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View Full Version : massive case of the guilts



ad_lucem
12-24-2009, 10:24 PM
I was just about to head out to do my Christmas shopping and my mom showed up to give the kids a pile of presents. I know she/my grandmother can't afford them. I just encouraged her to leave it for this Christmas after all the nasty things that were said/done over the past few weeks.

The kids were there when I answered the door and got the presents right then and there...including 8 megapixel cameras for both boys...among other things.

It's all very nice and very cool. Why do I feel so horrible?

It isn't that I don't love my mom, because I do, but so much of what is said and done hurts so much.

Ugh.

DWSTXS
12-24-2009, 10:28 PM
set everything aside during the holidays. Christmas is for the kids, mostly, but the feelings being set aside for a day or two can be the gift for the adults.

Don't feel guilty, it does you no good, and it doesn't help the situation out.

ad_lucem
12-24-2009, 11:31 PM
set everything aside during the holidays. Christmas is for the kids, mostly, but the feelings being set aside for a day or two can be the gift for the adults.

Don't feel guilty, it does you no good, and it doesn't help the situation out.

I'm trying not to feel guilty, but it's not working too well. There's always the feeling in the pit of my stomach that if I could just do something different everything would be fine and people would always be okay--Christmas or not.

All I had to give was a cup of homemade cocoa. I didn't say anything about what happened before and everyone did all right.

Every Christmas is a bumpy road, though. I just wish my family--extended and nuclear could be happy on Christmas (and all year...as much as possible). That's all I really care about. If I had a magic wand, I'd make it so.

But, at least the brief visit went well enough. We've certainly had more awkward encounters on Christmas eve.

DWSTXS
12-24-2009, 11:41 PM
Then it appears that you handled it well. See there? A cup of cocoa with a family member is an awesome thing. better than any present.

Don't be too hard on yourself for whatever has happened in the past. We're all only human, all prone to mistakes. Give yourself a break, you deserve one.