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Looking for Beta Reader for Paranormal YA

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jsouders

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Hi, I have a Paranormal YA that I would like one or multiple beta readers for. I've had a ton of people who gave me info on content and style and all that so I'm pretty good as far as that goes, but I'm looking for someone who can catch my grammar mistakes.

I'm not the best when it comes to grammar, but it shouldn't be too bad. I've gone over it a bunch of times myself, but someone is always telling me they still see grammar mistakes and I can't find them. So, I'm looking for someone with better eyes than mine. Also, to look for a few areas where things could be tightened. Superfluous words, etc. Stuff like that.

Of course, comments on style and content are appreciated too.

I'd like to just send the first few chapters to see how well we work together. If you're interested PM me or reply. Either way.

Thanks.
jsouders

Link to SYW:
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/...d.php?t=155189
 
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jsouders

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Oh, sorry.
Here's a blurb about it.
Brianna Ridley is just like any small town teenage girl. Or is she?

When two new students show up at her high school, strange things begin to
happen. Her boyfriend's personality changes from loving to cold and cruel.
Her normally doting father becomes strangely possessive, and even her mother
seems to be keeping secrets.

When her parents finally divulge the awful truth about what she really is,
she realizes that monsters really do exist and only she can stop them.

And basically what it is.

Fallen is a paranormal YA novel that is a cross between Buffy the Vampire
Slayer and Twilight, minus the vampires. It’s a story proving that what is
perceived to be reality is nothing more than fiction and that there are
monsters that hide in dark and go bump in the night.


Uh, I don't know what SYW means, but here's an excerpt or two to see if you like my style or not.

We went to see some horror flick where I spent most of the time with my face buried in Chaz's shoulder. Sarah must've done the same thing on the other side because when we left the theatre, he quipped, "That was the best movie ever. I got to hold two beautiful women through out the whole movie and neither one slapped me."

We all laughed and turned to walk to the restaurant that was a few blocks away. The movie had been so scary I’d completely forgotten about Adam and his father’s strange conversation. Just when I started to think on it again, I saw Erich leaning against one of the streetlamps in front of the theatre. I remembered my dream too late and looked into his pitch black eyes. He gestured for me to come over to him and smiled when I excused myself from my friends.

When he spoke his voice was quiet and hypnotic. "I wanted to apologize to you, Bree. My behavior was unacceptable. Will you forgive me?" he asked, his eyes strangely appealing despite their dark depths.

My ears started buzzing and I heard a new voice in my head. Go back and tell your friends that you'll have dinner with me. Tell them I've apologized and you want to spend some time with me, alone.

I walked slowly back to my friends who were gaping at me. I looked over Sarah's shoulder as I spoke. "I'm going to have dinner with Erich. He's apologized to me and I want to spend some time with him." My voice sounded bored, almost robotic.

Sarah looked nervous. "I don't think that's a good idea, Bree. Adam will be upset if he finds out."

"Adam doesn't need to know, does he? It's only dinner; I'll meet you back here in a little while," I said, repeating after the voice in my head.
I saw Chaz pull out his cell phone as I turned around and followed Erich. Maybe he’s calling Adam, I thought. Adam would come. He always came.
I knew what was coming and I started to shake with fear as we drew closer to the alley we were going to turn down.

"Please don't," I begged, knowing it was useless.

He ignored me and pushed me further into the alley and the four sets of eyes at the end burned brighter with my struggles. When we reached the end of the alley I saw who, or should I say what, were attached to those four pairs of burning eyes.

Two of the pairs, of course, belonged to the Hamptons. Their faces strangely contorted in something close to ecstasy as they noticed my fear. The other two belonged to people I'd never seen before.

All of my worst nightmares were realized. There were such things as monsters. The proof was in front of my eyes.



If you're interested I can said a word document that looks a lot better than this does. Just let me know.
 

chimita

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Oh, sorry, SYW is the share your work forum, here's the link for the YA forum.
I just signed up for an online writing course, so I can't beta right now. Anyway, I wish you luck finding a beta :)
 

adktd2bks

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I would suggest that you post your first chapter in SYW. From what you posted here, I don't necessarily see a lot of grammar mistakes, what I see are a lot of areas where you can tighten things, use more active words, shorten sentences, etc. I'd be willing to go through your first chapter if you post it on SYW or send it to me by PM. I can give you ideas of what to look for, but I don't have time to go through an entire book. Once you know what to look for you should be able to do a lot of revisions on your own.
 
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