Thanks! In my actual query, I do go into specifics. (Guess I should've just posted the whole thing, huh?) However, I want that first sentence or paragraph to really stand out and draw attention, if possible. I'll check out that forum to see what it's like. LOL I do have a critique group that has critiqued my current query for me, but I would like to see what others think, too. I'm just not sure it's working as is.
What I posted here is just something I thought up and wondered if it might work as an opening sentence before I go into the specifics.