Ever feel... trapped?

All the time. For decades now.

caw

PoppysInARow said:

My dream since I was a little kid was to be published. I've been working on it for just over a year now, and I'm starting to get really bummed about it all. I know there are people who have been doing it for much, much longer, but sometimes I just feel trapped.

I feel like I have to be published. My entire life has been about this goal to be a writer and I feel if I give that up, I won't have anything left, you know? Writing is everything to me.

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Yep. I completely understand that. In fact, it was only last night I told a friend that if I can't write, I'm screwed. There's nothing else I'm good at, nothing else I want to do.

PoppysInARow said:

But sometimes it's hard to deal with all the rejections, all the people that tell me I'm wrong, wrong, wrong.

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You're not wrong. You're just not there yet.

Hold on to that 'yet'.

PoppysInARow said:

I'm a much better writer than I was a year ago, and I'll always be getting better, but sometimes all the 'no's start to get me down after a while. I have a tough skin and can take criticism, but after a while it weighs me down.

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And in the same above-mentioned conversation I also said I don't want to be as good as I can be. I don't want to be the best I can be because then I would stop striving.

And yet...I never will stop striving to meet the one goal that keeps getting further and further away. The better I get, the better I want to be.

PoppysInARow said:

I can't stop trying, but if I keep going I feel like I'm going to end up in a looney bin.

Anybody else feel like that?

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Aye. Welcome to the nuthouse.

Oh, and I've been writing seriously since I was around eighteen (although I've always been a scribbler). Just recently got my first full request.

I'm now thirty-three.

I do know the feeling. Very well. This is a rough, rough biz.

Hope you feel better soon.

Oh God Yes! Yes yes yes! I know how that feels- over 155 rejections worth of I know how that feels- read callalilly signiture line over and over again- Never give up-never surrender!

I started writing in 2002 and didn't get my first agent until 2006. And my first sold book is hitting the shelves in 3 days. This is definitely not a fast business. Why not buckle in for the duration, and just keep working on your craft?

Less stress = more happiness writing.

PoppysInARow said:

I feel like I have to be published. My entire life has been about this goal to be a writer and I feel if I give that up, I won't have anything left, you know? Writing is everything to me.

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]


Don't give up this goal, but why don't you give yourself some other mini-goals as well? Not only will it make you happier to find something you can accomplish in the short-term, but I believe the more experiences you have in your life, the better writer you can become. The more human emotions you encounter either in yourself or others, the easier it is to write about them.

And I'm with Lily and Irys-it took me years.

chin up kiddo

I'm not trying to sound harsh but...I personally think judging yourself on whether or not you are published is a really bad idea. Writing is probably the most important thing to me as well, that's why I do it. However, it doesn't mean that my happiness is dependent on whether or not I get published.

It's great to have goals and dreams, but I think it's more important to recognize that the journey is more important than the goal itself. Sounds kinda lame, doesn't it? It's true though. Goals change all the time. The place I am right now is not a place I would have ever imagined myself five years ago. My goals have changed drastically. Does that make me any less happy? Not in the least.

I'm not saying to give up on the goal by any means. I'm just saying that life has a way of turning out completely different from what we expected. When you're spending your life concerned over whether or not you'll ever be published, you're missing a lot of smaller, amazing things that are worth being happy about now, things that will give you meaning.

Keep working, keep writing. Do it because you love it, but our lives and value as a person should be judged not by a role. It really concerns me to hear people say things like "everything in my life is focused on this one thing and it has to happen!" I've got an odd question for you...how will being published change your life? Really, I mean? Yes, other people will be able to appreciate something you've worked hard on, but your day-to-day life, who you are as a person, etc. How would that change? There is just as much danger in reaching a goal and expecting it to automatically make everything in your life wonderful and amazing as there is in not reaching it and being miserable for it.

In the meantime, enjoy life! Keep working, count your blessings, and screw the rejections. You're better now than you were a year ago, and you'll be better in another year, and in ten years you might very well be a published bestselling author. Rejections just mean that what you're working on right now isn't ready yet. Writing is a skill and it takes time to develop, and if you keep trying and working hard you'll get there eventually. Just don't focus so much on the end that you miss out on everything in between.

Poppy, wait until you are saying that after 20 years. Seriously. One year? That is a total joke. Count your blessings. There is probably some poor person starving to death in some war torn country who is 100 times the writer you are who will never even get a chance to look at a computer, much less query an agent, or type the words. I'm not saying this specifically to make you feel bad, you just need a dose of reality instead of whining about ONLY a year's investment into publishing. I laugh. A YEAR????. Seriously, some humility will work wonders here.

The OP has already stated that she knows people have been doing this for much longer. I think you're missing a bit of the point. It's not so much whining about having done it for a year. It's about something you've wanted for many, many years, and the discouragement that comes from trying to attain the goal and not reaching success, and the insecurity of wondering if you ever well. I don't think humility is the problem at all. I think if anything, a lack of self-confidence is, and in cases like that it's probably a bit better not to mock the poster. I've seen people who think they're awesome and just don't get it, and those guys could use a dose of humility. In this case, I don't really think it applies.

And I think everyone has felt that discouragement when they are starting out, so please try to be respectful of it.

Use Her Name said:

Poppy, wait until you are saying that after 20 years. Seriously. One year? That is a total joke. Count your blessings. There is probably some poor person starving to death in some war torn country who is 100 times the writer you are who will never even get a chance to look at a computer, much less query an agent, or type the words. I'm not saying this specifically to make you feel bad, you just need a dose of reality instead of whining about ONLY a year's investment into publishing. I laugh. A YEAR????. Seriously, some humility will work wonders here.

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And that's the OP's fault how?

A dose of humility would do nothing for someone who already feels bad about not being published yet. Neither will a guilt trip over some non-existent, deprived, starving genius.

If they never write anything they're not a writer anyway. Especially if they don't exist.

scarletpeaches said:

And that's the OP's fault how?

A dose of humility would do nothing for someone who already feels bad about not being published yet. Neither will a guilt trip over some non-existent, deprived, starving genius.

If they never write anything they're not a writer anyway. Especially if they don't exist.

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I agree. It's this same kind of mindset that is always pushing for people to look on the brighter side, someone's got it far worse so we must just stop our bitching and moaning and take our lumps.

It's extremely diminutive and demoralizing to the person being talked to like that.

Sheesh. Someone else agreed with me. This must stop.

Cassiopeia said:

I agree. It's this same kind of mindset that is always pushing for people to look on the brighter side, someone's got it far worse so we must just stop our bitching and moaning and take our lumps.

It's extremely diminutive and demoralizing to the person being talked to like that.

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Agreed as well.

Oh stop it.

I'm with Kaitie. Pegging your entire sense of self-worth on the attaining of a single goal is hazardous to your mental health. Especially since significant parts of it are out of your hands. That is a recipe for disaster. It doesn't help that you've chosen a field that is extremely difficult to break into.

Be motivated, be determined, be focused. But don't put all your eggs into one basket. Get involved in some charity work, be the sunshine in someone else's life, find a cause worth fighting for. Derive your sense of worth and satisfaction from more than one source, or you're setting yourself up for depression and disillusion. Even, as Kaitie has pointed out, if you reach your goal.

I'm not saying you should give up on writing, just that you should broaden your horizons. You're in a very vulnerable position right now, and that is never good.

Judg said:

I'm with Kaitie. Pegging your entire sense of self-worth on the attaining of a single goal is hazardous to your mental health. Especially since significant parts of it are out of your hands. That is a recipe for disaster. It doesn't help that you've chosen a field that is extremely difficult to break into.

Be motivated, be determined, be focused. But don't put all your eggs into one basket. Get involved in some charity work, be the sunshine in someone else's life, find a cause worth fighting for. Derive your sense of worth and satisfaction from more than one source, or you're setting yourself up for depression and disillusion. Even, as Kaitie has pointed out, if you reach your goal.

I'm not saying you should give up on writing, just that you should broaden your horizons. You're in a very vulnerable position right now, and that is never good.

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I had to quote this just because that warranted bolding. I can't say how much I completely agree with this. It never fails to make my day to see someone smile and know that I've helped someone.

scarletpeaches said:

Oh stop it.

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Me as well. Must be something in the Kool Aid

PoppysInARow said:

That way I won't be one of those hack writers who everybody hates because their book sucks.

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No, no, no, no. We only hate hacks when their books suck AND make big bucks. The mnemonic is: SUCKS, BUCKS.* Got it?





*Ooooh, sounds like Santa porn. Nobody steal this idea. It's MINE!

scarletpeaches said:

Oh stop it.

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she was actually agreeing with me who was agreeing with you...so you only get half of the agreed.

there's always publish america

Wow. A whole year?