View Full Version : Does it still work?

10-09-2009, 05:48 AM
When I was an undergrad, I read a bunch of Dan Brown novels. Ok, I read all of them. My friends gushed, oh how great they are, how unique and exciting. I wanted to puke. I thought they were so formulaic, and I hated whatever it was that made me keep turning those pages so quickly. So, instead of doing homework, I wrote a Dan Brown Plot Generator. (I know, very passive-aggressive, but that was Engineering school, so that's alright).

It's still up in a forgotten directory, right here: http://www.columbia.edu/~ip71/fun/danbrown.html

Now, I haven't read The Lost Symbol yet... I will as soon as the 800 other people who placed a hold on it at the library before me get their turn... I know, I know, don't look at me. :cry:

My question is for those who have read it (and are of a similar conviction regarding crap that we keep reading for unknown reasons). Does the plot generator still apply? Does it? Just a little, maybe? Tell me, tell me please!

P.S. I certainly don't want to start another Dan Brown Is Great - No He is Not thread. This is much more of a "tell me I'm clever" kind of post.

William Haskins
10-09-2009, 06:07 AM
you're clever

10-09-2009, 07:02 AM
I haven't read it, but the reviews I've seen say it's more of the same.

10-09-2009, 07:15 AM
I haven't read it either, but the fact that you actually made a "Dan Brown Plot Generator" makes you a clever girl in my book.

10-09-2009, 07:19 AM
That was fun. Now I don't have to read the book. Results of clever girl plot generator below:

Waspy McWasp, the ruggedly handsome, world renowned Harvard professor of Symbology is summoned to Europe to analyze the mysterious murder of a famous scientist of some sort . While there, he discovers evidence of the unimaginable - the definitive and substantial proof of light speed travel. He must work with Lara, the extremely beautiful and intelligent cryptographer, in order to beat the clock and unlock the mystery.

Waspy McWasp's worst fears are confirmed when he discovers that a crazy desert raider has been murdering innocent victims, including a bunch of cute penguins. He and Lara must rush against the clock, and use their knowledge of obscure art, ambiguous history, impossible computer science theory, and inaccurate theology, as their investigation takes them through the mysterious streets of Venice. They encounter further difficulties when their efforts are thwarted by the head of NASA who has his own plan for solving the mystery and unlocking the secrets of light speed travel.

Waspy McWasp and Lara put their fate into the hands of the kindly priest who actually turns out to be the one who planned and orchestrated the entire devious plot. As they expose the treacherous kindly priest they must also face the truth that light speed travel was just a fabrication, and does not really exist. When the kindly priest is finally exposed, he tries to escape, but tragically dies engulfed in infernal flames, as Waspy McWasp and Lara look on. With his last breath, the kindly priest explains that his motives were actually good, but got corrupted and twisted by evil ambition. Putting the entire fiasco behind them, Waspy McWasp and Lara kiss in a very romantic and awkward kind of way.