Another question for the lesbian ladies . . .

Although I was surprised at the candid responses a while back when the question was asked about their first time, I don't think the ladies wish to discuss this aspect of their sex lives, if, by chance this is one.

1. If the character has been with a guy before, she's not going to be that confused with her new girlfriend. If you want them to have sweet romantic sexytimes, then write the scene that way.

2. If the character has never been intimate with anyone before, a caring partner will ease her into it, regardless of gender. The Gays are not mysterious creatures with mysterious ways, I promise you. I dunno of any secret tips to drop on you. Sex is sex.

3. When you're done, if you're worried you've gotten some of the, uh, mechanics wrong, you can always ask a knowledgeable beta reader for feedback. Or read this: The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us

efreysson said:

Um, was this an inappropriate question? 46 views, and so far no responses.

Click to expand...

I couldn't figure out what to say. I think Kitty Pryde's suggestion that you take a look at The Whole Lesbian Sex Book is a good one.

If you've had sex with women yourself, and you remember the concerns you had the first time or two, be aware that women have them, too. Knowing how your own bits work doesn't give you a magical insight into how someone else's bits work, so there's that anxiety.

If you're someone who hasn't had sex with women yourself, it's still largely the same kind of concern, only with different hydraulics.

If what you're looking for really is

to have Millie introduce Erika to lady-love in a way that's real, sweet, gentle, and shows Millie's softer side and her genuine care for Erika.

Click to expand...

it's not a lesbian specific thing, it's a human thing. I don't see how it would be any different from a man and woman having sex for the first time.

IceCreamEmpress said:

I couldn't figure out what to say.

Click to expand...

I read and didn't know what to say either. Of course, I'm not a lesbian so the question wasn't really addressed to me.

I couldn't figure out if you were asking about the mechanics or actually how to portray the scene.

Generally, someone having sex with a person of the same gender for the first time is going to be less confused than someone having sex with someone of the opposite gender for the first time (particularly if they're already sexually experienced with the opposite gender). I have a very similar scene in one of my books (except mine are gay men instead of lesbians). The man who has never had sex with another man before still knows pretty much what to do because he has a penis himself and knows what feels good. Assuming Erika has masturbated herself, and perhaps had oral sex performed on her by a man, she's not going to be exactly clueless about what to do. Some gentle instruction from both parties is never a bad thing in any first sex scene, regardless of the genders and experience levels of the people involved. No two people are alike, different things feel good to different people.

A very important part of the scene will be how comfortable Erika is with her sexuality. How much stigma is there against lesbians in her society? How long has she been thinking about this? Have there been other acts, like kisses or fondling, in previous scenes leading up to the sex? If she's really uncomfortable, Millie will have to work hard to make her comfortable.

And I'm going to strongly recommend that you read books with lesbian sex scenes in them to see how other writers handled it. This was the main research I did for the gay sex scenes in my books.

Chasing the Horizon said:

Assuming Erika has masturbated herself, and perhaps had oral sex performed on her by a man, she's not going to be exactly clueless about what to do.

Click to expand...

Even if you're an experienced catcher, the very first time you pitch there's going to be a bit of anxiety because you're doing something quite different from what you've done before.

Chasing the Horizon said:

Generally, someone having sex with a person of the same gender for the first time is going to be less confused than someone having sex with someone of the opposite gender for the first time (particularly if they're already sexually experienced with the opposite gender).

Click to expand...

I completely disagree with this (just to confuse the OP).

Someone who's having sex with another person of the same gender for the first time has to cope with the "Oh my god, am I doing this right?" feeling as well as the knowledge society - certain sections of it, anyway - says it's wrong.

So there's not just nerves. There's nerves and guilt. And uncertainty.

At the risk of being crude - and I hope I'm not - I speak from experience.

IceCreamEmpress said:

Even if you're an experienced catcher, the very first time you pitch there's going to be a bit of anxiety because you're doing something quite different from what you've done before.

Click to expand...

I didn't say there would be no anxiety, I said there would be less. To expand on your baseball example, an experienced catcher is going to have a better idea what they're doing the first time they pitch then someone who has never played baseball before in their lives. They would've picked up some idea of how to pitch by being around the game and watching the pitchers (I would think, I don't know much about baseball). I was assuming the OP's character was already sexually experienced with men.

Someone who's having sex with another person of the same gender for the first time has to cope with the "Oh my god, am I doing this right?" feeling as well as the knowledge society - certain sections of it, anyway - says it's wrong.

So there's not just nerves. There's nerves and guilt. And uncertainty.

Click to expand...

I don't think we actually disagree. The guilt and concern about how the act would be viewed by society can be huge. It was in some of the gay scenes I wrote. But the OP writes fantasy and I have no idea how her fantasy society views lesbians.



Most of the girls I knew were incredibly nervous about having sex with a man the first time, because they were afraid it would hurt (and often it did). I knew several bi girls as a teenager and none of them had the same level of apprehension about their first time with a woman because a) they were already sexually experienced and b) they knew it wouldn't hurt.

I still think the OP's purposes would be better served by reading a big stack of lesbian fiction than by watching us debate the issue on a forum.

This doesn't strike me as a question of expertise, but one of characterisation. Think about your characters. If you don't know them well enough to know how they would approach that situation, you don't know them well enough to be writing a book about them.

Having sex with someone of the same gender is the same as with someone of the opposite sex?

No.

I'm bisexual and I've slept with lesbians straight women, straight men and a man who had a sex change. I don't think the question is out of line or stupid.

The feeling are not the same, the sex is not the same, and with all due respect, gay people are mysterious creatures. Of course the reason is because they're forced into the closet and aren't real open about their sex lives.

Girlyswot, I think the question is an attempt to get to know his characters, something we all do.

ETA: The whole lesbian sex book is a great suggestion.