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Perks
12-19-2009, 12:04 AM
So, you remember The Amityville Horror, and I think, The Exorcism of Emily Rose? One of the staples of demonic possession stories is the unexplainable plague of flies.

And now to my house --

I'm very particular about the order of my household, so it's clean. Not sterile, but really very tidy. Food is never left out. The trash is covered and emptied regularly. We don't have any pets. There are no funky smells. But there are flies. For the last few weeks, there have been one to four flies - usually at the master bath window. (It's a sealed, one pane window over the tub, so it doesn't open.)

These are big house flies, but I cannot find where they are coming from and why it's only a few at a time - in the dead of winter. There's four inches of snow outside and flies in my house! I killed three yesterday and there are two more back behind the window curtain this morning.

Is my house possessed? What should I be looking for next? Is there a priest in residence here?

semilargeintestine
12-19-2009, 12:05 AM
There's probably a body sealed up in one of the walls.

scarletpeaches
12-19-2009, 12:05 AM
You are from your father the devil and you wish to perform the works of Satan.

Elias Graves
12-19-2009, 12:08 AM
You need a flyswatter.

EG

Perks
12-19-2009, 12:09 AM
You need a flyswatter.

EG
That, I've got. That's how I killed the three yesterday.

bettielee
12-19-2009, 12:09 AM
or saddle them for the fairies....

Perks
12-19-2009, 12:09 AM
You are from your father the devil and you wish to perform the works of Satan.
No, I don't wish to do it, but there is such a thing as familial obligation. It's a hassle.

quickWit
12-19-2009, 12:10 AM
or saddle them for the fairies....

Oh, that's offensive.

DeleyanLee
12-19-2009, 12:10 AM
I don't know, but we've been having the same problem, Perks.

Even weirder is the pets that normally kill flies run from these.

Is very strange.

scarletpeaches
12-19-2009, 12:11 AM
No, I don't wish to do it, but there is such a thing as familial obligation. It's a hassle.Liar. There's a reason he's called Lord of the Flies, you know.

Dicentra P
12-19-2009, 12:13 AM
I don't know, but we've been having the same problem, Perks.

Even weirder is the pets that normally kill flies run from these.

Is very strange.

We've gotten a couple. The cat follows them around the house yelling because he can't get to them. I used to get them in the office too. I think the flies lay the eggs in the outside of the window frame and the newborns are small enough to move in where it is warm. Plastic film on the offending window helps keep them confined.

Perks
12-19-2009, 12:14 AM
I don't know, but we've been having the same problem, Perks.

Even weirder is the pets that normally kill flies run from these.

Is very strange.Hey, do you live in North Carolina? Maybe it's the whole state?

I don't know what these things are living on. They don't come downstairs and there's nothing to eat upstairs. Nothing!

It's totally weird.

Help me.

Elias Graves
12-19-2009, 12:15 AM
Its doubtful you are truly posessed.
Show a cross or Bible to one of the flies and see how they react. A real demon won't like it much.

EG

Wayne K
12-19-2009, 12:16 AM
Get out!

bettielee
12-19-2009, 12:17 AM
I don't know, but we've been having the same problem, Perks.

Even weirder is the pets that normally kill flies run from these.

Is very strange.

then you are doooomed.....

cray
12-19-2009, 12:17 AM
pfft. they eat your dead skin cells when you are sleeping.

Perks
12-19-2009, 12:17 AM
Get out!
If my closet says that, you can be sure I won't need to be told again.

Perks
12-19-2009, 12:18 AM
pfft. they eat your dead skin cells when you are sleeping.
I exfoliate, you cylindrical bastard.

quickWit
12-19-2009, 12:18 AM
So, you remember The Amityville Horror, and I think, The Exorcism of Emily Rose? One of the staples of demonic possession stories is the unexplainable plague of flies.

And now to my house --

I'm very particular about the order of my household, so it's clean. Not sterile, but really very tidy. Food is never left out. The trash is covered and emptied regularly. We don't have any pets. There are no funky smells. But there are flies. For the last few weeks, there have been one to four flies - usually at the master bath window. (It's a sealed, one pane window over the tub, so it doesn't open.)

These are big house flies, but I cannot find where they are coming from and why it's only a few at a time - in the dead of winter. There's four inches of snow outside and flies in my house! I killed three yesterday and there are two more back behind the window curtain this morning.

Is my house possessed? What should I be looking for next? Is there a priest in residence here?

No worries, Perks. Chances are one of the little Perks's'ses' caught a squirrel or something for you and wanted to give it to you for Christmas. So, they probably put it in a box and wrapped it up tight. A couple days later they probably realized that they'd forgotten to put holes in the lid, so they grabbed some cutlery from your kitchen drawers and poked some holes in it. They probably didn't realize at the time that they'd injured the squirrel while making the holes, and it died of its injuries.

Well, they didn't want to give you a dead squirrel covered in blood! What kind of gift is that, right? So they used your toothbrush to clean it off. They didn't want yout to find it before Christmas, so they hid it under your mattress - the last place you'd look.

That's probably all it is.

:D

Perks
12-19-2009, 12:19 AM
Its doubtful you are truly posessed.
Show a cross or Bible to one of the flies and see how they react. A real demon won't like it much.

EGI said. "The power of Christ compels you" in my best Max Von Sydow impression, but the damned thing tried to fly up my nose. I have no idea what that means.

bettielee
12-19-2009, 12:20 AM
I said. "The power of Christ compels you" in my best Max Von Sydow impression, but the damned thing tried to fly up my nose. I have no idea what that means.

they are zombies flies and wants to eats your brains!

Judg
12-19-2009, 12:21 AM
This happens every winter at our place. They are trying to get in out of the cold. They're probably coming in through the fan.

Sorry to be so prosaic. No demons, no body in the walls, no bad housekeeping. Just nature.

Which doesn't stop you from inventing another reason and writing a story about it.

scarletpeaches
12-19-2009, 12:21 AM
I command you in the name of Jesus to leave this thread!
http://i579.photobucket.com/albums/ss233/doriangrayspictures/Vikingwoman.jpg

Wayne K
12-19-2009, 12:22 AM
Why you leave me Yimmy?

Libbie
12-19-2009, 12:22 AM
Insects and other arthropods will go into topor unless they find a place that's warm. It's really not uncommon to find lively critters in very clean houses during the cold (and wet) months. It's a nicer environment for them.

I work with invertebrates a lot in my line of work. Ghosts and spirits aren't real, but insect biology is (and it's way more awesome, anyway!)

You're fine. They'll go find food and larva-rearing habitat once the spring sunshine arrives.

Oh, and they're probably coming in through the doors when you open them to go in and out.

Wayne K
12-19-2009, 12:23 AM
http://www.wordsoup.com/blog/Mouth-Eyes.jpg

DeleyanLee
12-19-2009, 12:24 AM
Hey, do you live in North Carolina? Maybe it's the whole state?

Nope. I'm in Pennsylvania.


Help me.

And suddenly my mind shoots to the original version of The Fly and the high-pitched scream: "Help me!"

Not that that helped, I know.


then you are doooomed.....

Tell me something I didn't already know. ;)

Perks
12-19-2009, 12:25 AM
Now that's really funny. I would have sworn on a stack of holy books that I didn't try on the Roman robes at the Scottish Museum in Edinburgh. Did you just photoshop me again?
I command you in the name of Jesus to leave this thread!
http://i579.photobucket.com/albums/ss233/doriangrayspictures/Vikingwoman.jpg

Perks
12-19-2009, 12:27 AM
Why you leave me Yimmy?
Lol! The line is, "Why you leave me, Dami." (His name is Damian Karras.)

Sophia
12-19-2009, 12:28 AM
Does this (http://ezinearticles.com/?Its-Winter,-Where-Did-These-Flies-Come-From?&id=1750371) sound like what you found? Excerpt from the link:


Remember seeing a big, slow moving fly in the window on a sunny winter day in January and thinking, "Where the heck did that come from?" Well even though they look like a common house fly, these are indeed Cluster Flies, and they can be a real nuisance to homes, hotels, and many office buildings, especially if there is a wooded area near by.

Cluster Flies breed and spend most of their time in the woods, migrating to buildings in the fall, looking for a warm place for the winter. You can often see them on the sunny side of a building on cool days in the fall. They are attracted to the siding as the sun warms it up. Then they will climb the wall looking for an entry. Most times they find them at the roof eaves or under windows. They then hide in attics and crawl spaces and filter down in to the building over the winter months, so the top floor is usually the hardest hit.

Cluster flies are usually larger than a common house fly. They fly very slow and are so lethargic; one can almost touch them before they will fly slowly away. Lady Bugs and "stink bugs"(a/k/a Western Conifer Seed Bugs) will all enter the same way, and you may see them wintering in your facility as well. These pests don't pose any real health threat.

bettielee
12-19-2009, 12:29 AM
Insects and other arthropods will go into topor unless they find a place that's warm. It's really not uncommon to find lively critters in very clean houses during the cold (and wet) months. It's a nicer environment for them.

I work with invertebrates a lot in my line of work. Ghosts and spirits aren't real, but insect biology is (and it's way more awesome, anyway!)

You're fine. They'll go find food and larva-rearing habitat once the spring sunshine arrives.

Oh, and they're probably coming in through the doors when you open them to go in and out.

Oh great. Along comes Libbie, wreckin' the thread by droppin' her science on us.

**goes home and deletes Ghosthunters and Paranormal State off tivo**

scarletpeaches
12-19-2009, 12:29 AM
Now that's really funny. I would have sworn on a stack of holy books that I didn't try on the Roman robes at the Scottish Museum in Edinburgh. Did you just photoshop me again?Absolutely not; that was all you, dressed as a Viking woman, I thought.

I made you dress up after one of the smaller ankle-biters found the costume rails.

quickWit
12-19-2009, 12:30 AM
Lol! The line is, "Why you leave me, Dami." (His name is Damian Karras.)

I thought it was actually "Why you do this to me, Dami?"

Meh. :)

Perks
12-19-2009, 12:31 AM
Doesn't she say both? She has lots of complaints, the old bag.

quickWit
12-19-2009, 12:32 AM
Doesn't she say both? She has lots of complaints, the old bag.

Talk about high maintenance.

*swats at fly*

Perks
12-19-2009, 12:33 AM
This sounds exactly like them. I'm relieved I don't need an elaborate ritual, but blech.
Does this (http://ezinearticles.com/?Its-Winter,-Where-Did-These-Flies-Come-From?&id=1750371) sound like what you found? Excerpt from the link:

Remember seeing a big, slow moving fly in the window on a sunny winter day in January and thinking, "Where the heck did that come from?" Well even though they look like a common house fly, these are indeed Cluster Flies, and they can be a real nuisance to homes, hotels, and many office buildings, especially if there is a wooded area near by.

Cluster Flies breed and spend most of their time in the woods, migrating to buildings in the fall, looking for a warm place for the winter. You can often see them on the sunny side of a building on cool days in the fall. They are attracted to the siding as the sun warms it up. Then they will climb the wall looking for an entry. Most times they find them at the roof eaves or under windows. They then hide in attics and crawl spaces and filter down in to the building over the winter months, so the top floor is usually the hardest hit.

Cluster flies are usually larger than a common house fly. They fly very slow and are so lethargic; one can almost touch them before they will fly slowly away. Lady Bugs and "stink bugs"(a/k/a Western Conifer Seed Bugs) will all enter the same way, and you may see them wintering in your facility as well. These pests don't pose any real health threat.

DeleyanLee
12-19-2009, 12:35 AM
I'm still doomed though. These are tiny little flies and they're FAST.

Hmmm. Maybe I should invest in some good sunblock.

Perks
12-19-2009, 12:38 AM
Absolutely not; that was all you, dressed as a Viking woman, I thought.

I made you dress up after one of the smaller ankle-biters found the costume rails.Look how damned big my hands are on my useless little wrists! I should smack the shit outta somebody every day with those bony paws. It's obviously what god made me for.

Dicentra P
12-19-2009, 12:39 AM
Just because the flies are natural doesn't mean your house is not possessed.

Perks
12-19-2009, 12:40 AM
Just because the flies are natural doesn't mean your house is not possessed.This is true.

BenPanced
12-19-2009, 12:50 AM
You are from your father the devil and you wish to perform the works of Satan.
I had nothing to do with Perks! You take that back!

Perks
12-19-2009, 12:54 AM
PapaPanced?

Wayne K
12-19-2009, 12:59 AM
Lol! The line is, "Why you leave me, Dami." (His name is Damian Karras.)
It was an old SNL exorcist pun.

Perks
12-19-2009, 01:03 AM
It was an old SNL exorcist pun.Ah. I watch more horror films than SNL. It all makes sense now!

Jcomp
12-19-2009, 01:15 AM
You definitely, definitely need an exorcist.

Now what's all this about flies?

Perks
12-19-2009, 01:17 AM
Tell me, tell me, you'll do Halloween dressed as a priest and I'm so there.

WalpurgisQuill
12-19-2009, 01:17 AM
Ah. But what if it's a demonfly pretending to be a Cluster fly so you DON'T do an exorcism?

I say go for it.

DWSTXS
12-19-2009, 01:17 AM
That, I've got. That's how I killed the three yesterday.


Murderer!

I'm gonna go tell PETA!

WalpurgisQuill
12-19-2009, 01:21 AM
Murderer!

I'm gonna go tell PETA!

Know what would be funny? Tricking a PETA member into eating a piece of meat somehow.

Jcomp
12-19-2009, 01:24 AM
Tell me, tell me, you'll do Halloween dressed as a priest and I'm so there.

I shall make it so... Halloween 2010. Austin. I predict it shall be epic.

slcboston
12-19-2009, 01:36 AM
I said. "The power of Christ compels you" in my best Max Von Sydow impression, but the damned thing tried to fly up my nose. I have no idea what that means.

:ROFL:

maybe it was a really bad impression? :D

Ken
12-19-2009, 01:37 AM
... "killing three" is pretty impressive, Perks. Perhaps you might go for the world record, which stands at "seven at one blow."

slcboston
12-19-2009, 01:37 AM
... and I did Halloween as a priest two years back. I have pics to prove it. I was apparently convincing enough that during the party at least one person was shocked to learn I was in the clergy.

:D

slcboston
12-19-2009, 01:38 AM
I also have a copy of the Rites of Exorcism.

You know. Just in case.

DWSTXS
12-19-2009, 01:43 AM
Know what would be funny? Tricking a PETA member into eating a piece of meat somehow.

That's why my t-shirt says:

Dear PETA,
For every animal you don't eat, I'm going to eat three.

WalpurgisQuill
12-19-2009, 01:45 AM
That's why my t-shirt says:

Dear PETA,
For every animal you don't eat, I'm going to eat three.

Lol, ever had an actual PETA member or vegeterian say something about it to you?

scarletpeaches
12-19-2009, 01:46 AM
You know what'd be really funny?

Tricking a member of PETA into eating their own parents.

DWSTXS
12-19-2009, 01:51 AM
Lol, ever had an actual PETA member or vegeterian say something about it to you?


not yet, but i've gotten some dirty stares. Or maybe those are just from the ladies I try to make small talk with. Not sure.

DWSTXS
12-19-2009, 01:53 AM
You know what'd be really funny?

Tricking a member of PETA into eating their own parents.

and what would be ironically funny? Is tricking PETA members parents into eating their children.

WalpurgisQuill
12-19-2009, 01:56 AM
Or tricking a tiger into mauling a PETA member's beloved parents before their eyes. See how long they choose to stay vegan then.

scarletpeaches
12-19-2009, 01:57 AM
You know what'd be even funnier?

Punching a member of PETA in the face just for the hell of it.

BenPanced
12-19-2009, 02:02 AM
You know what'd be even funnier?

Videotaping scarletpeaches punching a PETA member in the face and posting it on YouTube. Just for the hell of it.

slcboston
12-19-2009, 02:03 AM
... I think SP on camera for just about anything would be amusing in one way or another. :D

DWSTXS
12-19-2009, 02:03 AM
You know what'd be even funnier?

Videotaping scarletpeaches punching a PETA member in the face and posting it on YouTube. Just for the hell of it.


gimme some popcorn. I'll watch SP doing that on video. LOL

scarletpeaches
12-19-2009, 02:05 AM
You guys, if I ever deck a PETA member, I'll be sure to have it YouTubed.

Perks
12-19-2009, 02:49 AM
I shall make it so... Halloween 2010. Austin. I predict it shall be epic.Austin. You know who else lives in Austin, don't you?

Perks
12-19-2009, 02:57 AM
... "killing three" is pretty impressive, Perks. Perhaps you might go for the world record, which stands at "seven at one blow."
Ha! Ages ago, I started a thread about cool things you've done that no one ever saw (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=90451). Here's my story -


Dinner conversation tonight steered me years back, to the pinnacle of my life: a moment so cool I should have been dressed in black leather and stiletto boots. And an eyepatch. But I wasn't. I was wearing nothing special and wielding a dishtowel.

I was on the telephone with my traveling husband, and being menaced in my kitchen by the MacDaddy of all horseflies.

Now, I have never been able to snap a towel. My reflexes are okay, but my conscious thrust and recoil are simply too slow. I am a loser. But on this golden occasion, I was at once Babe Ruth, Mr. Miyagi and Indiana Jones and it went down, I swear on my children's retinas, just like this:

"Wwwaaaaahhhh! It keeps coming after me!"

"I don't know what to tell you."

I stopped my flailing between the butcher's block and the refrigerator. A calm welled up through me from some primal sense of the Universe synchronizing a moment of perfection, with me in Its crosshairs.

"Watch me knock this sucker's head off." (Silly man, my husband thought I was speaking to him. I was, of course, addressing the Id that communed with Divinty and all things kick-ass.)

Snap! went the towel and may I be struck dead where I sit, the horsefly went in two directions at once. It's hairy legs twitched at the margins of its great lumpen body on the linoleum at my right foot. And to the left, to my ever-blushing pride, the fiend's triangular head leaned on its vermin stalk of, well, whatever holds a fly's head on.

It was the most awesome thing I've ever done and no one saw it.

Cassiopeia
12-19-2009, 02:58 AM
I said. "The power of Christ compels you" in my best Max Von Sydow impression, but the damned thing tried to fly up my nose. I have no idea what that means.I swear, you must be related. My son and I were just saying this the other night while mocking his father (ex hubby).



Oh, and they're probably coming in through the doors when you open them to go in and out.This. The little blighters are also known for hiding in the garage and sit on the door just waiting for me to let them into the house. I normally don't see them until they are dead, laying on the sill of the window or in the little tracks because I keep the wood blinds down as a way to insulate against the cold.

Kim, who is told she lives in a dimly lit house during the winter days but prefers to keep the heating bill down.

Perks
12-19-2009, 02:58 AM
I also have a copy of the Rites of Exorcism.

You know. Just in case.Yay! And anyway, with that avatar, I'd say you need it!

benbradley
12-19-2009, 03:22 AM
Here's what to do with flies, thanks to The Wayback Machine:
http://web.archive.org/web/20010224022444/www.mit.edu/people/dinoriki/phliez/work-well-together.html

DWSTXS
12-19-2009, 03:34 AM
I used to shoot rubber bands across the room and knock flies down, I swear. You better believe me.

Perks
12-19-2009, 03:43 AM
I used to shoot rubber bands across the room and knock flies down, I swear. You better believe me.
Doyle, you just rose in my esteem. No lie.

DWSTXS
12-19-2009, 03:47 AM
Doyle, you just rose in my esteem. No lie.

You better not be lying. Cause if you are, no presents!

Perks
12-19-2009, 03:48 AM
You better not be lying. Cause if you are, no presents!I put a tack in teacher's chair. Somebody snitched on me.

DWSTXS
12-19-2009, 03:50 AM
I put a tack in teacher's chair. Somebody snitched on me.

I once got pulled over by the cops at 3 am, and absentmidedly lit up a joint in front of the 4 cops that were in the cruiser.

But then, who hasn't done that?

Perks
12-19-2009, 03:52 AM
Lol! I have only been pulled over twice. Once was ridiculous and twelve years ago. The other time was two years ago and I was going too fast.

I'm a goody little two shoes.

rhymegirl
12-19-2009, 04:08 AM
I'm a goody little two shoes.

Me too. :D

slcboston
12-19-2009, 04:10 AM
Me too. :D

BWA-HA-HA!

:ROFL:


... I think I laughed so hard I hurt something :D


:ROFL:

rhymegirl
12-19-2009, 04:42 AM
HEY!!!

At least I don't have flies in my house.

Perks
12-19-2009, 04:44 AM
Kathy needs an exorcist.

DWSTXS
12-19-2009, 04:46 AM
well, I can't do it, because I hate exercise.

Cella
12-19-2009, 07:58 AM
I know less about flies than possibly any other topic.