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cursedsillycause
09-22-2009, 12:26 AM
It seems like clinically depressed people, judging from history, have been able to write just fine. I haven't been able to for months now. I'm not only afraid to, but it's come to the point where my good ideas mean nothing because I think I'll deliver them poorly. I used to think I had skills, and now I'm not too sure, but that doesn't change the fact that it's all I want to do. There's a story ruminating my head, but I can't seem to sieze it. Am I too sad to write?

Regan Leigh
09-22-2009, 12:39 AM
No way! This is a great time fir you to write! Just approach it differently. Put pen to notepad and start writing every thought you can capture on paper. Even if you write so fast that you can't read it. Font lift your pen and don't pause to read back over it. Write until you're tired or feel like you've said pretty much everything o your mind. Wait a day or two, at a moment when you feel less down and then read over it.

Trust me. It's great.

The Lonely One
09-22-2009, 12:39 AM
There are those circumstances which prevent one from being in a proper mental state to create art. We've all been in those mental states at times in our lives.

I work best from a state of melancholy and longing, but anything beyond that state would incapacitate me from my daily functioning as a human being, let alone to produce great fiction.

I can also fake it when I'm happy (I'm notoriously pessimistic :))

But to say whether you are too sad to write is impossible for me to say. I can only tell you that if you are too sad to write, it's okay. Sometimes things are not in our control, despite our best efforts.

Hopefully you will be back to writing soon. Best of luck with everything.

Regan Leigh
09-22-2009, 12:40 AM
Ignore typos. Doing this on my phone. :)

cursedsillycause
09-22-2009, 01:04 AM
My mom was laid off last year, and my dad's business went under today, and my sister has been in the hospital for a month now. I think I could end up in the hospital (again), too. I'm off of my anti-depressants, and I'm not in school because of the lack of money right now, and I can't seem to blog, or read, or listen to the music I would usually enjoy, or exercise like I used to. I'm very sad, and in the past, some of my best writings I've produced being unhappy, but that just isn't the case right now. I think we won't be able to pay our two mortgages, and I'll never get backelor's. I graduated from high school when I was 16, and now I'm 19 and hardly any decent grades. I use to be god at school, and writing, and I'm not anymore. I'm so afraid of where my life is going. I'm afraid my family and I could be homeless in a couple months.

cursedsillycause
09-22-2009, 01:08 AM
Thank you for the replies. I apologize. I'm just not even in the shape to lurk AW. Everyone seems so happy and busy with their WIP, and I'm just stuck.

willietheshakes
09-22-2009, 01:11 AM
It seems like clinically depressed people, judging from history, have been able to write just fine.

I don't think that's true at all, actually. And I don't think you should be holding yourself up to, and feeling inadequate, because you don't measure up to a perceived norm. Be yourself, and be true to that -- it's all you can do.

And in the meantime, read William Styron's Darkness Visible and Nell Casey's anthology Unholy Ghost: Writers on Depression.

And good luck.

cursedsillycause
09-22-2009, 01:15 AM
I don't think that's true at all, actually. And I don't think you should be holding yourself up to, and feeling inadequate, because you don't measure up to a perceived norm. Be yourself, and be true to that -- it's all you can do.

And in the meantime, read William Styron's Darkness Visible and Nell Casey's anthology Unholy Ghost: Writers on Depression.

And good luck.

Thank you for the recommendations.

Regan Leigh
09-22-2009, 01:17 AM
Thank you for the replies. I apologize. I'm just not even in the shape to lurk AW. Everyone seems so happy and busy with their WIP, and I'm just stuck.

But you're writing what you're feeling here and that's good. Whether in a notebook or forum, the important thing is to let it out to someone/something. IMO. At this point, writing doesn't have to be for your wip or for any other goal than to help you through this.

icerose
09-22-2009, 03:26 AM
I think you're putting too much on yourself to be honest.

You need to step back and figure out what's on your shoulders to worry about. This is going to sound harsh but your dad's business going under and your mom's problems. Those don't belong on your shoulders. Take them off.

Go talk to your school counselor. You have good grades in the past, get on scholarships and financial aid, move into the dorms if you have to, get a job on campus or at a near by fast food or retail store to help you get through, get student loans.

Basically make some goals for you. You have no direction and you feel that helpless floundering overcoming you, on top of it you're worrying yourself to death over problems that aren't rightfully yours. Trust me on this one, I've lived it every day since I was 11.

You need some focus, you need to pull yourself together, and if you feel yourself sinking, get yourself into a councelor. Don't let this get past you, even if you need meds to help you get through it.

Finally, good luck!

Starhorsepax
09-22-2009, 03:57 AM
Hi. Been there. I was in the middle of an ICL childrens magazine course when I had to relocate. :cry: I manage to finish but was totally dried up on ideas. :gone: I didn't send anything out to try and sell it. Just lost heart totally. Took me quite awhile but I've finally gotten started again. I don't know quite how I got reengaged, but you are not alone.
:TheWave:

colealpaugh
09-22-2009, 04:07 AM
I think you're putting too much on yourself to be honest.

You need to step back and figure out what's on your shoulders to worry about. This is going to sound harsh but your dad's business going under and your mom's problems. Those don't belong on your shoulders. Take them off.

Go talk to your school counselor. You have good grades in the past, get on scholarships and financial aid, move into the dorms if you have to, get a job on campus or at a near by fast food or retail store to help you get through, get student loans.

Basically make some goals for you. You have no direction and you feel that helpless floundering overcoming you, on top of it you're worrying yourself to death over problems that aren't rightfully yours. Trust me on this one, I've lived it every day since I was 11.

You need some focus, you need to pull yourself together, and if you feel yourself sinking, get yourself into a councelor. Don't let this get past you, even if you need meds to help you get through it.

Finally, good luck!

Yep! Now's the time to talk. Now's the time to call in the favors you've done for friends when they needed a shoulder. Don't even consider keeping stuff bottled up. Pour it out on your friends and anyone who is available to listen. It's not dumping -- it is very flattering when a friend comes to you in need. Trust that they want to listen.

I coach a soccer club with 18 girls...a day does not pass without some sort of tragedy. And nothing has to be solved right away; you just need a game plan.

Mumut
09-22-2009, 04:54 AM
When I came down with clinical depression I didn't write for a year. I've always been the cook in the family and I couldn't even make a decent meal. It was a long time before I could even edit my work but when my pressing problems were overcome - financial mainly, I've been off work for four years - I found re-reading my own work one of the few places I felt safe. It was like being in a world of my own creation and I wasn't threatened personally by anything there. It was a while later before I started writing new work but, eventually, it was my writing pulled me out of the mire.

When I was capable of constructive thought, I made up a few affirmations which I repeated as often as possible just to keep myself on a path toward 'getting better'. I made lists. Everything I did went on them so I could have a lot of ticks. Each tick was a short step in the right direction. I worked out how to cut costs. I sold a few things I really didn't need. I planted veges. I knew what were the main problems for the family and tried to do as much as I was capable of to overcome them. Just making the effort was its own reward.

One big step was realizing and accepting that things weren't going to be the same any more. They're different but that doesn't mean necessarily worse.

Anyway, I won't bore you any more with what happened to me but I hope it might help you in some way. And all the very best wishes.

Regan Leigh
09-22-2009, 05:06 AM
See how many of us are interested in talking about it with you? I'm sure your friends would listen. (I hope!) They may be able to help you with resources in a way we can't. But yes you should get back on your meds if you feel you're that low. I'm assuming that's more of a financial issue, though. Good luck! Keep us updated.

Steam&Ink
09-22-2009, 05:10 AM
It seems like clinically depressed people, judging from history, have been able to write just fine. I haven't been able to for months now. I'm not only afraid to, but it's come to the point where my good ideas mean nothing because I think I'll deliver them poorly. I used to think I had skills, and now I'm not too sure, but that doesn't change the fact that it's all I want to do. There's a story ruminating my head, but I can't seem to sieze it. Am I too sad to write?

:Hug2:

You're not too sad to write, you're just dealing with a health problem which affects 20% of people (and almost 100% of intelligent people, in my experience).
Talk to your doctor again. Go to a counselor, or go back on the anti-depressants if that worked for you. There's no shame in it; you'd take anti-histamines if you suffered from hay fever, wouldn't you?

You're going through a really hard time, don't underestimate how stressful that can be. And don't be afraid to ask for help.

cursedsillycause
09-23-2009, 07:02 AM
Thank you all for the responses. I wrote a lot today- and by 'a lot' I mean 3 pages, so not really...but it's a start. My sister is back, and she's much better. Thank you for all of the advice. Depression can be debilitating, and I know I'm not alone, but it feels like I'm the only one sometimes, and most of that is because I've closed myself off from my a lot of the people that love me most. Today I managed to write, and brainstorm a lot of stuff my mind was too clogged to produce. I feel like there's more scope to my story then there was before. If I came off whiny to anyone, I sincerely apologize. THanks once again.

jodiodi
09-23-2009, 08:59 AM
I'm glad you're doing better.

I suffer from clinical depression as did my mother. I'm at the point now where I can't write worth anything. Eventually, I figure I'll be able to put something down.

It's good that you're moving forward. Just keep writing--sometimes it's the best therapy and the best outlet. Often, we can write what we can't say.

Libbie
09-23-2009, 06:44 PM
Channel your sadness into writing. Write the saddest thing you can think of. Then make it sadder. Sad it up.

It might end up being the prettiest thing you've ever written.

I've often done my best writing when I feel too blue to get out of the house.

cursedsillycause
09-24-2009, 11:33 PM
I'm glad you're doing better.

I suffer from clinical depression as did my mother. I'm at the point now where I can't write worth anything. Eventually, I figure I'll be able to put something down.

It's good that you're moving forward. Just keep writing--sometimes it's the best therapy and the best outlet. Often, we can write what we can't say.

I feel like that, too, but it's the depression that makes you think you can't write worth anything. In reality, you're still the writer you always were...just a little rusty. And I agree, writing is the best therapy. I wish you luck. Message me. I'm thinking that all of us "depressed" folks on AW should support each other.

icerose
09-24-2009, 11:44 PM
At the very bottom section of this forum there's conquering challenges. There is a thread in there about Depression, I strongly suggest you go there for support. Good luck.

Strange Days
09-24-2009, 11:53 PM
It seems like clinically depressed people, judging from history, have been able to write just fine. I haven't been able to for months now. I'm not only afraid to, but it's come to the point where my good ideas mean nothing because I think I'll deliver them poorly. I used to think I had skills, and now I'm not too sure, but that doesn't change the fact that it's all I want to do. There's a story ruminating my head, but I can't seem to sieze it. Am I too sad to write?

Hey, my fellow Minnesoohtahn! :) I have approximately same problem- good in inventing characters or plots, but failing in writing-it-all-down part of it... I began thinking- all it takes- a lot of practice and some theoretic advice! And this site provided quite a few of those for me. Good writing takes LOADS of hard work. Harder than I expected... But I'm learning to accept and cope with that, gradually...
Sometimes though- yeah, there ARE times when a person can get SO depressed, that cannot even write. Happened to me a few times... But I could also barely eat during those!

Millicent M'Lady
09-24-2009, 11:59 PM
Thank you all for the responses. I wrote a lot today- and by 'a lot' I mean 3 pages, so not really...but it's a start. My sister is back, and she's much better. Thank you for all of the advice. Depression can be debilitating, and I know I'm not alone, but it feels like I'm the only one sometimes, and most of that is because I've closed myself off from my a lot of the people that love me most. Today I managed to write, and brainstorm a lot of stuff my mind was too clogged to produce. I feel like there's more scope to my story then there was before. If I came off whiny to anyone, I sincerely apologize. THanks once again.

First, to the bolded part- don't do that to yourself. It is a lot, especially considering all the stress you are under and you should take pride in the fact that you wrote so much. I know when I've been badly depressed creating anything has been too much effort and I am amazed at you for getting those three pages written when you're going through such a hard time. Well done you.:)

You at no time came off whiney and there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help. If you look in "Conquering Challenges" there is even a whole thread on depression so anytime you need to vent you'll get a comforting ear too.

Go easy on yourself and be proud of yourself. I hope everything starts to look up for you soon. :Hug2:

cursedsillycause
09-25-2009, 11:08 AM
THank you for all the support, guys. I didn't know there was a whole thread dedicated to this subject already. I appreciate all of the heartfelt advice. I hope I can return the favor if anyone needs to talk. THanks all.

Sean D. Schaffer
09-25-2009, 09:31 PM
It seems like clinically depressed people, judging from history, have been able to write just fine. I haven't been able to for months now. I'm not only afraid to, but it's come to the point where my good ideas mean nothing because I think I'll deliver them poorly. I used to think I had skills, and now I'm not too sure, but that doesn't change the fact that it's all I want to do. There's a story ruminating my head, but I can't seem to sieze it. Am I too sad to write?


It sounds to me like you're not too sad to write, but that you're too afraid to write.

Here are some things that may help you to re-gain your confidence in your writing:

1. Write because you want to write, not because you're good at it or think you'll do a perfect job the very first time.

2. As is commonly stated here on AW, "Give Yourself Permission To Write Crap." When you're putting a story down in First Draft form, what matters is story, not how well you use the language. Make your language better in later drafts, but get the story down in tangible form in the first draft; that's all that matters in a first draft. :)

3. Writing can have a therapeutic effect on the writer. This, I believe, is why so many depressed writers do so well in the Craft. Their writing is their outlet for their frustrations, their anxieties, and of course, their depression. Think of writing not so much as a Craft to be perfected, but as a constructive way to deal with your depression.

I hope this helps you out. Blessed Be. :)

cursedsillycause
09-26-2009, 02:46 AM
It sounds to me like you're not too sad to write, but that you're too afraid to write.

Here are some things that may help you to re-gain your confidence in your writing:

1. Write because you want to write, not because you're good at it or think you'll do a perfect job the very first time.

2. As is commonly stated here on AW, "Give Yourself Permission To Write Crap." When you're putting a story down in First Draft form, what matters is story, not how well you use the language. Make your language better in later drafts, but get the story down in tangible form in the first draft; that's all that matters in a first draft. :)

3. Writing can have a therapeutic effect on the writer. This, I believe, is why so many depressed writers do so well in the Craft. Their writing is their outlet for their frustrations, their anxieties, and of course, their depression. Think of writing not so much as a Craft to be perfected, but as a constructive way to deal with your depression.

I hope this helps you out. Blessed Be. :)

You're absolutely right. Thank you for the tips. I am very afraid to write. I think it's more of that than the depression (I've had it since childhood).

Sean D. Schaffer
09-26-2009, 09:25 AM
You're absolutely right. Thank you for the tips. I am very afraid to write. I think it's more of that than the depression (I've had it since childhood).


I understand why you would think it was the depression. I've suffered from depression for a long time, too. My diagnosis was Dysthimia (sp?). And I've suffered from exactly the same problem you have: I stopped writing because I was afraid to write, but thought it was the depression causing me to not want to write.

So yeah, it sounds to me like we're in exactly the same boat. Welcome aboard.

But now that you know what's going on, you have a choice to make: face the fear and prove it wrong, or not do anything and end up being sorry when all is said and done. I hope you choose to face that fear, because really, the rewards of facing that fear can greatly outweigh the effects of the fear itself.


:)


Blessed Be.