The 20 Rules of Halloween

Sweetleaf

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The 20 Rules Of Halloween!

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.

6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out.

10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.

18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.

19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.

20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard.




 
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vixey

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Got it.

*returns spell book to library*
 

Ken

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That is all.

... how can you be so sure? What if you think of something else an hour from now? Or what if someone else here thinks of something else for you to add. You won't be able to do so with this statement in place. So I suggest you stricken it from your post.

ps Good list. Will take a copy with me when I go out on Halloween to egg people gather candy :)
 
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Shail

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#21.) When you shoot the psychotic maniac that's chasing you, and he falls down, do not run away. Shoot him again, preferably in the face or head.
 

Xelebes

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#22: When accosted by a vampire, frig yourself. Best to take care of any excess randiness before any metaphorical or not-so-metaphorical intimacies occur.
 

Siddow

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I have one rule for Halloween:

"Kids, tonight you work for ME. Go get me chocolate."
 

backslashbaby

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:D

18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.

This is very true. You may think you are cool and collected, but one night in the bath you will see something that forever disturbs you. And you will move out. :) I may tell y'all an autobiographical horror tale this season!
 

slcboston

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I was actually loaned a book once with a part that pertained to #2.

(True story, I swear.)

Before it was loaned to me I had to promise not to read the relevant section. I didn't. ... I was tempted, but I didn't. :D
 

Sweetleaf

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I was actually loaned a book once with a part that pertained to #2.

(True story, I swear.)

Before it was loaned to me I had to promise not to read the relevant section. I didn't. ... I was tempted, but I didn't. :D

I have a few actually.

Most with this kind of reference tend to be Victorian era psycho-bollocks. They like to sound all mystical and frightening, but really it's just kind of - meh.

Provided of course, you know what you're doing...
 

DL Hegel

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... how can you be so sure? What if you think of something else an hour from now? Or what if someone else here thinks of something else for you to add. You won't be able to do so with this statement in place. So I suggest you stricken it from your post.

ps Good list. Will take a copy with me when I go out on Halloween to egg people gather candy :)

I am ready for you this year. I have my slingshot and water balloons;)
 

aadams73

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18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.

If you knew my former in-laws, you'd take your chances with Satan's house of horror.
 

Ken

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... 'water balloons.' Yikes :-O
Will have to bring out the heavy artillery: a pea-shooter!
(No puns, plz ;-)