Harry Potter #6 due out Saturday the 16th

While I would have preferred this spellbinding, enchanting book of spells and enchantments make its colossal debut on Friday the 13th, Harry Potter #6, in the style of the mother ship from "Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind," will be touching down one tick after midnight on the 16th. I, for one, shall carve out a space for myself amongst the sleeping bags and candle-light vigils two hours previous, ready to toss a few elbows and right hooks in order to catch myself a copy. When it comes to Potter lovin', all bets and social niceties are off. Fortunately, the books double as fine cudgels. So, all I have to do is curl my stubby digits round a hefty copy and whale anyone who tries to wrest it from me. And trust me, I'm so eager to see what somethings eldritch this way come, I'm not above braining a 10-year-old or two. Anyhoo, are there any other Potterites in the vicinity. If there are, what's your favorite book so far? Mine, surprisingly, is the first. It's the only one which seems truly English. After the book became a franchise, and even though they were still penned by the same author, in the same Cockney vernacular, they now seem a distinctly American property. Much like Winnie the Pooh. He's very much an English concoction, but everyone thinks of him as a denizen of American imaginations. But Potter #1 is so English flavored--in the dialogue, smoky and pungent as a Manchester pub, in the riotously outrageous imagery: I love the idea of Harry and Hagrid speeding about in a magically-oared rowboat, Hagrid reading The Daily Prophet, while Harry, who grew up amongst, stern, quiet-demanding newspaper readers, tries to stifle his questioning mind; the melding of potboiler with slapdash, caroming imagination--the whole affair reminds me of "Billy Eliot." Or, rather, the distinctly Irish air of the movie, the primary-colored stores, the sense of lived-in poverty, the feel of a land of long-forgotten misfits and cranks, the aura of 1985 eternally fast-frozen. So, while I know Potter #3 is the reigning favorite, I can't help feeling Rowling hit the note right and ringingly on the first plink. But what do you think? What's your favorite? C'mon, I dare yuh to disagree...

YOU'VE SCREWED ME AGAIN, MISTER POTTER!!!!

I went to Waldenbooks in the local mall yesterday to inquire about reservations. The goateed dunderhead behind the counter laid down the weed he'd been sipping long enough to inform me that, despite the fact Lockport, New York is so culturally-backward, only three people showed up for the debut of the fourth film by Quentin Tarantino (the reason I didn't check in on reservations sooner) all books at present have been reserved. If I'm interested in obtaining the 30% discount which accompanies the reservation (non-reserved books cost $30, while reserved books go for $20: do the math, it doesn't add up), I can check in Monday. If early reservers haven't claimed their books by Sunday, then I (21st in line on the wait list) can go in on Moon Day and, maybe, maybe, I'll get lucky. The reason why this place doesn't just place its surplus on the shelf, instead of passing them off to bigger and bullying bookstores, like Barnes & Noble, the DH couldn't say. So now, while those domestic and abroad are eagerly bustling onto the Hogwarts Express, eager for yet another necromancerial school season, I'll be heading to Hogwarts on the tardy train two days behind, maybe.

Anybody...

who doesn't love the Harry Potter series as much as a pumpkin pasty with a galleon right in the center or a tour of Lake Hogwarts on the back of the giant squid or a big, ol' bouquet of Filibuster Fireworks clearly has the combined brain power of Crabbe and Goyle coupled with the heart of Severus Snape and the good looks of Professor Moody

Come Mister Potter and we shall usher in a new age of Pagan darkness and literate children, mwoo-ha, ha, ha, ha.