old enough to know she should buckle. Her mother, driving, could have told her she needed to buckle up. The people who had their seat belts fastened had only bruises. While the death remains a tragedy, our daughter was able to find peace because of the seat belt.
Also, what I'd really love to know is what someone would say to the person that was involved in the incident, and, quite possibly, what you think they might say back?
Our daughter doesn't remember this, but apparently she did not say anything to anybody, including the police, until we arrived. We had told her not to admit to guilt or responsibility of any kind if she were ever questioned by the police but to stay quiet until either we or her attorney arrived. Unsure whether this applied to car accidents, she kept her mouth shut. (She's very shy, so this was not hard.)
For those who do talk, I would think that accusation and denial or rationalization would be the norm. "Look what you did, driving so fast!" "I was stopped to turn. I had my signal on. Maybe you should look where you're going." Like that.
Unrelated to your question, but I'll finish the story of our daughter's accident. There was a lot more involved, from a ticket (citation for unsafe speed, even though she was under the limit) to a suspended license (law moves slowly--this was four years after the accident) to multiple court dates. The insurance company had a lawyer to protect its interests, but we had to hire a one to protect ours. The court case became ugly because both the dead girl's family and the trucker believed we were rich and should therefore make them rich. (We aren't, although we're not poor, either. I shop at Target, not Macy's.)
We may have seemed rich, though, because we dressed for court like people dress for church. The attorneys and judge were also dressed up. The trucker and the girl's family all wore jeans or sweatpants, Buffalo Bills team logo shirts or tee shirts, and athletic shoes, to every official proceeding. Maybe people who wear nice clothes seem rich? Mine were from a thrift store. So was my coat.
Worried about losing all we had, my husband sought legal ways to protect the money we'd saved toward our children's college tuitions. We were able to pay both in full before the legal claim was settled.
Nearly five years after the accident, the case was settled for the amount of our insurance, from which the state claimed its unemployment payments to the girl's mother be reimbursed. (She said her back hurt and she could no longer work. The doctors claimed there was no injury detectable and that she seemed depressed rather than injured.) Nobody got rich. The girl's family ended up with a pitifully small amount for the loss of their daughter.
The trucker lost control in the courtroom and screamed at our daughter ("Little rich bitch, is that all it takes to kill whoever you want, money?") as we were leaving; I don't think I've ever before seen my husband clench his fists. Again, the state cops who were there to testify handled things masterfully.
We were advised by our attorney and by the insurance company's attorney not to speak to, write to, or otherwise contact the girl's family, not before the case was settled and not after, either. So we don't. I think of them, but do not act.
Our daughter, meanwhile, never talks about the accident, never wonders aloud what might have been. She knows we are there if she wants to talk, and we respect her choice not to.
Maryn, hoping this helps
