***Warning, long post, gotta vent***
Long story short, my ex husband and I split back in December after a painful 6 months and me finding out about his year long affair (we'd only been married 2 yrs total). Took me some time to move on, doing things for myself, focusing on me and my life and dealing with lawyers and a motion hearing and money and spousal support, but by June, I was feeling good.
Went on eHarmony. Hesitated to tell my mom, but we're close, and I did. She seemed really excited and happy for me! Now, one thing you should know about my mom is that she's very right wing conservative, born-again. We have a lot of the same beliefs and a lot of different beliefs, but in her eyes, basically, if you don't do things the way she thinks they should be done, you're wrong. If you don't believe the Bible literally, if you don't love every Republican in office, if you believe gays deserve the same rights and that Obama might actually do us some good - you're wrong. Black and white. There has never been any gray in her eyes. My siblings and I have learned how to handle it, for the most part.
Okay, so my mom seems happy about me eHarmony until I actually talk to someone. This guy and I talked for hours and decided to meet, and things escalated quickly - without any pushing or trying, things just got serious. I did NOT tell my mom much about this. Not at first. I mean, the second time we went out, she actually said, "Oh..you're going out again? I just didn't realize you were going to go out like, once a week." Um...that's kinda what dating IS mom. So I kept it kinda quiet until I couldn't anymore. This guy and his daughter are a major part of my life now. I'm moving in when my lease is up (though I haven't told mom that yet). The Guy and I talk about our future all the time, and marriage is in it. It's just a fact...I can't explain it's just something that became fact very naturally and easily. So when I talk to my mom, I don't step around the egg shells. I walk right on them. I'm an adult, and I'm not going to sensor myself when it's my life! I leave it all out there, "Well, we have the little one that weekend." Or "We did this or that..." My mom just kinda ignores me. She talks about what's going on in her life but doesn't respond to anything happening in mine.
Meanwhile, my dad and everyone in his family have met the Guy and the Little One and love them both.
My mom will finally meet him on the 7th. She's been making it very difficult - I've thrown out dates multiple times, but she's always had an excuse why that date didn't work and never tried to help me out by giving me dates that did work for her. I know she's basically made up her mind to not like him no matter what. Lately, I thought she'd been better. Kinda...I mean she doesn't really ask me anything about my life, but she listens mostly now I think. I'm not stepping around egg shells to avoid it either - anyone can tell from the way I talk that it's beyond serious, that I live there, and that we're a family - The Guy, me and the little one.
Well, anyway...last week, she called me one night at 9pm. I didn't pick up b/c I was...otherwise occupied...and she left me a msg sounding all pissy just saying "It's me. Call me back" Attitude and everything. Then I get an email:
That friend of mine is this girl my 19-yr old brother is actually friends with. I met her through a blog I had years ago, and we email sometimes. I emailed her after getting this from my mom, and she was like "um, I think your mom was more upset than I was."
Long story short, my ex husband and I split back in December after a painful 6 months and me finding out about his year long affair (we'd only been married 2 yrs total). Took me some time to move on, doing things for myself, focusing on me and my life and dealing with lawyers and a motion hearing and money and spousal support, but by June, I was feeling good.
Went on eHarmony. Hesitated to tell my mom, but we're close, and I did. She seemed really excited and happy for me! Now, one thing you should know about my mom is that she's very right wing conservative, born-again. We have a lot of the same beliefs and a lot of different beliefs, but in her eyes, basically, if you don't do things the way she thinks they should be done, you're wrong. If you don't believe the Bible literally, if you don't love every Republican in office, if you believe gays deserve the same rights and that Obama might actually do us some good - you're wrong. Black and white. There has never been any gray in her eyes. My siblings and I have learned how to handle it, for the most part.
Okay, so my mom seems happy about me eHarmony until I actually talk to someone. This guy and I talked for hours and decided to meet, and things escalated quickly - without any pushing or trying, things just got serious. I did NOT tell my mom much about this. Not at first. I mean, the second time we went out, she actually said, "Oh..you're going out again? I just didn't realize you were going to go out like, once a week." Um...that's kinda what dating IS mom. So I kept it kinda quiet until I couldn't anymore. This guy and his daughter are a major part of my life now. I'm moving in when my lease is up (though I haven't told mom that yet). The Guy and I talk about our future all the time, and marriage is in it. It's just a fact...I can't explain it's just something that became fact very naturally and easily. So when I talk to my mom, I don't step around the egg shells. I walk right on them. I'm an adult, and I'm not going to sensor myself when it's my life! I leave it all out there, "Well, we have the little one that weekend." Or "We did this or that..." My mom just kinda ignores me. She talks about what's going on in her life but doesn't respond to anything happening in mine.
Meanwhile, my dad and everyone in his family have met the Guy and the Little One and love them both.
My mom will finally meet him on the 7th. She's been making it very difficult - I've thrown out dates multiple times, but she's always had an excuse why that date didn't work and never tried to help me out by giving me dates that did work for her. I know she's basically made up her mind to not like him no matter what. Lately, I thought she'd been better. Kinda...I mean she doesn't really ask me anything about my life, but she listens mostly now I think. I'm not stepping around egg shells to avoid it either - anyone can tell from the way I talk that it's beyond serious, that I live there, and that we're a family - The Guy, me and the little one.
Well, anyway...last week, she called me one night at 9pm. I didn't pick up b/c I was...otherwise occupied...and she left me a msg sounding all pissy just saying "It's me. Call me back" Attitude and everything. Then I get an email:
I tried to call you at 9:00 this evening but you didn't answer your phone. That seems to happen a lot. Is there a better time to call you? I call after 9 so I don't have to use minutes. Should I wait till the weekend? Should I call later? Should I call earlier?
Anyway, I called to tell you that Saturday the 14th will probably work....
Also, "a friend of yours" asked me if you were OK. She said you guys used to email and you stopped returning her emails months ago. She said if you just don't want to talk to her then that is fine, but she was concerned first and second just wanted to know what the deal was. I didn't know what to tell her. I don't know why you have decided to ignore her, but you might want to email her and break off the friendship instead of just ignoring her.
So, that is everything I was going to tell you on the phone.
Talk to you later.
Love
mom
That friend of mine is this girl my 19-yr old brother is actually friends with. I met her through a blog I had years ago, and we email sometimes. I emailed her after getting this from my mom, and she was like "um, I think your mom was more upset than I was."
It's obvious that my mom is using all of these little petty things as weapons, things to hold against the Guy before she even meets him. I'm sorry but I have a life, so I don't always have my phone with me at 9pm. The girl I'm "friends" with is this young girl, and sometimes we email, and sometimes we don't for long periods of time, just like all my other long-distance friends. But she's using all of that to justify to herself that it's okay to not like the Guy b/c he of course MUST be the reason that I'm "ignoring" everyone.
I'm trying not to let it get to me. I'm an adult, and I realize that part of the reason she's behaving this way is because she's worried I'll be hurt again. But that's a very small part of the reason. Because if she would only listen, she would see how happy I am. And decide to let go and let me make my own mistakes - if this is a mistake. If she would only welcome the Guy and give him a chance, she would really like him! I haven't introduced him to one friend, one family member, that doesn't think he's kind, respectful, and responsible (and good lookin' ) But I all ready know she won't. Oh she'll be fine around him. She might not even tell me how she really feels - I'll probably hear things through my siblings like I all ready do. She probably won't ever treat him poorly to his face. But I honestly don't know if she'll ever like him.
I can't win. Her father left her. Her mother hid letters he sent her from her, but she's still been angry with him ever since. My father fell in love with another woman, so my parents split. My first husband she never liked, and it turned out she was right (though she didn't think he'd cheat, she knew he was no good). My youngest sister married a youth minister. My mother is now happily married to a Deacon and praise leader at her own church. My other sister is a missionary. I am a black sheep - I can't win.
I can't win. Her father left her. Her mother hid letters he sent her from her, but she's still been angry with him ever since. My father fell in love with another woman, so my parents split. My first husband she never liked, and it turned out she was right (though she didn't think he'd cheat, she knew he was no good). My youngest sister married a youth minister. My mother is now happily married to a Deacon and praise leader at her own church. My other sister is a missionary. I am a black sheep - I can't win.