said or Said

bkwriter · Sep 24, 2009

Should the highlited word be small or big.

"A dream?" she asked, sounding still half asleep, "Yes. It was a dream." She hoped.

StephanieFox · Sep 24, 2009

bkwriter said:
Should the highlited word be small or big.

"A dream?" she asked, sounding still half asleep, "Yes. It was a dream." She hoped.

I see what you're trying to do, but this doesn't quite work. I know you're trying these short punchy sentences, but 'She hoped." seems to startle the reader instead.
Maybe try;

Yes. It was a dream, she hoped. (No quotes and no caps and a comma.)
OR
"Yes, a dream," she mumbled, hoping it was so.
OR
It was a dream, only a dream. She hoped so.

bkwriter · Sep 25, 2009

Your a freelance writer? That's cool. Thanks for the advice. I like the second one.

Maryn · Sep 25, 2009

I like the original well enough. No accounting for tastes, huh? She hoped. would be capitalized, just as you have it.

Maryn, who writes similarly short punchy stuff

V. Greene · Sep 28, 2009

Without the surrounding sentences, it's hard to tell, but you might even try a whole new paragraph for that two-word sentence. It gives the punch some room to land.

Or not.

Wayne K · Sep 28, 2009

How about, She hoped it was.

If it's a new sentence, readers might ask "She hoped what?" People are easy to confuse.

benbradley · Sep 28, 2009

I agree with Wayne - even in context, "She hoped" seems like too short a sentence. It's grammatically a sentence (so yes, "She" should definitely be capitalized), but it feels like it's missing something.

How about:

Or so she hoped.

Uh... maybe not.

said or Said

bkwriter

StephanieFox

Maybull the Bulldog

bkwriter

Maryn

At Sea

V. Greene

Ditching the pseudonym

Wayne K

benbradley

It's a doggy dog world