Beta Readers Needed

Hey, I've never been a beta, but I'd be glad to be a fresh pair of eyes for you. I'll PM you with a formal request.

Tabitha,

Having read it through I’m not too sure where to put it, a big chunk of it is erotic novel on it’s own, coming of age paranormal drama maybe, but I don’t think you need to pigeon hole it, just let it turn into whatever it wants to be.

Please read the following as my un-published newbie opinion:

I have to say, without the major editing you mentioned it was a difficult read, for me anyway, I tend to get hung up on little things, like having two 'the's' on the second page.

Certainly the first few pages seemed to feature too many stunted sentences and prevented the piece from flowing. But it does improve, not sure if this is due to different writer, couldn’t see a visible break.

The love scene threw me a little, certainly very descriptive. Somehow that section seemed to flow ok, saying that though, I think the description was a little too detailed and didn’t like the cliché descriptions, If she’s grabbing his Pe*** just say that, hardness didn’t sit right, as it were.

I’d say perhaps let the editor have a whirl through and then come back to it, reading it out aloud would probably help with the flow.

There's also the question of whose voice is telling the story, it slips in and out of regional accent - 'Guys were always hitting on her and stuff’ doesn’t seem to sit correctly. Use one way of describing the story and stick to it. If you're doing accents say they are accented then use plain English so the reader can understand, found myself trying to decipher the speeches almost like phone text language.

Just to make sure I wasn't being overly harsh or not concentrating properly I had my wife read through a little. Without prompting she picked up a lot of the points I’d though of.

Would be interesting to see what Doomie thought.