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View Full Version : class reunion time: to go or not?



Mela
05-12-2009, 09:41 PM
I just found out my 31st class reunion is August 16. I'm assuming there was no 25th or 30th reunion and I never attended the 20th.
I don't know ....

I hung out with different groups in high school:
1. the heads: assorted druggies, potheads, etc., although I never did drugs. Some of these people were friends from grammar school whom I remained friends with in high school even though some of them probably thought I was weird - or a narc.
2. jocks: I had a few jock friends that I occasionally ate lunch and hung out with - not the super, football, untouchable cheerleader jocks, but jocks nonetheless
3. nerds: Well, not nerds in the sense of being computer nerds - but they weren't in with the really cool crowd (who did drugs - hey, it was the 70s).

The last time I saw one of my good friends from grammar and high school she was unsufferably nauseating towards me, affecting a voice as though wanting to put me down. That whole crowd, while I wanted to identify with them 30 years ago, is so far from who I am today, and I can tell, just from the experience with this "friend," that they haven't ventured too far outside the box ... so not much in common there.

Thing is: I keep in touch with no one from high school, even though I've stumbled upon a few people over the years.

A part of me wants to go just to maybe find some new friends; a part of me doesn't because of old impressions that never die. What's been your experience with class reunions?

BenPanced
05-12-2009, 09:46 PM
I've never gone to mine. It was such an unpleasant time in my life, I feel no reason to relive it.

Bubastes
05-12-2009, 09:48 PM
What Ben said. If I wanted to stay in touch, I would have.

ETA: I went to my 10th and hated it. More people stayed the same than not, and since I was practically the only single person there, I was as much of a social freak at the reunion as I was in high school. Now I only go to college and grad school reunions because those are actually fun.

Maryn
05-12-2009, 09:55 PM
I went to my 20th and was miserable. Amazingly enough, these people could take a happily married woman content with her life and turn her into the high school misfit in her own mind without seeming effort.

My sister had the same experience at her 25th, only her slot was different, party girl. (She now teaches third grade, is quite religious, and perhaps the most conservative person in social and political views in my family.)

Nobody especially cared what I'd done with my life, and while I was curious how the passing years had treated people, overall it was a yucky experience. They contacted me for other reunions, then stopped. I didn't even realize my 40th (cough-cough) had gone by. No loss.

Don't go.

Maryn, the Voice of Experience

stormie
05-12-2009, 10:08 PM
I've never gone to my own reunions for high school or college. But I live in the same area I grew up in, so I already see the ones I want to from high school. As for college, I wasn't that attached to the kids there. And the funny thing is, one of my friends now was not my friend in high school. We were in totally different groups. That friend does occasionally go to our reunion, but she said it's depressing to see how some turned out, and a lot of them brag about what they've accomplished or what their kids have accomplished.

Not worth the aggravation of finding a dress, doing the hair and makeup, or having an anxiety attack. Or for a guy, what polo shirt to wear or should they or shouldn't they dye some of those gray hairs.

Devil Ledbetter
05-12-2009, 10:18 PM
I hate to be the voice of dissent, but I had a blast at my 20th reunion. And no, I was never one of the "popular" kids. Everyone seemed to be completely over whatever cliques they'd been (or not been) in, as well as their preconceived notions of who everyone was supposed to be. We instead were a bunch of adults who had something in common (same hometown and high school) enjoying a summer party and catching up with each other.

That said, the next summer we went to DH's 25th reunion where the high school clique of pushy girls reunited to behave like a high school clique of pushy, overweight, middle-aged women. After some long, dull speeches congratulating their once popular selves, much line-dancing to overly loud '70s disco hits ensued. It was godawful.

So I guess I'm not the voice of dissent after all. Apparently my class's last reunion was the exception.

BenPanced
05-12-2009, 10:23 PM
Okay, I will admit I did go through a website somebody from class had set up, showing the current status of class members. I was surprised at how many were dead; one died during freshman year, a couple car accidents, a murder, and one "called home by Jesus".

jennifer75
05-12-2009, 10:41 PM
At the time of my Ten year anny...I had no interest what so ever to see those arseholes. I didn't like them in school, I sure wouldn't like them at a table of food and drinks then. Or would I have?

Now, 6 years passed our Ten year anny...I'm more interested, and will gladly go to the 20 when the time comes, or any that comes up between now and then.

I've connected with a handful of classmates on Facebook and have found that having children has changed some of them for the better, some have grown up, and sure, some haven't. I've noticed my curiosity for who has changed for the better, and worse, is growing, or would that be my ego?

;)

MaryMumsy
05-12-2009, 10:54 PM
Went to my husband's 10, 20, and 30. We live in the same town he went to HS in. We had a great time. Must have fallen off the radar because when they had a 40 we didn't hear about it until after. And we still live in the same house with the same phone number.

Didn't go to my 10 year, different state etc. Did go to the 20 and had fun. I was on the fringes of several groups in HS and enjoyed seeing a number of them. Don't know if they had a 30 or 40 because I never heard anything.

Bottom line, if you want to go, GO. If high school was horrible and you don't have any desire, stay home.

MM

Siddow
05-12-2009, 11:04 PM
I haven't been to any of mine, have no desire to go. But a funny thing happened about a week ago. I have a facebook account that I basically ignore--I can't even remember now why I got it in the first place. I have no picture on it, I spend no time on facebook at all...anyhoo, last week I got friend requests from a football player and the head cheerleader from my class. Never spoke to me in school, ask me to be their friend twenty-mumble years later.

So I looked at their profiles--they've got nearly the whole school on there, and it makes me sad, that twenty-mumble years later, they're still trying to be the most popular kids in high school.

JoNightshade
05-12-2009, 11:05 PM
Do remember that many of the people you once knew in high school have probably changed as much as you have! One person remaining the "same" certainly doesn't mean everyone has.

If our high school ever had any real schizms between groups, I never noticed, and with my 10th year since graduation coming up, I'm really hoping we'll have a reunion! I'm curious where everyone ended up, what they do, whether they have kids yet, and who they married, if anyone!

Mela
05-12-2009, 11:11 PM
My husband just went to his 38-year high school reunion and he came away with how depressed everyone made him - like the first words they spoke were "I'm divorced." Or "I've lost my job, my house." And it wasn't just a few people, he said, but the majority. He came home and said he'd almost wished he hadn't gone, even though it was nice to see some classmates.

So from his experience - and he had a great time in high school and still keeps in touch with his group of friends - I'm inclined not to go. I just wanted to hear comments on class reunions from others.

Button
05-12-2009, 11:16 PM
Reunions? That's so 80s. Facebook is the new reunion.

I haven't been to mine. I have been to my father's high school band reunion and while it seemed like he had a good time, I couldn't imagine doing either of my high schools (I went to two different ones) as those people were... meh.

I agree with the others, go if you can think of people you'd like to see, or for laughs, ask a really good friend to go with you to scope out what happened to everyone, and ditch if it gets too idiotic.

Mela
05-12-2009, 11:52 PM
I agree with the others, go if you can think of people you'd like to see, or for laughs, ask a really good friend to go with you to scope out what happened to everyone, and ditch if it gets too idiotic.

That sounds like good advice - I was thinking if I went I'd ask a friend along.

DeleyanLee
05-13-2009, 12:06 AM
Thing is: I keep in touch with no one from high school, even though I've stumbled upon a few people over the years.

A part of me wants to go just to maybe find some new friends; a part of me doesn't because of old impressions that never die. What's been your experience with class reunions?

When you've stumbled into the few people over the years--did you get the sense that new friendships could be kindled there? Did you attempt to stay in touch after the stumbling?

I've been in the same boat--haven't bothered to keep in touch with anyone from high school and when I've run into someone, it was a brief "Are you who I think you are?" and a little chit-chat and then a "Have a good one" without any plans to follow up. It pretty much told me that I wasn't very interested in looking into my past for my future relationships, so I've never gone to any of the reunions.

Going to make new friends is a gamble. You're putting a possible large emotional investment into the evening that may or may not pan out. Sometimes we go with an agenda, even an unconscious one, and that'll determine how good or bad a time is had. Just be as honest as you can with yourself and follow through.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

stormie
05-13-2009, 12:24 AM
My friend who did go to our reunion, also said it was kind of funny to see the former cheerleaders/prom queens with their faces botoxed like balloons or with their eyes in constant surprise mode.

Mela
05-13-2009, 12:32 AM
I've been in the same boat--haven't bothered to keep in touch with anyone from high school and when I've run into someone, it was a brief "Are you who I think you are?" and a little chit-chat and then a "Have a good one" without any plans to follow up.


Yes, same for me. How are you? Married? Kids? Nice to see you. Good bye.
No honestly, there's no one I'm burning to see.

Jersey Chick
05-13-2009, 12:33 AM
I went to my 10th back in 2000. I was 8 1/2 months pregnant (it must have been the hormones that made me agree to this) and I found that the bitches and a-holes had NOT changed. What had changed was that the nerdy kids were the only ones who did anything interesting. I had a great time talking to these people that I probably made fun of in high school. (I was another one who fit in with no one and everyone at the same time and had friends all up and down the HS food chain.)

My husband's 20th was in March and he went - I only knew about a handful of people (he went to a Catholic HS, and a lot of the students were from my hometown, where we live now), but I enjoyed just watching and listening to everyone. (Found out a LOT of gossip about everyone) He had a good time, and because of Facebook, had reconnected with a lot before hand, so they were really talking at the reunion, instead of just catching up. I think he had a good time. My favorite part was the prom king who now looked like a sleazy used car salesman and the prom queen, who came dressed like a 42nd Street hooker in shiny (yes, they were shiny) jeans two-sizes-too-small and the shiny (what was it with this woman and the shiny clothes) stripper-tank top. She was teh classeh. :D

My 20 is coming up and I'm looking forward to it since I reconnected (via Facebook) with a lot of old friends and made a few new ones as well...

Pomegranate
05-13-2009, 12:52 AM
Did you have fun in HS? If so, you may have fun at the reunion. IME it was same games, different decade.

I've only stayed in touch with my BFF from HS. We went to the 10, 20 and a special multi-year retirement party for our English/Drama teacher. They were OK. We hung out with the same people we knew in school and everyone seemed to run in the same cliques.

We left the spouses at home and went as each other's date so the guys didn't sit around feeling clueless all night while we laughed at 20 year old in-jokes.

If there's another one, I think I'll pass. It's interesting to see how people change over time, but my BFF is still the only one I have any interest in staying in touch with.

Devil Ledbetter
05-13-2009, 01:49 AM
My favorite part was the prom king who now looked like a sleazy used car salesman and the prom queen, who came dressed like a 42nd Street hooker in shiny (yes, they were shiny) jeans two-sizes-too-small and the shiny (what was it with this woman and the shiny clothes) stripper-tank top. She was teh classeh. :D
My favorite (at the 10 year reunion) was when Eugene, the gangly, geeky, buck-toothed kid who always wore floods showed up looking like he'd just stepped out of GQ. He was filled out, fit, wearing a tailored 3-piece suit and going by Gene. Priceless.

I thought these transformations happened only in the movies.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
05-13-2009, 02:16 AM
I have not gone to my 10th, 20th, and/or 30th HS Reunions and do not feel cheated in the least. The 40th comes up in 2012. I will not go to that one, either. I've never had any desire to see people I didn't care to keep up with for any of those passing years and daresay they haven't missed me. Win-win.

Pomegranate
05-13-2009, 03:48 AM
I thought these transformations happened only in the movies.

At my 10 year, one of the girls who had been in Drama Club with me was now a man, married to a woman who used to be a man. They met in their gender reassignment support group. I thought it was wonderful that he came to the reunion.

backslashbaby
05-13-2009, 04:18 AM
I had a meh time at my 10 year, very small, reunion. I just went to the 20th and it was a blast. I think the venue matters, and a fun one helps, as does an open bar :D

I am good friends with folks now that I didn't know in High School!

But if there is nobody in particular you want to see and you are shy, it could be boring. I hung out with a large group of folks I didn't really know well to start with, but I really like that.

The uber-snobby girls came by to say hello for a minute, and that was fine, too.

Do you like big parties/dinners? If you generally like small talk and things, it is fun if the event is big, and seeing everyone is fun in varying ways ;)

wannawrite
05-13-2009, 04:40 AM
Reunion? Yetch. I'd rather dig out my own eyeballs with a dull shrimp fork.

And I was one one of the popular ones.

Still. Yuck.

Silver King
05-13-2009, 06:18 AM
I was invited once to a class reunion in the strangest way. A woman showed up to inspect some work I'd done to a building for my business. We got to talking, and she said, "OMG, you're so-and-so? I remember you!"

She started in about the twentieth reunion, and how I just had to be there. All the while I'm thinking, I've spent all of these years trying to forget about those assholes I went to school with, including you...

Before she left, she took both my hands in hers and said, "So you'll really come? Swear to gawd?"

I assured her I would and watched her leave. She seemed so happy, as if she truly believed I would attend.

Julie Worth
05-13-2009, 06:34 AM
I've never gone to mine. It was such an unpleasant time in my life, I feel no reason to relive it.

Same here, but I've always enjoyed my reunions immensely.

Mela
05-13-2009, 05:17 PM
See, I think I like the idea of the reunion --- not sure the vision will fit the reality though.
They're having it in a park as a picnic reunion. It's a park I've been going to since around 6th grade - right across from my old grammar school. Once I knew it well...
But still, I'm unsure - I appreciate all your comments though and hearing of your various experiences. I'll see how I feel as the date draws closer.

James81
05-13-2009, 05:24 PM
My ten year reunion is this year, and I have mixed feeling about wanting to go. In a way I kinda would like to go, in another way, most of my friends in high school were not in my grade...they were either older or younger than me.

Not sure that I'm ready to go to a reunion yet.

NeuroFizz
05-13-2009, 05:37 PM
Come on, Mela. Go.

You'll never find a more target-rich environment for the characterization tray of your writing toolbox.

archerjoe
05-13-2009, 05:40 PM
My father-in-law just went to his 50th high school reunion. He said the people who were assholes in high school were still assholes 50 years later.

I went to my 20th a few years ago. I was voted person who lost the most hair and won a cheesy cap. We had 80 kids graduate and about 40 showed up. About 10 people still live in the same town and only one showed up. I was the only person to bring the year book and that was a big hit.

Mela
05-13-2009, 05:44 PM
Come on, Mela. Go.

You'll never find a more target-rich environment for the characterization tray of your writing toolbox.


'Tis true - a valid point.

Grrarrgh
05-13-2009, 06:20 PM
I went to my 5 year and it was pretty much like every day of high school. Everyone was still cliquey and hadn't changed much. I didn't go to any of the rest of them. I didn't really like high school and there isn't anyone I feel the need to reconnect with. Most of the people I did hang out with were either older or younger than me, anyway, there weren't very many in my actual class.

I think someone upthread said that a lot of it depends on the venue, which is probably true. My 5 year reunion was at the local equivalent of an Applebee's, which I don't think helped the whole experience.

jodiodi
05-13-2009, 06:54 PM
I've never attended any of our class reunions. I still keep in touch with my best friend and there's another girl I saw from time to time when I visited back home. Otherwise, I couldn't care less.

I loathed my 11.5 years in school and started college the summer between my Junior and Senior years of high school. I didn't even attend the last semester of HS because I had college credits to use for graduation. I wouldn't have even gone back for graduation if my parents hadn't wanted to see me do it.

I was a cheerleader in school, Beta club, Honors--but I still hated every second I spent in school. The main reason I despised it had to do with the people. Why would I want to go back to see any of them?

Only in college did I come to like school.

vrabinec
05-13-2009, 07:03 PM
I dreaded going to my 25th, but my best friend from school talked me into it, and I had a wonderful time. It's so nice to talk to all the women I was too painfully shy to speak with as a teen. I wouldn't want to do it every 5 years, but I'll go if we have a 40th and 50th. Of course, my school was pretty cool. There was very little in the way of cliques and belitteling going on when I was there, so I think I lucked out.