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DWSTXS
01-06-2010, 09:57 PM
Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for my novel - My Eyes Bleed Love Rain. This is an urban fantasy, YA, experimental, erotic-horror-western thriller set in Morocco (and in the gay area of Tulsa Oklahoma). Attached is my first chapter (89k words).

Blaine 'Midnight' Creepwell is an angst-ridden, demon-filled, flying-werewolf-vampire, teen superhero, who is on a mission to find his real parents. Blaine believes that he may be the direct descendent of the famous outlaw Jessie James, and wants to find his parents to corroborate this as he is considering taking up bank-robbery as a career.

When he unknowingly wanders into a gay bar on the way to see his favorite band (Sparklepussy Barbie) he meets a man who may very well convince him to turn, if not gay, then at least bi. His new friend Rod 'O' Steele is different. By different, Blaine realizes that Rod is gay as all get out.

After a hilariously tense moment inside a dark broom closet with a drunken Rod, it occurs to Blaine that Rod is the first man he's ever known. Well, the first man he's ever known that was born with two penises (penisii?).

Later on, he uses his ability to fly to go to Morocco (and boy were his arms tired) where he meets the second great love of his life, Double-Betty. After a hilariously awkward moment inside the cooler case at a 7-11, Blaine realizes that Betty was born with two vaginas (vaginii?), one in her armpit, and the other in it's normal place (her front-bottom).

After finding his parents (Humphrey and Ingrid) in Casablanca, Blaine learns the truth about his 'superhero' powers. He finds that he has the ability to vigorously shake cans of alphabet soup and then pour out the soup into perfectly formed paragraphs of prose. He abandons his quest for his Jesse James lineage, introduces Rod 'O' Steele to Double Betty and becomes a wealthy, award-winning author (over 35 titles published by P A).

This is finished at 391k and I would love to give you first crack at it.

dgrintalis
01-06-2010, 09:59 PM
:ROFL:

regdog
01-06-2010, 11:11 PM
Dear DWSTXS

Yes, I'd like to see the full please.

dgrintalis
01-06-2010, 11:13 PM
My mind must be in the gutter, Heather. You said full, and all I could think of was The Full Monty. ;)

DWSTXS
01-06-2010, 11:15 PM
Dear DWSTXS

Yes, I'd like to see the full please.


LOL. Then you'll have to wait until I save up $235 for postage needed. I am taking on another paper route for more income.

wish me luck, because my bike has a flat tire and my left leg is shorter than the right, so I tend to ride around in circles.

regdog
01-06-2010, 11:16 PM
My mind must be in the gutter, Heather. You said full, and all I could think of was The Full Monty. ;)

You say your mind is in the gutter like that's a bad thing :D

regdog
01-06-2010, 11:17 PM
LOL. Then you'll have to wait until I save up $235 for postage needed. I am taking on another paper route for more income.

wish me luck, because my bike has a flat tire and my left leg is shorter than the right, so I tend to ride around in circles.

I'll check my mailbox everyday. Good luck, hope you don't have to pedal uphill

kayleamay
01-06-2010, 11:17 PM
I would like to pre-order my copy please.

BenPanced
01-06-2010, 11:21 PM
Not enough vampires.

EPIC FAIL

DWSTXS
01-06-2010, 11:22 PM
I would like to pre-order my copy please.

great. just e-mail me your credit card number, and I'll take care of the rest of the details. :)

BenPanced
01-06-2010, 11:22 PM
I'm sorry. My previous post was meant to be a PM. Carry on.

DWSTXS
01-06-2010, 11:24 PM
Not enough vampires.

EPIC FAIL


They're in the sequel, titled 'Love Lies Bleeding' featuring my two new characters Mrs. Bloodybritches and Mr. Thumbpenis

underthecity
01-06-2010, 11:24 PM
You should really query Publishamerica with this. I think they'd jump all over it and give it the chance it deserves.

dgrintalis
01-06-2010, 11:26 PM
You say your mind is in the gutter like that's a bad thing :D

:ROFL:

DWSTXS
01-06-2010, 11:27 PM
You should really query Publishamerica with this. I think they'd jump all over it and give it the chance it deserves.


Are you kidding? Then I'd have to sit down and write it. I'm much too lazy for that. Don't want to break my old habits, I've just gotten used to them.

dgrintalis
01-06-2010, 11:27 PM
How much for a signed copy?

DWSTXS
01-06-2010, 11:28 PM
How much for a signed copy?

$79.95 signed. in blood. (not mine though)

cray
01-06-2010, 11:32 PM
Not enough vampires.

EPIC FAIL


what are you talking about?
didn't you see his avatar?




















:D

dgrintalis
01-06-2010, 11:36 PM
$79.95 signed. in blood. (not mine though)

Sounds reasonable to me. :D

underthecity
01-06-2010, 11:41 PM
Then I'd have to sit down and write it. I'm much too lazy for that.
You wouldn't to actually write much. One chapter, repeat ten times until you hit about 75 pages. You'll be "available" in bookstores before you know it!

bettielee
01-07-2010, 12:20 AM
use of "front bottom" and my name (albeit spelled wrong)

Epic Win.

bettielee
01-07-2010, 12:21 AM
double points for "gay as all get out"

Susie
01-07-2010, 12:24 AM
LOL That sure is a record! :D

kayleamay
01-07-2010, 12:41 AM
Dear Mr. Sinclair,

Thank you for expressing interest in our agency. Unfortunately, we are not currently taking on projects that will be impossible to sell to major publishing houses. Please do not take this as a commentary on your writing or let it discourage you in any way from pursuing your goals. I'm sure there is an agency out there that will find an appropriate trash bin for your work. Did I say trash bin? I meant slush pile.

Best of luck to you and your....work.


Sincerely,
Secret Agent Man


It's alright man. I'd still buy a copy.

DWSTXS
01-07-2010, 01:12 AM
double points for "gay as all get out"


I was going to use 'queer as a seven seated bicycle' but that seemed so, I don't know, dated.

Mela
01-07-2010, 01:41 AM
gay as a bonnet at the Easter Parade.