I can't be happy without being in a relationship?

It's WAY early in the morning where I am . . . so I might not have this quite right.

There's an old saying that goes something like: "Your first obligation is to make yourself happy; if you don't, you'll make everyone around you miserable."

People have opinions. Your friend has one. Other friends will have different ones. I have one. The biggest question I see is not whether someone told you you ought to be out there dating, but the fact that it got under your skin so much. You might want to sit down and have a good, honest talk with yourself (after getting some sleep) about your own feelings, and where they came from.

Just some comments. Obviously, no one can really analyze your situation from one post on an Internet forum.

I'm not trying to pry into your business (and you don't have to actually answer this question here), but does this have anything to do with being a LDS member? I wouldn't even bring it up except I dated a LDS girl for about four years. She had a lot of conflicting feelings.

Sorry for my misunderstanding. I did say it was early where I was.

Well, in that case, I would just accept that your friend has an opinion, which is not your own, and . . . let it go.

As far as feeling "pushed" by others to date, I can understand somewhat. When I was younger (late teens, early 20's) people were ALWAYS asking me when I was getting married. It could get a little annoying at times. I guess you're just going to have to learn to shrug it off, and maybe come with with a snappy reply that will shut them up; and try to have fun with it when your son suggests you find a rich guy to marry.

Just some more early morning comments . . . while being sleepy and having a cat wandering around under my feet.

I asked my cat for her opinion of the situation. She said you should be more cat-like. Cats couldn't care less what anyone else wants them to do; mine certainly doesn't care what I want her to do.


;-)

First, ask him if he's rich. Tell him you want to see income tax returns for the past six years.


;-)

You know, this is my own two cents from what I've learned and experienced. I have known an awful lot of people who believe that the only way they can be happy is to be in a relationship. I mean that literally. I've known so many people who say, "Oh if only I had a boyfriend/girlfriend..." The thing is, it's not true. The reasons for being unhappy would still exist, and having a partner would most often do little to improve it--and can often make it worse. A lot of times it was self-esteem issues. I think the idea is having someone who loves you or having someone who is always there to support you will magically make the problems go away. Thing is, it just usually doesn't. These same people would then become upset when a relationship didn't work out, and often I wanted to say, "but what could you expect?"

The fact of the matter is (and research supports this), relationships work best when two healthy, independent people who are comfortable with themselves and their lives come together. Sure everyone has baggage, but if you're overlooking your problems and not learning to improve and be happy with yourself, you won't be happy with someone else, and even more, it's hard for someone to love you if you don't love yourself. One of the biggest mistakes I see is people getting into relationships when they aren't ready. I had another friend who never spent any time without a boyfriend. If she broke up with one, a couple of weeks later she had a new one. She is also divorced now (at 26) and doing the same things.

We have to find out who we are, and we have to be happy with ourselves. If anything, your statement sounds awesome to me. It's good to be able to say, "I am happy with myself and my life." And one day you will likely meet someone similar to share life with, and when that time comes woohoo. In the meantime, I vote that you enjoy yourself and your independence. You can definitely be happy on your own, and I worry more about a friend who tells you otherwise.

I think it's hilarious if he's really just trying to hook up with you, though haha.

I got this a lot. The pushing. The 'get a girlfriend' and 'when you getting married?' etc. I'm 32 and recently started the first serious relationship I've had for about 10 years. I just wasn't interested. Now I am. The point is, I waited until I was interested, and damn what anyone else wanted me to do.

Cassi, my sister is 51, single, never married. She's a beautiful girl with many wonderful qualities. Most people are amazed that she's single and not dating anyone. But she seems to like her life the way it is. She has a good job, her own home, makes all of her own decisions.

She never wanted to try computer dating or any of the modern ways to meet someone, thinking she's gonna meet a weirdo. I told her there are weirdos everywhere; you never really know about anyone. Since she often vetoed all of my suggestions for how to meet someone, what can one say? If she really wanted to find someone, she'd use all of the avenues one could use. So, I have to deduce that she's happy with her life the way it is.

So, wait...you're depriving some guy of his happiness? So that means a) it's your fault that someone out there you've never met is miserable, b) you have a 'soulmate' rather than the chance of happiness with anyone and c) well I don't need a C because the A and B were so good.

Firstly, I don't believe in soulmates. That suggests there's one and only one person for you to be with and if you miss your chance, you'll be alone forever.

Surely if someone was your soulmate fate would intervene and bring you together however?

And...what if your future life partner (if you have one) is the type of man who wants to be with a more easygoing, less desperate woman than someone who has to be with someone?

What shite.

I don't believe in soulmates, either. Nonsense, that.

I don't get the notion that you can't be happy unless you're with someone else. Why not? I've been single and happy and married and happy. It's because I've been happy where I was (or am) in my own life above and beyond my marital situation.

It's natural to want to be with someone - and I don't mean just anyone, for the sake of being in a relationship. I mean with the right one. Sorry, 'a' right one. Too many people are ready to jump into a relationship with the first one who comes along and they don't understand why anyone would say 'no' to the first offer that comes along.

Well look at it this way Cass - if you jump into bed or matrimony with the first guy who asks, you're depriving someone better of - you!

Cassiopeia said:

*giggles* I'm now chatting on messenger with a different guy friend and he totally gets me. Knows the other bloke. It seems well the first guy has ulterior motives. LOL.

I shoulda guessed.

Sometimes I'm not the brightest bulb in the box.

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That was going to be my guess.

Not a very nice way for a guy to imply he's interested.

Oh yes. The old "make himself look good by being passive aggressive and complaining a lot" trick.

You can't be happy in a relationship until you've learned how to be happy by yourself. Anyone who tells you otherwise has got something missing. Love doesn't confer happiness; happiness confers love. Know what I mean?

Good lord, I guess I have to pick up the mantle of the hopeless romantic, I do believe in the idea of soul mates, but not so much in the way of ONE person in the world for another, but with the idea that there are many whom you can share a special bond unique to that relationship.

I totally agree with you Cassie that you don't need to jump off the couch and hook a with some guy for the sake of saving an unhappy man, that's crazy talk...

Personally I think the best relationships come from unexpected places, a chance meeting, a vacation, a encounter at a grocery store. My experience has been that whenever I thought about going out and finding a girlfriend, you know, at a bar dance, nightclub, whatever,,, what you find is needy people looking to hookup for the sake of hooking up, which is a recipe for disaster.

Follow your path and do what you want, it is about you, you may find an incredible guy in the most unlikely places, or maybe you won't, but either way you'll be happy, which in all honesty is the hardest emotion to obtain and maintain...

Okay, screw off now I'm going back to politics... Don't say it Scarlett you'll hate yourself for 5 minutes.....lol

Don't listen to them Cass.

I also hated the advice of the right one will come along and you'll understand when you are in a relationship.

Do you feel more so this way just before you're going to start your period? Or for a week or more out of the month?


Could be PMS

Puttin'up with (some) Men's Sh... crap.



I know how you feel. I'm not the alone type, never have been alone since age 14 when I got my first boyfriend.

Am I the only one who is totally evil when people get into my business?

When people looking for their next bit of gossip come up and ask me "How are you today?"

I answer "I'm great now that I've taken my anti-psychotics."

When I was unmarried and people asked me if I was going to start dating ever.

I'd answer with "Well you know, dating can be so awkward, they just don't seem to appreciate being cooked for dinner."

When told baby advice, I'd do relatively the same things.

Trust me, nobody bothers giving me advice or prying into my life any more unless they are family and welcome.

Cassiopeia said:

It's quite simple, it got under my skin so much cos I'm sick of being told to go out and date or as my son recently said, "go find a new husband, preferably a rich one."

I am really tired of being pushed.

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I hear you on that.

I've got a business proposition for you, though. For the low, low price of $19.95 per month, you can "e-date" me (on paper that is, not in reality) so that you can tell everyone "OH, I have a boyfriend on the internet."

Act now, cause this offer is only valid for the next six minutes.