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afyare23
06-20-2005, 12:29 AM
Hello,


I am a writer, and i need to know. Here is my life basically. Just tell me if it could be done into a story.

My life basically is a merry go round. Doubting my own sexuality at the age of 6. I have been molested by my sarrogate grand-father, which got me into a relationship with different men. I was but a child, thinking that this 'touching' was a game. I was always the dominant one, never the submissive, i had to lure boys and men, to make out with me. This was until the age of 16. I guess you might say that i was a very trusting child, in need of attention. My father and mother were not the good parents i dreamed of, my father wanting me to be something rather than a failure, beated me until i had to learn everything and also to be an elder brother. My mother had to use verbal abuse to say how disgusted she was to birth me.

I had to grow up as well, being the eldest of the sibling, which contained 2 boys and 1 girl. Had to take care of them at the age of 8.

I had to rebel against the abuse, so i rebelled against them by running away or using words such as "****" to get at them. I hated my father for what he has done to me, making me as ugly as i felt in my heart. My hatred was so much so, that i wanted him dead by my own hands. I thought the only solution to my disgusting past and predicament, was to kill myself. But being a muslim, i was afraid of ever-lasting damnation, i thought to myself, if i kill myself i would leave the mortal hell, only to be in another. So i said to myself, that i would rebel against everything that comes in my way.

As hard as i tried i just could not love anyone, i hated everyone in my family. My cousins from my mother side. who were bigger than me, and hitting me constantly. My aunts who always were siding and condsending me for who i was.

I had to survive for myself, i was an expert shop-lifter, i had to steal what i did not have. Candy, Sun-Glasses, ice-cream. But it stopped when i was 16. I had to grow up as an adult, always been addressed as a 25 year old, when i was but a child of 14.

Cannot get psycological help for my life basically because the family believed that crazy people uses it (ironic that my mother called me a fool, loon, animal), i had to talk to god, and looked to him for help. Talking to him through the winds and breezes.

All this, yet i could have every chance to kill myself, but i confided on my best friend named james. yet all james was a lecherous puppy.
For 6 years we have known each other, yet, one night he done the same thing as the men, and i slept with him, not fully.

Next day i see him making a fool out of me, in front of his gang. Seeing this, being treated like a slave. I just used my wit, and became alpha-male of the most popular group in school. One day, when i was in a party, he asked my smaller sibling were i was. My sibling replied that i was at the party. He got to a cab and took my brother with him, to where i was. Yet he could not bring up the words i am sorry. I just left him, and never spoke to him again.

That is where, the family packed up to england. But that is another tale....Lol.

Celeste
06-24-2005, 11:32 AM
Your story is very, very similar to a book I read (a man's life story) called ''A Child Called "It" and "The Lost Boy: A Child's Courage to Survive" by Dave Pelzer.

Dave Pelzer's books have done very well. Here's his site: http://www.davepelzer.com/DavesBooks.htm

Check it out.

I also recommend reading the book. The two books are available in one volume.


Good luck!

celeste

aka eraser
06-25-2005, 08:26 PM
Keeping a journal and writing your thoughts and memories daily can be helpful - both therapeutically and as a framework/practice for your story.

Nateskate
08-08-2005, 11:34 PM
Your life is a story, and it is a vital story. It's a story that is continuing, and therefore, you can write new chapters.

I think many more people than you know can identify with the pain you've been through, and far less would dare throw stones than you imagine. In fact, some people will admire and respect you for taking the risk you are taking to even write these paragraphs.

As far as the continuation of the story, if you don't mind my saying, it doesn't hurt to have someone help you work through some of the stuff that comes out of a life like that.

It's rather interesting, in that you mention your family is against counseling (My read into what you said) and they will label someone crazy who gets help. And yet, they not only sound like they "need help themselves", but they are part of the reason you are in this situation. (?)

In a sense, they are like people in a rowboat who've just thrown a kid in the middle of the ocean, and then gave him this handy piece of advice, "Kid if you take a lifejacket, you aren't a real man. Real men swim fifty miles to shore!"

It ain't good advice, and it's the view of someone who is in need of a bit of counseling themselves.

Heck, it's not wrong to let people help you work through things. In fact, it takes years to understand things. And if someone can show you short-cuts, it's intelligent to listen to them. So don't let the opinions of your family keep you from help.

If you are in as much pain as you suggest, then it's wise to have someone in your corner.