"The Night Before Christmas" parody

There are tons of parody versions already out there, but I thought it would be fun to start a thread on the poem "The Night Before Christmas" and have people contribute there own funny lines. I was thinking of an "updated" version. Maybe even have people add to what is posted. For example, I would start with this:

"'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the mall,
All the people were shopping for gifts big and small.
There was pushing and shoving with nary a care,
Eye gouging and tugging and pulling of hair.
The children were screaming for Santa to see,
They wanted Playstation, XBox 360, and Wii."

Then people could add to it, or come up with their own version. What do you guys think? It could be fun. (Maybe even get the creative juices flowing?)

Seams said:

When up from the speakers a gruff voice did explode,
'There's a sale down at Walmart, half-price I am told!"
The stampede that resulted, killed a family of four
as with smiles on their faces they waked in through the door

On cash, or on visa, it matters us naught
all the gifts that we've purchase all the lines that we've fought
Be you husband or children I will tear your arms off
just because i'm a mother, don't be thinkin' i'm soft.

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Wayne K said:

How do you follow that?

Click to expand...

Well, there are no rules, so you don't really have to "follow" it. You can start it off with a different beginning. For example:

"Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter."