A Pez dispenser, a condom and a disembodied finger

Gotta love me and my thread titles, huh? Trust me, there's logic to it.

Vaguely.

This morning while I was getting ready to go out, the postman came. He also left a package. (Sorry Ol' Bag).

I wasn't expecting anything, so when the letterbox clattered I thought it was a bill and went "". Never fear! It was a pressie from a friend in Yorkshire.

A bubble-wrapped envelope, poppable for your extra pleasure, containing the following:

1. The puzzle pages ripped from one of the weekly housewife magazines she buys
2. The torn-off front of a greetings card with an amusing joke about cucumbers
3. Some photos she'd printed off of our night out in a gay bar (plus one of her as a child dressed as a clown...why???)
4. Two sachets of blonde hair shampoo
5. A deodorant wipe (hmm.)
6. A sachet of breast-firming gel (!)
7. Two pairs of foam spark plugs to be used as earplugs
8. A razor-blade holder in the shape of a little man, with a suction cup on his back for sticking to my bathroom window
9. A tube of brown mascara
10. Blue glittery liquid eyeliner (oh, so that won't clash)
11. A scented tea-light candle
12. A plaster (band-aid to you Yanks)
13. A Pez dispenser
14. One tube of clitoral stimulation gel
15. A condom (rather ambitious this, for a number of reasons, chief of which is the fact no-one wants to have sex with me but the use-by date is May 2010 so as long as I get some nookie by my next birthday I'm laughing...especially as it's size:large)
16. A keyring in the shape of a disembodied finger

I frickin' love her! It's like she went through her house picking up a load of shite that reminded her of me, and thought, "SP would like that."

What it says about the nature of our friendship and it's...ahem...inherent eccentricities...I don't know, but there it is. My 'care package'.

Here is a photo of me enjoying my new finger:

And for those of you making the connection between (14) and (16) and dying to ask, the answer is yes I probably will, but only after quite a few vodka shots.

Honestly, this girl is like...like tt42, but English.

I think there's one of us in each country, waiting to spring out at people.

Whether tt42 counts as Japan's entry for Freak of the Week or the USA's, I don't know.

You don't know where it's been.

Ruby & Millie. Will let you know how it is on, when I tart myself up.