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colealpaugh
06-17-2009, 03:31 AM
A true story:

“Dad, wake up,” my eight-year-old says, shaking my shoulder and accidentally pulling my hair. “Some man is on the phone. I think it’s about photography.”

“Thanks, Hon,” I say. I’d pulled an all-nighter trying to finish a rewrite for a boutique agent who had shown interest in two manuscripts.

“Hello?”

“Cole, how are you?” asks the superstar mega agent I didn’t expect to hear back from. We’d chatted the week before, but he’d seemed rather lukewarm about my story. Liked the writing, but something missing, yada yada. Real nice guy, though.

“Great, Mr. MegaAgent,” I say. It’s raining outside my window and I’m not sure if it’s 7am, or 7pm.

“Dad, it’s after noon, and I’m really hungry,” my daughter tells me.

“I was going to email you,” the mega agent says. “But the more I thought about it, the more I felt I should call. You have a real talent with words…”

“Dad!” screams my daughter. “Bagel is peeing on the carpet!”

“Excuse me…Tylea, it’s okay. I’ll clean it up when I’m done talking. This is really important…sorry.”

“That’s okay. Listen, I was all set to pass, but then I got to thinking about it. I’d like to print out a hard copy, and maybe take another week to…”

“Daddy! Bagel is pooping!”

“Please, Tylea!”

“Come! She’s pooping on the bed!”

“It’s okay…sorry Mr. MegaAgent…I’ll clean it up when I’m done!”

My daughter appears next to the phone, tears streaming.

“At this level, I’m not interested in doing a line by line for a client, but…”

“Daddy! You have to come help! There’s poop everywhere!”

“Maybe you need to go,” says the mega agent.

“Daddy! Now!”

“I’ll call next week, Cole.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Daddy! Come!”

Daddy begins to cry a little, too.

veinglory
06-17-2009, 03:51 AM
Sometimes the universe likes to have a little joke on us. But hang in there! It sounds like you might be in!

Synonym
06-17-2009, 04:25 AM
Look at it this way, the agent will never forget that phone call. It had to be much more interesting than leaving a message on an answering machine! Good luck with the next phone call and hopefully the animals will behave themselves.

Cyia
06-17-2009, 04:27 AM
At least you got an offer of another call rather than a "never mind" or "just calling to say we passed..."

(Get Bagel a doggie carrier by next week :D )

Sage
06-17-2009, 04:34 AM
Actually, it's very funny.

But really frustrating, yeah. I'd be completely freaking out at this point. Also pretty annoyed with the dog.

Thankfully, he's going to call back, and when he's your agent and you're published, I bet it will be one of those stories you'll both tell.

Devil Ledbetter
06-17-2009, 04:48 AM
Annoyed with the dog? I'd be annoyed with the kid. She interrupted 7 times in one phone conversation? If she's old enough to talk, she's old enough to understand that it's rude to interrupt you on the phone, and even ruder to continue interrupting you.

I hope you're going to have a talk with her about this, and let her know what her behavior may have cost you.

colealpaugh
06-17-2009, 05:00 AM
Annoyed with the dog? I'd be annoyed with the kid. She interrupted 7 times in one phone conversation? If she's old enough to talk, she's old enough to understand that it's rude to interrupt you on the phone, and even ruder to continue interrupting you.

I hope you're going to have a talk with her about this, and let her know what her behavior may have cost you.

Yeah, I agree, but it was a case of special circumstances...Bagel is an 8 week old beagle we just brought home. My daughter had earned her for making every ski race team practice this past winter. Kind of ironic that she earned the puppy for being extremely responsible. And poop was everywhere. If my wife hadn't intervened later in the afternoon, I'd have thrown the bed away.

I feel like I had a really bad dream, though.

As to the agent, I feel like a total asshead.

Sage
06-17-2009, 05:02 AM
When you're a kid, dog pooping and peeing everywhere is an emergency. So I can understand why she was freaking out, although the first interruption was definitely rude.

Devil Ledbetter
06-17-2009, 05:06 AM
Yeah, I agree, but it was a case of special circumstances...Bagel is an 8 week old beagle we just brought home. My daughter had earned her for making every ski race team practice this past winter. Kind of ironic that she earned the puppy for being extremely responsible. And poop was everywhere. If my wife hadn't intervened later in the afternoon, I'd have thrown the bed away.

I feel like I had a really bad dream, though.

As to the agent, I feel like a total asshead.That explains her insistence. Since it's a new dog, she may have been afraid you'd get rid of it for having accidents.

Give agents your cell number. That way you can run out the door and lock yourself in the car when an agent calls and your child starts having a drama.;)

Matera the Mad
06-17-2009, 07:02 AM
owoo :roll:

Get dog training books for kids.

Izz
06-17-2009, 07:54 AM
No, this is funny: http://failblog.org/2009/06/12/livestock-transportation-fail/

ETA: oh, and colealpaugh, i reckon you're fine. If mega-agent gets put off because of that then perhaps mega-agent isn't the right mega-agent for you.

Regan Leigh
09-20-2009, 10:27 PM
Wow. That is one cringe inducing story! But funny in a little way. :) So did said Mega Agent ever speak with you after that? And is Bagel still alive? :D

timewaster
09-20-2009, 11:01 PM
That explains her insistence. Since it's a new dog, she may have been afraid you'd get rid of it for having accidents.

Give agents your cell number. That way you can run out the door and lock yourself in the car when an agent calls and your child starts having a drama.;)

Alternatively you could just develop a scary expression that lets the kids know that if they interrupt you the consequences will be dire. I give mine the LOOK and they close the door quietly and run away.
However, my sixteen year old completely forgot to tell me that my agent called the other week, I only found out a couple of days later because she emailed me...

katiemac
09-20-2009, 11:12 PM
As to the agent, I feel like a total asshead.

Why don't you call him back? If you get a receptionist or he doesn't have time to talk, leave a message and thank him for calling and let him know you're looking forward to when he calls again.

popmuze
09-20-2009, 11:26 PM
This is kind of like the father in the video whose daughter threw the ball back at the Phillies game. First he was stunned and devastated, then he gave her a big hug and America fell in love with him. He wound up getting jerseys and an autographed ball, too.
In your case, however, unless you have it on video, nothing good is apt to come of this. In my experience, that's the last you'll ever hear from this agent. Who needs a family man with a daughter and a dog? Agents only want single writers living in shacks and hovels on next to nothing a year churning out four books a year.

dgiharris
09-20-2009, 11:51 PM
Look at it this way, the agent will never forget that phone call. It had to be much more interesting than leaving a message on an answering machine! Good luck with the next phone call and hopefully the animals will behave themselves.

There has probably never been uttered a truer statement :D


Annoyed with the dog? I'd be annoyed with the kid. She interrupted 7 times in one phone conversation? If she's old enough to talk, she's old enough to understand that it's rude to interrupt you on the phone, and even ruder to continue interrupting you.

I hope you're going to have a talk with her about this, and let her know what her behavior may have cost you.


When you're a kid, dog pooping and peeing everywhere is an emergency. So I can understand why she was freaking out, although the first interruption was definitely rude.

Absolutely, kids do not have the same perspective as adults. Funny how quickly we adults forget that.


funny how funny real life can be. the universe does have a quirky sense of humor

MissKris
09-21-2009, 12:12 AM
Oh dear. *hides laughter* I hope it all works out in the end!

When my now agent called I had planned things to go smoothly. But my two year old slept poorly the night before and was extrememly cranky and refused everything I bribed her with to be quiet for a few minutes. I ended up talking to my agent sitting on the floor in the office with my back against the door so my children couldn't get in, while my two year old screamed at the door. Agent was very nice about it, lol.

Darzian
09-21-2009, 12:37 AM
Why don't you call him back? If you get a receptionist or he doesn't have time to talk, leave a message and thank him for calling and let him know you're looking forward to when he calls again.

I'd second this.

I'm also tremendously curious to find out what the agent wanted to say.

ishtar'sgate
09-21-2009, 02:32 AM
A true story:


“Daddy! Bagel is pooping!”


Okay, where was mommy? We moms take poop in stride. :D

Matera the Mad
09-21-2009, 03:35 AM
If an agent ever calls me I'll be up to my neck in computer guts with a newsletter deadline pounding my headache. TG no kids.

CatSlave
09-21-2009, 04:03 AM
The agent is probably still laughing. He's sure to remember you.

I agree, you should call back and explain who you are and that 'stuff happens.'
Can't hurt...

*funny story, rly*

CatSlave
09-21-2009, 04:07 AM
I see this was originally posted back in June.

So how did things come out, so to speak?

bettielee
09-21-2009, 04:22 AM
Even MegaAgents have kids and dogs - you'll be fine!

And hey - congratulations!

Salis
09-21-2009, 04:25 AM
I think,

"The opening to this phone call just didn't grab me. Please feel free to call me again after you've rewritten your pitch,"

would have been the best out.

colealpaugh
09-21-2009, 07:22 AM
Ahhh, Regan, you resurrected this, eh?

As an update and to answer a couple of questions:

Bagel the Beagle is alive and well, other than a recurring flea problem. Mom was at her library when the poop happened, and as much as I wanted to call and have her come home and clean up the mess...

I ended up signing with a newbie/boutique agent who I connected with for her editing skills, despite advice to continue the search. My contract is for each individual MS (I'm with her for two MS's), which gives me the opportunity to decide what I want to do with my third MS. To be candid, I just didn't feel my MS was as good as the feedback I was getting from agents. I knew it needed another rewrite, and the feedback my agent provided seemed dead on. I passed on an offer from WMA in what I've been told was a bout of abject stupidity. But I'm happy.

The agent from the crazy phone call and I penciled in plans for a day of skiing in the Catskills this winter. Funny that we hit it off more as friends than agent/client. Turns out we're both the types of guys who talk way too much, leaving our wives teasing that we have a new BFF...

popmuze
09-21-2009, 08:08 AM
I passed on an offer from WMA in what I've been told was a bout of abject stupidity. But I'm happy.



Hmmmmmm?????????

Zsuzsi
09-21-2009, 08:30 AM
colealpaugh,

On the other hand, you may get to accomplish your goals with your newbie, enthusiastic agent who got you to rewrite the book to your satisfaction. Have you gone into submission already? Good luck with it.

colealpaugh
09-21-2009, 09:08 AM
Hmmmmmm?????????

My first MS is a fictionalized, sometimes over-the-top "auto-biography" from my work as a war correspondent. Most of my work during those years was sweaty and smelled of rotting fish. The agent pressed and then was downright demanding for the story to be made, eh...real. As far as I was concerned, the best parts of the book were the events which never happened.

My goal was to write a novel. His goal was to sell a shitty auto-bio. Hopefully, it's not a shitty novel.:)

colealpaugh
09-21-2009, 09:23 AM
colealpaugh,

On the other hand, you may get to accomplish your goals with your newbie, enthusiastic agent who got you to rewrite the book to your satisfaction. Have you gone into submission already? Good luck with it.

Thanks, Zsuzsi...we're planning to have my first MS out on submission by mid-October.

Stacia Kane
09-21-2009, 10:50 AM
Ahhh, Regan, you resurrected this, eh?


Bagel the Beagle is alive and well, other than a recurring flea problem.



Borax is your friend. Sprinkle it in all the carpets and on the dog's bed or bedding. Let it sit overnight. Vacuum it up (also vacuum cloth furniture, etc.). Sprinkle more and give it a few days, then vacuum and repeat. Your flea problems should end within a couple of weeks, without sprays or baths or stinky chemical bombs. (It's also safe for people & pets, and as a bonus will end an ant or other crawly problem as well.)

Worth a try. :)

Good luck with the ms!

colealpaugh
09-21-2009, 11:31 AM
Borax is your friend. Sprinkle it in all the carpets and on the dog's bed or bedding. Let it sit overnight. Vacuum it up (also vacuum cloth furniture, etc.). Sprinkle more and give it a few days, then vacuum and repeat. Your flea problems should end within a couple of weeks, without sprays or baths or stinky chemical bombs. (It's also safe for people & pets, and as a bonus will end an ant or other crawly problem as well.)

Worth a try. :)

Good luck with the ms!

Thank you, Ms. Quinn! All advice is warmly received. I was amazed to find that fleas poop little pellets of blood. Which brought to mind sparkly vampires and wondered if they did as well...

StandJustSo
09-21-2009, 11:44 AM
Now I have an image of a hot looking vampire ... sitting on the toilet ...

Regan Leigh
09-21-2009, 03:41 PM
Thank you, Ms. Quinn! All advice is warmly received. I was amazed to find that fleas poop little pellets of blood. Which brought to mind sparkly vampires and wondered if they did as well...

That brings about some lovely imagery. ;) well played.