Hi! I just finished the second draft of my 75,000-word YA novel and I’m looking for a beta to read my entire ms. I mostly need general comments (characters, plot holes, etc), but If you like to give line by line comments, I’d be REALLY happy too.
The first half of the ms has been betaed by many people (about 15 writers) since I took an online course and my classmates commented on it. I already did my edits on that. The second half is still pretty virgin, and that’s where I need more feedback.
Here’s a draft of my query:
Homeschooled? Sixteen-year-old Sophie Blume can’t stand being hotel-schooled anymore. If only her parents could stop dragging her around the globe searching for supernatural creatures for their articles. Because befriending a ghost or going to prom with Bigfoot isn’t exactly Sophie’s dream.
In the Bahamas, while her parents work, Sophie takes a plane tour over the Bermuda Triangle… Better call it Devil’s Triangle since the plane encounters a lightning storm and crash lands in a mysterious world. Exploring, Sophie finds a futuristic city and realizes that the locals, who are extremely secretive about what this place is, can materialize objects at will—from mansions and Ferraris to killer anacondas and diseases like cancer. Strayed in this metropolis, a tramp shoots Sophie with a gun. Luke Evan Danforth, an attractive citizen, heals her and becomes her friend—even though he won’t tell her how to return home. Yet Sophie comes up with a plan to see her family again: she’ll become a pilot, find the same storm that belched her here, and fly through it reversing her journey.
When she’s ready to risk her life crossing the tempest and resume her hotel-schooled life, Sophie figures out she’s fallen for Luke Evan. Sophie urges him to fly back with her, but he declines and won’t say why.
The first half of the ms has been betaed by many people (about 15 writers) since I took an online course and my classmates commented on it. I already did my edits on that. The second half is still pretty virgin, and that’s where I need more feedback.
Here’s a draft of my query:
Homeschooled? Sixteen-year-old Sophie Blume can’t stand being hotel-schooled anymore. If only her parents could stop dragging her around the globe searching for supernatural creatures for their articles. Because befriending a ghost or going to prom with Bigfoot isn’t exactly Sophie’s dream.
In the Bahamas, while her parents work, Sophie takes a plane tour over the Bermuda Triangle… Better call it Devil’s Triangle since the plane encounters a lightning storm and crash lands in a mysterious world. Exploring, Sophie finds a futuristic city and realizes that the locals, who are extremely secretive about what this place is, can materialize objects at will—from mansions and Ferraris to killer anacondas and diseases like cancer. Strayed in this metropolis, a tramp shoots Sophie with a gun. Luke Evan Danforth, an attractive citizen, heals her and becomes her friend—even though he won’t tell her how to return home. Yet Sophie comes up with a plan to see her family again: she’ll become a pilot, find the same storm that belched her here, and fly through it reversing her journey.
When she’s ready to risk her life crossing the tempest and resume her hotel-schooled life, Sophie figures out she’s fallen for Luke Evan. Sophie urges him to fly back with her, but he declines and won’t say why.
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