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V-Man
05-20-2009, 11:31 PM
An open letter to the old-timer in my apartment complex.

No crits required, just need to get it off my chest.


Dear Sir:

I couldn't help but notice your sweet '84 Honda Goldwing Aspencade this weekend as you rode loop after loop around the parking lot. Ride on, brother! As a new motorcyclist, let me give you the respect you deserve. By the looks of your bike, you've been there and done that, got the T-shirt, and ripped the damn sleeves off.

And speaking of t-shirts with the sleeves ripped off! Hey, man- If you don't want to wear safety gear, that's your decision to make. While I'm sure that a spill might be painful in those shorts and flip flops, and all that hairspray isn't going to protect your noodle better than a DOT helmet, this is America! Land of the free, homie! My wife would cut my nuts off if she saw me riding without boots, gloves, and helmet, but different strokes for different folks, right? Don't let THE MAN tell you what to do.

But yeah, anyway, seeing as how we're going to be neighbors for two more months while my family waits on our new house to be built, can I make one TINY observation?

Thanks. Here goes:


-Leaning on your bike in front of a bar while smoking a cigarette? Pretty cool. Hell on your lungs, but even the Surgeon General might turn a blind eye in deference to the memory of Marlon Brando.

-But riding around on your bike while smoking a cigarette? Just plain trashy.


Now I know I just moved to Florida, and I'm technically still in the South, but that doesn't mean we have to act like it. We can still be frickin' classy every once in a while.

Hey, the last thing I want is for you to think that I'm coming down on you. Far from it! I'm just trying to look out for you, babe, as a fellow road warrior, a neighbor, and hopefully, a future friend. Besides, if I don't say it to you, who will?

Thanks for your attention, brother! Keep on rollin'!

Sincerely,

The guy two buildings down from you with the yellow crotch rocket

Izz
05-21-2009, 12:32 AM
Um, perhaps this should be in OP?

This doesn't look like much like a query letter to an agent for a novel, unless you're trying a really radical approach.

dpaterso
05-21-2009, 12:38 AM
Or if not OP, maybe moved to Humor SYW? What say you, V-Man?

-Derek

Stew21
05-21-2009, 12:39 AM
oops, I already moved to OP. I took the "no crits" as "not a syw thing".

redo or undo the move if you'd like, or I will.

V-man and Dpat can make the call.

:)

KTC
05-21-2009, 12:41 AM
Pffft. I'm betting that there is some plumber crack showing on this guy too. You probably just forgot to include that part.

Sweetleaf
05-21-2009, 12:46 AM
You forgot to mention his mullet :)

Pagey's_Girl
05-21-2009, 02:57 AM
*Cringes at the thought of the epic case of road rash that dude's gonna have if/when he takes a spill*

I don't even drive my car in flipflops. I'm always afraid I'll lose a shoe at the wrong time.

jodiodi
05-21-2009, 03:02 AM
Now I know I just moved to Florida, and I'm technically still in the South, but that doesn't mean we have to act like it. We can still be frickin' classy every once in a while.

As a born and bred Southerner, I take personal exception to this comment. Idiots are bred all over the world. Just 'cause this guy is South of the M-D line, means nothing. He's in Florida. They don't count as "South". Just ask them. Nobody's FROM there. They all came from up north.

Wayne K
05-21-2009, 03:50 AM
Now I know I just moved to Florida, and I'm technically still in the South, but that doesn't mean we have to act like it. We can still be frickin' classy every once in a while.

As a born and bred Southerner, I take personal exception to this comment. Idiots are bred all over the world. Just 'cause this guy is South of the M-D line, means nothing. He's in Florida. They don't count as "South". Just ask them. Nobody's FROM there. They all came from up north.
I second this and I'm a Notherner.

Silver King
05-21-2009, 03:54 AM
Now I know I just moved to Florida, and I'm technically still in the South, but that doesn't mean we have to act like it. We can still be frickin' classy every once in a while.

As a born and bred Southerner, I take personal exception to this comment. Idiots are bred all over the world. Just 'cause this guy is South of the M-D line, means nothing...
I didn't like the Florida comment either, but I hear it so often that it glides off my back as if it never touched the skin. Everybody, somewhere, gets a bad rap associated with demographics, whether real or imagined, and Florida is no different.

...He's in Florida. They don't count as "South". Just ask them. Nobody's FROM there. They all came from up north.I was all ready to proclaim that you can't get further south in the Union than Florida, and that some of us were indeed born here, until I saw your tongue poking through your cheek. ;)

jodiodi
05-21-2009, 05:42 AM
Yeah. I was born in Jacksonville. I always told people I was a Georgian born abroad.

V-Man
05-21-2009, 04:27 PM
Thanks for the relocation, I jumped the gun. My bad.

As far as for coming down hard on Florida, let me say this: at least it's a step up from South Carolina.

Seaclusion
05-21-2009, 05:52 PM
Thanks for the relocation, I jumped the gun. My bad.

As far as for coming down hard on Florida, let me say this: at least it's a step up from South Carolina.


You've managed to offend two states. Wanna try for the entire lower 48.

Richard--American by birth, southern by the grace of god.

CaroGirl
05-21-2009, 05:59 PM
Motorcyclists who ride without the proper gear make me cringe. A dear friend of mine lost her father a year before his retirement in a motorcycle accident--and he WAS wearing the proper gear.

Another peeve: people who drive with dogs (or, more rarely, children) loose in the back of pickup trucks.

Button
05-21-2009, 06:50 PM
I live among the Cajuns. The old govenor used to drive a motorcycle, no helmet. There's no helmet law here. I see no helmets on occasion.

I'm still a Yankee to them, having been born (way) above the I-10.

That doesn't get me. It's the old men driving big vans with no shirt, in what looks like boxers, no shoes, and will stop in the middle of the street, open the door, leave the motor running, walk up to someone's door, two big dogs walking and marking territory behind him.

And of course, you'd think the guy to answer the door would flip out a little? Say something? Nope. Guy opens the door, in his boxers, no shirt, big beer belly hanging out. They sit on the front porch and talk.

And that wasn't in the South. That was Indiana.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
05-21-2009, 06:57 PM
Maybe I'm just cranky today, but I'm gonna be all delicate flowerish today and play the offended card, too. You know, when you diss any group, there's bound to be at least one member of AW you're insulting.

Apologies to all you delicate flowers out there.

Wayne K
05-21-2009, 07:55 PM
I'm offeended that I've never been called a delicate flower before.

I'm flower-like.

Damned flower-like.

CaroGirl
05-21-2009, 08:19 PM
I'm not usually a delicate flower, but I'm often a special snowflake.

Pagey's_Girl
05-21-2009, 08:20 PM
My whole family's from the deep south (Arkansas, mostly.) I had one uncle who crashed a crop duster into a field, broke both his legs, went on disability, then a few years later got a wild hair he was going to go down to Central America and fight with the contra rebels (yup, 'twas the 80s.) Never saw or heard from him again. His younger brother - another uncle - was one of the happiest people I'd ever met. I never once saw him sober. He met the same end as John Bonham. Plus the several relatives who holed up in storm cellars they'd converted into makeshift survival shelters for Y2K, certain it was going to turn into Mad Max overnight. Not to mention the other two who stayed up all night that night waiting for the Rapture. Unfortunately, Jesus never showed up. Plus my cousin who, when we were kids, had to be talked out of trying to steal the keys and jump my Grandpa Harrison's pickup over one of irrigation ditches bordering the cotton fields around my grandparents' house. Given that his launching ramp broke under the weight of a bicycle and sent him headfirst into said ditch, it's probably a good thing he didn't try it with the truck first.

I love 'em, Goddess knows, but sometimes.... :eek:

Stew21
05-21-2009, 08:22 PM
I thought I was the only flower here.

Not a delicate one, mind you, but rather a super one.

:)

jodiodi
05-21-2009, 08:57 PM
I'm a damned delicate flower. Nobody better hurt my freakin feelings or I might go all Gehghis Kahn on you.:tongue:cry:

V-Man
05-24-2009, 06:12 AM
Wow. Sure didn't mean to offend any Southerners. Think Jimmy Carter and Harper Lee, it'll all be okay, people!

I guess that's sort of the way I write. Burn the bridge that I'm standing on, y'know?