Query help (inspirational women's fiction)

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Calla Lily

Calla Lily

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Ladybuggg, it's on the vague side:

Ladybuggg said:
"After a difficult breakup with her abusive boyfriend of two years, twenty-six-year-old Gretta Monroe reunites with her childhood best friend who's fighting for her life and vows to keep a promise they buried many years ago: a promise that carries on into the afterlife."
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Qs work best when they're specific. The example below is deliberately specific and will have nothing at all to do with your book: :)

Gretta left her boyfriend the night he broke her collarbone. Her BF offered her a spare bed and a willing ear, but Gretta's problems don't compare to her friend's. Jerk boyfriends are temporary: her friend's cancer is permanent.

[Paragraph two: Gretta does something proactive about the friend and the promise, and makes everything worse/loses her faith]

[Paragraph three: Gretta has to fix whatever she did or (insert her stakes here)]
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All that being said, Query Letter Hell is the best place to beat a Q into shape. It's in the Share Your Work forum, and the password is Vista. Be warned: You will receive honest crits, and they won't all be easy to read. If you're not read for that level of crit, you may want to try the beta forum first.

Good luck!
 

Ladybuggg

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Thanks! In my actual query, I do go into specifics. (Guess I should've just posted the whole thing, huh?) However, I want that first sentence or paragraph to really stand out and draw attention, if possible. I'll check out that forum to see what it's like. LOL I do have a critique group that has critiqued my current query for me, but I would like to see what others think, too. I'm just not sure it's working as is.

What I posted here is just something I thought up and wondered if it might work as an opening sentence before I go into the specifics.
 
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