View Full Version : Emergency: Beta needed for Thriller

08-27-2009, 08:15 PM
I'm sure everybody knows by now that I've been working on a thriller/spy story, set in Berlin during WWII.

I have been editing and rewriting for an agent and I have to resubmit in mid-September.

I've changed so much in the last month, now I desparately need someone to read the whole thing, quickly, and tell me if the plot still makes sense.


08-28-2009, 01:44 AM
Hi, I'd be willing to read it for you. Just want to know about plot points or everything?
Chars, grammar, etc

08-28-2009, 03:10 AM
Depending on how long the story is, I'm available

08-28-2009, 01:07 PM
Could do a beta read, too, if you like. Especially, if you'd like to know how you handle locale. I'm in the right place for it - even if in the wrong time. ;)


08-29-2009, 06:43 PM
Having read the piece I would say that the overall plot is quite good, certainly an interesting
Subject but I have to say the delivery needs some work.

There are issues with tense throughout the piece.

The opening needs to be more punchy, this is what's supposed to hook the reader.
Perhaps start with the interrogation (although this needs to have an ending not just 'oh well
Off you go then).

The opening newspaper cutting needs to be thinned out, present only the facts and cut the extra

08-29-2009, 07:06 PM
There are issues with tense throughout the piece.

Thanks for that.

Can you point out some examples, please?

08-30-2009, 04:36 PM
It's mainly where you are describing things that have happened in the past, family memories or history, you mix tense in the paragraph

09-04-2009, 05:09 PM
I can give it a read, if you're still looking for some feedback. You just want a quick, overall reaction?

09-04-2009, 05:42 PM
Thanks, PM, but it's too late now. I'm out of time.

Maybe next time?

09-04-2009, 06:10 PM
No prob. Sure!

09-06-2009, 08:33 PM
Darn! I wish I'd seen this earlier when I could've helped. I'm a retired Army Master Sergeant and served 12 years in Europe. I'm fascinated with military history of all kinds and personally spent a lot of time where European wars took place. Even worked in a building that was headquarters of a Luftwaffe Schutstaffel. (And saw the various entrances to the underground areas they built to try to overcome Allied bombing raids.)

If you ever need another critique, I'm available. (I also used to speak fluent German)