The Scorching Fantasy Wonder Test

You've not read the MSTed version of that, have you...

Wtf?

I can't decide if this is incompetent prose or a very competent spoof of incompetent prose...

***

*Googles*

Ah. I see...

(What's "MSTed"?)

Haha, I just read that on Wednesday, but can't remember why I ran into it. It's so funny, even though reading it was like scrubbing my eyeballs clean with the wrong side of a very thin pin cushion.

MST3K

MST3K Eye of Argon

Liosse de Velishaf said:

Haha, I just read that on Wednesday, but can't remember why I ran into it. It's so funny, even though reading it was like scrubbing my eyeballs clean with the wrong side of a very thin pin cushion.

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Your "many fauceted scarlet emerald" eyes?

beezle said:

Your "many fauceted scarlet emerald" eyes?

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Actually, they're crimson sapphire.


Shweta, thanks. I just ran out of Brisingr Sporkings last week, so I'm glad I now have something to replace them with.

I had never read the MST'd version. Nice.

A NaNo group I belonged to once had a game with this, where we would pass it around and take turns reading aloud. Whenever the reader broke down laughing, it would get passed on to the next person.

Shweta said:

MST3K

MST3K Eye of Argon

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Christ I just shat myself. I couldn't get 100 lines in on the MST3K version.

There was a Conan book by Robert Jordan which I hope I remember the first line incorrectly: "Sable were their boots, and Sable the horses they rode upon."

My wife and I have mentioned that when we talk about bad writing for over a decade.

Sai said:

A NaNo group I belonged to once had a game with this, where we would pass it around and take turns reading aloud. Whenever the reader broke down laughing, it would get passed on to the next person.

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It's a regular game at my RL writing group.

Sai said:

A NaNo group I belonged to once had a game with this, where we would pass it around and take turns reading aloud. Whenever the reader broke down laughing, it would get passed on to the next person.

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That used to be a game at SF cons, back in the early seventies.

The Eye of Argon has a long and storied history. I know the name of one transcriber, but I don't know if he was the same transcriber who produced this version.

I don't think we'll ever know the ending, but in a way, that makes it even better.

...what IS that? My eyeballs just melted...

Sai said:

A NaNo group I belonged to once had a game with this, where we would pass it around and take turns reading aloud. Whenever the reader broke down laughing, it would get passed on to the next person.

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I keep trying to get my friends to do this sometime, but unfortunatly, I'm the only one who really reads swords & sorcery, so only I am aware of the full context of the awfulness.

I love all of the 'orbs'. Unfortunately, even bestselling authors can befoul a story with that one - I recently read it in a Stephen King novella, of all places. ('Bloodshot orbs', which is better than 'saphire orbs' or some other crap but still pretty bad.)

Smiling Ted said:

Go here.
Read this.

Do you like it?
Do you hate it?
Please explain why.

Your answer will be used to determine your worth as a human being.

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I liked this part:

No mere transcription can give the true flavor of the original printing of The Eye of Argon. It was mimeographed with stencils cut on an elite manual typewriter. Many letters were so faint as to be barely readable, others were overstruck, and some that were to be removed never got painted out with correction fluid. Usually, only one space separated sentences, while paragraphs were separated by a blank line and were indented ten spaces. Many words were grotesquely hyphenated. And there were illustrations -- I cannot do them justice in mere words, but they were a match for the text. These are the major losses of this version (#02) of TEoA

"Prepare to embrace your creators in the stygian haunts of hell, barbarian", gasped the first soldier.

"Only after you have kissed the fleeting stead of death, wretch!" returned Grignr.

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I am prepared to meet my creator, I only hope it is a kinder death than the one my braincells met upon reading this tripe....

do you think he meant "fleeting STEED of death"? ...like that's the most important question this work raises...


anyone have an ice pick they aren't using? I would like to jam it in my left eye until the pain stops...

It's the surly beard of mrfk that really gets a lot of first-time readers, as I understand...

bettielee said:

I am prepared to meet my creator, I only hope it is a kinder death than the one my braincells met upon reading this tripe....

do you think he meant "fleeting STEED of death"? ...like that's the most important question this work raises...


anyone have an ice pick they aren't using? I would like to jam it in my left eye until the pain stops...

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something that bad has to be on purpose, right? RIGHT?

The story was okay, if only you could get past the writing. eh?

Nivarion said:

something that bad has to be on purpose, right? RIGHT?

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But the thing is, it's that bad because it's not completely unreadable, and it's not mediocre. It's got a glimmer of actual promise to it in among the awful; the writing actually has a sense of pace and drama. It's that every detail hurt and that innocent thesauruses were abused in the making.

The story was okay, if only you could get past the writing. eh?

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The story was... okay?

You read it and found the story?

I stopped after two paragraphs. I did scroll to the end.

I couldn't get past "baren" in the first sentence.