He loves it; he loves it not

CaroGirl · Sep 10, 2009

My husband used to read my stories and he even had some very useful comments, although he often claimed not to completely understand them. After a time, he stopped asking to read them and I stopped asking him to read them. I know now that the novel I wrote back then wasn't very good and definitely not publishable.

A few novels later, I have something new I'm working on, and part of it's loosely based on our university years. Some of the characters are composites of people we knew then. I'd like to ask him to read it. I think I've improved A LOT since I wrote that hideous, unpublishable novel, which was the last story of mine he read. Of course he doesn't know that. I fear he'll be apprehensive to read my book. I'm worried I'll be hurt if he refuses to read it or if he's unable to finish it (up to where I am now; it's currently incomplete).

Do you think I have more to lose by asking him or not asking him to read it? Anyone been in the same boat?

NicoleMD · Sep 10, 2009

I'd wait until it's finished and polished to show it to him, and find a crit partner if you need to bounce ideas off someone. It sounds like your husband is trying to be supportive, but really doesn't want to get caught in the grit of drafts and revisions. Someone who's not interested in the process is probably not going to be much help at this stage, so why make things awkward?

Nicole

Karen Junker · Sep 10, 2009

I try to get my husband to read my stuff and he tends to put it down when he gets bored or confused. Just like a real reader would.

The key is getting him to tell me where he was at in the mss when he put it down and try to get him to tell me why--did one of the characters do something stupid? Was it going into too much boring back story?

Now, I have to realize that my husband is not the target audience for my type of story. I think it helps immensely to get writing partners who are interested in your type of work.

katiemac · Sep 10, 2009

I think Nicole's advice works here--don't try to get him to read it in the drafting stage. A polished work is the best way to go. If you've improved, he'll be able to tell. He might not be the best audience for it, still, but might be more open-minded in the future if what you're giving him truly is your best.

Also, down the road, you can start him out slow. Give him just the opening chapter instead of the entire manuscript. See what his thoughts after that.

CACTUSWENDY · Sep 10, 2009

I would approach him in just that way.

"Honey, remember back when you read the crap I use to write?" You say with a hint of humor about it. "Well, I think I have made some head way and have gotten a lot better, but I could really use some input from you." You say, allowing this a few seconds to sink in. "I was wondering, that if you have some free time, would you mind reading this last one? You know I really would value your input." (If it appears from his facial expression that he's not too keen on it add this.) "If you do this for me, I'll make you your favorite dinner....just the way you like it." (Or whatever bribe you think he might go for.) Now...bat your eyes and put on your best smile.

willietheshakes · Sep 10, 2009

CACTUSWENDY said:
(Or whatever bribe you think he might go for.)

I...

Nope, not gonna touch that one.

I don't really have any advice, Caro. My wife is THE beta reader -- out of three or four early readers, she's the one whose input means the most. Not out of sentimentality or connection, but out of pure no-bullshittedness -- if it's not working, I hear it from her first. She's absolutely essential to the process.

Which, at present, is a little tricky, but... (shrugs).

Good luck.

maestrowork · Sep 10, 2009

Don't have any expectations, no matter what you decide.

That's the advice I'll give, and I'll stick by it.

DeleyanLee · Sep 10, 2009

Personally, I'd just talk to him about the story in general and get all excited and see how his reaction runs. If you get him excited about the story in progress, and how you're adapting real life that you shared, he'll be more interested in reading it.

I know that's what gets me interested in reading a friend's book, anyway.

Mr Flibble · Sep 10, 2009

I found a great way to get my hubby to read my stuff more often / not take six months to read it. I say 'hun, it's got lots of sex in it, any chance you could --' Which is the point he snatches it out of my hand

maestrowork · Sep 10, 2009

A friend/beta of mine has yet to finish reading my book and comment on it (and the book was published in 2006!) His excuse? It was too close to home for him -- he hated the protagonist because it reminded him of his father.

I don't know if it's a good thing or bad.

timewaster · Sep 10, 2009

My husband has always read my stuff, though when he's very busy at work I don't ask him. He is usually very supportive, encouraging and likes my writing, but he has really disliked at least one of my published novels and dealing with that was difficult. However the reason he is so helpful is that he always tells me the truth as he sees it so if he dislikes something I try and change it so he might like it more, but when i know I can't because I have to write what works for me, I just take on board his criticisms and carry on.

It is good to share your projects because you invest so much into them and when partners are supportive it really helps, but tastes differ and if he hates it, it isn't the end of the world.

ishtar'sgate · Sep 10, 2009

maestrowork said:
Don't have any expectations, no matter what you decide.

That's the advice I'll give, and I'll stick by it.

I agree. My husband has little interest in what I write. Okay, that came out wrong. He's very supportive, makes sure I have space to myself and time for my writing, is pleased that I write but he's just not a big reader so I leave him alone. If I asked him to, I know he'd read my work. I'm just not sure how helpful his comments would be.

KTC · Sep 10, 2009

my wife reads my stuff when it's done. i usually write my novels during weekend marathons...so i guess she just expects to read the finished draft when i come home from my weekend away. I always feel the comfort of that 'it's just a first draft' cushion.

you know you've been improving. you feel good about this one. just ask him.

i usually don't let anybody read mine until the first draft is complete. i don't want people saying...'oh, you should do this (or that)'. I don't want outside influences to change the course i'm on. but if you're comfortable about showing him a work in progress...see if he's interested.

i get your reticence. i'm like that too. but my wife is probably the best reader i have. she's no nonsense. i can count on not getting 'it's great' 'i liked it' from her. she points out my flaws. i find her feedback invaluable.

good luck, whatever you choose.

Madison · Sep 10, 2009

Sometimes it's better to have a third-party objective someone read your novel and give feedback. Otherwise it can get awkward when friends/relatives don't finish it and/or don't like it much. It's better not to strain relationships over it.

AW has a beta forum where you can pick up beta readers... I've found a few good ones through it.

Mr Flibble · Sep 10, 2009

ishtar'sgate said:
He's very supportive, makes sure I have space to myself and time for my writing, is pleased that I write but

Same although the but is 'if he read the genre I write he'd read more of it.' However he is great for discussing plot bunnies with and always gives me something that will spark an idea. That's worth more imo than him reading something that's not his thing

If the hubby in the OP doesn't read and enjoy the genre, or he's not a big reader at all, there are other ways to get him involved. My hubby loves it when I use one of his ideas for how to show something, or who should kill who

timewaster · Sep 10, 2009

I think it depends what you want people to read for. I value my husband's opinion and his enthusiasm has inspired me more than once when I've got stuck, but I talk to him about my writing and want him to read it because it's important to me. He talks to me about what he does too.

Randy · Sep 10, 2009

he loves it; he loves it not

I wouldn't worry too much about his level of interest. I've learned not to fret about my wife's apathy. It's a left vs. right brain thing, at least that's what I've told myself after the last time she read a few chapters, said she liked it, and then went back to her own novel. After fifteen years she has yet to ask me a question about the characters, the plot, the scenes I've described. I think she's afraid she'll say the wrong thing. Your husband may feel the same, or have others things his mind. Writing is and always will be a lonely journey.
randy

MsGneiss · Sep 10, 2009

I am of the opinion that family, loved ones, and significant others do not make good beta readers. It is difficult for them to be objective, and it is far more difficult for a writer to get negative feedback from a spouse as opposed to getting it from a detached beta reader. Of course, it all depends on the dynamic you have with your husband, but my advice is to seek the opinion of a writing partner or a reader you are not emotionally involved with.

Wayne K · Sep 10, 2009

My wife edits for me. She was in the graduate program at NYU for creative writing when we met. Who knew I would end up loving her for her mind?

CaroGirl · Sep 10, 2009

NicoleMD said:
I'd wait until it's finished and polished to show it to him, and find a crit partner if you need to bounce ideas off someone. It sounds like your husband is trying to be supportive, but really doesn't want to get caught in the grit of drafts and revisions. Someone who's not interested in the process is probably not going to be much help at this stage, so why make things awkward?

Nicole

Thanks Nicole. He's definitely supportive and I do have a few people I can ask to beta-read my work. I was hoping that, since he was there with me at uni, he might have some ideas about the story and characters.

Karen Junker said:
I try to get my husband to read my stuff and he tends to put it down when he gets bored or confused. Just like a real reader would.

That's a good idea Karen. I could ask him to read it and then tell me where it put it down and why. That's valuable. However, this assumes I won't be hurt if he stops reading.

katiemac said:
Also, down the road, you can start him out slow. Give him just the opening chapter instead of the entire manuscript. See what his thoughts after that.

I might try that, but I am now leaning toward finishing it first. Why can't it just be finished already?!!

CACTUSWENDY said:
"If you do this for me, I'll make you your favorite dinner....just the way you like it." (Or whatever bribe you think he might go for.) Now...bat your eyes and put on your best smile.

This approach sounds the most fun. I think I'll definitely try it, manuscript or no manuscript.

CaroGirl · Sep 11, 2009

willietheshakes said:
I...

Nope, not gonna touch that one.

I don't really have any advice, Caro. My wife is THE beta reader -- out of three or four early readers, she's the one whose input means the most. Not out of sentimentality or connection, but out of pure no-bullshittedness -- if it's not working, I hear it from her first. She's absolutely essential to the process.

Which, at present, is a little tricky, but... (shrugs).

Good luck.

Thanks for not touching that one. I wish I could count on my husband for no-bullshittedness because he's, well, built-in, isn't he? And also because he knows my characters and situations, having been there with me during some of the experiences I write about in this particular novel.

At what stage in the process do you give your wife your work? Do you give her each chapter as it's finished, do you wait to give her an entire first draft, or do you wait until it's a polished pearl to give her a crack at it?

CaroGirl · Sep 11, 2009

maestrowork said:
Don't have any expectations, no matter what you decide.

That's the advice I'll give, and I'll stick by it.

Actually, I think that's great advice. Possibly easier said than done, but great nevertheless.

willietheshakes · Sep 11, 2009

CaroGirl said:
Thanks for not touching that one. I wish I could count on my husband for no-bullshittedness because he's, well, built-in, isn't he? And also because he knows my characters and situations, having been there with me during some of the experiences I write about in this particular novel.

At what stage in the process do you give your wife your work? Do you give her each chapter as it's finished, do you wait to give her an entire first draft, or do you wait until it's a polished pearl to give her a crack at it?

I give her a fairly polished first draft. Any later in the process and I don't get the full benefit of her reading...

jjacobs · Sep 11, 2009

He's your husband. Till death do you part, right? If my wife asked me to read her novel, no matter how talented I thought she was, I would in a heartbeat. Why? Because I love her, and if she cares about it, then I care about it.

CaroGirl · Sep 11, 2009

jjacobs said:
He's your husband. Till death do you part, right? If my wife asked me to read her novel, no matter how talented I thought she was, I would in a heartbeat. Why? Because I love her, and if she cares about it, then I care about it.

How long have you been married?

If I asked him to, I'm sure he'd read it. As I said, he is supportive. But I'm nervous just the same. Maybe he won't think I've improved. Or he'll just plain hate it. Or he'll say he'll read it and then won't. I don't know. I think it's easier to hand it off to relative strangers than it is to give it over to him.

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