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Judg
12-19-2009, 01:02 AM
Son #3 is bringing his girlfriend home for Christmas. We all know what that means. This will be my first time meeting her.

Is it weird that I feel a little nervous?

KellyAssauer
12-19-2009, 03:25 AM
Not. At. All.

and especially if Son #3 knows where you buried the Christmas girlfriends of sons #1 & #2! =)

JoNightshade
12-19-2009, 03:32 AM
Trust me, she feels much more nervous than you do. ;)

Judg
12-19-2009, 03:56 AM
Not. At. All.

and especially if Son #3 knows where you buried the Christmas girlfriends of sons #1 & #2! =)
LOL. #1 survived, but became romantic history nonetheless. #2 marched down the aisle with Son #2, and recently produced grandchild #1. #3, well it remains to be seen. But they aren't kids any more, so I suspect this is serious.


Trust me, she feels much more nervous than you do. ;)
Hehehe. Any suggestions for keeping her on her toes? :evil

Clair Dickson
12-19-2009, 03:57 AM
Trust me, she feels much more nervous than you do. ;)

This. Especially since so many people have mothers-in-law they can't stand. I know I was terrified about just getting along with my boyfriend's mother and hoping she wasn't like those stories I've heard of mom's not letting go of their little boys, of never being good enough, etc.

Judg
12-19-2009, 04:02 AM
This. Especially since so many people have mothers-in-law they can't stand. I know I was terrified about just getting along with my boyfriend's mother and hoping she wasn't like those stories I've heard of mom's not letting go of their little boys, of never being good enough, etc.
Oh, I've sworn not to be like that. But then, she doesn't need to know that right away... :D

I'm not the kind to cling to my kids. In fact, I'd feel smothered if they were around too much. And I was relieved when they were all grown up, so I could feel entirely justified in letting them run their own lives. Not that I'm always happy with the results, but then, I'm not entirely happy with what I did with my own life either. But as long as they've got some decent values, and my kids are happy with them, I don't see any point in imposing my own views, not that it would work anyway.

Matera the Mad
12-19-2009, 04:05 AM
Heh, you should feel a surge of raw power. You are The MIL! You hold the keys to the kingdom of happeh.

Relax and enjoy it. :)

JoNightshade
12-19-2009, 04:24 AM
Still having very clear and vivid memories of my first meetings with my MIL, for God's sake please don't all sit down on the couch so you can grill them with personal questions. Ease into it with some sort of activity so she won't feel like she's under a spotlight. :)

- Jo, having flashbacks.

Judg
12-19-2009, 05:00 AM
LOL! That's hilarious.

If it makes you feel any better, the first time I went to visit my future in-laws, they wouldn't even look me in the eye. The whole time I was there. Talk about awkward. Hence my determination not to torture potential or actual DILs.

Luckily, the in-laws worked out their issues and they welcomed me like a long-lost daughter at Christmas. But hubby was sure lucky I loved him...

JoNightshade
12-19-2009, 05:05 AM
If it makes you feel any better, the first time I went to visit my future in-laws, they wouldn't even look me in the eye. The whole time I was there. Talk about awkward. Hence my determination not to torture potential or actual DILs.

Ah, that would have been more similar to my husband's experience with MY parents. My father pretended he didn't exist until a couple of months before the wedding. Like, literally did not speak to him or acknowledge his presence. After that he started making snide potshots at him, which eventually turned to good-natured ribbing. We're still working on it. ;)

Judg
12-19-2009, 05:13 AM
Yes, well, I didn't fit into the mold of what they considered an acceptable match. Wrong ethnicity, wrong religion, from a broken family, and too old. Despite being four years younger than my husband, I was old enough to have had boyfriends - oh, the horror.

On the other hand, my MIL recently thanked me profusely for having been a good wife and mother. I've been with Mr. Judg almost 30 years now, and she's impressed. And she adores our kids. So there you are. It all worked out in the end. FIL and I still cross swords occasionally, but most of the time we get along.

writerterri
12-19-2009, 05:46 AM
Nerves are normal. Be strong! Just let her know you've been known to eat past girlfriends that don't meet your approval, which is why you're meeting her.


:tongue


It's been a rough road for me and my MIL. She's still learning my ways though. :D

stormie
12-19-2009, 06:07 AM
I think she's going to really like you and you'll like her.

Yep. I said so. Tell her that. :)

Susie
12-19-2009, 06:11 AM
I'm w. stormie, bet it'll go great and be prepared to be called mom right away. :D

MaryMumsy
12-19-2009, 07:01 AM
And if she does not call you Mom, don't be offended. After 42 years together I still do not call MIL Mom. She is not my mother. At first I called her Mrs ____. Then I started calling her by her first name. I'm sure she would have liked me to call her Mom, but I never had those kinds of feelings toward her, and doubt if I ever will. I respect her for raising a great son who has been a fab husband, but no daughterly feelings.

MM

jennontheisland
12-19-2009, 07:33 AM
Call the MIL "Mom"?? Srsly?

Never.

I've met His parents before, and I'm not going for Christmas (I arrive a couple days after) but I'm still a bit nervous. I never even considered she'd be nervous. I'll bet your son's girlfriend doesn't either.

C.bronco
12-19-2009, 07:35 AM
Best wishes Judg! I hope she is wonderful and you have a great time!
:)

Maryn
12-19-2009, 07:51 PM
Judg, I very much like the idea of having something you and anybody who's around--her, your son(s), your husband, a friend who drops by--can do while you get acquainted.

We routinely have a partially completed jigsaw puzzle going on the kitchen table when Kid Two arrives with a female in tow. Sometimes we don't make much progress, but other times, that's where all the getting-to-know-you conversations take place. It doesn't take much skill, or reveal a lack of skill that makes anyone feel foolish, it allows those who are shy (me!) to avoid eye contact, a person can do it alone or with others, it gives them something to do while I'm doing kitchen stuff...

Maryn, whose son's girlfriend put in the last piece on her last visit

Judg
12-19-2009, 10:51 PM
And if she does not call you Mom, don't be offended. After 42 years together I still do not call MIL Mom. She is not my mother. At first I called her Mrs ____. Then I started calling her by her first name. I'm sure she would have liked me to call her Mom, but I never had those kinds of feelings toward her, and doubt if I ever will. I respect her for raising a great son who has been a fab husband, but no daughterly feelings.

MM
I would have thought it very strange if she called me Mom right away, unless they announce an engagement. My DIL is still trying to find a comfortable way to call me, but I just giggle about it.

Judg
12-19-2009, 10:54 PM
Call the MIL "Mom"?? Srsly?

Never.

I've met His parents before, and I'm not going for Christmas (I arrive a couple days after) but I'm still a bit nervous. I never even considered she'd be nervous. I'll bet your son's girlfriend doesn't either.
It never occurred to me I'd be nervous either. Weird eh? I knew the DIL before she even started going out with my son, so it wasn't quite the same thing.


Judg, I very much like the idea of having something you and anybody who's around--her, your son(s), your husband, a friend who drops by--can do while you get acquainted.

We routinely have a partially completed jigsaw puzzle going on the kitchen table when Kid Two arrives with a female in tow. Sometimes we don't make much progress, but other times, that's where all the getting-to-know-you conversations take place. It doesn't take much skill, or reveal a lack of skill that makes anyone feel foolish, it allows those who are shy (me!) to avoid eye contact, a person can do it alone or with others, it gives them something to do while I'm doing kitchen stuff...

Maryn, whose son's girlfriend put in the last piece on her last visit
Not a bad idea. I don't know if a puzzle would work (we have a small house) but I imagine I can think of a variation. Like setting her to washing dishes. Hehehe.

ad_lucem
12-19-2009, 11:09 PM
Son #3 is bringing his girlfriend home for Christmas. We all know what that means. This will be my first time meeting her.

Is it weird that I feel a little nervous?

No, I still probably have a good decade before I need to worry about this, myself, and just the spectre of it makes me nervous.

I'd say it's normal. But then, I'm fairly abnormal, so, do take that into consideration.

In all seriousness, these "bring home to mom" girlfriends are potential additions to the family and people who will ultimately change your/your son's life.

There's a lot of good reason to be uneasy.

I'll say this, though, I hope she's really nice and you guys hit it off! :)

ETA: I like Maryn's puzzle idea and see this tactic taking hold in my future...

Judg
12-19-2009, 11:27 PM
She's supposed to be the highly sociable type, the kind you can't walk around town with because she knows every other person she sees. That sounds promising. Chances are conversation won't be too awkward anyway.

And she automatically gets points for her good taste in men. :D

Ken
12-19-2009, 11:29 PM
... sure she'll be nice. So no need for worry ;-)

Silent Rob
12-19-2009, 11:41 PM
Mother-in-Law...*shudders*

No offence.

Judg
12-20-2009, 12:17 AM
Mother-in-Law...*shudders*

No offence.
LOL! Hey, we're not all bad...

Silver King
12-20-2009, 05:11 AM
LOL! Hey, we're not all bad...
This is true. I loved my MIL to pieces. She was wonderful in almost every way and one of the smartest persons I've every known. And a great friend, too. My wife used to kid us and say that when we were together, we appeared more like a married couple than in-laws.

She died a couple of years ago, and I was inconsolable for weeks afterward. I'll never truly get over her passing and carry her memory in my heart every moment of every day.