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View Full Version : You might be a scumbag if...



JoNightshade
11-01-2009, 01:06 AM
This is like "you might be a redneck if..." Except it's for all the jerks whose mothers clearly didn't learn'em right. Mine for today:

If you feel your time is so important that you illegally cross the intersection and stop with your grill five inches away from the grossly pregnant woman attempting to cross the street - and blow past her as soon as she's out of your way...

...you might be a scumbag.

Wayne K
11-01-2009, 01:12 AM
Around here they bump 'em like cattle.

ad_lucem
11-01-2009, 01:27 AM
Oooh, I've got one:

If you swerve around the traffic that has stopped to let the ambulance through, nearly hitting the ambulance, and then, as you drive off into the distance, everyone witnesses the pair of fake, blue, swinging "Truck Nutz" hanging from the back of your pick-up..

You might be a scumbag.


(OT: If you've placed a scrotum on your truck, you're probably a scumbag...and if they're blue...I'm not sure what that says about your life in general...but it can't be good)

HelloKiddo
11-01-2009, 01:30 AM
...you've smeared an unidentifiable sticky substance all over the button pedestrians have to push to cross the street.

*Shudders in horror*

bettielee
11-01-2009, 01:37 AM
Oooh, I've got one:

If you swerve around the traffic that has stopped to let the ambulance through, nearly hitting the ambulance, and then, as you drive off into the distance, everyone witnesses the pair of fake, blue, swinging "Truck Nutz" hanging from the back of your pick-up..

You might be a scumbag.


(OT: If you've placed a scrotum on your truck, you're probably a scumbag...and if they're blue...I'm not sure what that says about your life in general...but it can't be good)

OMG... I saw some jackhole do the same trick with the ambulance on Friday, and saw a pair of truck nuts ON A BUICK on Thursday. **shudder**

stormie
11-01-2009, 01:42 AM
You might be a scumbag if you're a man in your '60s and tell your neighbor's 15-year-old niece she should be a Playboy model.... Actually, you probably are a scumbag.

(It was Mr.Manly-man, my next-door neighbor.)

ad_lucem
11-01-2009, 01:50 AM
OMG... I saw some jackhole do the same trick with the ambulance on Friday, and saw a pair of truck nuts ON A BUICK on Thursday. **shudder**

On a Buick? *sigh*

Oh well, the nuts may be on the back, but the d*** is the one driving, that's what I always say...

Please tell me this Buick did not also have any bumperstickers like "Don't Tread on Me" "My President is Charleton Heston" or "In case of rapture this vehicle will be unoccupied" did it?

bettielee
11-01-2009, 02:21 AM
You might be a scumbag if...

you let your rotten little rugrats go up to a stranger's window and knock upon the glass and abuse/scare/taunt said stranger's kitteh.

JoNightshade
11-01-2009, 03:46 AM
Oooh, I've got one:

If you swerve around the traffic that has stopped to let the ambulance through, nearly hitting the ambulance, and then, as you drive off into the distance, everyone witnesses the pair of fake, blue, swinging "Truck Nutz" hanging from the back of your pick-up..

You might be a scumbag.

Just so you know there is some sort of divine justice out there... I saw a guy try to do this on a motorcycle. And he got hit by the ambulance. And ricocheted off of our car. And lay bleeding in the gutter crying "I don't want to die! I don't want to die!" (He didn't.)

Gregg
11-01-2009, 07:59 AM
I would be if I farted like my dog. (Luckily I don't - close sometimes, but rarely).

Button
11-01-2009, 08:53 AM
You might be a scumbag if you swerve around my grocery cart while I'm reaching for an item, and then proceed to push my cart forward so hard to let if fly down the aisle...

If I hadn't grabbed the cart first before it could crash into a display, I swear I would have found the scumbag. When I looked, I couldn't find him.

JoeEkaitis
11-01-2009, 07:37 PM
. . . you give dirty looks to the stranger who can't help but hear your kids (8ish-9ish) engaging in sparkling discourse consisting of "F*ck you!" "No, f*ck YOU!" spoken in progressively louder decibel levels.

Yup, happened at the market, right after Mother of the Year managed to tear her gaze away from the customer checkout display ("Those computers are programmed to overcharge you, you know! I know a guy whose nephew married someone whose uncle was talking to a guy on the bus who says he met someone in an elevator whose sister is shacking up with some dude who works for NCR.") long enough to snap "That's enough!" at her li'l darlin's.

regdog
11-01-2009, 07:42 PM
You might be a scumbag if...

you let your rotten little rugrats go up to a stranger's window and knock upon the glass and abuse/scare/taunt said stranger's kitteh.

Two words

Super Soaker:evil




You might be a scumbag if you take food in the grocery store, open it eat it while you walk around and then leave the remains on a shelf

Clair Dickson
11-02-2009, 03:21 AM
you might be a scumbag if you ever comment on whether someone is eating too much or too little. (The only exception is in private if you think a family member has a disorder.) It is not okay to chastise someone else's food choices for being too much or too little to eat.

Siddow
11-02-2009, 03:28 AM
TAKE NOTES:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQxcV4lu-a4

Rowan
11-02-2009, 06:51 AM
(OT: If you've placed a scrotum on your truck, you're probably a scumbag...and if they're blue...I'm not sure what that says about your life in general...but it can't be good)

I saw these 'truck balls' for the first time a month or so ago (we thankfully don't have many in northern Virginia). I was rendered speechless for a good fifteen minutes as I contemplated the idiocy of such thing. Oh, and they were silver... WTF?

Pyrohawk
11-02-2009, 10:18 AM
Truck nuts are unfortunately all to common in my home town. Its a redneck thing. I drive a truck also...but it has no nuts.

You might be a scumbag if you walk up to the cashier at a gas station (me), grab the cup of take change/leave change, dump it on the counter, and say "yeah I want however much is there on pump 4".

JimmyB27
11-02-2009, 04:47 PM
(OT: If you've placed a scrotum on your truck, you're probably a scumbag...and if they're blue...I'm not sure what that says about your life in general...but it can't be good)

I saw these 'truck balls' for the first time a month or so ago (we thankfully don't have many in northern Virginia). I was rendered speechless for a good fifteen minutes as I contemplated the idiocy of such thing. Oh, and they were silver... WTF?
This is exactly how I feel, having learnt of them for this first time right here and now.
I mean...how can...what's the...

...
I've no idea. People is weird.