To be honest.

Status
Not open for further replies.

Ollie Saunders

Silly man.
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 23, 2008
Messages
63
Reaction score
5
Location
England
"To be honest".

I try not to use clichés, but I whenever I want to reveal a truth to somebody that contradicts their own actions, I find "to be honest" or "begin honest, ..." a near-requirement. I wouldn't use it in formal work but in a discussion do you think the use of this clichés has merit?
 
Last edited:

Stargazer

Spiralling into the abyss
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 26, 2007
Messages
388
Reaction score
74
Location
Dunstable, UK
I'm not particularly keen on such phrases. To prefix a sentence with 'To be honest...' is a bit like saying 'i talk crap the rest of the time, however, on this occasion...'

I suppose it's a bit like saying 'Basically' at the begining of a statement or explanantion. They're force of habit phrases, no real meaning, just there to fill in the blanks when you can't figure out how to start a sentence properly.

If in the context of writing them for a project, it wouldn't be out of place for the character to say it if he/she was an impulsive speaker who rarely connected the brain to the mouth.
 

Kenzie

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 14, 2008
Messages
291
Reaction score
48
Location
Brisvegas, Australia
There are phrases that everyone says and this is one of them. It's natural, it's just another way of communicating something. It doesn't bother me when I or other people say things like this (buzz words, on the other hand...)

My housemate in London used to say 'To be fair' all the time. It got so it became a big joke, we'd all start putting that in front of everything we said, mimicking his Brummie accent in the meantime. 'To be fair, it's your turn to make the tea.' 'To be fair, I made it two nights ago.' 'To be fair, you can kiss my arse.' Etc.
 

Ollie Saunders

Silly man.
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 23, 2008
Messages
63
Reaction score
5
Location
England
I'm not particularly keen on such phrases. To prefix a sentence with 'To be honest...' is a bit like saying 'i talk crap the rest of the time, however, on this occasion...'
I think it means:

I'm not usually this blunt, making a point that you might find difficult to accept; I'm aware of how this might make you feel but this is important so here goes...​

I think what I'm looking for is another phrase without to-be-honest's cliché status that imparts, more precisely, the meaning I give above.

I suppose it's a bit like saying 'Basically' at the begining of a statement or explanantion. They're force of habit phrases, no real meaning, just there to fill in the blanks when you can't figure out how to start a sentence properly.
Only if it is used habitually, which I don't.
 

CaroGirl

Living the dream
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 27, 2006
Messages
8,368
Reaction score
2,327
Location
Bookstores
To me, it's more of a verbal tic than a meaningful preface to a statement. Most people who use intro phrases like this use them so often, they're essentially meaningless. I used to have a friend who said, "If I'm honest..." and "At the end of the day..." ad nauseum. I stripped it out when listening to her. Either that or get intensely irritated.

If you want a character to have this verbal tic, use it (but perhaps sparingly, unless irritating the reader is your intent).
 

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 9, 2005
Messages
16,768
Reaction score
4,663
Location
Scotland
Just say whatever it is that has to be said.

If you usually waffle or are normally not blunt or honest -the difference will be clear.
 

Ollie Saunders

Silly man.
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 23, 2008
Messages
63
Reaction score
5
Location
England
To me, it's more of a verbal tic than a meaningful preface to a statement. Most people who use intro phrases like this use them so often, they're essentially meaningless.
I accept that others' overuse of the phrase has created that assumption. For me this raises the question: How do avoid that dismissive assumption and still impart the meaning of "to be honest"? The best answer I have to that question is to use different words.

"To be honest" wasn't always meaningless. When it was first used, it has meaning, surely. I want that meaning back, just me me! For now we can forget about "to be honest". What I'm really asking is, how do I say:

I'm about to say something that contradicts your initial judgement, I am aware of how this will make you feel but it is important enough to say despite that.​

... without being overlong and sounding like a big deal? For me this is a matter of effective communication. I'm not writing anything in particular, especially not a novel.
 

Ollie Saunders

Silly man.
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 23, 2008
Messages
63
Reaction score
5
Location
England
Just say whatever it is that has to be said.
I prefer to demonstrate to people that I understand their feelings. I say things, which are true, that anger people more often that most. I want to deliver those points that I believe in, without causing offense.

If you usually waffle or are normally not blunt or honest -the difference will be clear.
Do you get that impression of me?
 
Last edited:

boron

Health writer
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 6, 2009
Messages
995
Reaction score
46
Location
Europe
Website
www.healthhype.com
I try not to use clichés, but I whenever I want to reveal a truth to somebody that contradicts their own actions, I find "to be honest" or "begin honest, ..." a near-requirement.

You want to tell the truth but keep a friend? It's the question of "the call" you hear in peace within yourself ("Yes, now, say it!") and this call will tell you to say something or not. If it is "not", don't say it. If it is "yes" you will kinda know what to say without using any phrase. Saying "to be honest" to someone close to you is completely redundant, and sounds annoying. With saying "to be honest" you are trying to sound soft and this is exactly what many people will find insulting. They will feel how you treat them like they are weak and you think you need to care about them.
 
Last edited:

Ollie Saunders

Silly man.
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 23, 2008
Messages
63
Reaction score
5
Location
England
Telling someone the truth is a start of a fight, not a polite expression of opinions.
In the example you gave, certainly, but not always.

I told you the truth just then.
 

boron

Health writer
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 6, 2009
Messages
995
Reaction score
46
Location
Europe
Website
www.healthhype.com
Using appropriate expression is important. Expression is appropriate when you are in peace when using it. If you are in a real peace before you say something, it may still hit you if the listener starts to cry or yell after hearing you, but if you did it right, you will feel peace again when you calm down. It's the peace within yourself that tells you what's right and not your listener's response.
 

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 9, 2005
Messages
16,768
Reaction score
4,663
Location
Scotland
No, but this issue seems to boil down to tactfully saying whatever it is you want to say.

How one says something is just as important as what one says. By that I mean body language, tone and inflection.

I prefer to demonstrate to people that I understand their feelings. I say things, which are true, that anger people more often that most. I want to deliver those points that I believe in, without causing offense.

Do you get that impression of me?
 
Last edited:

Stargazer

Spiralling into the abyss
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 26, 2007
Messages
388
Reaction score
74
Location
Dunstable, UK
What I'm really asking is, how do I say:
I'm about to say something that contradicts your initial judgement, I am aware of how this will make you feel but it is important enough to say despite that.​
... without being overlong and sounding like a big deal?

I'm meant to be pilot-testing a new peice of software right now, but I'm not a software tester and I'm out of my depth and a bit stressed, so I figured I'd give this a go. Aplogies in advance if I miss the mark but my excuse, should I do so, is that I'm checking over each shoulder after each word.

As a substitute, how about:-

I can see your point, but think of it like this,
 

Ollie Saunders

Silly man.
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 23, 2008
Messages
63
Reaction score
5
Location
England
Aplogies in advance if I miss the mark but my excuse, should I do so, is that I'm checking over each shoulder after each word.
Did you mean that as a suggestion for what I could say or was that applying to you?
 

Ollie Saunders

Silly man.
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 23, 2008
Messages
63
Reaction score
5
Location
England
You know what, I already have good books on this sort of stuff. I should go read them and stop bothering you nice people.
 

Stargazer

Spiralling into the abyss
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 26, 2007
Messages
388
Reaction score
74
Location
Dunstable, UK
Did you mean that as a suggestion for what I could say or was that applying to you?

No, that was me being a slacker. The bit in the quote bubble at the bottom was me suggesting.

Hope you get it worked out.

Rob.
 

backslashbaby

~~~~*~~~~
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
12,635
Reaction score
1,603
Location
NC
How about:

"Respectfully,..."


?? I like it, but it's a bit stiff to say in person, imho.
 

jaye_byrd

Registered
Joined
Sep 3, 2009
Messages
5
Reaction score
0
I'm not particularly keen on such phrases. To prefix a sentence with 'To be honest...' is a bit like saying 'i talk crap the rest of the time, however, on this occasion...'

I suppose it's a bit like saying 'Basically' at the begining of a statement or explanantion. They're force of habit phrases, no real meaning, just there to fill in the blanks when you can't figure out how to start a sentence properly.

Slightly random, but has anyone noticed that folks on judge shows say these two phrases ALL of the time. In which case I think most folks would agree that it is absolutely unneccessary to preface a statement made in court with the phrase, "To be honest..."
 

Fallen

Stood at the coalface
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 9, 2009
Messages
5,500
Reaction score
1,957
Website
www.jacklpyke.com
You know what, I already have good books on this sort of stuff. I should go read them and stop bothering you nice people.

We don't mind being bothered, hun. ;)

I studied linguistic fingering at Uni which lets you look and compare several pieces of work written by the same person. You pick up on phrases, slight mark of pen, repetitive word etc that are posiibly displaying the characetr behind the words. Writing fiction is no different. For characterisation, you use and repeat certain phrases, certain choice of mixed up tense, etc all to give your characeter his own unique voice. If 'to be honest' is your fingerprint and reflects your character, then I like it, hun. Just vary it for different characters in your book. You want each character to have it's own fingerprint, so vary those emotive interjections.
 

IceCreamEmpress

Hapless Virago
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 2, 2007
Messages
6,449
Reaction score
1,321
"To be honest" is, to me, one of those phrases that generally means its opposite, a la "for your convenience" and "I don't mean to be rude."

My experience is that when people use it, they're being more honest than they think the person they're speaking to would like them to be, but less honest than they would like to be.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.