Sorry I'm late for work...

HAHAHA I love the last one.

I've always been a fan of the phrase, "Better late than pregnant."

I witnessed a 10-car accident. I pulled over and saved a dozen lives, then had to go to the laundromat to wash all the blood off my shirt and tie.

Half the planet decided to go to the same Starbuck's.

The in-laws hogged the shower.

Had to make a 7-Eleven run for milk.

My blind cat climbed up the tree to escape a pit bull, and when I climbed up to rescue him I got stuck on a limb when my ladder fell.

I changed my flat tire using only a palm frond.

Flat tire. I use that one on a regular basis, mainly because it's true.

...I had to ride the cotton pony this morning.

ok - I'm going to give you a few stunners this girl named Louise gave at work.

Notice: these are real excuses. Please look away if you are squeamish.

I was coming over the bridge and a wheel fell off my car and went into the bay
I was wearing white pants and got my period when I was halfway to work and I had to turn around and go home.
My waterbed sprung a leak and my clean clothes were on the bed and got all wet and I had to put my clothes in the dryer

Seriously.

My dentures fell into the cat box this morning, and it took me until now to disinfect them properly.

CatSlave said:

My dentures fell into the cat box this morning, and it took me until now to disinfect them properly.

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Mang!

deathwizard said:

I witnessed a 10-car accident. I pulled over and saved a dozen lives, then had to go to the laundromat to wash all the blood off my shirt and tie.

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I caused a 10-car accident.

Bahamutchild said:

...
...I had to give my budgie (parakeet) her meds.
...

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Not an excuse. You should have smuggled your budgie. You would have been on time.

... I got mugged by a couple of unicorns. They took my kidneys. I only just got out of the hospital. True story.

(I tend not to be late. I suck at excuses. No practice.)

I was trying to apply Preparation H but accidentally grabbed the Crazy Glue instead.

...the voices in my head wanted to hold a family meeting.

...actually I'm not sorry at all. What are you looking at?

The voices in aadams' head were telling me that I needed to stay home today.

"My psychiatrist thought homicidal thoughts deserved a two hour session."

I'll be in as soon as I find someone to let me out of these handcuffs. At least, he said he was coming back?

eeps!

i'm sorry. Are the voices in my head bothering you?

bettielee said:

i'm sorry. Are the voices in my head bothering you?

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Yes, tell them to shut the heck up already, I'd like some sleep.

A herd of deer were crossing the road and the stag decided it was the right place for a quick bonk. Or two ...

Honest truth:

If you've read any of my posts about spiders, you know I loathe the creatures and am completely and utterly terrified of them.

I was over an hour late to work one morning because I pulled out a shirt as I was getting dressed, threw it on and felt something on my shoulder. I brushed at it and it was a giant man-eating spider. (Well, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but it was big, dammit!)

Unfortunately, it ran behind some shoes I had on the floor and they were located between me and the door to the bedroom, as was the bed. I couldn't move. I stood there for an hour, holding another shoe, waiting for the spider to come out, afraid it would, but more afraid it wouldn't because then, if I went to work, it would have time to hide in the bedroom and ambush me when I came home or worse, when I was asleep.

I finally spotted it and killed it, shrieking and jumping the whole time.

When I got to work, I told them about it and my boss laughed and said I should've called in. He'd have gotten our EMS director to send somebody to kill it for me (we called Randy for everything). I could just hear Randy in his slow, Southern drawl, telling one of the EMS guys (they were all based out of the hospital), "Go on up there to Waycross and kill that spider so Jodi can come to work." They'd have done it, too. He was like their god.

Fortunately, my boss knew how scared I was of spiders so he was understanding.

(real excuses given)

...sorry I can't come in for my shift. I'm just too tired.
...sorry I can't work overtime tomorrow. I am in the mother/daughter fishing tournament. But why don't you come over Sunday. We're barbequing a moose.
...sorry I can't come to work today, I am stuck in the Bermuda Triangle. I'll be in tomorrow.