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wannawrite
05-11-2009, 03:18 AM
So. Today is Mother's Day, and I am a good mom. Probably not the best in the world, but I try. NEVER has a day gone by when my children have not known that they were loved. Sure, I make mistakes, but I'm there, you know? Heart, mind, body and soul, I am in the game.

The little &^%*$ totally forgot Mother's Day. NOoo...that's not quite right. Because I was sitting next to my sister yesterday when she texted my youngest to remind her that today was Mother's Day. And said youngest happened to convieniently be in town at the time (which I had, of course, arranged), with money in her pocket (which I had, of course, also arranged), when she recieved the text. Meaning, of course, that my dearest daughter had to have actively CHOSEN not to get me anything for Mother's Day. Actively chosen. And yes, before anyone thinks otherwise, she still had the $ on her when my sis texted her. *sigh* I don't know why I was stupid enough to think that she would choose to get me a card over blowing her money on a cherry slurpee.

Oh, and let's not forget the other daughter. The college student. The one that I send 'care packages' to every other week. The one that has not gone a single day of her college career needing anything, because I have worked two jobs to be sure of it. No card from her, either, and even less of an excuse. She walks past drug stores and post offices daily, on her way back and forth to class. Am I worthy of a card? Apparently not.

And so, having spewed forth my outraged venom on you fine people, I find that I feel much better. The mods can feel free to kill this thread now, if they wish. Or, this can turn into a forum to discuss just how very, very disappointing our offspring can sometimes be, for those of us that have them. I really don't care. I am going to go and take a long, hot bubble bath now, and try to recall WHY, exactly, did I decide to have children in the first place?

I should have stuck with dogs. At least they are faithful.

Yours, truly

scarletpeaches
05-11-2009, 03:23 AM
Just stop doing all your parent stuff and see how they like it then.

Reason no. #2,493,284 why I will never have kids.

JoNightshade
05-11-2009, 03:25 AM
Oh, and let's not forget the other daughter. The college student. The one that I send 'care packages' to every other week. The one that has not gone a single day of her college career needing anything, because I have worked two jobs to be sure of it.

I have some cousins like this. You'd be surprised how quickly they start remembering things like cards and saying "thank you" as soon as the good stuff stops. I'd be ringing your daughter to inform her it's time for her to support herself from now on, if I were you. Your efforts will be much more appreciated when she learns how much effort it takes. :)

KTC
05-11-2009, 03:37 AM
Stop bending over backwards for them and they'll start bending forwards in remembrance. I'm sorry you're kids are such assholes (today).

Susie
05-11-2009, 03:45 AM
That bites, wanna. Here's a poem for you, :Cake: & :popcorn: :Guitar: and did I say :Cake:? :)

Roses are red
Violets are blue.
Who's a super Mom,
Of course, it's YOU!

Don't fret. We're here for you. (((((((((((HUGS)))))).

WendyNYC
05-11-2009, 03:50 AM
Oh, I'm sorry. That would hurt my feelings, too.

Wayne K
05-11-2009, 04:01 AM
Adopt me, I'm a good son.

Bubastes
05-11-2009, 04:02 AM
I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'd be beyond upset. Here, have some :e2flowers

som1luvsmi
05-11-2009, 04:04 AM
I'm so sorry. I'm with the others who say to let them fend for themselves for a while and see how they like it. At any rate, at least this mom says you're doing a great job. Happy Mother's Day, wannawrite! As Susie would say, (((((HUGS)))))

backslashbaby
05-11-2009, 04:17 AM
Happy Mothers' Day. And sorry your kids are being wretched. If it's any consolation, at those ages, their boyfriends might forget their birthdays the exact same way!

wannawrite
05-11-2009, 04:20 AM
Thanks, guys. You are making me feel better. I'd adopt you all, if I could.

CACTUSWENDY
05-11-2009, 04:23 AM
(((((((((((((((((((((((((YOU)))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))

Silver King
05-11-2009, 04:26 AM
I'm sorry to hear your special day was an unhappy one, ww. But you know how kids are: It's not that they don't love us, but they simply don't think straight sometimes and worry more about themselves than anything, or anyone, else. It's been like that, well, forever...

Under threats of sever pain and possible body dismemberment, I made damn sure my kids knew they should acknowledge their mom today with cards and token gifts. Woe be to them if they had forgotten or blew her off.

The same holds true for their mom's birthday. I shouldn't have to remind them, and they may have remembered on their own, but it's never worth the risk of hurting their mother.

My youngest boy, who's fifteen now, wrote, "I love you, Mom. Happy Birthday!"

I let that gaff slide, since he did select the card all on his own. :)

rhymegirl
05-11-2009, 04:50 AM
Well, I have this to say, wannawrite...

I never look forward to Mother's Day because it usually sucks. I'm a good mom but my kids usually don't give me anything, not even a card. And my husband doesn't give me a card because, as he puts it: You're not my mom.

So this year I decided to do whatever I wanted to do for the day. My sister and I went to see a movie. I had a great time and the hell with everybody else!

Silver King
05-11-2009, 05:13 AM
...And my husband doesn't give me a card because, as he puts it: You're not my mom...
My brother said that to his wife once at a family gathering. Everyone stared at him as if he'd just landed from another planet, even our mother.

He said, "What? You think I'm kidding?"

No one else said anything, and eventually the subject was changed. But from that day forward, a wedge was forced between my mom and his wife that, even many years later, has never budged.

rhymegirl
05-11-2009, 05:34 AM
The interesting thing is that they do actually make cards for Mother's Day that say TO MY WIFE on Mother's Day. From a husband to his wife.

The kind of sentiment that says the guy appreciates what a good mother his wife is to the kids.

Hmm. Am I on to something here?

sassandgroove
05-11-2009, 05:42 AM
sorry Wanna write. Especially as I am sitting here with my hubby whose mother died in Jan and he's trying to not think about how much he misses her.

Sending virtual HUGS! To you to Kathy.

Bubastes
05-11-2009, 05:51 AM
The interesting thing is that they do actually make cards for Mother's Day that say TO MY WIFE on Mother's Day. From a husband to his wife.

The kind of sentiment that says the guy appreciates what a good mother his wife is to the kids.

Hmm. Am I on to something here?

Exactly. I don't understand why some guys are so stubborn about refusing to show a little appreciation. I mean, this is the mother of his children and the woman he loves (we hope!). I just don't get it.

maestrowork
05-11-2009, 05:59 AM
Kids suck, especially when someone has already reminded them. There's no reason for them to not at least get a card or something. I agree, seems like they deliberately "forgot."

I agree that you either feel bitter about it, or you forgive and forget. How you react depends on you. The kids suck, big time. But you don't have to let it ruin your day.

And yeah, stop sending them care packages. They're not kids anymore. They're adults. My mom stopped sending me stuff the minute I went to college.... 10,000 miles away.

I agree with this... once you stop being the "24-hour mom" and stop spoiling them, they may actually appreciate you more.

I must say, I never missed one Mother's Day. Not once. And I'm not a very good son. ;)

Happy Mother's Day everyone.

C.bronco
05-11-2009, 06:19 AM
Daughters go through a miraculous change at some point between 18 and 21. They suddenly stop being difficult, and realize how much they love you. It's universal.

My bad phase lasted a year, and then I spent the consecutive 15 years apologizing to my mom for being an awful teenager.

PoppysInARow
05-11-2009, 06:33 AM
As a teenager, I know kids my age tend to be horribly self-centered. I asked my boyfriend what he was doing for Mother's day, to which he replied "nothing." I was kinda... annoyed. I told him to go home, sent him away from my house and he told me he went to spend the day with his friend. I wanted to smack him.

I have his mom on facebook. Both my boyfriend and his brother weren't even at the house for Mother's day. I felt bad for her.

-hugs- Hope your day gets better. We all appreciate you here. I'd send you a card if I could.

Manix
05-11-2009, 06:39 AM
Well, accept it from me, that you are much appreciated wannawrite.:Hug2:

JoNightshade
05-11-2009, 07:32 AM
My brother said that to his wife once at a family gathering. Everyone stared at him as if he'd just landed from another planet, even our mother.

He said, "What? You think I'm kidding?"

:eek: If my husband EVER said anything like that I'd turn around and say, "Oh really? Then why do I spend my time picking up after you, doing your laundry, and making your lunches?" And then he'd be doing that himself from then on. :)

kdnxdr
05-11-2009, 07:40 AM
My kids kinda did me the same way.

I always tell them, when they "apologize", if you can't act like you love me when I'm alive then, when I'm dead, you're not invited to the funeral because I don't want you coming and putting on a big show for everyone.

Don Allen
05-11-2009, 07:48 AM
W.W. First let me say that I feel for you, I'm a father of three lovely children that I refer to as Dickheads. Well, currently one Dickhead, one brain dead, and one idiot. That could change by the end of this post. A small piece of advice, do as I did on my birthday two years ago and call your children tomorrow. Go into great detail how wonderful the day had been without hearing from them as you were able to tell all your friends and even post on the INTERNET that you in fact have shitheads for kids who don't have the common decency to acknowledge their parent on a special day.
Since my phone call to the little buggers, 26/27/29 years old respectively, not one has missed so much as a groundhog day to celebrate with their dear old man. Little Bastards.

cherubsmummy
05-11-2009, 07:56 AM
That does suck. My kids remembered, but the mess I have left for me to clean up takes the shine off a little.

I console myself that it could be worse (http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/national/too-many-cooks-spoil-mothers-day-breakfast-in-bed-20090511-azf2.html).

Branwyn
05-11-2009, 08:34 AM
So sorry wannawrite. There's a saying that my mom always quotes, "A mother can take care of ten children, but ten children can't care for one mother."

I say, give them a taste of their own medicine. "Oh, I'm sorry, was it your birthday?"

My husband, who is not the biological father of my kids, always gets me a card. He also has had to remind/threaten my sons for the last 8 yrs to get me a card for all holidays and birthday. Two out of the three are now trained. (ages 24,22,16)The other son(22) at least called--he lives 1200 miles away.

Now my father had a different philosophy. He felt he should be treated the same way every day and not just special on Father's Day. I tend to agree, but I like being fussed over on Mother's Day.

And remember, what goes around comes around.
Lastly, the mother's curse. "May you have a child someday just like YOU!"
:Hug2:

jodiodi
05-11-2009, 08:49 AM
My little furry kids give me love and affection every day so today was no different. I have no biological children though my husband has 2 and a stepson from his ex-wife's previous relationship. I heard nothing from them this weekend which is OK; I'm not their mother. They have a mom. I sent flowers to my mother-in-law and my husband called her today.

My mother died the year before I got married. I remember missing her most when I was trying on wedding gowns. Other girls at the bridal shops had their moms with them, but I was alone. And she'd have adored my husband.

rhymegirl
05-11-2009, 05:39 PM
If my husband EVER said anything like that I'd turn around and say, "Oh really? Then why do I spend my time picking up after you, doing your laundry, and making your lunches?" And then he'd be doing that himself from then on. :)

Ooh, I like this. There's a lot I could add on to this list, too.

Thanks for the idea!

Little Earthquake
05-11-2009, 08:07 PM
I am so sorry, Wannawrite! Your kids DO suck. Would you like to adopt me? I sometimes mail Mother's Day/birthday/other major family holiday cards & gifts late, but I DO send 'em!

K. Taylor
05-11-2009, 08:08 PM
I liked doing things for Mother's Day for my mother, until my grandmother died when I was 16. Shopping for my mom was something we did together. My mother and her brother would take care of Grandma, and it was always a nice day. After she died, my uncle helped me out for my mother, and then once I was an adult and had my own money, I took over.

This is where it went wrong. My mother decided not to enjoy another Mother's Day after her mother was gone. I took her to dinner, it wasn't fancy enough. When I had little money, so I made the card and dinner by hand, she pouted and whined that I hadn't bought everything. If she got a card, then she wanted a present, too. Nothing I did was good enough.

Just one of many reasons we haven't spoken in 10 years. So, Moms, when your kid does try - be grateful!

I'm perfectly happy to be mom to 2 cats. :)

robeiae
05-11-2009, 08:15 PM
W.W. First let me say that I feel for you, I'm a father of three lovely children that I refer to as Dickheads. Well, currently one Dickhead, one brain dead, and one idiot. That could change by the end of this post. A small piece of advice, do as I did on my birthday two years ago and call your children tomorrow. Go into great detail how wonderful the day had been without hearing from them as you were able to tell all your friends and even post on the INTERNET that you in fact have shitheads for kids who don't have the common decency to acknowledge their parent on a special day.
Since my phone call to the little buggers, 26/27/29 years old respectively, not one has missed so much as a groundhog day to celebrate with their dear old man. Little Bastards.
I've decided that you are--in fact--Jon Lovitz.

Mela
05-11-2009, 08:38 PM
I'd go with the Don Allen remedy. Make them feel like low, self-absorbed idiots who just take, take, take. They didn't even acknowledge that it was Mother's Day?
...thinking back to when she was a little Mela ....
No - don't think I ever missed a father's day (I won't go into mother's day - that's for another thread but suffice to say, we had reasons for not celebrating mother's day, like, mother had left years before)...
but Father's Day, yes, was always there, if not with a card, then with something, some little token.
It sounds like your kids really don't have a clue.

Stew21
05-11-2009, 08:45 PM
I'm sorry some of you didn't have a great mom's day.

I'm lucky because my kids are still young and my husband and I makes a big deal of special days like Mother's Day, Father's Day ,each other's birthdays, etc to involve the kids.

When the boys are older and it is up to them to choose to remember us on those days it may be a different story, but for now I'm feeling very blessed.

scarletpeaches
05-11-2009, 08:46 PM
Me and my dad buy each other stuff any day of the year; we don't need a parent's day to give us permission.

I never bother with any of these fake Hallmark occasions but I still explain to the people who might expect a card or gift why I don't, so they're prepared.

I honestly don't see why we need one day in particular to show our appreciation for someone.

ETA: I know I said earlier in this thread that you should just stop doing your parent stuff and see how they like it, but this was my serious post. :D No, really. If Mother's Day is that important to you, just stop doing all the mothering gubbins if you're not getting the reward you want for it. It seems to me like you're complaining your kids are ungrateful in general, not just on this particular day. So if you don't want to be treated like a doormat, don't let them get away with it.

I stand by my decision never to have kids though. Damn right.

James81
05-11-2009, 08:52 PM
Under threats of sever pain and possible body dismemberment, I made damn sure my kids knew they should acknowledge their mom today with cards and token gifts. Woe be to them if they had forgotten or blew her off.



The rub. If you don't teach your kids to be appreciative, they are unlikely to actually pick it up on their own.

I think we, as parents, tend to forget that. When it comes to children, you have to teach them pretty much everything (even something as simple as remembering to appreciate people and things they have). Sometimes you do that by guiding them, other times you do it by letting them fend for themselves for a while and learning the hard way.

writerterri
05-11-2009, 09:07 PM
Here's what you have to do until they get minds of their own.

Plan your own mother's day party or whatever. Send them an invitation two weeks in advance with a gift suggestion list. Tell them there will be food and fun and to bring a friend who doesn't have a mom so you can play seroget and get more gifts than you have kids (this may be guilt producing by peers who don't have mother's close by or have mother's at all). :D It may seem wierd but who cares! Pass the wine!

Eventually they will (should) remember the mother's day parties you planned and take over in the future. Or not. Keep having the parties and keep inviting your kids. Hopefully they will feel stupid enough to throw you one next time.

I am going to!

That's right, oh foolish child of mine! There's going to be a party without your ungrateful ask!

Turn the tables girlfriend!

Oh, and here's a hug!

nevada
05-11-2009, 10:56 PM
I have a few things to say.

If you call your children shitheads and dickheads and ungrateful wretches, just how much respect can you expect in return. If your child called you that, I'm sure you'd have a few things to say about that. Why is it okay for you to refer to them that way then? Are we not supposed to parent by example? What kind of example is set by cursing at them and calling them names? You want to keep respect? earn it. Yes, a parent should be respected simply for being a parent, but if that parent then decides to act like a shithead he will be treated as one.

Secondly, if you don't get what you want from your child, don't sulk and resent him and take it out on him. How about you have an adult discussion with said child and say "today was mother's day and I expected some acknowledgment. I try to do my best by you and maybe I've made mistakes but it disappoints and hurts me when you forget something like that. I don't expect much, a nice card would do." How will your child react then? Resentful? Put upon? No, he will react with respect. Unless of course you go around calling him a shithead all the time. Then he'll ignore you and rightly so.

I hear so many parents demanding respect from their children without ever showing it in return. My mother included. Before you insult your child again, maybe think about the consequences of insulting him. And insulting him behind his back is even more disrespectul. If a parent tells his child he loves him and then complains and bitches about him constantly, what does that say? If your child does things you don't like, correct him. Properly. Educate him, with respect, about the proper way to behave. If you do something wrong at work, and your boss comes to you and says, You are so useless, you never do this right. I work hard for you and this is all the thanks I get, you ungrateful little runt" really, how do you think you will react? will you work harder, eager to get his approval, or will you call him an asshole to all your friends and go out of your way to not do what he wants? Exactly. What gives a parent the right to treat his child that way?

Think about it. Do you always support your child? Do you praise all his accomplishments, do you thank him for doing his chores? Or do you just take everything for granted, only pointing out his mistakes and complain when he's not appropriately grateful, in your estimation?

Wannawrite, I'm sorry your children disappointed you for mother's day. Tell them in a calm manner that you felt disappointed. that you would like a card. that for you it's a reminder of the love the family has for each other.

James81
05-11-2009, 11:13 PM
I have a few things to say.

If you call your children shitheads and dickheads and ungrateful wretches, just how much respect can you expect in return. If your child called you that, I'm sure you'd have a few things to say about that. Why is it okay for you to refer to them that way then? Are we not supposed to parent by example? What kind of example is set by cursing at them and calling them names? You want to keep respect? earn it. Yes, a parent should be respected simply for being a parent, but if that parent then decides to act like a shithead he will be treated as one.

Secondly, if you don't get what you want from your child, don't sulk and resent him and take it out on him. How about you have an adult discussion with said child and say "today was mother's day and I expected some acknowledgment. I try to do my best by you and maybe I've made mistakes but it disappoints and hurts me when you forget something like that. I don't expect much, a nice card would do." How will your child react then? Resentful? Put upon? No, he will react with respect. Unless of course you go around calling him a shithead all the time. Then he'll ignore you and rightly so.

I hear so many parents demanding respect from their children without ever showing it in return. My mother included. Before you insult your child again, maybe think about the consequences of insulting him. And insulting him behind his back is even more disrespectul. If a parent tells his child he loves him and then complains and bitches about him constantly, what does that say? If your child does things you don't like, correct him. Properly. Educate him, with respect, about the proper way to behave. If you do something wrong at work, and your boss comes to you and says, You are so useless, you never do this right. I work hard for you and this is all the thanks I get, you ungrateful little runt" really, how do you think you will react? will you work harder, eager to get his approval, or will you call him an asshole to all your friends and go out of your way to not do what he wants? Exactly. What gives a parent the right to treat his child that way?

Think about it. Do you always support your child? Do you praise all his accomplishments, do you thank him for doing his chores? Or do you just take everything for granted, only pointing out his mistakes and complain when he's not appropriately grateful, in your estimation?

Wannawrite, I'm sorry your children disappointed you for mother's day. Tell them in a calm manner that you felt disappointed. that you would like a card. that for you it's a reminder of the love the family has for each other.

This is kind of what I wanted to say, but I didn't want to come across as an ass. :D

sassandgroove
05-11-2009, 11:38 PM
Well Said Nevada.

CaroGirl
05-11-2009, 11:40 PM
Do people HAVE kids just so they can get stuff for Mother's Day? Let me ask you mothers, did you feed and clothe them, help them with homework, kiss their hurts, chase away monsters, bake them cookies, teach them how to do the laundry, get them the shirt they just HAD to have, because then they'd get you stuff for Mother's Day?

Mothering is, largely, a thankless job. I'm a mother because I want to be. I do my best because I want to raise good and responsible human beings. If I get a thank you, a birthday gift or a Mother's Day card, I consider it a fringe benefit, not an essential part of the package.

Sure, I'd be a little disappointed if my kids forgot me on Mother's Day and I'd be even more disappointed if they didn't forget but did nothing for me anyway. But I hope I wouldn't let my happiness depend on it.

jane cooks
05-12-2009, 12:02 AM
My daughter remembered - my son did not. I had to force him to go write a card saying something, anything, about mother's day and he thanked me for making pancakes. He will make someone very unhappy one day, but now I have something else to write about for my next article.

wannawrite
05-12-2009, 12:22 AM
Hi guys, thanks for all the sweet and supportive comments. I really do appreciate all that everyone had to say.

nevada: I did not sulk or take it out my disappointment on them. I did pretty much what you suggested. Told them I was disappointed, then came in here and vented in a safe forum. It worked for me, and thanks for the good advice.

CaroGirl: no, I did not give birth to my children so I could get stuff on Mother's Day. Neither did I raise them to be insensitive to other's feelings. In my family, we generally try to recognize major holidays, even Hallmark generated ones, and they should have known better than to brush me off. It was rude of them, although I can see how my complaining came across as whining.

And just so everyone knows, I'm generally not someone who has feelings made of glass. I wake up every morning and put my 'big girl' panties on. I can take just about anything anyone throws at me, especially my children, because despite our occasional riffs and flaws, our love for each other is a certain thing. But still....

Some of you know this, already, because I have discussed it on other threads. I was diagnosed with cancer last fall. Was given a 60% chance of survival. I don't know about you, but I would not risk $100, if I thought I might not get it back again, and this was my LIFE we were talking about here! I was understandably terrified at the thought of dying and leaving my children without parents. At least the youngest would be, her father is not in the picture, at all. I went through lots of chemo. Lots of radiation, internal and external. It sucked. I was very ill for a long time, and during my battle to live, a good friend happend to die of the very same cancer I was fighting. I was scared, and sick, and shattered, and blah, blah, blah....it gets really boring at this part, unless you are the one that is sick.

ANYWAY, I survived. I officially went into remission on January 31, when the combined CAT scans and MRIs came back clean. Even so, my five year survival rate is somewhere between 60-69%, depending on which chart you read. And yeah, I know, those are pretty good odds. But my sister's five year survival rate is something like 99.5, and sometimes late at night I literally lay awake, staring at the ceiling, terrified that the cancer will come back. If it does, providing I survive, they will pretty much have to gut me like a fish, and that don't sound like much fun to me. Remove bowels. Remove bladder, etc...

So...yeah. This Mother's Day mattered a lot to me, mostly because I was here for it. Last November, we weren't so sure that I would make it 'til May. So, yes, I would have really, really liked the knuckleheads to have at least acknowledged the day in my honor.

But, they didn't. Oh, well. Parental love is eternal, and they are forgiven, of course. But they are still thoughtless apes, IMO, but that's just me talking.

But, seriously, guys, thanks for the kind words and friendship. Even if my kids were baffoons, you guys made my day :)

nevada
05-12-2009, 12:36 AM
In the spirit of disclosure, my mother loves to have a big fuss made on birthdays and mother's day. Unfortunately she raised three children who couldn't care less about that. None of us make a big deal about our birthdays, we usually forget them, certainly never have a party. So unfortunately my mother suffers the consequences. No birthday parties for her either, we try to make it to her house, and we try to remember mother's day. This year, my brother didnt show up, but he did call. I live here, so I at least remembered to wish her happy mother's day and my sister came to visit.

It's a compromise we've reached. We try to remember to at least call and bring cake adn she doesn't get disappointed when there's no huge birthday party. But omg if you forget her birthday. You don't hear the end of it. lol

Wannawrite, after what you went through, and how great that you're in remission, I can totally see why this mother's day was special for you. I'm so sorry you were disappointed.

wannawrite
05-12-2009, 01:01 AM
That's cool, nevada. I'm good with it. I really am. They are simply dunderheads, sometimes. I never should have raised them like wolves. :)

sassandgroove
05-12-2009, 01:07 AM
Glad you are in remission.

backslashbaby
05-12-2009, 01:07 AM
Oh my goodness!! It could be overwhelming for them, honestly. My mother went through the same thing while I was in high school, and man the emotions are overwhelming. I totally see what you are saying, definitely... yet, they could care more than you'll ever know and still act like sh*ts because of their emotions.

My mom lived another 20 years after she had a 95+ chance of dying within 6 months. Remember those stories, as painful as losing your friend was. Congratulations on the remission!!!!

And you sound like a great mom. That might be why the fear of losing you has them acting so bizarre. ((hugs))

Sweetleaf
05-12-2009, 01:15 AM
Poor wannawrite.

I'd send you a card! :e2flowers

kdnxdr
05-12-2009, 04:19 AM
TO ALL MOTHERS EVERYWHERE!!!!
:Hug2::snoopy::Sun::Thumbs::banana::Jump::kiss::Ca ke::Clap::Guitar::Trophy::PartySmil:e2point::e2flo wers:e2cheer::e2bear::e2drunk::e2dance::e2kissy::e 2headban

Feiss
05-12-2009, 04:33 AM
I usually get my mom some flowers, but I don't do the card thing, because I feel like anything I write down will be used as ammunition the next time I disappoint her. In high school I used to write her "I love you mom" notes all the time, but I got a C in a class once, and she took out the notes, showed them to me and said, "If you love me, how could you have gotten a C?" So yeah, it's that kind of stuff.

I recently quit my job, and basically, it's passive aggression Hell at my parents' right now, and she called me expressly to make me promise not to get her anything. I went over there last night, and I brought along some I Love Lucy DVDs that I had bought from "before", and gave them to her. We used to watch that show together if I was sick. She got really angry because she thought I spent money, and then when she realized I hadn't, she told me she didn't have time to watch them.

Then my dad told me that she hadn't slept for a week because she was so worried about me.

I just don't know what to do. I love her, and I realize all this worrying and scolding is just an expression of how much she cares, but it's really just making me feel like a terrible person. I want to let her know how much I love and respect her, but when I do, she just scoffs sarcastically, like if I love her so much, why did I quit my job and make her worry about me?

It's about finding my own way, but she doesn't think I CAN find my own way, and it's causing me to be really really depressed. I almost wish I hadn't quit my job, just to spare her the anxiety, but that's the kind of thinking that got me into the wrong career path in the first place. I know I did the right thing, but I wish she could see it.

Her birthday was yesterday too.

kdnxdr
05-12-2009, 05:34 AM
Feiss,

I think you're a very honest and brave person to have made that post! I'm so glad that you did.

It's so sad that many times when people really, really care about each other, often, it just all comes out wrong....happens all the time.

You're going through that "little bird leaving the nest" and it's a painful, exciting time for everyone. Secretly, your parents do believe in you but their anxiety isn't just about you, it's a really creepy, dangerous world "out there", FOR REALS!

They want to protect you and you've made that impossible for them. Personally, I believe a parent can't give their children much except prayer, prayer, prayer!

I hope you can be patient with them. I'm almost 60 and my mom is almost 80 and this dumb stuff just goes on and on and on. Now, guess who's doing it to her own children, who are young adults. :)

They don't even answer their phone or call back when I leave my little "messages".

So...hang tough, get the good out of it and just be right with yourself. It is possible to still show love when you don't feel others do.

kid

kathyc
05-12-2009, 05:41 AM
I'm sorry, wannawrite and HUGS to you. I learned a long time ago not to expect much on Mother's Day. If I get peace and quiet, time for myself, then I am lucky. :)

Marian Perera
05-12-2009, 05:43 AM
When I had little money, so I made the card and dinner by hand, she pouted and whined that I hadn't bought everything. If she got a card, then she wanted a present, too. Nothing I did was good enough.

I know what you mean. I once sent my mom a Mother's Day card that had a painting of a garden on the front and something warm and affectionate written inside (I have the card now, but don't want to look at it to read the exact words).

Now this wasn't a gushing tribute to say how much I adored her, because I don't do outpourings of emotion. The card didn't have Helen Steiner Rice poems in it. But it was a card I picked for her and I picked two flowers as well, pressed them and stuck them inside to continue the garden theme.

Later on, I asked her if she liked the card. She said yes, but her best friend's daughter had given her (the best friend) "a real card". I don't know what a real card was supposed to be. Didn't ask.

I don't think I went to that much trouble over a Mother's Day card again. It's not easy to forget when someone we care about hurts us, even if they may genuinely not have intended to do so. I'm pretty sure my mom never expected me to remember all this eight years later.

kdnxdr
05-12-2009, 05:02 PM
The embitterments I could have against my mom is absolutely endless!! She even continues to add to the pile.

I decided long ago some people are physically incapacitated, some mentally impaired, some emmotionally stunted for life.

Why ever my mom is emmotionally unable to connect with the feelings of others, I can't tell you. However, through family recountings and my grandmother's diary, I know my mom has had emmotional issues since childhood.

I finally came to terms with the nature of our relationship when I was about 30 (long story) and decided that I couldn't expect more of her than what she was actually able to give. I'm sure it's an attitude that a family member takes when a loved one is totally dependent on the family care giver. There's no substantial reciprocation, it's all a one-sided gift of giving with no expectation of return. When I took that attitude, I was set free from holding or carrying new wounds. It was very liberating for me. I actually became free to love rather than feeling any kind of obligation.

Sometimes I joke and say that having a relationship with mom is like trying to love on a cactus.

Now, I'm able to be around here without reacting to her.

regdog
05-12-2009, 06:51 PM
Sorry your kids forgot you. I'm one more vote for the stop doing everything for them group.

Men not getting anything for the mother's of their children amaze me, and not in a good way. Who in the hell did these men have these children with??? My brother-in-law and I don't really get along but I'll be the first to say he treats my sister like a Queen on Mother's Day.

He has said repeatedly he can never thank her enough for their daughter.

roonil_wazlib
05-12-2009, 07:31 PM
That's awful. I can't imagine forgetting mother's or father's day. I made it a point this year to take my family out to lunch this year since my dad lost his job last month and I recently got a new job. This will more than likely be my last year living at home, so I figured I would fork over $60 to take everyone out to a decent restaurant (read: a steak and seafood buffet). Then my dad tried to pay for half :D

My sister, on the other hand, whined about having to get up early to help make breakfast, about not getting her cell phone (she texts nonstop and has been known to sneak out to meet friends when said phone is in her possession) and hid in her room most of the day. I'm always flabbergasted by the way she acts towards our parents. She complained about having to help pay for a gift basket for my mum last year and a Beatles Monopoly game for my dad.


:Hug2:, wannawrite!

sassandgroove
05-12-2009, 08:07 PM
I usually get my mom some flowers, but I don't do the card thing, because I feel like anything I write down will be used as ammunition the next time I disappoint her. In high school I used to write her "I love you mom" notes all the time, but I got a C in a class once, and she took out the notes, showed them to me and said, "If you love me, how could you have gotten a C?" So yeah, it's that kind of stuff.

I recently quit my job, and basically, it's passive aggression Hell at my parents' right now, and she called me expressly to make me promise not to get her anything. I went over there last night, and I brought along some I Love Lucy DVDs that I had bought from "before", and gave them to her. We used to watch that show together if I was sick. She got really angry because she thought I spent money, and then when she realized I hadn't, she told me she didn't have time to watch them.

Then my dad told me that she hadn't slept for a week because she was so worried about me.

I just don't know what to do. I love her, and I realize all this worrying and scolding is just an expression of how much she cares, but it's really just making me feel like a terrible person. I want to let her know how much I love and respect her, but when I do, she just scoffs sarcastically, like if I love her so much, why did I quit my job and make her worry about me?

It's about finding my own way, but she doesn't think I CAN find my own way, and it's causing me to be really really depressed. I almost wish I hadn't quit my job, just to spare her the anxiety, but that's the kind of thinking that got me into the wrong career path in the first place. I know I did the right thing, but I wish she could see it.

Her birthday was yesterday too.
Sorry your mom is that way. She is manipulating you, whether she means to or not.

You cannot control how she feels. You need to do what you think is best for you. YOu can control how YOU feel. Don't let her make you feel guilty for making a decision no matter how hard it is. It is not your fault she is not sleeping. It is not your fault she chooses to worry. If you feel quitting your job was the best decision for yourself then that is all that matters. You will land on your feet. Tell her it hurts you that she doesn't trust you enough to lead your own life. If you want. You could just decide to lead your own life and not worry about what she says. HAng in there. It isn't always easy.