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View Full Version : Writerly despair and other navel-gazing nonsense: with some swears, so be warned



scarletpeaches
06-20-2009, 06:04 AM
I'll probably regret posting this 'cause it's gonna come off as me wallowing; I know it.

Anyway, what the hey. Maybe someone else can relate and I won't be the only mental masturbator here.

I'm spoken about finishing anxiety before, and calling the waaahmbulance but I think I'm going through something a little different now. Swithered between here and 'Conquering Challenges' so it's, as always, up to the mods to leave this thread as is, or move it if appropriate.

I'm not concerned about finishing this WIP exactly. I know I can do that. But it seems my brain's done a 180 on me from yesterday's high.

So. I'm talking to tt42 on MSN just now - when do I not? And for the past hour I've been tearing my hair out, barely squeezing out 800 words and hating, oh, 799 of them.

And I know there are writers who would be glad of that, but considering last night I bashed out 2k in an hour, this is not me. I hate being a feast or famine writer.

Ask me again tomorrow, I could love it. Inconsistency thy name is scarletpeaches.

Earlier I was on a high, and now I'm...well, sinking. I think.

I sent tt42 what I'd written and she loved it - or said she did - and I read the same paragraphs thinking, "How could she, the lying cow? This is crap. Utter, utter crap." I was angry at her for not agreeing with me that I'm a fraud and a hack with no right to even be near MS Word.

I warned her I was about to chuck a big bucket of wangst over her, then said:
The only thing that stops me deleting everything (yes, even [male MC from my previous book]) is the thought of the crash that would come afterwards if I did.

I'd miss them (them being my characters) not because they're particularly well-written but because I like them more than the real people in my life.

So perhaps being surrounded by bastards is a protection.

If I had real friends I'd think "Oh fuck you, [male MC of current WIP] and get rid."Yeah. Obviously angsting quite a bit. Mind you, so did tt42:
I can relate to that. There's times I've wanted to tank a book, then thought, "No, I don't want him/her to go away."Me? I know in so doing I'd destroy hope as in the hope of success.

About to quote directly from the MSN convo so look away now if you really, really don't like strong swears (with sincere apologies to those who avoid vulgar speech). Okay? Good.
I swing between being convinced I'm the biggest cunt who ever booted up a laptop and being desperate for that one teeny weeny bit of hope to keep me going.I have Lori's permission to quote her here:
For me, it's that feeling of "I need this to get me through everything else, but sdsometimes I don't think I can *DO* this enough to get me through.So yeah. Writing's the most important thing in my life. Call me sad. Yeah, make of it what you will. I like my characters more than real people at the moment, which is kinda narcissistic in a way, 'cause they're all out of mah brainz so I'm probably just in love with my own creative genius.

Aye. Sure.

But dammit, I hate them right now. And I don't even know why. I know there are other people on AW who come a hair's breadth from deleting everything and I wonder what stops them? Is it a feeling of guilt that you'd be killing off people who don't exist? Or a teeny weeny sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, what you write doesn't suck cheesy donkey balls and with a bit of persistence you could persuade someone to take a chance on you?

Either that or some monumental acting and a prayer that your fraudulent nature won't be found out at some point.

Oh, and yes, I am prone to rampant episodes of manic depression. Whether this is one I don't know. Maybe it's common to all writers and I'm nothing special after all.

Um...thoughts? Cookies? Kicks up the backside? I feel embarrassed for feeling bad when there's not a concrete problem, just a shadow in my head.

And it has my mother's voice and tells me I'm ugly and talentless and should go die in a ditch.

I know what you're thinking: stop. Take a break. Trouble is, writing's been all I've had for so long I haven't got a clue what I'd do with my time otherwise. To think, I'm always telling other people to STFU, get on with it, stop being so down on yourself...but honestly. I'm special. I know I'm really bad.

Kris
06-20-2009, 06:09 AM
Man! I go thru this too. I'm self-styled as very er...non-angsty in real life, but boy. I get quasi-suicidal over my writing sucking. I don't know what to tell you, but...yeah, relate.

scarletpeaches
06-20-2009, 06:10 AM
Oh good. Join my mental-case gang.

We sit in the corner listening to Linkin Park and writing emo-poetry.

Kris
06-20-2009, 06:14 AM
Oh good. Join my mental-case gang.

We sit in the corner listening to Linkin Park and writing emo-poetry.

Oh you lost me on the Linkin Park thing.

Kidding! Yes, it's very...what's the word? I don't know. I think the ideal thing would be to possess humility when your work is praised, and confidence when your work is criticized. But somehow I'm kind of the opposite. It's maddening.

thethinker42
06-20-2009, 06:19 AM
I'll probably regret posting this 'cause it's gonna come off as me wallowing; I know it.

Wallowing? No. I think a lot of writers have their low moments, and knowing that others do makes it...I don't know, not easier...maybe misery just loves company. Knowing other people feel the same way helps me, don't know about you.


Ask me again tomorrow, I could love it. Inconsistency thy name is scarletpeaches.Welcome to the club. I had three days in a row where my 5K minimum was like pulling teeth...then I did 6500 words without even trying...then yesterday? NOTHING. Today? The day is still young, remains to be seen. I can do 10-12K days, then have other days where I'd sell my soul to do 500.


Earlier I was on a high, and now I'm...well, sinking. I think.What's uber-weird is how you and I seem to do this at the same time.


I sent tt42 what I'd written and she loved it - or said she did - and I read the same paragraphs thinking, "How could she, the lying cow? This is crap. Utter, utter crap." I was angry at her for not agreeing with me that I'm a fraud and a hack with no right to even be near MS Word.No, I wasn't lying.

However, you may recall just a week ago when I sent you a few chapters which I thought were such complete and utter tripe that I was seriously considering dumping the entire book into the Wangstbasket, never to see the light of day again. Been there. I feel your pain.


I know there are other people on AW who come a hair's breadth from deleting everything and I wonder what stops them? Is it a feeling of guilt that you'd be killing off people who don't exist? Or a teeny weeny sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, what you write doesn't suck cheesy donkey balls and with a bit of persistence you could persuade someone to take a chance on you?

When I'm having a low day, the only thing that keeps me from deleting it is, I think, some seriously stubborn denial. As if, on some level, I know my writing sucks, but I keep doing it and don't delete what I've written because somehow letting it continue to exist will make it NOT suck. I sometimes feel like I'm a musician on the deck of the Titanic...I know it's going down, but I just keep playing anyway.

Low days suck ass.


Either that or some monumental acting and a prayer that your fraudulent nature won't be found out at some point.Yeah, that too.


Oh, and yes, I am prone to rampant episodes of manic depression. Whether this is one I don't know. Maybe it's common to all writers and I'm nothing special after all.I've been accused of being manic depressive, though never "officially". Maybe it's just a writer thing, as you said. God knows I get some serious lows and some wickedly cool highs.


And it has my mother's voice and tells me I'm ugly and talentless and should go die in a ditch.Your mother can [censored] my [censored] with a [censored][censored] on a [censored] with a blue [censored].


I know what you're thinking: stop. Take a break. Trouble is, writing's been all I've had for so long I haven't got a clue what I'd do with my time otherwise. To think, I'm always telling other people to STFU, get on with it, stop being so down on yourself...but honestly. I'm special. I know I'm really bad.No, you're not bad. I can say this with absolute authority and have over 445 documented reasons to back me up.

However, that doesn't mean you don't have your low days...and I can't offer any advice except the same thing you've told me on many, many occasions:

The only way out is through.

Travis J. Smith
06-20-2009, 06:31 AM
To a point, I can relate.

Today, after not even having 2,000 words to show for a couple days work, I forced a quota of 3,000 words on myself.

All was well for the first 2,000 words or so, then things went into the porcelain bowl in a hurry. Things got so bad that I would struggle mightily through a hundred or so more words, then check the word count, hoping that I'd met my quota and I could at least take solace in that. When I am not in my happy place, tapping away merrily at the keys, ideas flowing freely, it is painfully obvious. Such stalling sometimes, such as today, results in my characters doing the same, just pacing around, passing time doing not much at all, but making it seem important and worthwhile.

With my particular 180 coming so abruptly, I felt terribly deflated. Going from feeling I could bang out 6,000 . . . maybe even 9,000 words going the way I was going to being worried that getting to 3,000 words would be enough of a, "Thanks for coming," prize to make that deflated feeling hurt a little less for now, but when I got back to work I'd be kicking myself over it, ironically giving myself more work because I know I won't be able to continue without editing that last bit or striking it from the record altogether.

Maybe if I hadn't set myself up so wondrously for this, doing things like posting an update on Facebook telling all my friends that I give them permission to flog me if I fail in my quest for the illustrious 3,000 words.

Tanya Egan Gibson
06-20-2009, 07:57 AM
The only way out is through. Exactly.

I know about the rollercoaster. I know it feels like thinking solves things. Mostly, at least for me, it doesn't. All I can say is that when I'm where you are, I tell myself what I used to tell the students I tutored who had trouble seeing projects through to their ends: Don't think, just do.

A ton of us are rooting for you. Go forth bravely.

NeuroFizz
06-20-2009, 08:13 AM
Sorry you are doubting yourself, Scarlet, but the person who wrote the 2,000 words in an hour is the same person who wrote 800 in the last hour. I can't be in your head, so I can only speculate on a few things. But I'll shout this out--I hate daily word counts, and I hate word counting. The difference between 2,000 and 800 is quantity, not quality. But when one really cranks out the words with great ease and then in another writing session finds them difficult (giving rise to a significant count difference), there is a tendency to emotionally blur the quantity thing over into quality. And the resulting impatience can poison the words that are written in the latter hour so the writer hates them. I know it's hard to do, and I know some people find great motivation from word counting, but it's like the bathroom scale. If one is losing weight, those numbers are tremendously motivating. But if the decrease in weight slows down, or even vacillates between slight loss and slight gain (which can happen if one is weighing themselves daily) frustration sinks in and the scale becomes an enemy instead of a simple messenger, to where stepping on that messenger causes enough frustration to bail on the diet.

In each writing session, a writer should move the story along. Sometimes, things will click and that movement will be huge. Other times, it will be frustratingly slow, tedious, and seemingly awkward rather than smooth. But if that slow session moves the story along, the writer has done his/her job. A writing session may only produce one good sentence, but if that sentence moves the story along, it's a positive contribution. Every day will not be the same writing-wise. Every scene won't be the same writing-wise. Move the story along. Shit-can the daily word counts. Move the story along.

The final thing I'll say about word counts is a gym-rat lesson. When one goes into the gym, there will always be someone with larger, more defined muscles, or with a slimmer, well-toned physique. The worst thing one can do is compare himself/herself to others. Take this to word count. You are close friends with someone who is tremendously productive. Are you comparing your productivity to hers, maybe subconsciously, or even with a scaling factor built in? It's another good reason to shit-can the daily (or hourly) word counts. Don't measure yourself against others. Don't even measure yourself against yourself. Measure yourself against the story. The progress thing again.

You have said to other posters, numerous times, that writing is hard work. Now, you are complaining when you have a hard writing session?

Give the 800 words the benefit of a sleep-over. Come back to them with fresh eyes and see if they are that horrible (without bringing quantity into the equation). Did you more the story along?

Vespertilion
06-20-2009, 08:22 AM
I don't know if it's common to all writers, but for both our sakes, lets just assume it's common to writers of a particular genius. A dazzling, but inconstant brilliance, hm?

I'm afraid until I get my own steadily flattening ass moving again, I'm not one to offer advice. I wouldn't delete your work, for sure, because if you ever want it back, you'll be certain in your mind that even if you rewrite it, the original sparkle will be gone. I accidentally overwrote something while making a back-up once, though I didn't realize it until after several hours of searching my computer from one file to the last. It wasn't great, and it sure as hell wasn't perfect, but it had good bones, and those words, in that order, with that flavor, are never going to line up in my brain again.

blacbird
06-20-2009, 08:48 AM
Um...thoughts? Cookies? Kicks up the backside? I feel embarrassed for feeling bad when there's not a concrete problem, just a shadow in my head.

And it has my mother's voice and tells me I'm ugly and talentless and should go die in a ditch.

I know what you're thinking: stop. Take a break. Trouble is, writing's been all I've had for so long I haven't got a clue what I'd do with my time otherwise. To think, I'm always telling other people to STFU, get on with it, stop being so down on yourself...but honestly. I'm special. I know I'm really bad.

Welcome to my world. What say we go down to the pub and have us a Guiness, or, better, a couple drams of 16-year-old Laphroaig.

I'm about to do something I'm horrible at, and probably will regret, somewhere down the road. But here goes:

You are about the smartest and most succinctly expressive poster I know in this place. I can't imagine you're doing anything other than applying those qualities to your fiction. I think you're incapable of writing crap. Which means, you are at the tipping point where you need to send something out. Only then will you know.

Actually, that isn't quite right. Only after ten or fifteen years of doing that will you know.

caw

Matera the Mad
06-20-2009, 08:53 AM
Take two ounces of chocolate and continue writing in the morning.

dgrintalis
06-20-2009, 09:01 AM
I know what you're thinking: stop. Take a break. Trouble is, writing's been all I've had for so long I haven't got a clue what I'd do with my time otherwise. To think, I'm always telling other people to STFU, get on with it, stop being so down on yourself...but honestly. I'm special. I know I'm really bad.

Nope. Do not stop. Do not take a break. You know what might happen if you do? You'll stop writing completely. For maybe seven or eight years. And then, when you pick it up again, you will tell yourself at first you suck and your words are worthless. Then, a little later you'll smack yourself over the head for those lost years and all those lost words.

Not that I would know anything about that. :(

For me, it was the voice of my mother and my ex-husband, all combined into one loud shrieking banshee whose only intention was to beat my self-esteem down to its level.

Sometimes I write a page or a paragraph or even a sentence that I just can't believe I gave birth to. It's like a perfect angel child. Other times, my words are the Antichrist himself.

Keep on writing. I've seen plenty of your posts and I doubt you are
a fraud and a hack with no right to even be near MS Word.

:Hug2:

thethinker42
06-20-2009, 09:07 AM
You are about the smartest and most succinctly expressive poster I know in this place. I can't imagine you're doing anything other than applying those qualities to your fiction. I think you're incapable of writing crap.

QFT.

It's well known on these boards that SP and I are good friends, so my posts to and about her probably come across as rampant arselickery (as she calls it). However, I have had the privilege of reading what she's written. It's safe to say that I've read more of her work than anyone besides SP herself - I probably have close to 250K of her words on my computer. There is a world of truth in everything blacbird said above.

SP: I know what it's like to have these low days, to feel like everything you write is crap, and to wonder why the hell you keep doing it. God only knows I'm having one of those days myself. It's not angsting about the fact that it really is hard work...it's the fear that you're putting in all that hard work for nothing. And you're not.

Also, if I know you as well as I think I do, you've probably got some finishing anxiety going on because you're getting close to the end of your current book. Need I remind you that you went through this with the last one, too? You got through it and finished it. That book was made of win, and so is this one.

You'll get through this, and you'll finish this book.

Or I will personally fly over there and kick your ass.

Salis
06-20-2009, 10:05 AM
Have you considered drugs?

HelloKiddo
06-20-2009, 10:27 AM
I know there are other people on AW who come a hair's breadth from deleting everything and I wonder what stops them? Is it a feeling of guilt that you'd be killing off people who don't exist? Or a teeny weeny sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, what you write doesn't suck cheesy donkey balls and with a bit of persistence you could persuade someone to take a chance on you?

Actually I know for a fact that what I write does "suck cheesy donkey balls". So why don't I just delete it all and knock off this charade? I keep hoping that if I stick with it maybe someday I won't suck anymore.

And I know I'll never be great at anything else. I want to be good at something. That's why I push on when it hurts.


When I'm having a low day, the only thing that keeps me from deleting it is, I think, some seriously stubborn denial. As if, on some level, I know my writing sucks, but I keep doing it and don't delete what I've written because somehow letting it continue to exist will make it NOT suck. I sometimes feel like I'm a musician on the deck of the Titanic...I know it's going down, but I just keep playing anyway.

Low days suck ass.

Get out of my head!


But it seems my brain's done a 180 on me from yesterday's high

Well listen--just be glad you have highs.

Mad Queen
06-20-2009, 10:53 AM
When that happens to me, that's what I say to myself: My story isn't great ... NOW. I hate all the words I wrote ... TODAY. As writer, you have to be careful about your language. It's got to be temporally precise. Even though my novel isn't great now, it's going to be great one day. When I started writing it, I didn't even have a plot. If your story is better today than it was last month, there's every reason to assume that next month it's going to be even better, as long as you keep working on it and improving it. It will never get worse, only better. Progress is inevitable. It's just a question of time. Be patient.

The alternative, deleting your work, will just set you back. You'll start working on another story, then sooner or later reach the same conclusion that it sucks, and you'll be back to the point where you are now.

Samantha's_Song
06-20-2009, 12:32 PM
You have lots of people who love you on here, Lady, even me, and I'm not a very friend-orientated person to begin with. :Hug2:


Scarletpeaches If I had real friends I'd think "Oh fuck you, [male MC of current WIP] and get rid.

Mr Flibble
06-20-2009, 12:45 PM
You sound just like me....Last time at the shrink I made him promise that whatever tablets he gave me I'd still be able to write. Sod being able to work, or anything else. I needed to write! As I proved to him when I stopped taking one lot, almost entirely because they stopped me from writing. ( Well, and they stopped me from talking properly too, or walking without falling over, but I wasn't worried about that. )


I often hate what I write. We all wallow sometimes - and it's that that spurs us on to improve isn't it? And then I go back and look at something old, like I did last night, and think 'Hang on, I wrote that? Hey I can work with this! It doesn't completely suck!'

Ig you thought your every word was gold, you'd never learn anything new. So it's a good wallow.

Chillax girl. Get some sleep, go to the park and watch the fit blokesducks. Enjoy the sun. Then come back and attack that keyboard :D

And you stole my 'My work sucks like giant hairy donkey balls' line. Moobag. *pokes tongue out at SP*

Barrett
06-20-2009, 01:41 PM
I don't know any of you people, but I damned well got your back. Don't delete, throw the words at the screen and take a grim delight in watching paragraphs infect the white void.
If it's a fight, keep reloading, I'll carry the frikkin' flag for now. Scarlet, you say you used to tell people to buckle down, get through it, it's worth it.
Well, it's your turn. So as a complete stranger who has read many of your posts, I say it's okay to feel miserable or upset. It's not okay to leave the wheat you tended rotting in the fields. Reap, Scarlet, reap.

I used to dabble with words. I write now. I figure the least I can do is give a little heart-felt "rah-rah" to the people that set the example for me, i.e., you freaks.

Lisa Cox
06-20-2009, 02:33 PM
You want me to send over some naked Irishmen to perk you up a bit? With toys?


If I had real friends I'd think "Oh fuck you, [male MC of current WIP] and get rid."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but from where I stand, you have a lot of "real" friends on this board. Just because you don't live close to them, it doesn't make them any less important in your life -- and vice versa. So quit chatting shit. :p

Shara
06-20-2009, 03:27 PM
Just wanted to say, scarletpeaches, I know where you are coming from and you're not alone.

I think it was Freud that said all writers are mad. I've come to the conclusion that he had a point. Writers seem far more susceptible to mood swings, mental disorders, emotional problems, and other such things, than 'normal' people.

Recent statistic I heard is that 1 in 4 people have a mental illness. The number of people in our writing group who have been diagnosed, at some point, with some kind of emotional or mental disorder is probably about 2 in 4 (although we've never taken a poll!). If you include all those with undiagnosed emotional or mental disorder, even mildly (and I think I have to include myself in the latter category), it's probably more like 3 in 4.

But I think IdiotsRUs has summed it up quite succinctly with her story of being unable to write on medication. If being 'cured' means not being able to write any more, this is an option that most of us just wouldn't contemplate.

Take a break if you need to. Go for a walk, soak in the bath, put on some music and dance around the living room, play some computer games. Whatever it is that makes you happy - as long as it's not writing. And I know that not writing can bring its own feelings of guilt - Lord yes, I can relate to that. But sometimes you need to give yourself permission not to write. When you come back to it later, maybe you'll be able to focus more constructively.

Good luck.

Shara

seun
06-20-2009, 03:38 PM
Pull yourself out of it, bird. Or I'll give you such a tongue-lashing you won't know what's hit you.

Mr Flibble
06-20-2009, 03:54 PM
Just wanted to say, scarletpeaches, I know where you are coming from and you're not alone.

I think it was Freud that said all writers are mad. I've come to the conclusion that he had a point. Writers seem far more susceptible to mood swings, mental disorders, emotional problems, and other such things, than 'normal' people.



Something my doc noted in fact, when I first went to see her. I'd had a really bad crash and as we talked I said something like 'But I should be happy, I just got my first review and it was great, and I can't even get excited about that!'

She asked what the review was for and when I said a book -- well the look on her face said it all. Writers are nutjobs - it comes with the territory.

thethinker42
06-20-2009, 04:18 PM
Pull yourself out of it, bird. Or I'll give you such a tongue-lashing you won't know what's hit you.

:popcorn:

Rolling Thunder
06-20-2009, 04:32 PM
This seems like the appropriate thread to cut and paste my current sigline, since it could change over time.


"...there's a hormone secreted into the bloodstream of most writers that makes them hate their own work while they are doing it, or immediately after. This, coupled with the chorus of critical reaction from those privileged to take a first look, is almost enough to discourage further work entirely." --Francis Ford Coppola, "Letter to the Reader," Zeotrope magazine

NeuroFizz
06-20-2009, 04:45 PM
Sorry to all, but I have to jump in again. And I do it with an initial apology in case anyone misinterprets the intent. There are people here who have diagnosed and undiagnosed emotional, mental, and physical challenges. And I really hope for a reasonable resolution to each and every one who experiences such challenges. But I just don't buy the statement that all writers are nutjobs. That takes serious individual problems and shoves them in with people who have problems like self-discipline, self-motivation, and fear of failure/success, as well as with a number of other people who have no clinical problems but like to hold onto that nutjob title for when things aren't goinig so well. And it promotes one of my pet peeves--excuses. Again, I'm not aiming this at people with clinical problems or real issues with writing. These people have my admiration for sticking to a difficult individual-based endeavor like writing and working hard to keep at it. But if anyone dismises productivity problems because all writers are nutjobs (and it's easy to do so), it allows the destructive nature of excuse-making to seep into one's creative productivity. Excuses let us become victims, and victimology is hard to get out of because it* (a) makes us feel good about ourselves, (b) demands respect, by-passing the appropriate route of earning it, and (c) it relieves us of any responsibility for our own fouled-up condition. When we hit a rut like Scarlet has articulated, it's real. It happens. Writing is hard and it has rough spots. But we have to accept those rough spots as part of the journey, and above all avoid using them as excuses to bail, to give up, to take up the role of victim to this creative endeavor. Excuses to avoid finishing, to avoid putting our work out there for evaluation (in case we aren't as good as we hope) make us victims. Some may be upset by this post, but Scarlet knows I love her and I will do anything I can to make sure she gains the success she is working so hard too achieve. Scarlet, look in the mirror. Are you making excuses? Don't become a victim.

*This take on victimology was provided by Leonard Pitts in a published and syndicated opinion editorial in our local newspaper. It was politically-directed, but it has universal meaning. I have slightly adapted it to this particular situation.

skelly
06-20-2009, 04:49 PM
Based on some comments from you in another post Scarlet, I wonder if your just suffering from various stages of fear-of-rejection anxiety. You had mentioned elsewhere that you are putting off some editing because of that.

I have no idea where you are at in and among your various writing projects, but as it regards my own work I put up an enormous wall between the "writing my book" process and the "trying to get the damn thing published" process. By the time I have a book ready to be rejected all over hither and yon, I am emotionally detached from it. Sick of it, actually. It's just a file on the hard drive tucked into a folder with a couple of synopsis', a cover and query letter, and a list of agents in the general order that they are going to bat those letters back at me. I'm already ass-deep in my next writing project, which is obviously much better than my last effort, so who cares.

Of course, on the off chance that somebody actually likes my last effort, I'm not afraid to slam on the brakes and pull a U-ey right there in the middle of the highway.

Mr Flibble
06-20-2009, 05:13 PM
But I just don't buy the statement that all writers are nutjobs.

No they aren't - that was just me being facetious. However, it is very common for writers, artists and actors to have emotional / mental health issues ( according to my doc anyway). And part of it ( apparently) is the range of emotions that we go through in our work. The emotional / mental problems can actually help you there, but the artistic endeavour doesn't help the emotional / mental problems.

I just have trouble saying anything seriously - especially as I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that I am a nutjob, er mentally ill, and that I always have been and will be.

I wasn't using it as an excuse, or expecting anyone else to. It was more 'This is how it can be, learn to deal with it' I'm no one's bloody victim. It was merely an expression of the fact that many people who indulge in artistic endeavours have these problems, especially of the 'Oh god, I'm crap!' variety.

I'm sure many don't. But for me I think this is actually a plus - certain parts of the manic / depressive cycle, the way my mind works ( if it can be called working) allow me to really get inside my characters' skins. The 'I'm crap' moments motivate me to learn more, to get better so I won't have so many of those moments. If I just sat and thought 'Hey wow aren't I great' all the time I'd not bother. It's a bonus. But a bugger all the same.

PS - any time you feel like you might take one of my posts seriously, take a look at the first line of my sig. *wibble*

Travis J. Smith
06-20-2009, 05:59 PM
Nope. Do not stop. Do not take a break. You know what might happen if you do? You'll stop writing completely. For maybe seven or eight years. And then, when you pick it up again, you will tell yourself at first you suck and your words are worthless. Then, a little later you'll smack yourself over the head for those lost years and all those lost words.Yes, Iíve been in that boat too, except it was a break of a couple months. For good reason Ė to focus on school Ė but still. Worth it? That much Iím not certain of.

Stick with it, Scarlet. What's the worst that can happen? So you write some sub-par material. Writers may find themselves in a groove with writing, but no writer sustains that groove indefinitely. The highs and lows are of a different degree depending on the writer, but they are still there.


Progress is inevitable. It's just a question of time.This. No matter how incremental it may be at times, it will come. It may feel like going from missing the mark entirely to barely glancing the side of it, but if you work at it youíll be hitting the bullseye in time. How long it will take to do so is dependent on what you put into it and, as Mad Queen said, time.


Get some sleep, go to the park and watch the fit blokesducks.Oh how I wish our parks had ducks. The bunnies sometimes stage a hostile takeover of the football field, though . . .
Scarlet, no matter how much time we spend wallowing, the eventual highs are worth it. Writing is itself a sort of drug; the crash and jitters are to be expected, but itís a fair trade for the highs.

Libbie
06-20-2009, 06:02 PM
HUGZZZ.

SP, if you need a fresh set of eyes on your work, you can email me. Lori can hook you up with my address. I know having a totally new perspective look at my work always gets me fired up again, whether they love it or hate it. If they love it, I know I'm not a total failfest. If they hate it, it usually pisses me off and makes me turn it up to 11 so as to prove 'em wrong.

scarletpeaches
06-20-2009, 06:34 PM
Christ on a bike; I get some sleep and this happens!

Um...I'm not one to go overboard emotionally. Just never been a gushy person, but...well you guys...you kinda don't suck as bad as I thought you did.

*cough*


No, I wasn't lying.

My brain-demons say you were. Churchill called them black dogs.

Me? I have...grey hamsters.


However, you may recall just a week ago when I sent you a few chapters which I thought were such complete and utter tripe that I was seriously considering dumping the entire book into the Wangstbasket, never to see the light of day again. Been there. I feel your pain.

That's something I'll never understand. How the writer can despise their own brain-vomit and the reader raves over it. Goes both ways with us but for people who are supposed to be people-watchers and truthfully represent folks on the page...we have such vastly differing views of reality that we can't both be right.

It's a mystery to me how this can happen.

Let's just blame it on low self-esteem and bipolar disorder.


I've been accused of being manic depressive, though never "officially". Maybe it's just a writer thing, as you said. God knows I get some serious lows and some wickedly cool highs.

thethinker42, you stand accused of being a mentally ill pervert. How do you plead?


Your mother can [censored] my [censored] with a [censored][censored] on a [censored] with a blue [censored].

She'd probably enjoy it, but thanks for the offer. Try a splintery baseball bat next time.


No, you're not bad. I can say this with absolute authority and have over 445 documented reasons to back me up.

Oh yeah.

*reads*


The only way out is through.

I hate it when you quote me back at myself.


...Don't think, just do.

A ton of us are rooting for you. Go forth bravely.

I hate my own lack of ability to take my own advice sometimes. I know what you say is true. I believe it when I say it to other people, but...

Argh. I hate the word 'but'. It means 'ignore everything I just said, I'm gonna tell you something different and possibly hypocritical'.

And now for Fizzy's posts. I knew he'd appear here and was looking forward to reading what he said. :D


when one really cranks out the words with great ease and then in another writing session finds them difficult (giving rise to a significant count difference), there is a tendency to emotionally blur the quantity thing over into quality.

I think that's exactly what I've been doing.

Many's the time where I've said I'm a feast-or-famine writer and I spend a lot of time wondering what consistency would feel like.


And the resulting impatience can poison the words that are written in the latter hour so the writer hates them.

How true.

Nails everywhere better watch out; Fizzy keeps hitting them on the head.


In each writing session, a writer should move the story along.

Something to remember.

I've deleted the word count meter from my blog and my signature here and I'm slowly trying to wean myself off this madness of aiming for so many thousand words for a book.

Daily targets, though, I think are good. They give me something to shoot for. If I was aimless or not bothered about writing so many pages a day, I doubt I'd get anything done.

Perhaps a schedule would be better than a set number? A time to write rather than a target?


Measure yourself against the story.

I liked this part.


You have said to other posters, numerous times, that writing is hard work. Now, you are complaining when you have a hard writing session?

That's why I feel like a hypocrite.

However, in my defence I should say this isn't so much a writing problem as a mental problem.

If I was a hairdresser or a bricklayer or a butcher, baker or candlestickmaker I'd feel the same. Writers just have more opportunity to angst publicly I guess.

I say this after a few hours' sleep (thank God)! I've come to realise I was focusing on my writing when it was (is) my own head that's not working properly.


Give the 800 words the benefit of a sleep-over. Come back to them with fresh eyes and see if they are that horrible (without bringing quantity into the equation). Did you more the story along?

Exactly what I'm going to investigate once I'm done posting here.


I don't know if it's common to all writers, but for both our sakes, lets just assume it's common to writers of a particular genius. A dazzling, but inconstant brilliance, hm?

Yes. Yes, I shall choose to believe this. :D


I'm about to do something I'm horrible at, and probably will regret, somewhere down the road. But here goes:

You are about the smartest and most succinctly expressive poster I know in this place. I can't imagine you're doing anything other than applying those qualities to your fiction. I think you're incapable of writing crap.

*cough*

You know, blaccy, sometimes you're...well, not sucky.


Which means, you are at the tipping point where you need to send something out. Only then will you know.

That's the scary thing. The frightening thing. I've said to so many people, "The only way to get over your fears is to face them.

Time for me to do exactly that.


It's not angsting about the fact that it really is hard work...it's the fear that you're putting in all that hard work for nothing.

I think you have something here.


And you're not.

I wish I knew. Sadly, I don't have crystal balls.

(Shut up seun).


Also, if I know you as well as I think I do, you've probably got some finishing anxiety going on because you're getting close to the end of your current book. Need I remind you that you went through this with the last one, too?

Um, really? Never!

*cough*

*moves swiftly on*


Have you considered drugs?

Hmm. *strokes chinbeard*


I often hate what I write. We all wallow sometimes - and it's that that spurs us on to improve isn't it? And then I go back and look at something old, like I did last night, and think 'Hang on, I wrote that? Hey I can work with this! It doesn't completely suck!'

Ig you thought your every word was gold, you'd never learn anything new. So it's a good wallow.

Chillax girl. Get some sleep, go to the park and watch the fit blokesducks. Enjoy the sun. Then come back and attack that keyboard :D

I live in Dundee. There are no fit blokes. :(


And you stole my 'My work sucks like giant hairy donkey balls' line. Moobag. *pokes tongue out at SP*

My donkey balls are cheesy. Yours are hairy.


I say it's okay to feel miserable or upset. It's not okay to leave the wheat you tended rotting in the fields. Reap, Scarlet, reap.

I used to dabble with words. I write now. I figure the least I can do is give a little heart-felt "rah-rah" to the people that set the example for me, i.e., you freaks.

I'm hopeless at shit like this. Or at least, I feel nervous when saying thank you, for some weird reason.

But thank you.


I think it was Freud that said all writers are mad. I've come to the conclusion that he had a point. Writers seem far more susceptible to mood swings, mental disorders, emotional problems, and other such things, than 'normal' people.

Aye. For the record, diagnosed as manic depressive in my early twenties and I've been clear for a while now. At the start of my 'good' period I got nervous that it would rear its ugly head again.

Then I started to feel safe.

And now...


But I think IdiotsRUs has summed it up quite succinctly with her story of being unable to write on medication. If being 'cured' means not being able to write any more, this is an option that most of us just wouldn't contemplate.

Did you ever see Saint Stephen Fry's programme about manic depression? The Secret Life of a Manic-Depressive I think it was called. Anyway, he asked the people he interviewed if there was a magic button to make it go away, would they press it?

All but one said no.

One man even said, "You're haunted by demons, but sometimes you fly with the angels and that makes it all worth it."


Pull yourself out of it, bird. Or I'll give you such a tongue-lashing you won't know what's hit you.

Dirty bastard.

And I doubt the mods will spank me for saying that, because...well, you are.


Sorry to all, but I have to jump in again. And I do it with an initial apology in case anyone misinterprets the intent.

For the record, Fizzy and I have exchanged rep points and PMs over the years in which I've given him permission to speak to me the way he does, because it's exactly what I need.


Excuses let us become victims, and victimology is hard to get out of because it* (a) makes us feel good about ourselves, (b) demands respect, by-passing the appropriate route of earning it, and (c) it relieves us of any responsibility for our own fouled-up condition.

I completely, 100% agree.


When we hit a rut like Scarlet has articulated, it's real. It happens. Writing is hard and it has rough spots. But we have to accept those rough spots as part of the journey, and above all avoid using them as excuses to bail, to give up, to take up the role of victim to this creative endeavor. Excuses to avoid finishing, to avoid putting our work out there for evaluation (in case we aren't as good as we hope) make us victims.

See? See? I told you he was good.


Some may be upset by this post, but Scarlet knows I love her and I will do anything I can to make sure she gains the success she is working so hard too achieve.

Precisely. I much prefer straight-to-the-point posts than arselickery (unless it comes from tt42 because it's cool to see her humbled in public).


Scarlet, look in the mirror. Are you making excuses? Don't become a victim.

Honestly? No.

If I wallowed, yes I would be making excuses. Everyone feels bad at times, I know. But judging how I lived my life, say, ten years ago? Getting in a rut and digging myself deeper and thinking myself into a depression is a very real danger.

And then I would make myself a victim, a possibility that makes me shudder.


Based on some comments from you in another post Scarlet, I wonder if your just suffering from various stages of fear-of-rejection anxiety. You had mentioned elsewhere that you are putting off some editing because of that.

Very, very likely.


I have no idea where you are at in and among your various writing projects, but as it regards my own work I put up an enormous wall between the "writing my book" process and the "trying to get the damn thing published" process.

I believe that's what I'm doing.

I have a nearly-150k draft waiting to be edited. I'm 98k into this WIP (incidentally, I only started it on 18th April this year, boast boast:D).

And I'm planning another novel.

So yeah, all wonderful ways to delay editing that first one.


Scarlet, no matter how much time we spend wallowing, the eventual highs are worth it. Writing is itself a sort of drug; the crash and jitters are to be expected, but itís a fair trade for the highs.

Like the angels/demons thing all over again...


HUGZZZ.

SP, if you need a fresh set of eyes on your work, you can email me. Lori can hook you up with my address. I know having a totally new perspective look at my work always gets me fired up again, whether they love it or hate it. If they love it, I know I'm not a total failfest. If they hate it, it usually pisses me off and makes me turn it up to 11 so as to prove 'em wrong.

Ah, but you and Lori are just being nice to me. You don't understand. I really am awful...

/whinge off.

Once again, thanks to each and every one of you. Even the ones I didn't quote. :D Honestly, this is why I love this site.

Don't tell Mac. She'll think I've gone soft.

thethinker42
06-20-2009, 06:39 PM
thethinker42, you stand accused of being a mentally ill pervert. How do you plead?

GUILTAH AS CHARGED!


I hate it when you quote me back at myself.

Then stop being all wise and writerly and stuff.


Ah, but you and Lori are just being nice to me. You don't understand. I really am awful...

We are NOT. I know Libbie, and she'll tell you straight out if you suck. Granted she hasn't read your work, but I have, and it doesn't suck. Libbie will likely agree with me because she's smart that way. (To recognize good writing, not just agree with me to prevent bodily harm, though she's pretty smart that way too...)

swvaughn
06-20-2009, 06:48 PM
Welcome to my world. What say we go down to the pub and have us a Guiness, or, better, a couple drams of 16-year-old Laphroaig.

I'm about to do something I'm horrible at, and probably will regret, somewhere down the road. But here goes:

You are about the smartest and most succinctly expressive poster I know in this place. I can't imagine you're doing anything other than applying those qualities to your fiction. I think you're incapable of writing crap. Which means, you are at the tipping point where you need to send something out. Only then will you know.

Actually, that isn't quite right. Only after ten or fifteen years of doing that will you know.

caw

Wow, blac! My already esteemable opinion of you just rose several notches. Don't worry, though - I won't go spreading it around that you've got a bit of non-cynisism in you. :D

Scarlet, we all believe we write utter shite sometimes, no matter how good it actually is. Sometimes you just have to trust the opinions of others.

So trust Lori already. For she is wise, and has writ a book I completely intend to read the moment I can buy it. :)

Adam
06-20-2009, 11:16 PM
How did I miss this thread?!?! BAH!!!

*Tackle hugs SP.*

EVERY writer feels like that at some point. If a writer says they never have, disregard them, for they are a liar.

aadams73
06-21-2009, 02:03 AM
EVERY writer feels like that at some point.

I know I do, regularly. But I keep on keeping on. That's the best cure for it.

scarletpeaches
06-21-2009, 02:06 AM
Comfort me with turnips.

aadams73
06-21-2009, 02:07 AM
*Gives scarletpeaches a bouquet of huge turnips from Colin Farrell's turnip patch*

scarletpeaches
06-21-2009, 02:08 AM
Gawd bless us, every one! :D

blacbird
06-21-2009, 02:09 AM
Neeps, tatties and a wee dram. And someone to read "To a Haggis" aloud in a thick Glaswegian brogue.

caw

scarletpeaches
06-21-2009, 02:12 AM
I liked you up until that post, blaccy.

Make it a contest to see which of us is the last alcky standing after a bottle of Glayva each and you can redeem yourself.

skelly
06-21-2009, 02:33 AM
I liked you up until that post, blaccy.

Make it a contest to see which of us is the last alcky standing after a bottle of Glayva each and you can redeem yourself.
Whatever. Do you feel better? Are ye over it? Etc.?

:D

scarletpeaches
06-21-2009, 02:34 AM
I feel better but not 100% back to normal. I guess it'll take a few days.

It still amazes me how quickly it hit. I put it down to my system being run down after weeks of migraines and a few stressful events. It builds up, something's gotta give.

Oh well, at least I'm still alive and writing (slowly).

Swordswoman
06-21-2009, 03:07 AM
SP, I'm so sorry. I only know you through your posts, but their energy and wisdom has always been inspiring, even with the donkey-ball relish. You have a lot more friends out there than you know.

As a fellow BP I know nothing helps much - but there's something I've finally worked out over the last few years which just might:

When these downers come, something happens. It feels like bugger all's going on and everything's empty, but actually your brain's in a kind of surgery and something good is happening all the time you're under the anaesthetic. When you come out of it, you will write better. Honest.

The speed's the big clue. You might write slower for quite a while but it won't matter because you're moving to a new level in terms of quality, and gradually you'll do it quickly again. I never did quite get my old speed back, but I don't miss it - not when I look back at what I was writing then and what I'm writing now.

You, of course, are already a genius, so this is sheer gilding the lily. But in a very little while you'll be a super-genius and can be even more abusive to the rest of us.

I, for one, can't wait...

Louise

scarletpeaches
06-21-2009, 03:14 AM
Wow.

What a post.

I was thinking last night that I'm known for being a ballbreaker, a potty mouth, a tell-it-like-it-is, Colin-Farrell-obsessed, occasionally bitchy chick.

And sometimes, just sometimes, it gets exhausting. I want to just fall down where I am and sleep for a month because it's so fucking tiring putting on this "Glad to be alive," act.

Then posts like this come along and I feel better. Not 100%, but better. Which is a start.


SP, I'm so sorry. I only know you through your posts, but their energy and wisdom has always been inspiring, even with the donkey-ball relish. You have a lot more friends out there than you know.

:ROFL:

Do you put that on donkeyburgers?


As a fellow BP I know nothing helps much - but there's something I've finally worked out over the last few years which just might:

When these downers come, something happens. It feels like bugger all's going on and everything's empty, but actually your brain's in a kind of surgery and something good is happening all the time you're under the anaesthetic. When you come out of it, you will write better. Honest.

That does help, actually. I'll try to keep it in mind. "My brain's rebooting!"


The speed's the big clue. You might write slower for quite a while but it won't matter because you're moving to a new level in terms of quality, and gradually you'll do it quickly again.

Yeah, I am a lot slower now. I've written probably 500 words today and thought I'd deleted them all; thankfully I'd printed them out, but I found them pasted into another document after MS Word started working again.

Anyway. Whether they're good or not I don't know. It's probably best I try not to judge with my head being the way it is at the moment.


I never did quite get my old speed back, but I don't miss it - not when I look back at what I was writing then and what I'm writing now.

You, of course, are already a genius, so this is sheer gilding the lily. But in a very little while you'll be a super-genius and can be even more abusive to the rest of us.

I, for one, can't wait...

Louise

:D You flatterer, you!

(Complete lies, but still nice to read).

scarletpeaches
06-21-2009, 03:26 AM
Also, I need to publicly tell everyone that Adzmodeus rocks the phat one.

I can't say why without risk of bannination but trust me people...he does.

Adam
06-21-2009, 03:28 AM
*Snigger*

No comment. :D

Kris
06-21-2009, 03:48 AM
Do you put that on donkeyburgers?


I believe it is most properly reserved for donkeyballburgers.

scarletpeaches
06-21-2009, 03:49 AM
I stand corrected.

(I stand corrected on donkeyballburgers. The world's gone mad)!

Samantha's_Song
06-21-2009, 04:02 AM
Bugger! Now I'm intrigued, and you just can't imagine what's going through my mind right now! :D :tongue


Also, I need to publicly tell everyone that Adzmodeus rocks the phat one.

I can't say why without risk of bannination but trust me people...he does.

thethinker42
06-21-2009, 04:04 AM
Bugger! Now I'm intrigued, and you just can't imagine what's going through my mind right now! :D :tongue

I know something you don't know! I know something you don't know! :D

scarletpeaches
06-21-2009, 04:05 AM
Bugger! Now I'm intrigued, and you just can't imagine what's going through my mind right now! :D :tongue

Check your reps. Even I'm not stupid enough to say something like this in public. ;)

Cassiopeia
06-21-2009, 04:08 AM
So...crisis averted?

good. ;)

Samantha's_Song
06-21-2009, 04:09 AM
Oh... I'm sulking now, I want to know too. :cry: I keep imagining MSN, webcams, and... nah, I'm not saying it. :D


I know something you don't know! I know something you don't know! :D

scarletpeaches
06-21-2009, 04:12 AM
So...crisis averted?

good. ;)

In all seriousness, it's...well, the worst of it has passed. I don't think it's possible for someone to feel that bad for long, or you'd just...break.

I've been sluggish all day, still managed to get some writing done, so yes, it'll pass.

Not one of those things I can hurry; it has to happen in its own time.

Nature's way of telling me to slow down and be kind to myself perhaps? ;)

Samantha's_Song
06-21-2009, 04:13 AM
Hehehe ;) I don't blame you for that.


Check your reps. Even I'm not stupid enough to say something like this in public. ;)

Cassiopeia
06-21-2009, 04:17 AM
In all seriousness, it's...well, the worst of it has passed. I don't think it's possible for someone to feel that bad for long, or you'd just...break.

I've been sluggish all day, still managed to get some writing done, so yes, it'll pass.

Not one of those things I can hurry; it has to happen in its own time.

Nature's way of telling me to slow down and be kind to myself perhaps? ;)After two weeks of not writing, and spending a few days in misery over it, I sat down last night around, oh....half past six, made myself leave AW alone and I rewrote Chapter Six, 3400(aprox) and it took until roughly two am. That's eight hours. I've found fresh material goes much faster for me but I'm rewriting a story. I have decided, it takes as long as it takes. I don't know why it is on a Sunday FF Challenge I can whip out 800 words in 20 minutes and I'm happy with it and this is dragging me down.

I think it's dreading how really badly written the thing was in the first place. But I take breaks from it, I tell myself; crap can only be rewritten if you actually do the work and everyone is allowed to write crap, so then so can I.

Yes, be good to yourself. Allow for those really good days and really sucky ones. And remember, sweetpea, pay attention to your limitations and don't go on sprees for days on end without rest. A crash is bound to come. ;)

Love ya! ;)

Adam
06-21-2009, 04:17 AM
Oh... I'm sulking now, I want to know too. :cry: I keep imagining MSN, webcams, and... nah, I'm not saying it. :D

I'm kinda curious as to what you thought it was now! :D

Samantha's_Song
06-21-2009, 04:24 AM
Much worse than the actual event. Sorry for that, I have a really filthy mind sometimes. :Shrug: :Hug2:


I'm kinda curious as to what you thought it was now! :D

scarletpeaches
06-21-2009, 04:30 AM
DON'T MAKE ME GLARE AT YOU!

This is a serious thread, so keep the naughties to rep points please. :D

(Hark at me, coming over all authoritative). :ROFL:

Cassiopeia
06-21-2009, 04:32 AM
DON'T MAKE ME GLARE AT YOU!

This is a serious thread, so keep the naughties to rep points please. :D

(Hark at me, coming over all authoritative). :ROFL:

*staggers around confused*


wot....wot....'ave I stepped into an alternate universe?

Adam
06-21-2009, 04:32 AM
Much worse than the actual event. Sorry for that, I have a really filthy mind sometimes. :Shrug: :Hug2:

Pfft, can't be any filthier than SP's. :D

scarletpeaches
06-21-2009, 04:33 AM
*staggers around confused*


wot....wot....'ave I stepped into an alternate universe?

I told you I was mentally ill.

Samantha's_Song
06-21-2009, 04:35 AM
yes, S. P. Sorry, S. P. It won't happen again. :tongue

Cassiopeia
06-21-2009, 04:35 AM
I told you I was mentally ill.
Then you are blessed...no?


*points to signature* ;)

Samantha's_Song
06-21-2009, 04:38 AM
I've answered you via a rep point, just in case S.P glares at me again... :D


Pfft, can't be any filthier than SP's. :D

Adam
06-21-2009, 04:39 AM
I've answered you via a rep point, just in case S.P glares at me again... :D

*Reads reppie.*

FILTHY!!!

You're my kind of person. ;)

blacbird
06-21-2009, 07:48 AM
I don't think it's possible for someone to feel that bad for long, or you'd just...break.

It works like pearls; you build up layers of protection against the hurt. Then you feel nothing.

caw

scarletpeaches
06-21-2009, 12:15 PM
You're my pearl, blaccy. A minor irritation that just keeps getting bigger. :D

thethinker42
06-21-2009, 12:16 PM
You're my pearl, blaccy. A minor irritation that just keeps getting bigger. :D

I was about to say "hey, isn't that me?", then I noticed the word "minor".

Carry on...

bettielee
06-21-2009, 12:49 PM
Hey -I hadn't seen this thread. (gotta get out of my ucp once in a while...)

sparklepeaches.... what to say. I hope you are coming out of your funk. That is all it is. And do not react rashly. This too shall pass. What's the worse that can happen? You never get published. No one beyond your circle of friends knows you write, all alone, pouring your heart and soul into something that may never see the light of day. You'll be just like hundreds of thousands of writers out there....

But suppose... oh suppose... you write and you publish. You get to hold your baby in your hands, with a cover, and a blurb on the back, and the fresh clean paper on the inside, and you flip through the pages and get that mediciney/pulpy new book smell, and feel the crisp edges of the cover against the meat of your thumb.... ohhh... rapture....

or you could delete everything, have nothing to look forward to, have wasted your time and talent feeding the recycle bin on your stupid computer, and be a big, fat, selfish crybaby writer, tearing their hair out and producing nothing, that didn't have the guts to take her WIP by the balls, pull it close, soul kiss it on the mouth and breath life into it.

your choice, punkin.

bettielee
06-21-2009, 12:49 PM
and that post was with total love and respect, or I wouldn't have taken the time.

I'm fucking tired.

scarletpeaches
06-21-2009, 04:38 PM
I just wangst so you'll send me epic emails, bettieboo. ;)

TabithaTodd
06-21-2009, 05:55 PM
I know this is cliche here SP... "we are our own worse critics".

I truly believe that. I'm sorry you are going through a rough moment (or many). I remember before my move from the city I could crank out just about as much as you did the other day, every day. Heck, co wrote a book in less than 2 months with another author and it's on its 2nd revision for the last oh...4 months. Now, couldn't even form a sentence much less string two words together when it comes to writing anything that I've started WIP\MS wise since I moved except for a few days here and there since mid March.

It's almost like the sorrows and struggles of the city were what fueled my writing and with that gone here in the country...I seem to have lost my steam. I have to find something here that fuels me...I know how you feel is basically what I am trying to say.

scarletpeaches
06-21-2009, 05:58 PM
I know it's gonna happen again, it's the way I'm wired. I just wish I could see it coming, or prepare for it, or arm myself against it in some ways.

Perhaps writing is what keeps me just this side of sane, and because I love it most, it's where I feel the pain most. When I'm depressed I can't do the thing I most want to do and...if you'll forgive me for sounding incredibly wanky, it feels like my soul's been ripped out.

Gatita
06-21-2009, 07:39 PM
because I love it most, it's where I feel the pain most.

That's how it is... Glad you survived. ;)

Mr Flibble
06-21-2009, 08:34 PM
I know it's gonna happen again, it's the way I'm wired. I just wish I could see it coming, or prepare for it, or arm myself against it in some ways.

Perhaps writing is what keeps me just this side of sane, and because I love it most, it's where I feel the pain most. When I'm depressed I can't do the thing I most want to do and...if you'll forgive me for sounding incredibly wanky, it feels like my soul's been ripped out.

Not incredibly wanky at all. I know exactly where you're coming from. And I know it's the only thing keeping me sane. The tabs the doc had me on made me sooo depressed because I couldn't write. That was the worst part of it - I could have (just about) coped with the rest. But not that. It almost sent me over the edge. The latest tablets are doing much the same, and it's driving me batty.

You're not alone sweetcheeks.


Now lick here and feel better
http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n83/spinynorman_2006/colinforsp.jpg

scarletpeaches
06-21-2009, 08:37 PM
Okay stop being nice to me, Idiots. I feel uneasy.

Wait.

*licks Colin*

Okay, you can stop being nice now. :D

Salis
06-23-2009, 05:49 AM
Okay stop being nice to me, Idiots. I feel uneasy.

Wait.

*licks Colin*

Okay, you can stop being nice now. :D

Loser, real writers never doubt themselves.

Actually, when you started this thread I was thinking, "Huh, I don't think I have that problem anymore, I haven't felt shitty about what I'm writing so far", but lo and behold, the other day I went through the, "Well, this is slightly better than pond scum, but not really good" phase myself.