View Full Version : Game: Change one letter in a book title...

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06-26-2005, 03:51 PM
... to make a whole new story.

Nuked Lunch

Experiments with microwave cookery.

Cons and Lovers
Sexy goings-on in prison.

Dons and Lovers
Sexy goings-on in an Oxford college

Sons and Loners. Boring book about boys in solitary confinement

Your turn....

06-26-2005, 03:55 PM
It's rather addictive, actually...


A tragic tale of a man, accidentally abandoned as a baby in the jungle, who's life is cycle of drunken despair.

A sordid underground Victorian saga of international sexuality

Remains of the Gay

Post-war depression takes its toll on a homosexual butler

The Pill on the Floss

The tragic tale of Maggie, a young girl ostracised from rural society for using forbidden birth control methods

06-26-2005, 04:50 PM
Lord of the Fries-the Ray Kroc story

Rob :)

06-26-2005, 05:29 PM
Lord of the Lies

The Bill Clinton Story

06-26-2005, 05:36 PM
The Joy F*ck Club
Four women and their daughters retell stories about their sexual past.

Vanity Hair
Socialite struggles at a beauty salon.

Silence of the Lamps
The Clapper's story.

The Life of Di
A shy girl marries into the British Royal family...

Old Man and the Pea

06-26-2005, 05:39 PM
Everything you wanted to know about Rex but were afraid to ask.

The boring and extinct sex life of the dinosaurs.

06-26-2005, 05:44 PM
Gone With The Bind

Scarlet's bondage story.

06-26-2005, 05:47 PM
The House of Birth

Saga of a pro-life activist who establishes a shelter for pregnant women.

The God of Small Thongs

Scandinavian Hunk on a quest for tight-fitting lingerie

Lord of the Flips

How-To manual for MacDonald workers

06-26-2005, 05:55 PM
Bone with the Wind

The story of a farting bone in Atlanta

06-26-2005, 05:57 PM
Gone with the Wand

Scarlet's invisible romance with Harry Potter

06-26-2005, 06:33 PM

06-26-2005, 06:40 PM
Gulliver's Gravels

The true story of his travels.

06-26-2005, 06:53 PM
Moby Duck
Captain Ahab hunts down the giant white shipwrecking mallard.

Moby Dice
The giant white whale destroys Las Vegas by shooting one mean game of craps.

The Bind in the Willows
Toad, Mole, Rat and Badger are in need of a laxative sold only by the Weasels.

The Wind in the Wallows
Now a hog rancher, Toad must deal with a piglet notorious for turning the mud hole into a "bubble bath".

06-26-2005, 07:34 PM
Three Weddings and a Miss

Two true romances and a blunder.

06-26-2005, 07:53 PM
The Mew American Bible
The Gospel according to Tabby, Fluffy, Blackie and Mr. Mittens

Goldilocks and the Three Beers
"Heineken is JUST RIGHT! >>URP!<< Now, where'nahell's the bathroom?"

Where the Mild Things Are
Max must escape from the Island of Giant Care Bears before they hug and snuggle him to death.

06-26-2005, 07:54 PM
Of Lice and Men-A guide to cleaning and delousing inmates at correctional facilities.

Corn Free-A guide to better bowel movements

Car and Peace-How to reach Nirvanna while detailing your ride

Rob :)

06-26-2005, 07:58 PM
The Lime Machine

Key Lime Pie, anyone?

The Wax of the Worlds

Battle between Madame Tussaud's and Hollywood Wax Museum

Son Also Rises
A rare morning in the Hemingway household...

To Have and Have Pot
Heminway on drug

(p.s. it's difficult to find an alternative to my book title... is it a good or bad thing?)

06-26-2005, 07:59 PM
The Fast of the Mohicans

A bunch of indians go on a hunger strike.

Of Dice and Men

A bunch of guys talk about their addiction to gambling.

Jenna's non-fiction bookFake a Real Living as a Freelance Writer

Okay, some of us do this all the time. (Sure, I write every day; sure I make enough money to pay my bills.)

06-26-2005, 07:59 PM
The Wind in the Pillows: The Effects of Gassiness on Dreaming

06-26-2005, 08:13 PM
Of Mice and Pen
Story of great writers and those who fear submitting.

Of Mice and Hen
Fury in a henhouse.

06-26-2005, 08:13 PM
Porn Free
A guide to a world without pedophiles.

06-26-2005, 08:14 PM
Par and Peace
The makings of a better golfer.

Bar and Peace
No such book.

Tar and Peace
The tar and feathering of convicts.

06-26-2005, 08:21 PM
The Betty Cracker Cookbook
Saltine Salsa, Rye-Krisp Creme Brulee' and Ritz Cracker Mock Lasagna are just the beginning!

Jurassic Lark
Genetic modification creates a 40-foot tall songbird.

The Andromeda Sprain
Michael Crichton's fictionalized account of a controversy involving the late Dr. Carl Sagan and loose carpeting on a staircase at the Mount Palomar Observatory.

06-26-2005, 08:26 PM
The DaVinci Coke-How Leonardo DaVinci secretly created the first carbonated soft drink and made an ungodly fortune

Rob :)

06-26-2005, 08:27 PM
Two Aces of Eve
Story of a woman with a multiple personality wondering what to do at a poker game.

Two Laces of Eve
The entertwined love relationships of Eve's personalities.

Two Maces of Eve
The real reason behind Eve's problem.

06-26-2005, 08:30 PM
The Betty Crocker Lookbook
A picture book of recipes.

Jurassic Spark
What really happened when the power went out.

06-26-2005, 08:32 PM
By the way, aruna, thanks for this thread. This has been fun!

06-26-2005, 08:36 PM
Schindler's Pist-The ghost of a German officer haunts Steven Spielberg, demanding a cut of his box office take.

Rob :)

06-26-2005, 08:37 PM
Of Mice and Me

autobiography of a rodent expert

Winnie the Mooh
story of a cow of very little brain

The Rapes of Wrath

What happened during Anger Management therapy

06-26-2005, 08:38 PM
Well, it still is fun! Let's hope some more people join in!

06-26-2005, 08:41 PM
The Fridges of Madison County-A Maytag repairman recounts his adventures with bored housewives living in the boondocks.

Rob :)

06-26-2005, 08:41 PM
Snot Falling on Cedars

A Giant with a bad cold steps over Americas forests.

06-26-2005, 08:43 PM
From Cathy Ekaitis (the wife):

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Scone
After defeating Voldemort in the final installment of J. K. Rowling's epic, Harry opens a popular bakery next door to Weasly's Wizarding Wheezes in Diagon Alley.

06-26-2005, 08:47 PM
The Good Garth-Dana Carvey explores the relationship between Wayne and Garth and the inherent Oedipus complex that characterizes it.

Two Years Before the Must-How to avoid smelling like an old person by planning ahead.

Rob :)

06-26-2005, 08:53 PM
The DaVinci Ode

How DaVinci was really a poet, and the author of the above-named epic Ode, found centuries later in the Sistine Chapel by an impoverished author named Dan Brown

06-26-2005, 08:56 PM
The Lust of the Mohicans

An x-rated account of the nightime habits of these merry people.

06-26-2005, 09:00 PM
The Ridges of Madison County

A true story of cellulite suction gone wrong. Poor Madison.

06-26-2005, 09:01 PM
The DaVinci Cod

Something fishy in the Vatican.

06-26-2005, 09:02 PM
Mold Mountain

Discovery of a mountain of Fungus among the Rockies

The Ma Vinci Code

Scandalous revelation of how all those paintings were really done by his mother.

06-26-2005, 09:06 PM
Harlotte's Web

French prostitutes start their own Internet business.

Cooking for Mr. Goodbar

Martha Stewart gets a new boss.

The Sound and the Jury

Michael Jackson musical of his trial.

06-26-2005, 09:07 PM
Where the Wild Thongs Are

Quest to discover a stolen Gucci collection of really, really daring underwear.

06-26-2005, 09:07 PM
Night Club

A bunch of guys form a club for dancing...

The Lord of the Rinks
Someone likes the delicious pork skin too much...

A Doom with a View
Top Floor of Hell

Jurassic Pork
Meat a little stale...

06-26-2005, 09:10 PM
The Ho'se Whisperer

The story of a guy who can tame wild whores

06-26-2005, 09:14 PM
Beauty And the Beat
The autobiography of a man who masturbates.

Beauty And The Feast
Horror--The Lion was hungry

06-26-2005, 09:15 PM
Lady Chartely's Liver
I think she's drinking a little too much

Big Dish
Italian cruisine

Willie Wanker and the Chocolate Factory
NAMBLA must-read.

06-26-2005, 09:21 PM
The Mermaid Char
Devastating story of the mermaid who couldn't swim.

06-26-2005, 09:22 PM
The World Is Fat

Newest Atkins diet book.

06-26-2005, 09:24 PM
Patriot Dames-A Playboy pictorial of girls in flags

The Sum of All Bears-How many bears are there? This book will tell you.

The Rum of All Fears-The history of Bacardi 151.

Rob :)

06-26-2005, 09:25 PM
King Leak

After sitting on the throne for several hours he just couldn't hold it anymore.

06-26-2005, 09:26 PM
My Life: The Early Fears

Clinton's story of meeting Hilary.

06-26-2005, 09:29 PM
French Women Don't get Flat

Why French women don't have sagging breasts.

06-26-2005, 09:29 PM
The Sum of all Pears

Alien attack, using pears as weapons

The Hum of all Fears

Terrified people humming in unison to alleviate angst.

06-26-2005, 09:33 PM
The Once and Future Bing-The Memoirs of Chandler Bing from TV's hit show, Friends.

Rob :)

06-26-2005, 09:33 PM
The South Beach Died

True story of the real diet.

06-26-2005, 09:33 PM
Men are from Mats, Women are from Venus

Explains how come men like lying on the floor

Men are from Bars, Women are from Venus

Explains the natural habitats of men

Men are from Ma's, women are from venus

The Oedipus complex explained in simple language

06-26-2005, 09:35 PM
Angela's Asses
Horrible remake of a really good book.

06-26-2005, 09:36 PM
Zel and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance-Senator Zel Miller shows you how to fix your bike, with pictures!

Rob :)

06-26-2005, 09:36 PM
Men are from Mars, Women are from Penus

Explains the Descent of Women

06-26-2005, 09:37 PM
Around the World in Eighty Lays

A guy travels around the world getting...well, you guessed it.

Jurassic Perk

A madman opens up his own coffeehouse with dinosaurs as waiters.

The Joy of Sax

Bill Clinton's new non-fiction book about his love of the saxophone.

06-26-2005, 09:38 PM
A Farewell to Arts (Hemingway) - I cannot write, I had died (Some biographers of his, are of the opinion that he had a death wish);

Done with the Wind - "Don't make so much BSes", said Rhett to Scarlette (spelling?), "I'm thru w you!";

Humboldt's Rift (Saul Bellow) - w himself, seeing the Gift;

The Summer before the Park (Dorris Lessing) - where I was lost in the Dark;

Women in Cove (D. H. Lawrence) - alone w him in the cove, she fell in Love;

Fog Stories - where the Dog got lost and a cold.


06-26-2005, 09:39 PM
Angela's Bashes

How his mother got beaten up in Ireland

Angela's Rashes

She was covered all over with horrible red spots

Angela's Mashes

All her potato recipes

06-26-2005, 09:40 PM
Oliver Twit

Tantalizing tale of a young snot.

06-26-2005, 09:44 PM
Three Hundred Years of American Fart

Very old smelly book.

06-26-2005, 09:45 PM
Silent String-The tragic story of an armless violinist.

The Velvetine Habbit-Ways for nuns to spruce up their wardrobe.

Ben Hut-The secret story of Jabba the Hut's love child, Obiwan Kenobi

Rob :)

06-26-2005, 09:46 PM
The Nick Horny Songbook

Newest songs by the sex crazed songwriter.

06-26-2005, 09:49 PM
Man and Goy

Soul-searching novel about Man's need for Religion

06-26-2005, 09:54 PM
The Bun also Rises

A book of successful baking, with and without yeast

06-26-2005, 09:58 PM
OK, I really, really have to go now! It's been fun, thank you!

06-26-2005, 10:23 PM
Less Misérables – Welfare reform in post-Napoleonic France

She Color Purple – Little Tiffany flunks kindergarten for using just one crayon

The Iceman Comet – Superman flies too high, freezes solid, falls into permanent solar orbit

Lord of the Flied – An umpire's story

1983 – The best year of Winston Smith's life

06-26-2005, 10:43 PM
2001: A Spare Odyssey-The story of the 2001 PBA Championships, one frame at a time

Rob :)

06-26-2005, 11:26 PM
Ben Hut-The secret story of Jabba the Hut's love child, Obiwan Kenobi

Rob :)

I like this one. :ROFL:

06-26-2005, 11:58 PM
Of Mice and Ken
Barbie's erotic tell-all.

06-27-2005, 12:17 AM
The Writers Digest Guide to Novel Waiting (Writer's Digest Magazine):
69 new and interesting positions to assume anytime you're stuck in a waiting room.

How To Write a Damn Good Navel (James Frey):
Advanced belly-button-tattooing techniques

The Gumslinger (Stephen King):
The adventures of a mischievous boy as he spends the day lounging by a second story window.

How to Bake a Meal Living as a Freelance Writer (Jenna Glatzer):
Life is more than querying, writing articles and submitting. Learn how to make yourself some food, fer crissakes!

The Mellowship of the Ring (J.R.R. Tolkien):
Frodo and the gang get stoned

Lord Foul's Cane (Stephen R. Donaldson):
You're not gonna believe where he stuck that thing!

06-27-2005, 12:19 AM
The Mellowship of the Ring (J.R.R. Tolkien):
Frodo and the gang get stoned

Lord Foul's Cane (Stephen R. Donaldson):
You're not gonna believe where he stuck that thing!

Dear lord, I almost spilled my coffee over these two. Thanks Bill :)

06-27-2005, 12:47 AM
Mellowship of the Ring. :ROFL:

Oh, and the other book could be The Habbit. (extra B; those Hobbits can't spell)

Frodo tells all about his addiction.

06-27-2005, 12:47 AM
Bleeping Beauty
Only a kiss from a handsome prince can break the potty-mouth spell.

Christopher Paolini parlays another typo into a best-seller.

The Jingle Books
Baloo teaches Mowgli to survive in the treacherous, predatory world of Madison Avenue terrorized by the minions of Saatchi, Shere-Khan & Saatchi. Soon to be a major movie directed by Joe ("Where's the beef?") Sedelmaier.

Yes, he's a mongoose, but that didn't stop him from becoming the best darned taxi driver in the Big Apple.

06-27-2005, 01:43 AM
The Mill on the Loss – A top accountant tells how you can turn your run-down industrial property into a tax shelter

Bleak Mouse – Mickey learns the Disney studio has no plans to colorize his old cartoons after all

Lordy, Jim – Did I hear Mr. Macdonald tell us to single-space all submissions?

By Antonia – Willa Cather plagiarizes!

A Clockwork Range – For perfectly browned muffins, retrofit your old Wedgwood with an oven timer

Something Wicker This Way Comes – Furniture delivery today

Finnegans Cake – "Icing run round bend of crumb..."

To Fill a Mockingbird – Taxidermy tales

Laughterhouse-Five – The original Marx Brothers, with Gummo

06-27-2005, 01:54 AM
'The Shi*ing.' - staying in a haunted hotel has a particularly unpleasant side effect.

'The Dead Zine' - the rise and fall of on-line publishing.

'The Green Milk' - simple rules for avoiding food poisoning.

'The Tommyknickers' - Underwear for the aspiring transvestite.

'Tit.' - a small town is terrorised by a giant breast,

'Hearths in Atlantis' - a regional history of fireplaces.

06-27-2005, 02:54 AM
The Elements of Stale
Public education's answer to Strunk & White.

The Tiger Riding
After an automobile collision, the world's greatest golfer must now use a cart.

Fantastic Mr. Fax
A wily office machine outwits three dull-witted middle managers.

06-27-2005, 05:14 AM
The Mellowship of the Ring (J.R.R. Tolkien):
Frodo and the gang get stoned

You need to read Bored of the Rings. It's a real book; I kid you not.

Rob :)

06-27-2005, 05:18 AM
Lord of the Rings: Two Towels
Visit the House of Love and find out...

King James' The Nible
Can't even spell...

06-27-2005, 05:37 AM
The List of the Mohicans: Natty Bumpoe takes a summer job as a census taker on the early frontier

The Beerslayer: Natty stops at the tavern for a pint or six

The Mathfinder: Natty goes to Harvard for an advanced degree in orbital mechanics

06-27-2005, 05:45 AM
The Stringer -- A man walks along the beach wearing a thong. It doesn't make any difference whether he does or not.

06-27-2005, 06:09 AM
Pea Priestess

Tales from the Garden...


On why it tastes like chicken...

Salem's Pot

Cookery in the dark...

06-27-2005, 08:56 AM
What a laugh early in the morning! Thanks all!

06-27-2005, 01:38 PM
Mystic Liver--A woman encounters strange things after receiving a liver transplant.

The Satinic Verses--A tale about the fabric of life.

06-27-2005, 02:04 PM
Fat Stanley
Adventures of a boy who swallowed his duvet in his sleep.

06-27-2005, 02:23 PM
Clap of the CaveBear
Prelinguistic communications between early-man

Valley of Hordes
Encounters with hordes in a valley. (obviously)

A Tape of two Cities
Video footage photobook (travel guides)

The Dead Tone
Phone line hijinks catch criminals and destroy a political campaign

Conversations with Cod
White fish have the answer to lifes problems and questions.

Wifes Little Instruction Book
From the heart advice to start your marriage successfully.

06-27-2005, 02:25 PM
Fatman --The story of a fat man.

A Beautiful Rind -- In his search for the meaning of life, a man finds a gorgeous orange rind.

Beverly Kills Cop --Woman goes crazy, kills cop.

The Blair ***** Project --Things go bad at the sleepy town of Blair's annual 'How to be a *****' conference.

This is Spinal Rap --The sequel...This time, THEY RAP!

Three on a Patch --They thought their stop smoking pact was hard...until they tried sharing the patch!

Mimecop --Everybody's out to kill THE MIMECOP!

To Will a Mockingbird --On her deathbed, heroine realizes she has nothing left to leave her son, nothing that is except her faithful Mockingbird.

Fat Race --They have 24 hours to race from Las Vegas to The Alamo...and they're fat!

Coldfinger --He's the spy with the ice cold touch.

06-27-2005, 03:18 PM

06-27-2005, 03:45 PM
The Blink Assassin

Thrilling story about a serial killer and a blinking monkey

Beast of Eden

Fantasy story about dragons in biblic times

Eats of Eden

Michelin guide to restaurants in paradise

06-27-2005, 03:50 PM
The Burn of the Screw
Unfortunate and terrifying after effects of vigorous sex in a haunted Victorian House

Juke the Obscure

Tale of a pub jukebox filled with a rich assortment of little-known tunes

Winnie the Poor

Magical story of a little bear forced into poverty and crime by the harsh realities of economic decline in Hundred Acre Wood

the House at Poor Corner

Depressing story about down-and-outers gathered outside a corner villa

Lard Times

An unflinching portrait of overconsumption and obesity in modern America

Bleak Horse

A depressive's rewrite of Black Beauty

The Autobiography of Malcolm Y

Fascinating life story of a dyslexic black revolutionary

06-27-2005, 03:54 PM
The Turd of the Screw

Report on the disgusting after-effects of anal sex

Bridget Jones Dairy

British Chick turns to organic milk, cheese and yoghurt after failing to lfind husband

06-27-2005, 04:06 PM
A Suitable Toy

Charming epic tale of maternal devotion

The Bobbit

Tolkein's fascinating tale of a deranged wife and her mutilated husband

Of Lice and Men

It was hard to keep clean during the Depression.

The Drapes of Wrath

Ill chosen curtains cause strife for a destitute family in depression-era America

Of Rice and Men

Epic tale of Chinese during the Mao regime

Of Dice and Men

A weekend ill-spent in Vegas.

Of Mice and Hen

A tale of small rodents and one chicken

06-27-2005, 04:49 PM
This is Spinal Rap --The sequel...This time, THEY RAP!

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/EmoteROFL.gifNeed...air. Must stop...giggling.


06-27-2005, 05:25 PM
Fahrenheit 411 - listen in on HOT directory-assistance calls!

06-27-2005, 05:27 PM
'The Lost of the Mohicans' - the sad tale of an Indian tracker who discovers his skills weren't quite as good as he'd imagined.

06-27-2005, 05:49 PM
The English Robes
In poses that totter precariously between the seductive and the slutty, Madonna models 50 robes by the UK's leading houses of fashion.

Lox in Socks
Kosher for Passover.

Green Eggs and HAL
"What do you think you're doing, Sam-I-Am?"

06-27-2005, 06:10 PM
The Mouse of Spirits

Story about a drunken rodent durinh the Chilean Revolution

Don Writing

Autobiografy of a Mafia Boss

06-27-2005, 06:15 PM
The Nuked and the Dead

The sad aftermath of World War III

A Massage to India

Transubstantiation made easy: With this new esoteric massage technique, your body is rubbed into invisibility and reappears in Bombay.

06-27-2005, 06:43 PM
Park Paradise
1000 places to park with your not-so-significant other. :)

06-27-2005, 06:47 PM
Once Upon a Hose
Romantic encounters.

Once Upon a Dose
Dangers of using drugs.

Once Upon a Nose
Jackson's autobiography of his cosmetic surgery.

06-27-2005, 07:18 PM
The Name of the Nose

A collaboration work by Michael Jackson and Nicole Kidman

The Secret Ho'story

A prostitute in academia reveals all

06-27-2005, 07:35 PM
Farrie by Stephen King: A teenage girl is picked on by her classmates after she suddenly sprouts butterfly wings in the shower.

06-27-2005, 07:44 PM
Sold Mountain
A poor farm family's first forray into eBay.

This time the cookies are going to turn out okay...

06-27-2005, 08:14 PM
The Whining
Photographed in their most expensive furs and jewelry by protégés of the legendary Francesco Scavullo, Oprah Winfrey, Madonna and 23 more of the world's wealthiest female entertainers lament that no one believes they're still "the girl next door".

The Naked and the Deal
Host your own strip poker party!

The Rook of Mormon
Joseph Smith's guide to the game of Chess.

The Cook of Mormon
Jesse "Not That AGAIN!" Scruggins's recipes and tales from his days aboard a chuckwagon bound for Utah.

06-27-2005, 11:28 PM
The life and times of the nose-picking Wicked Witch of the West.

06-28-2005, 12:45 AM
The Jar of the Worlds
Two worlds collide with jarring results

There was an old lady who swallowed a Flu
Heartbreaking rhyme about an old lady that catches pneumonia

Mess of the D'Urbervilles
A young girl gets into real mess when she is sent as maid to a wealthy estate

James and the Giant Beach
One little boy and one big beach

Dr Jekyll and Mrs Hyde
An illicit affair between a mild mannered doctor and a cruel violent woman.

Malice in Wonderland
Murder mystery set in Disneyland resort park

06-28-2005, 12:50 AM
The Bitches of Eastwick
Three teenybopper pop stars move into a quiet town...

House of Sand and Hog
Julian Sand decides to raise pigs in his upscale house

Rich Man, Poor Van
A rich man decides to learn how to drive and buys a minivan...

06-28-2005, 01:36 AM
'Man and Supertan' - Nietsche discusses the philosophy behind the creation of sunbeds.

'The Old Man and the Pea' - Vegetarianism for the Over-Sixties.

'The Beech.' - Leonardo DiCaprio gets stuck up a tree.

'The Lion, the B*tch and the Wardrobe.' - Leo DiCaprio and his latest girlfriend quarrel over bedroom furniture.

'H*A*S*H' - A group of wacky medics get stoned and miss the entire Korean War.

06-28-2005, 07:02 AM
Mansfield Pork: A young pig is sent to live with her wealthy relations.

The Count of Monte Crisco: Betrayed by his best friend, a young man rebuilds his life to become a lard kingpin.

The Taming of The Shrek: A man finds love with a saucy, independent ogre.

Stephen King's The Green Milk: A tale from the prison cafeteria.

06-28-2005, 07:35 AM
Loaves of Grass - cookbook for hash brownies and other "twice-baked" treats

Sox - Madonna's paean to last year's World Series champs

The Tommyknickers - Adventures of a blind/deaf/dumb boy and his plus-fours

Portrait of the Autist as a Young Man - Memoirs of a gifted writer's la la lalala lalalalalalalalalalala....

The Little Book of Clam - Thoughts on living in a shell

06-28-2005, 06:04 PM
The DaVinci Cod. The deeper a professor searches for clues to an ancient cipher, the fishier the cover story becomes.

The Jive People You Meet in Heaven. Five people explain the meaning of your life when it ends, but you can’t understand a lot of what they say.

The Kite Ruiner. Two motherless boys of different classes bond when the invading Soviets destroy every kite in Afghanistan.

Angels and Demos. An aspiring musician desperate for record executives to hear his sample recording gets a little divine intervention.

06-28-2005, 06:14 PM
The Spy Who came in from the Cod

Intriguing story about a deep-sea fishing scandal in the ex-Soviet Union

The Silence of the Lames

heartbreaking story about mute, physically handicaped prisoners

The Codfather

Unputdownable saga about organised crime in the world of fish

06-28-2005, 06:23 PM

Music and drugs along the canals

Lord of the Fries

Delusional burger joint employee performs amazing feats of telepathy on french fries

Jen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

J-Lo elopes with the Hells Angels.

Iron in the Soup

For anaemia sufferers everywhere. Spinach soup vs tomato, asparagas and mushroom

The Thirty Nine Stops

A tale of rural isolation; a bus route is the clue to solvinga murder investigation

A Brief History of Lime

An unforgettable and bestselling work on citrus-fruit cultivating in the Pyrenees

A Brief History of Dime

Drama centered on US ten-cent coins

A Grief History of Time

Bereavement through the ages.

06-28-2005, 06:30 PM
The Count of Monte Crisco: Betrayed by his best friend, a young man rebuilds his life to become a lard kingpin.
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/EmoteROFL.gifI saw a Today's Specials sign in a restaurant once, listing the Sandwich of the Day as 'Monte Crisco.' I felt they were probably being a little too truthful.


06-28-2005, 06:39 PM
Dr. Ho-A doctor recounts his life of treating prostitutes

Live and Let Pie-Sara Lee's life story

The Man with the Golden Pun-Dennis Miller's self-indulgent autobiography

Rob :)

06-28-2005, 06:54 PM

"Pretty girl, beware of his heart of mold
This heart is cold, he loves only mold..."

Live and Let Di

Yet another biography of a tragic princess

Love and let Die

Necrophilia through the ages

The Door's Last Sigh

Aging rock band nostalgically recaps the bygone years

06-28-2005, 08:07 PM
Only today I found my message box; thanks to all of you who sent messages! Glad you're enjoying the show! Play on!

three seven
06-28-2005, 08:20 PM
A Brief History Of Mime - The Top Of The Pops Story

The Lovely Cones - An Enthusiast's Guide To Roadworks

The Mast Of The Mohicans - The Story Of A Tribe, A Telecommunications Company, And A Strongly-Worded Petition

The Nuked Ape- King Kong Doesn't Make It To Manhattan

The Ascent Of Tan - On Brown Being The New Black

Barrie - Peter Pan Creator Wreaks Telekinetic Wrath At The Prom

The Tale Of The Flopsy Cu- Ok, I'll stop.

06-28-2005, 08:36 PM
The Lovely Bores

several of America's Top Models in a long-winded discussion on the relationship between fossils and L'Oreal Make-up Artist Make-up

The Nanny Dairies

A militant group of British Nannies open a farm for lactating mothers in New York

The Naked and the Deaf
Hard-of-Hearing Nudists during WWII

The Naked and the Head

Decapitation phobias of naked soldiers

The Naked and The Dad

Mom came home early and found them hiding in the closet.

06-28-2005, 08:39 PM
(Couldn't resist this one)

The Joy **** Club

Chinese Mothers and Daughters discuss (and practice) x-rated stuff

06-28-2005, 08:42 PM
L. Ron Hubbard's guide to inner peace and a fulfilling life through elevated blood sugar levels.

The Gingerbread Ban
People for the Ethical Treatment of Pastries campaigns against the senseless slaughter of sentient spiced cookies by foxes.

Brian Jacques's all-animal epic about the daily struggle between good and evil on an elementary school dodgeball court.

06-28-2005, 10:25 PM
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Sucrets: Harry and his friends run into trouble when Lord Voldemort steals all the throat lozenges...

A Tape of Two Cities: Charles Dickens' video diaries.

Michael Crighton's Eaters of the Lead: A disgraced Arab finds companionship and adventure among pencil-nibbling Norsemen.

Moby Duck: Call me Ishmael. I was but a young man when I joined Captain Ahab in his quest for the mighty feathered beast....

06-28-2005, 10:42 PM
Mob Dick

A mafia epic tale about a giant penis

06-28-2005, 11:03 PM
The Naked and the Deal – Porn industry shuts down when stars go on strike for higher pay

The Tale of Meter Rabbit – There's trouble ahead for Mr. MacGregor when the water company hires bunnies to monitor wastage in home gardens

Odd Johns – Pictorial tour of unusual public restrooms; not exactly a coffee-table book...

Treasury Island – Find out just where those corporations do their offshore money laundering!

06-28-2005, 11:05 PM
(Couldn't resist this one)

The Joy **** Club

Chinese Mothers and Daughters discuss (and practice) x-rated stuff

I already mentioned it in an earlier post. This one is obvious. ;)

06-28-2005, 11:07 PM
How to Make Love Like a Pork Star
Porkies would be so proud...

06-28-2005, 11:12 PM
Must have missed that! Of course, we could have

The Joy S*** Club....

(runs for cover)

06-28-2005, 11:13 PM
Oh, man, Joy (Alphebeter) would be so mad!

06-28-2005, 11:14 PM
How to Make Love Like a Pork Star
Porkies would be so proud...


06-28-2005, 11:53 PM
Sold Mountain

Ebay in the Alps

06-29-2005, 07:55 AM
This is one of my all-time favourites:

The Mew American Bible
The Gospel according to Tabby, Fluffy, Blackie and Mr. Mittens

To Kilt a Mockingbird

Scout and Jem, now adults, are partners in a successful law firm in Edinburgh, "Finch & Finch."

06-29-2005, 08:44 AM
The Skipping News - Forlorn cuckold finds new love while reporting on local Double-Dutch tournament

Schindler's Lisp - Thad but heartwarming thtory of triumph over adverthity

06-29-2005, 09:58 AM
Random House Worm Menu

An encyclopedia of known edible worms from around the world.

06-29-2005, 10:53 AM
Slaughterhouse Live
The Big Brother contestants are abducted by Tralfamadorians and displayed under a giant glass dome on their home planet.

The Watcher in the Rye
A coming of age horror, by Stephen King.

06-29-2005, 11:29 AM
The Way of all Flash

the New York marathon - in the nude

The Wax of all Flesh

Madame Tussaud's attempt to immortalize th eentire planet

The Ax of all Flesh

Meltdown of a serial killer

The Why of all Flesh

Deeply philiosophical tome pondering the great age-old questions of mankind

06-29-2005, 04:31 PM
'The Jungle Boor.' - Mowgli takes lessons in etiquette to enable him to fit in with society.

'Romeo and Joliet.' - Romeo does hard time after being framed for the murder of his girlfriend.

'Tarzan, Lard of the Jungle.' - Our hero is forced to diet after those pesky vines keep snapping.

The next one is rather vulgar. Those of a sensitive disposition are advised to avert their eyes.

'A Midsummer Night's Cream.' - Titania discovers it's not just a donkey's head Bottom is equipped with.

06-29-2005, 08:51 PM
Harry Potter and the Calf-Blood Prince
Isn't it about time Ron Weasley replaced that broken wand?

A Wrinkle in Mime
Marcel Marceau isn't getting any younger, you know.

Because of Wind-Dixie
A meteorologist teaches weather theory to elementary school students in the deep South.

Tick Everlasting
A veterinarian discovers a blood-sucking parasite that can't be destroyed.

Schindler's Lint
Gott in Himmel, no wonder the dryer's taking 2 hours! You're supposed to clean the filter after EVERY LOAD, Dummkopf!

06-29-2005, 10:21 PM
Lady Chatterley's Mover: A lusty noblewoman runs off with Vito, the guy from Allied Van Lines.

Lonesome Love: Sometimes those long Western nights are spent solo, and a fella's got to handle things himself. This cowpoke keeps one hand on the reins and the other in his pants.

Withering Heights: Heathcliff experiences shrinkage.

John Grisham's A Painted Mouse: I was eight the year me and Paw found that rat. Took me all summer, and darn near a whole can of green paint...

06-29-2005, 10:35 PM
Wuthering Weights

In this version, Heathcliff is into bodybuilding in a big way. What a hunk!

Mansfield Pork

Fanny Price refuses the advances of a pig farmer

A Dime to Kill

Talk about low wages!

A Time to Kilt

Yes, that time will come. Male fashion comes of age.

A Time to Pill

Birth Control through the ages

The Pill on the Floss

Birth control while you clean your teeth!

06-30-2005, 03:05 AM
The Littery - Residents of an untidy city select one of their own to "clean up this town"

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheet? - Alaskan robots rebel against cold sleeping quarters.

Our Bogies, Our Selves - Self-affirmation for kamikaze pilots

06-30-2005, 03:50 AM
The Count of Monte Crisco

All about a guy falsely imprisoned for stealing cooking oil.

Fear of Frying

A young woman tells a candid story of why she hates to cook.

The Scarlet Better

Embarassed woman admits to a life of gambling.

06-30-2005, 01:40 PM
A Clockwork Orang

Obscure edition of Anthony Burgess' masterpiece in the original Bahasa Malaysia.

(a bit too obscure? Burgess spent many years in Malaya. Orang means "man" in Malay.)

06-30-2005, 02:57 PM
Actually, my first thought was that it was half of an orang-utan...

06-30-2005, 04:42 PM
Fair enough. Doesn't orang-utan mean 'Man of the Forest' or summat?

06-30-2005, 04:52 PM
'The Quack and the Dead' - the horrifying true-life story of a serial-killer duck.

'To Have and Shave not.' - a pictorial history of beards.

'The Fare Maid of Perth' - the exciting adventures of a lady ticket-collector.

'Miss Smilla's feeling for Snot' - Norwegian cold cures.

06-30-2005, 05:34 PM
To Kill a Focking Bird
Bird watching gone crazy; PG-rated

The Kitchen God's WiFi
Chinese deity gone hi-tech...

06-30-2005, 06:12 PM
Fair enough. Doesn't orang-utan mean 'Man of the Forest' or summat?
Indeed it does. :)

06-30-2005, 06:20 PM
I don't know when a thread has made me laugh so much. Keep it up!

06-30-2005, 06:29 PM
To Kill a Rockingbird

This heartwarming story is about a female rock singer's tragic rise from the gutter to the heights of stardom - only to be shot down in her prime. A real tearjerker.

06-30-2005, 06:36 PM
For Wham the Bell Tolls
80s Britpop group reforms.

06-30-2005, 06:38 PM
Good Don, Bad Don
The trials of being a mob boss.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prinze
HP Helps Freddie Prinze Jr. Find his real father

The Joy of Six
for people with a fetish for the number '6'

Stephen King's lesser known novel about an evil preposition

On a Pale Norse
**Description censored**

06-30-2005, 06:44 PM
Zeno and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
Greek philosopher takes a road trip and never reaches his destination.

06-30-2005, 06:45 PM
For Ho the Bell Tolls

Sad story about the death of a Chritsian Prostitiute

06-30-2005, 06:48 PM
The Way of Tall Flesh: the life and hard times of a supermodel

The Lord of the Rungs: honest wage earners seek to bring down an evil CEO at the top of the corporate ladder

The Invisible LAN: how to set up your own wireless network at home

Macbath: an exposé of the dangers of using the restroom in a fast food restaurant


06-30-2005, 06:55 PM
Bong of Solomon
The wise one has some help...

Bar Baby
Alcoholic children be damned

Conversation with GOP
Don't worry, it's a really short book...

06-30-2005, 06:55 PM
Reefer Modness
Explains why the Mods here are so laid back, and hungry!

To Kilt a Mockingbird
Not as easy as it sounds!

06-30-2005, 07:15 PM
Anomal Farm
Power corrupts the socialist ideal on a farm populated with aberrant livestock that talk!

Oh, wait...

06-30-2005, 07:15 PM
Barn Free
The real story behind chickens who don't use condoms.

Betty Cocker Cookbook
Recipies for those unusual butcher parts you don't know what to do with.

House of Fog and Band
Fifty new uses for a Rock Group with a bong.

Just getting warmed up here.

06-30-2005, 07:26 PM
Battle by the Scrivener
This proofreader would prefer not to, and is prepared to back it up!

06-30-2005, 07:36 PM
The Triad
K. is arrested by a Chinese secret society involved in organized crime.

06-30-2005, 07:53 PM
Cabin fever eventually sets in on the Concord and Merrimack Rivers.

06-30-2005, 08:04 PM
The previously undiscovered first drafts of several manuscripts by Patrick O'Brian...

The Bar Side of the World: Captain Jack Aubrey and his friend, Dr. Stephen Maturin, get good and drunk in ports around the globe.

The Thirteen Bun Salute: While sailing into Valparaiso, a mob of angry fast food workers lob baked goods at the HMS Surprise.

Glue at the Mizzen: Aubrey helps Maturin out when the midshipmen stick him to a mast high above the deck.

The Hundred Gays: The Surprise visits San Francisco... and never leaves.

06-30-2005, 08:06 PM
Just getting warmed up here.

Welcome to the party! nice titles!

06-30-2005, 08:24 PM
Bear Is No Longer My Reality
How to capture that pesky neighborhood bear and teach it do housework.

A sci-fi love story about two camel turds who come to life and start an underground community.

Word For Hummies
Gansta methods for souping up your Hummer.

I gotta get outta this thread and do some paperwork!

06-30-2005, 08:38 PM
War of the Rises
Bakers from all over the world compete for the coveted "Best Loafer" award.

The World is Flan
Custard dishes from around the world.

The World According to Carp
Life in a pond

Eleven on Tap
The struggles of a microbrewery in today's beer market.

06-30-2005, 08:45 PM
Skinny Hip
The story of one woman's battle to have a natural birth despite her body's shape.

Always Time to Dye
Tie dying made easy!

Case of Pies
A picture book

06-30-2005, 10:32 PM
The Gizard of Oz
An agent's tale of Ruby's shot to Ozwald

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Hops?
An exciting new line dance hitting churches across America.

A Wrinkle in Lime
Improved insructions for slingshots. What you can do with those hard as nails limes in the bottom of your 'fridge.

06-30-2005, 10:44 PM
The Gapes of Wrath

Sixty very angry lesbian feminists at a Miss America line-up

06-30-2005, 10:45 PM
The Gropes of Wrath

Some very furious people in a packed bus

06-30-2005, 10:57 PM
Chariots of the Mods
Ursula "Twiggi" von Daniken's theory that Earth was settled by the extraterrestrial ancestors of Austin Powers.

If You Give a Mouse a Bookie
A well-known cartoon character's descent into the depths of compulsive gambling.

The Molar Express
Those who don't believe in the Tooth Fairy are in for a nocturnal railroad odyssey to the Land of Floss (waxed, mint-flavored) ruled over by The Princess of Dental Hygiene.

06-30-2005, 11:21 PM
Logan's Rum
When your reach 21 and drink rum, you die...

Logan's Nun
A nun from Logan, OH decides to kill everyone

Massage in a Bottle
The genie is a CMT...

07-01-2005, 02:18 AM
'The Korant' - Allah's back - and he's pissed.

'The Velveteen Ribbit.' - How to make your very own stuffed frog.

'Where the Wild Thongs Are.' - A brief guide to strip joints in your area.

'Little Women' and 'Good Waves.' - Female midgets go surfing.

07-01-2005, 02:49 AM
No Lego - Activist author says toymakers should use their massive profits to build low-cost block housing in poor countries.

07-01-2005, 03:36 AM
In Cold Blond
A tell-all necrophiliac's diary

Romeo and Joliet
The story of an Italian immigrant's stay at the maximum security prison in Joliet, IL.

Ender's Gale
The story of Hurricane Ender and it's ravashing of North Dakota.

The Hitchhiker's Guido to the Galaxy
Written in music form, of course.

The Modfather
Pm-ing you with an offer you can't refuse.

07-01-2005, 09:29 AM
Moo – Herman Melville's tale of dairy farming in the South Seas

Tartan of the Apes – Scottish missionary brings decency to African wildlife by dressing gorillas in kilts

Mr. Zhivago – Russian student flunks out of medical school

07-01-2005, 09:59 AM
In Cold Brood

The science of artifical insemnation using frozen eggs and sperm is brought to perfection in this chilling space-age tale

Far From the Mudding Crowd

Due to bad weather the Glastonbury Rock festival descends into sludge; music fans end up rolling in it, but a few decent yuppies manage to escape.

07-01-2005, 05:58 PM
The Toy of Sex
need I explain more?

The Job of Sex
need I explain more?

The Joy of Hex.
sequel to the Joy of Bin., and the Joy of Dec.

07-01-2005, 06:15 PM
What a great thread! :ROFL:

Unfortunately, my brain is just not in the right mode at the moment to come up with something... :tongue


07-01-2005, 06:52 PM
Did anyone mention this one yet?

One Blew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Really big storm topples psychiatric hospital.


The Taming of the Screw

Porn movie theatre decides to tone down its movies by using fully clothed actors.

(Okay, I changed two letters)

Young woman won't go to the ball because she's embarassed by a bad case of gingivitis.

07-01-2005, 07:14 PM

Dude Messiah

Children of Dude

The Frank Zappa story, in three parts.
Rob :)

07-01-2005, 07:14 PM
The Kinkey Report
'nuff said.

07-01-2005, 07:35 PM
The Green Smile
Improved Handbook for Dental Assistants

Ba-Ba Sisterhood
The sisters get together for one more drunkfest, do naked rituals in the Town Square and end up in jail with hookers.

Fear of Lying
Get rid of that 'Pollyanna' tag forever!

07-01-2005, 08:01 PM
The Taming of the Shrek
Princess Fiona's real-life escapade in turning Shrek into a happy homemaker.

A Midsummer Nights Cream
A young lad has his first wet dream.

07-02-2005, 12:13 AM
The Merry Wipes of Windsor

After the British Monarchy is abolished the ex-Royals find happiness opening a toilet paper factory

The Merry Waves of Windsor

A study into the body language of the British Royyal Family - do they mean what they are smiling, waving etc?

Dr Ho

The world's oldest profession goes mainstream at last - a guide to doctorate studies in the trade

07-02-2005, 01:44 AM
The Poisonwool Bible
Seven sheep go to Africa to become missionaries.

A story of survival in the Depression Era, how to live on weeds.

The Lovely Tones
Be-Bop group has a conversation about their collective plastic surgery.

Angels & Lemons
Fifty recipies for lemon cocktails that will have you 'flying like an angel.'

I need to get a life...

07-02-2005, 04:19 AM
'Rosemary's Booby' - the horrifying story of a young woman whose left breast is possessed by demons. (Okay. I cheated and changed 2 as well.)

'The Goys from Brazil' - Golems vs Clones.

07-02-2005, 10:53 AM
Of Humane Bondage

A Kinder, Gentler method for bondage afficionados

Of Human Bandage

High tech breakthrough method of using specially treated human skin for pesky wounds

The Moo and Sixpence

Rags-to-riches story about a poor dairyman who starts small and ends up big

The Moan and Sixpence

The latest how-to manual about managing your finances

The Lust Temptation of Christ

He was only a man, after all.


A confused novel about confused people doing confused things in bed

Middle Sux

A novelist's guide wo writing those dreaded middle pages

07-02-2005, 04:58 PM
The Tall Tale Heart
Discredited Poe work.

07-02-2005, 05:35 PM
The Adventures of Tom's Lawyer
The thrilling construction of the case against Injun Joe, from pretrial hearing through to sentencing.

07-03-2005, 08:09 PM
Mable Hoffman's Crockery Rookery
The famed home economist joins Jim Fowler on an expedition to film the mating rituals and family life of the Rival® Crock-Pot® Slow Cooker.

07-03-2005, 08:35 PM
Just for Ray:

(Had to change two letters though)

The Pacifier Between

Two babies share a pacifier back and forth.

07-03-2005, 08:51 PM
:ROFL: and thanks! My book is now among the classics...

07-03-2005, 10:18 PM
The Yeast of All Saints - heavenly pastries with recipes 'to die for'

The Bit*hing Hour - simmering subthreads on your favorite forum message boards

The Tummy - find out the real reason ancient Eqyptians wrapped their dead

Maltos - an ancient guild of brewers tell their secrets for making the perfect pilsner

07-03-2005, 10:39 PM
Outwitting Writer's Clock - Procrastination tips from one of America's best selling authors. 'Your time's never up when the hands of the clock don't move.'

Wards You Thought You Knew - stunning expose of a crimelord's rise to power in 1980's Chicago

Smell the Fun Stuff - how Coty's kicky names made them a teenbopper's first choice in fragrance

07-04-2005, 07:33 AM
The Impo'tance of Being Earnest - After his 15 minutes are up, he isn't - if you know what I mean, Vern....

(Yes, I know the spelling's wrong. But "Importance of Boeing Earnest" just doesn't have the punch)

07-04-2005, 09:28 AM
Five People You Meat In Heaven
A singles bar operated by St. Peter...

The Stepford Hives
Bees that are very well behaved...

Honey Nut Loop
07-04-2005, 06:12 PM
Lard Times
The tale of modern day obesity

07-05-2005, 01:34 AM
Gone With the Wine--a compilation of AA testimonials

The Whining--the story of our family's cross-country road trip

The Mold Rush--Memoirs of A Sorority House Refrigerator

Vatman--the story of my husband's venture into winemaking

Big Wish--(my blockbuster novel)

07-05-2005, 09:55 AM
A Winkle in Time - Tales of shellfish transubstantiation

07-05-2005, 09:56 AM
Big Wish--(my blockbuster novel)

Hey! You stole my title!!!

07-05-2005, 05:15 PM

Kilgore Trout relives ten years of his life. A forty-three volume set.

07-05-2005, 05:30 PM
The Mart of Worldly Wisdom

Wal-Mart's new spring catalogue.

07-05-2005, 05:45 PM

A hilarious book about the 1945 Dresden firebombing.

Oh wait...

07-06-2005, 04:12 AM
Gone With the Mind--Scarlett enters menopause

07-06-2005, 04:24 AM
It's Not Aboot the Bike - Lance Armstrong's compelling memoir, translated into Canadian...

07-06-2005, 05:16 AM
Grime and Punishment--Raskolnikov comes out of exile to enter the 10k Camp Pendleton Mud Run

I Wrinkle in Time--The Loreal model tesseracts into the future

07-06-2005, 06:19 AM
Par and Peace--the epic tale of a hippie golf game

Lady Chatterley's Liver--Joe's wife's story, as told to Reader's Digest

Vanity Pair--Narcissus meets Snow White's stepmother

The Scarlet Litter--Clifford has pups

07-06-2005, 06:31 AM
The Moon's A Walloon - David Niven discussing Belgian astronomy

Pamper Tiger - Niven's tale of life with a Bengal cub

07-06-2005, 05:07 PM
Where the Wild Things Ate
All that was left of Max was a pile of bleached white bones.

07-07-2005, 01:22 AM
'See Spot Rut.' - elementary reading book which failed to make the grade.

07-07-2005, 06:46 AM
"For whom the Hell tolls", the hell!...

"For whom the hell calls", I ask!

This Hemingway will kill me while still young, ya know?


07-11-2005, 11:08 AM
Danny the Champion of the Wold
Young Danny devises a scheme to poach every last one of Victor Hazell's pheasants, and sells Hazell's Wood to a logging company.

Penman Shipp
07-13-2005, 01:24 PM
The Valley of the Dolts The story of three young actors, each a can short of a six-pack, attempting a career in Hollywood.

07-13-2005, 09:06 PM
The Ned Testament
Art Bell and Whitley Strieber prove beyond all of their listeners' doubts that Bronx deli counterman Ned Abrahamowitz (who makes the best darned Reuben you ever ate), not Jesus Christ, is the real Messiah.

The fire-breathing protagonist from The Reluctant Dragon lives on into the 21st Century, moves to the United States and establishes a successful chain of fried chicken restaurants.

The Trumpet of the SWAT
Louis the swan becomes the LAPD's deadliest marksman.

07-13-2005, 11:44 PM
War and Peach
The true nature of fruit.

Jurassic Bark
Dogs evolved earlier than we thought.

A guide to the many uses of the blowtorch.


07-14-2005, 06:45 AM
The Art of Wax
Sun Tzu's candles are mightier than the sword.

07-14-2005, 07:11 AM

The tale of Yossarian's first successful batch of cookies.

Winter's Male

The cruelest season finds true love.

Doll's Louse

A ragdoll suffers the heartbreak of infestation.

This is addicting...

07-14-2005, 08:15 AM
Waitership Down - Peril as the HMS Garcon sinks in the Mediterranean. Inspiration as the two lone survivors - a streetwise young busboy and a wily old sommelier - fight the elements, the odds and the generation gap to train a new breed of food service professionals.

Halter Skelter - A cult of boob-tubed 'killer' babes terrorises a Midwestern town (probably Springfield).

07-15-2005, 07:42 PM
William S. Burroughs' warped tales of Gumby and his pony pal Pokie.

07-16-2005, 01:48 PM
The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hype
The horrifying tale of respected doctor Henry Jekyll who, after accepting a role in a marketing firm, transforms into the hideous, duplicitous corporate shill, Edward Hype.

07-16-2005, 02:16 PM
The Portrait of a Lad
William James' sequel attempt to emulate his brother's success is a dull account of one young man's routine accumulation of independence in a pragmatic world of usefulness, beneficial value and subjective truth.

07-17-2005, 12:49 AM
'Lady Chatterly's Liver' - the sad tale of a aristocratic woman who develops cirrhosis, after being driven to drink by her husband's impotence and a sudden dearth of good gardening staff.

07-19-2005, 09:05 AM
The Seven Habits of Highly Affective People
Weeping, whining, crying, sobbing, blubbering, sniveling, and bursting into tears.

07-19-2005, 09:07 AM
Snow Whine and the Seven Dwarves
A parody of The Seven Habits of Highly Affective People.

07-19-2005, 10:29 AM
Under Milk Word - Dylan Thomas' epic poem, using only the last half of the dictionary

The Maven - Poe's chilling tale of a man harangued by his kibitzing aunt

All's Well That Ends Will - Shakespeare confesses his death wish...

A Midsummer Night's Dram - ...but a nightcap has him feeling much better, thank you

08-08-2005, 04:30 PM
The French Confection
Detectives Edward "Popeye" Egan and Salvatore Grosso bust a drug cartel for smuggling heroin into New York in 60 kilos of profiteroles.

01-27-2006, 03:53 PM
The Hound of the Buskervilles -- Stalker terrorises street performers.

Remembrance of Things Paste -- Matisse's memoirs of his Collage period.

01-27-2006, 05:14 PM
House of Saud and Fog
When King Abdullah is ousted from the Saudi throne, he moves to San Francisco and opens a bar in the closed down Fogg 'n' Sudds, the ownership of which is disputed by the deceased owner's alcoholic daughter. Everybody dies.

01-28-2006, 03:30 AM
'Sins and Lovers.' - the true confessions of D.H. Lawrence.

01-28-2006, 03:32 AM
Ivanho' - the memoirs of a Russian prostitute.

01-28-2006, 06:07 AM
As I Lay Frying - One woman's tale of a miserable summer spent with a perpetual sunburn.

The Found and the Bury - (Ok, so I changed 2 letters) Instruction manual on how to find and rebury pirate treasure, leaving no evidence.

The Princess Bridle - The newest, most effective way to keep your princess under control

The Princess Ride - Sexual escapades of princesses throughout the centuries.

01-28-2006, 09:26 AM
The Man in the High Caste
The Brahmans defeat both the Nazis and the Allies and impose a Hindu caste system in 1961 America.

01-28-2006, 09:31 AM
Welcome to the Money House
Collection of Vonnegut discards released by the publisher to milk the Vonnegut name.

01-28-2006, 10:17 AM
The Clan of the Care Bear
Careless orphan, Ayla, takes sanctuary with some cuddly wuddly bears.

01-28-2006, 04:36 PM
The Ground Beneath Her Felt... -- Salman Rushdie's epic tale of Indian rock stars who vanished in quicksand. Bizarrely, Rushdie finished the novel, but was swallowed up in an earthquake before he could finish the title.

01-28-2006, 10:03 PM
Sons and Livers: a manual on transplanting body parts to your male children.
The Nuked and the Damned: Musings on the aftermath of WWIII
To Kilt a Mockingbird: About birds in Scottish garb

01-28-2006, 10:11 PM
Ho to be Good: This manual on chaste behaviour changed the lives of thousands of streetwalkers
Ho to Win Friends and Influence People: By the same author of Ho to be Good, this is a manual on female empowerment, showing women how to use their natural talents to change their lives..

01-28-2006, 10:18 PM
Wax and Peace: How to cure tinnitus simply by syringing out your ear.
Bar and Peace: A group of recovering alcoholics find they can no longer fight their addiction.

01-30-2006, 08:26 AM
Sea & the City
Ernest Hemingway's Old Man makes a reappearance as a fish out of water on the New York dating scene.

01-30-2006, 08:34 AM
Fear & Lathing in Las Vegas
A guide to the ins and outs of making a living as a carpentry contractor to the Mafia.

01-30-2006, 08:38 AM
The Da Vinci Coke
An anachronistic 16th-century Coke bottle is found among Leonardo Da Vinci's possessions, and an investigation of ecclesiastical intrigues and secret societies reveals the mystery of the Coca-Cola formula.

01-30-2006, 08:38 AM
Bridget Jones' Dairy - silly cow.

ETA: Oops... it's been done before (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=235421&postcount=93). My apologies to aruna.

01-30-2006, 08:43 AM
Bridget Jones' Dairy - silly cow.
:Thumbs: That's in the Top 10 of this thread.

01-31-2006, 01:53 AM
'The F-Plan Duet' - Self-help book, revealing how farting in unison can make a marriage last.

01-31-2006, 02:09 AM
Dane: Hamlet becomes the revolutionary messiah of his people and gets eaten by sandworms.

And for the movie buffs:

Pilates of the Carribean: The new exercise craze sweeping the Tropics!

01-31-2006, 02:14 AM
The Officer's Hives -
the crew chief's revenge for puking in the cockpit. Just.Don't.Do.It.

01-31-2006, 02:52 AM
Eats Shoats and Leaves - The Big Bad Wolf gets his revenge.

02-01-2006, 05:50 AM
The Lord of the Rinks
Someone likes the delicious pork skin too much...

Isn't this book about Wayne Gretzky?


Frank Herbert's epic NF book on writing an epic fiction book.

Star Warts

A NF book about odd-looking warts...

A Midsummer Night's Scream

Halloween came early this year...

Animal Form

An anatamy book for veterinarians.

(Is it just me, or does anyone else want to take some of these titles and actually write the books that go with them? :) )