Looking for a word and I'm in a haze

veronie · Nov 17, 2009

I'm not sure there is a word in English for a mental state I want to describe in a personal project, so I might coin my own. If you can think of a word that would describe this, or help come up with a fitting word, then I'd be thankful.

What I want to describe is the mental and emotional haze a man enters when he sees a woman he is attracted to that prevents him from developing a genuine, unhindered interaction. For example, when a guy is talking to another guy, he may be unhindered by this emotional state. When he is talking to a girl, the emotional state comes over him and influences his interaction. (This state can also be applied to women toward men, or gay men toward other men, or gay women toward other women. Not that it matters, but for my project I am mostly dealing with straight men.)

So, what would you call it? I thought one word I used above, "haze," could work. Any other suggestions?

scarletpeaches · Nov 17, 2009

The sex haze.

Lust goggles.

Bonerspaz?

veronie · Nov 17, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
The sex haze.

Lust goggles.

Bonerspaz?

Interesting, but I'm not talking about the man being in a mental state of lust. I'm talking more about another state (albeit affected by lust) where he is tailoring his conversation to try to impress, but in doing so is not being entirely natural.

For example, today on the city bus I saw this college girl strike up a conversation with a guy she apparently knew. She was bubbly, and I could tell she was a bit interested in the guy. The guy seemed interested in her, but didn't quite know what to say to her, so he would awkwardly turn away (he was standing, she was sitting) and then try to re-engage the conversation with new topics. It did not flow like a natural conversation. So the state is one of nervousness around someone you are attracted to that makes it difficult to be entirely comfortable.

P.S. Thanks for giving some suggestions, though. I may end up just using "haze" or "murk."

scarletpeaches · Nov 17, 2009

I think I'd probably just call it self-consciousness. He sounds too self-aware to let the conversation flow.

veronie · Nov 17, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
I think I'd probably just call it self-consciousness. He sounds too self-aware to let the conversation flow.

Yes, you are probably right.

A little more insight into my project might help. I have a theory that a man's tendency to objectify a woman he finds attractve creates this sort of hazy mental state, where he is having trouble seeing her as no more than another human being, and instead sees her more of a sexual object he wants to acquire. That mindset causes him difficulty in developing an unencumbered conversation, and therefore difficulty in creating an open, honest, candid relationship.

I want a word to describe this phenomenon.

scarletpeaches · Nov 17, 2009

Objectification?

She's not a person, she's a would-be possession.

Izz · Nov 17, 2009

veronie said:
Yes, you are probably right.

A little more insight into my project might help. I have a theory that a man's tendency to objectify a woman he finds attractve creates this sort of hazy mental state, where he is having trouble seeing her as no more than another human being, and instead sees her more of a sexual object he wants to acquire. That mindset causes him difficulty in developing an unencumbered conversation, and therefore difficulty in creating an open, honest, candid relationship.

I want a word to describe this phenomenon.

As a male who often gets partially frozen talking to women he finds attractive, i'd have to disagree with your theory (though it may be the case for some men, but not for me). I freeze up because i'm scared the woman will think i'm an idiot or boring or something similar, not because i want to 'acquire' her in any way. I think the technical terms are 'shyness' and 'self-consciousness' and perhaps 'low self-esteem' :tongue

.

Interestingly, that usually hits worst when i'm tired or otherwise feeling low.

Anyhoo, the point of my post really was that my personal term for that phenomenon is 'freezing.'

veronie · Nov 17, 2009

But you do want to "acquire her" in the sense that you'd like to be with her

But it's the barrier you create between you and her that causes you to freeze, and that barrier would be erased, I believe, if you would de-mystify her and see her as another human being, no more, no less.

And in this case I don't necessarily mean objectifying in a sexual sense, but perhaps more along the lines of objectifying in the sense of seeing her as a goddess instead of a human.

But my aim here is not to defend my thesis, but to get suggestions for a name, and you gave one. Thanks.

How about names that are less verbish, because I want to pick a name that is less about what the guy does (objectification, freezing) and more about the mental state that causes those actions.

But, maybe I'm asking too much, because I'm finding it hard to express exactly what I mean. Perhaps that's what I need to work on. Also, this is getting further away from being any kind of grammatical question, isn't it.

Izz · Nov 17, 2009

veronie said:
But you do want to "acquire her" in the sense that you'd like to be with her But it's the barrier you create between you and her that causes you to freeze, and that barrier would be erased, I believe, if you would de-mystify her and see her as another human being, no more, no less. And in this case I don't necessarily mean objectifying in a sexual sense, but perhaps more along the lines of objectifying in the sense of seeing her as a goddess instead of a human.

And i disagree entirely (and probably should've added that i freeze just as much in conversation with people that i don't necessarily find highly attractive, but that i don't know well).

But that's neither here nor there. Hope you find the word you're looking for.

boron · Nov 18, 2009

Veronie, who needs that word? I mean, why would you like to explain it and to whom; is it an educational text or a story?

Is it about determining a psychical state exactly for the purpose of giving advice, like "What a man (woman) can do in such a situation"?

For both an affected person and observer, the described situation is pretending.

Chase · Nov 18, 2009

In Felix Saltner's Bambi, the term for the phenomenon it was "twitterpated." Been there many times.

Sophia · Nov 18, 2009

It could maybe be described as "a heightened sense of awareness", or "heightened senses". Everything tingles, your mind's focus is entirely on her. A kind of tunnel vision, perhaps.

veronie · Nov 18, 2009

boron said:
Veronie, who needs that word? I mean, why would you like to explain it and to whom; is it an educational text or a story?

Is it about determining a psychical state exactly for the purpose of giving advice, like "What a man (woman) can do in such a situation"?

For both an affected person and observer, the described situation is pretending.

Thanks for suggestions and thoughts everyone.

Yep, Boron, it's an educational text designed to help people develop authentic, open relationships by breaking down the barriers that people psychologically create due to their desire to be approved.

boron · Nov 18, 2009

Veronie, from descriptions you've provided so far, I believe all readers would perfectly understand "the situation": it's about hidding real thoughts and emotions to others and even to myself (if I'm an affected person); with one word: pretending.

From my experience, in such a situation, it's completely useless to try to control emotions, but the first question answered should be: "Should I stay or shoud I go?" If it's right to stay, I'll stay, if it's right to leave, I'll go. And what's right? The answer can come on emotional, nonexplained level: "I feel, it's right to stay (or go)", or on a reasoning level: "If I stay, this and this will likely happen, so I better go (or stay)".

My experience is, that concentrating on a mental state and trying to switch to another state without deciding what's right on a conscious level (rules, experience), I can hardly solve any critical situation. Mental state is just a side effect of the situation, not a bad or good thing by itself, also can differ a lot fromperson to person, so I wouldn't try to find a single word that covers all those mental states people fall in when talking with someone...

Matera the Mad · Nov 18, 2009

Insecurity.

Looking for a word and I'm in a haze

veronie

practical experience, FTW

scarletpeaches

veronie

practical experience, FTW

scarletpeaches

veronie

practical experience, FTW

scarletpeaches

Izz

Doing the Space Operatic

veronie

practical experience, FTW

Izz

Doing the Space Operatic

boron

Health writer

Chase

It Takes All of Us to End Racism

Sophia

veronie

practical experience, FTW

boron

Health writer

Matera the Mad

Bartender, gimme a Linux Mint