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euclid
06-12-2009, 07:42 PM
Had to share this:



The Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down









Finally, the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear the rulesFrom the female side.









Now here are the rules from the male side.



These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!





1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problemonly if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOTneed directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not Acolor. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or


motor sports


1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

KTC
06-12-2009, 07:54 PM
I'm gonna ask my wife if I can read this first.

Wayne K
06-12-2009, 07:56 PM
That about sums it up.

brainstorm77
06-12-2009, 07:58 PM
pfffft!

Button
06-12-2009, 08:05 PM
They forgot the beer rule.

Clair Dickson
06-12-2009, 08:08 PM
I approve. =)

James81
06-12-2009, 08:25 PM
Yup, that covers pretty much all the bases.

It's funny but so true at the same time.

NeuroFizz
06-12-2009, 10:11 PM
http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg81/NeuroFizz/DifferencePoster.jpg

spamwarrior
06-12-2009, 10:19 PM
LOL! I like 1, and 1, and 1.

Roger J Carlson
06-12-2009, 10:20 PM
LOL! I like 1, and 1, and 1.Me too, but I didn't like 1 so much.

JoNightshade
06-12-2009, 10:21 PM
This entire list is why I prefer to hang out with guys.

jennontheisland
06-12-2009, 10:25 PM
This entire list is why I prefer to hang out with guys.
+1

spamwarrior
06-12-2009, 10:30 PM
I think my father would agree with the shape one.

tjwriter
06-12-2009, 10:33 PM
This entire list is why I prefer to hang out with guys.


+1

+2

Shail
06-12-2009, 10:34 PM
One comment. In the mid ohio valley, men really do whine and complain about the toilet seat being left down. It's a culture thing. :)

But it doesn't get them any sympathy from us girls. We smile and put the lid down too.

Perks
06-12-2009, 10:34 PM
Somehow, I really like these rules. Am I a man?

tjwriter
06-12-2009, 10:37 PM
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...

Really .


Except this. There have been times my husband's complained and said I could not ride up to the gas station to get milk or some other minor grocery item wearing my pajama pants. He made me get dressed to go with him.

Pfft!

I like my pajama pants, which are really workout pants to begin with. kthxbai.

robeiae
06-12-2009, 10:37 PM
Somehow, I really like these rules. Am I a man?
No. But maybe you play one on television...

aadams73
06-12-2009, 10:44 PM
Somehow, I really like these rules. Am I a man?

What Perks said. I say this as I scratch my invisible man-bits. In a moment I'm going to go practice peeing while standing. Any of you ladies with me? I have a whole packet of bendy straws.

wannawrite
06-12-2009, 10:49 PM
aadams73, OUCH! What are you thinking? Let's get a big strong man to do that for us.

Button
06-12-2009, 10:52 PM
What Perks said. I say this as I scratch my invisible man-bits. In a moment I'm going to go practice peeing while standing. Any of you ladies with me? I have a whole packet of bendy straws.

Manual available:

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51J2V3QD9KL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-big,TopRight,35,-76_AA240_SH20_OU01_.jpg (http://www.amazon.com/How-Pee-Standing-Up-Chicks/dp/0743470249/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1244832637&sr=8-2)

Seaclusion
06-12-2009, 11:06 PM
You knew I had to add my own comments.







1. Men are NOT mind readers. Nor do we want to be


1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. We just pee all over it


1. Sunday sports It's like lemmings going to the sea
Let it be.


1. Crying is blackmail. Unfair and a flagrant flaunting of your femininity


1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Hammer to the skull works!


1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.Except 'Did you take your birth control pill today?' which is always answered yes


1. Come to us with a problem


only if you want help solving it in a forceful and destructive manner. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 minutes.



1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us. We probably don't care anyway.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the


one that gets us laid tonight


1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.Except foreplay


1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..Not when we're doing anything we have to concentrate on like eating and staring at women.


1. Christopher Columbus did


NOTneed directions and neither do we. Nuff said


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A


color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. and we refuse to learn


1. If it itches, it


will be scratched.

We do that


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We don't care you are lying, and it is just not worth the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...


Really . Just look amazingly hot.


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as


football or




motor sports or sex which is what we are usually thinking about



1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have way too many shoes.


1. I am in shape.


Round IS a shape!


1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.






Thankyou for your time

Richard

Shail
06-12-2009, 11:40 PM
Addition to the rules:

1. It doesn't matter if you said the same thing I said, nor that you said it first. I said it, I'm right, you're wrong. I'm the man. I have spoken.

:D

(I just about pound my dad on the head with the sixteen pound sledge every time he pulls this trick with me.)

Roger J Carlson
06-12-2009, 11:43 PM
Addition to the rules:

1. It doesn't matter if you said the same thing I said, nor that you said it first. I said it, I'm right, you're wrong. I'm the man. I have spoken.

:DCorollary:

1. It's funnier if I say it.

DL Hegel
06-13-2009, 12:36 AM
Billie Jean's answers

Had to share this:



The Man Rules*******************


At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down












Finally, the guys' side of the story.


(



I must admit, it's pretty good.)


We always hear



the rulesFrom the female side.










Now here are the rules from the male side.





These are our rules!


Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '



ON PURPOSE!








1. Men are NOT mind readers.

neither are women:)



1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

I never complained but I might accidently left bath and tub cleaner on the seat for other moments.


1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.



Two TV's solve that problem:) And if you switch the channel from the scifi channel on mine--there would be war;)


1. Crying is blackmail.

Yes it is, but remember if you give a wedgie you have to expect one and return;)


1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!



I am as subtle as a four year old in a china shop after drinking his sister's redbull


1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

To some questions but to ones like: Where the heck did you put my pampered chef apple corer peeler? not so much


1. Come to us with a problem
only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.


Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.




If I had a girl friend what would I need you for?





1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.



In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.




For me that one would need to work both ways.





1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.



Don't ask us.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDKFZpGeVVo






1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the



other one

what if either made a gal want to grab a skillet?



1. You can either ask us to do something



Or tell us how you want it done.



Not both.

I believe this one goes two ways also:)



If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.





1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

This one so goes two ways--during the BSG finale my husband came in to tell me something that happened at work. And we work together--AcK!!!!




1. Christopher Columbus did



NOTneed directions and neither do we.



they always say that after we passed the same house we saw an hour ago:)


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.



Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A



color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.



Color blind might work?
1. If it itches, it



will be scratched.


We do that

Agreed;)




1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.



We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.



I never get asked what's wrong because I always tell them what's wrong if they ask:)




1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

See above it works two ways:)




1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...



Really .

Yeah sure they say that but when you walk out the door in a bathe robe, curlers and fuzzy slippers they say you can't leave the house.



1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as



football or




motor sports

Now this one makes me feel cheated mine wants to talk about cooking show and something called TMZ.




1. You have enough clothes.




1. You have too many shoes.




1. I am in shape.



Round IS a shape!

No such thing as too many clothes or shoes. And indeed round is a shape:)

spamwarrior
06-13-2009, 12:43 AM
LOL!

aadams73
06-13-2009, 12:47 AM
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.


Don't ask us.

And for you men: don't expect us to reassure you that your wanger is HUGE fifty times a day. If we're still with you, we're satisfied.

quickWit
06-13-2009, 12:52 AM
If we're still with you, we're satisfied.

Thank goodness for masturbation.

:D

spamwarrior
06-13-2009, 12:58 AM
And for you men: don't expect us to reassure you that your wanger is HUGE fifty times a day. If we're still with you, we're satisfied.

AMEN.

James81
06-13-2009, 12:59 AM
And for you men: don't expect us to reassure you that your wanger is HUGE fifty times a day.

What kind of guy does that? :roll:

aadams73
06-13-2009, 01:02 AM
What kind of guy does that? :roll:

The annoying ones! You know, guys like you. :D

aadams73
06-13-2009, 01:03 AM
Thank goodness for masturbation.

:D

They tell me that's a sin. :D

quickWit
06-13-2009, 01:06 AM
They tell me that's a sin. :D

that's crazy talk. :)

Seaclusion
06-13-2009, 01:07 AM
They tell me that's a sin. :D


Thanking goodness for it or actually doing it?

Richard

aadams73
06-13-2009, 01:09 AM
Thanking goodness for it or actually doing it?

Richard

Oh, I'm sorry, they tell me it's a sin to do it in church.

Never mind.

C.bronco
06-13-2009, 01:22 AM
I get the big TV on Sundays. Nascar will be on. The only exceptions will be for night races which are held on Saturday evenings, or any extra all-star races, Bud Shoot-out etc.
And, yes, I do have to turn the volume all the way up when the Grand Marshall says, "Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!" and when D.W. says, "Boogity Boogity Boogity, Let's go racin' Boys!"

I don't care which way the toilet seat is; I only care that it is there when I need it.

Guys do talk about which women are packing on the pounds, and do react to various clothing items. They've done so in front of me.

I've gotten excellent critiques on paint colors from male friends who are regular, testostofilled blue collar guys, but have great taste in decor.

I have male friends who obsess about their looks as much as I do, which is silly because they are hot.

Button
06-13-2009, 01:23 AM
Oh, I'm sorry, they tell me it's a sin to do it in church.


Erm... I don't know many who enjoy it in church, but whatever floats boats, or grooves you, or tickles your funny...

Atani
06-13-2009, 01:26 AM
Cute. Particularly regarding having to either ask the man to do something or tell him how it should be done... that's so annoying. If they could just do SOMETHING the right way... I can't do it all!

:)

Storm Dream
06-13-2009, 10:16 AM
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
Then why did I always get whined at for being too casual? I can't win!

Surprised nothing was said about remotes...

C.bronco
06-14-2009, 06:27 AM
I responded to that at my last post. I set limits. The remote is mine for NASCAR. I don't care about remote usage at any other time.

I'll need a man who can understand this innate need.

There's always that give and take in relationships yanno.
:D

Death Wizard
06-14-2009, 06:33 AM
I responded to that at my last post. I set limits. The remote is mine for NASCAR. I don't care about remote usage at any other time.

I'll need a man who can understand this innate need.

There's always that give and take in relationships yanno.
:D

As long as it doesn't mess up NFL Sundays.

Death Wizard
06-14-2009, 06:37 AM
And for you men: don't expect us to reassure you that your wanger is HUGE fifty times a day. If we're still with you, we're satisfied.

Who needs reassurance, right guys? We know what we know.

C.bronco
06-14-2009, 06:47 AM
As long as it doesn't mess up NFL Sundays.
A second TV can alleviate that problem, as long as the biggest TV is mine. :)

Death Wizard
06-14-2009, 06:51 AM
A second TV can alleviate that problem, as long as the biggest TV is mine. :)

With me, you would win the argument every time.

C.bronco
06-14-2009, 06:55 AM
That's so sweet! Besides, there are no cars in football.

Cassiopeia
06-14-2009, 07:11 AM
Thank goodness for masturbation.

:DTMI!!!

T.M.I!!!

Kateri
06-14-2009, 07:30 AM
Yay Euclid, remembering why I love men so much. Simple, direct and my 4 sons are the same. I never worried about toilet seats or anything much except respect. I think I am a man because I sooooo relate to all of those traits. I like direct, decisive, minimal emotion and lots of fun.

spamwarrior
06-14-2009, 08:19 AM
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
Then why did I always get whined at for being too casual? I can't win!

Surprised nothing was said about remotes...

That's funny. My mom was going out today and she was wearing a tshirt and a skirt and my dad said she should change.

DL Hegel
06-14-2009, 08:46 AM
a tinfoil hat, or fake animal ears not exceptable "outside" wear, either. It's not like I wear a tiara.

bettielee
06-14-2009, 10:20 AM
All 1 of those reasons are why there is a cat on the bed next to me and not a man

Red_Dahlia
06-14-2009, 10:29 AM
Huh, this list was different than I was expecting. Turns out I was thinking of Man Law, which is apparently very different from Man Rules?


Here are some examples of Man Law, and the site if y'all are curious: http://www.scribd.com/doc/306165/Man-Law
1. No wasted beer in the name of humour.

2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control

3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her itís a 6 day waiting period.

Cassiopeia
06-14-2009, 10:42 AM
2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control.

I would agree to that. But he might not like my version of birth control; he won't be getting any.

euclid
06-14-2009, 12:51 PM
Nice one Bettielee!

You should make a list of CAT RULES

Never disturb me when I'm asleep.
Rub my tummy only when I invite you to
Leave my ears ALONE. Under my chin is good spot.
Why do I wash down there? You're just jealous.
I get two meals every day. That's EVERY day, and at the same times every day.
I need to sharpen my claws on something. If you're worried about your furniture, buy me a claw scraper.
No dogs allowed. No, they don't scare me. I can look after myself, but they eat too much and they leave hairs everywhere.
I NEED to make those mewling noises. That's what cats do at night.
The couch is mine. If you sit on it, expect me to sit on you.
Yes, that's a smile on my face. If you had free board and lodging and a loving human pet, wouldn't you be smiling?

and so on. Not great, off the top of my head.

euclid
06-14-2009, 12:52 PM
Huh, this list was different than I was expecting. Turns out I was thinking of Man Law, which is apparently very different from Man Rules?


Here are some examples of Man Law, and the site if y'all are curious: http://www.scribd.com/doc/306165/Man-Law
1. No wasted beer in the name of humour.

2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control

3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her itís a 6 day waiting period.

Practice Safe Sex: Don't tell her your real name !