So, in a fit of angst and, probably, hormones...

Perks

delicate #!&@*#! flower
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 12, 2005
Messages
18,980
Reaction score
6,922
Location
At some altitude
Website
www.jamie-mason.com
I ate a few fortune cookies.

Here's what I got:

"A cheerful letter or message is on its way to you."

"Get your mind set --- confidence will lead you on."

"You will always be successful in your professional career."


Now, I'll admit, I have been known to scoff in my time. But there are as many atheists in foxholes as there are skeptics on submission. So, how do I convert to devoutly superstitious?
 

kayleamay

I'm on the phone.
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
15,143
Reaction score
4,250
Location
Vantucky, WA
Laminate fortunes. Dab a little extra virgin olive oil on all four corners. Burn patchouli incense and dance around naked for an hour.

(Let me know if this works.)
 

Perks

delicate #!&@*#! flower
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 12, 2005
Messages
18,980
Reaction score
6,922
Location
At some altitude
Website
www.jamie-mason.com
Laminate fortunes. Dab a little extra virgin olive oil on all four corners. Burn patchouli incense and dance around naked for an hour.

(Let me know if this works.)
If it doesn't work, it still sounds like a good time, so at least no effort is wasted.
 

sheadakota

part of the human equation
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 4, 2007
Messages
3,956
Reaction score
1,151
Location
The Void
Laminate fortunes. Dab a little extra virgin olive oil on all four corners. Burn patchouli incense and dance around naked for an hour.

(Let me know if this works.)
And for added luck- do the above outside- at midnight- in the light of a full moon on a friday the thirteenth of the month-

Yeah that should do it-
 

Devil Ledbetter

Come on you stranger, you legend,
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 8, 2007
Messages
9,767
Reaction score
3,936
Location
you martyr and shine.
Perks, in accordance with scripture the words "in bed" should be added to every cookie fortune. They are much easier to believe that way.
 

Perks

delicate #!&@*#! flower
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 12, 2005
Messages
18,980
Reaction score
6,922
Location
At some altitude
Website
www.jamie-mason.com
Perks, in accordance with scripture the words "in bed" should be added to every cookie fortune. They are much easier to believe that way.

Well that's no good. It would be weird to get letters in bed and I certainly hope it's not predicting a bed-ridden career in my future. And as for confidence? Fine. My dominatrix outfit has been ordered.

I'm all set.
 

kayleamay

I'm on the phone.
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
15,143
Reaction score
4,250
Location
Vantucky, WA
Well, on a brighter note, careers in bed pay more than most writing gigs.
 

BenPanced

THE BLUEBERRY QUEEN OF HADES (he/him)
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 5, 2006
Messages
17,859
Reaction score
4,625
Location
dunking doughnuts at Dunkin' Donuts
Laminate fortunes. Dab a little extra virgin olive oil on all four corners. Burn patchouli incense and dance around naked for an hour.

(Let me know if this works.)

If it doesn't work, it still sounds like a good time, so at least no effort is wasted.

And for added luck- do the above outside- at midnight- in the light of a full moon on a friday the thirteenth of the month-

Yeah that should do it-
And take pictures. Lots and lots and lots of pictures. And post the videos on YouTube. Please.
 

Jcomp

Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jan 24, 2006
Messages
5,352
Reaction score
1,422
I've always wanted to open a fortune cookie and see some really cryptic statement.

"They're waiting for you at home."
"Enjoy life while it lasts. You may want to hurry."
And, my all time favorite vague warning: "Don't cross the bridge."
 

Perks

delicate #!&@*#! flower
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 12, 2005
Messages
18,980
Reaction score
6,922
Location
At some altitude
Website
www.jamie-mason.com
The first two times I ate Chinese food (weeks apart) with my now-husband, his fortune cookies were empty.

The first time, it was funny.

The second? Well, he was a bit worried.
 

Jcomp

Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jan 24, 2006
Messages
5,352
Reaction score
1,422
Creeeeeeeeepy.
 

James81

Great Scott Member
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 28, 2007
Messages
5,239
Reaction score
1,017
I've always wanted to open a fortune cookie and see some really cryptic statement.

"They're waiting for you at home."
"Enjoy life while it lasts. You may want to hurry."
And, my all time favorite vague warning: "Don't cross the bridge."

Or "Don't get on the flight."
 

kayleamay

I'm on the phone.
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
15,143
Reaction score
4,250
Location
Vantucky, WA
I always take one and every time my husband says that I took the one he wanted so I give him mine and take another...and every time I get a good fortune like, "You will be wealthy and loved," and he gets something like, "You are a dog person." It's awesome. (Especially when you add the 'in bed' portion.)
 

Wicked

Outcast Rogue
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 19, 2009
Messages
6,728
Reaction score
3,546
Location
Lost
So, how do I convert to devoutly superstitious?


Get yourself a black cat. Invest in oils and incense. Hang a dream catcher over your bed. Buy salt by the bucket full. And of course dance naked at all opportunities.

I always get the cryptic fortunes. The last one said, "Be careful in whom you share your confidence.".
(Hey! How did they know I was paranoid?)
I taped it to my monitor.
 

Yeshanu

Elf Queen
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 14, 2005
Messages
6,757
Reaction score
2,410
Location
Up a Tree
I don't know about fortune cookies any more. I'm still waiting to inherit that money or the plot of land I was promised (and I can wait forever, as far as I'm concerned, because the only ones who are going to leave me money or land are my parents). Not only that, one day I opened two fortune cookies in a row. The first one said, "Good things come to those who wait." The second one said, "Don't wait! Do it now!" (Or something to that effect-I forget the exact wording.)

????
 

Dicentra P

Help!!!!
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 19, 2009
Messages
334
Reaction score
60
Location
on the brink
Laminate fortunes. Dab a little extra virgin olive oil on all four corners. Burn patchouli incense and dance around naked for an hour.

(Let me know if this works.)

Sounds very close to the instructions to my husband I wanted to put in my will for my funeral. Minus the pink tutu. I had this checklist to work with. My first thought was what do I care I'll be dead. Then I thought why not have some fun. Then I thought that even if it isn't binding he probably would do it. So I left that out. If I put it back in will I be published posthumously? Back to who cares I'll be dead except the kids could probably use the money.....
 

K1P1

Procrastination is its own reward
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 6, 2006
Messages
4,108
Reaction score
851
My favorite fortune of all time was:

"Strike while the iron is"

My other two (which were displayed for some time on my computer monitor) were:

"You will find excitement in your working life."
"How can you have beautiful endings unless you make beautiful mistakes?"