Ongoing tale in Erotica SYW

Please jump in and add a paragraph to the Extremely Godawful Erotic Story. An ongoing tale of really bad euphemisms guaranteed to make the reader groan in disbelief or ROTFL.

I'm stuck on my story right now and needed a little diversion. I apologize in advance. On second thought I don't apologize, I'm just being sarcastic.

No, I may be stepping on some toes or doing this wrong. I really would apologize for that. My intention was to direct people to the SYW thread to get them to add to the story.

Just trying to lighten up someone's day, if they need it. God knows I do.