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View Full Version : This one goes out to all you single ladies out there...



badducky
04-30-2009, 06:17 AM
Hee hee. I'm doing the on-line dating thing.

It's very... strange.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Bisclavret/

You have no idea how bad I feel for all the women on these sites, who must get inundated by male mail.

Has this stuff actually worked for anyone?

nevada
04-30-2009, 06:19 AM
My brother married a girl he met on Lava Life and they're very happy.

And I know that DClary met his sweetie on okcupid.

I, on the other hand, had no luck at all. I was even on eHarmony and got maybe 5 matches. Apparently I'm difficult. *sigh* story of my life.

but i'm sure it'll go much better for you. :)

ETA great profile. will definitely weed out the time-wasting desperate ones who won't get you. Dude, get a haircut. :P had to say that.

badducky
04-30-2009, 06:21 AM
What's weird to me is how many people post an ad, and then claim they don't actually want to meet anybody inside the very ad. It's like going to a dance club to use the restroom and sit in a chair.

som1luvsmi
04-30-2009, 06:25 AM
I have a couple of friends who met on eHarmony and they've been married about 4 years and are about to celebrate their daughter's first birthday.

That being said, my sister went on eHarmony and started dating this guy who seemed really nice but ended up having a wicked temper.

So, my guess is that you've got a 50/50 chance either way. But if you don't put yourself out there at all, then you're chances are WAY lower. ;)

Best of Luck! :)

Rolling Thunder
04-30-2009, 06:25 AM
Haircutz iz bad.

kristie911
04-30-2009, 06:51 AM
I met a nice guy on Match.com. We talked quite a bit and went out once but it didn't go anywhere. But my cousin (he's 40 and still lives with his mom!) found a very nice woman on-line and they've been dating for quite a while.

I think it's better than trying to pick up women in a bar. :)

Good luck!

Sweetleaf
04-30-2009, 07:01 AM
I'd go out with you, but I'm married. ;) Oh, and on the other side of the world.

My friend has met a few guys through online dating. One she's really keen on and they're quite close now, but she's holding him off for now because her daughter's still really hurt from her dad leaving. Daughter loves this guy though, so hopefully it works out.

wordmonkey
04-30-2009, 07:01 AM
Yup. Net result is a 12 year anniversary this year and three kids.

.....oh, and we started out on different continents.

badducky
04-30-2009, 07:03 AM
Which reminds me, Overtired, how creepy is it that there are married people on these sites trolling for threesomes?

I'm all for alternative lifestyles... But, don't message me about threesomes unless I specifically state I'm into that sorta stuff, 'kay?

DL Hegel
04-30-2009, 07:11 AM
I think it's a cute pic---if I was about 15 years younger---and single---the whole time travel thing----would sell me:D

Good luck:)

som1luvsmi
04-30-2009, 07:12 AM
I haven't been propositioned! Should I be relieved or offended?

Oooooh...wait...you meant the other site, huh?

oops. my bad. :)

badducky
04-30-2009, 07:17 AM
I haven't been propositioned! Should I be relieved or offended?

Well, where's Ray and his House of Love? That's usually his thing...

DL Hegel
04-30-2009, 07:19 AM
I haven't been propositioned! Should I be relieved or offended?

Oooooh...wait...you meant the other site, huh?

oops. my bad. :)

:ROFL:

Around here it's hard to tell.

Sweetleaf
04-30-2009, 08:25 AM
Which reminds me, Overtired, how creepy is it that there are married people on these sites trolling for threesomes?

I'm all for alternative lifestyles... But, don't message me about threesomes unless I specifically state I'm into that sorta stuff, 'kay?

Okay... :Wha:

Wayne K
04-30-2009, 10:36 AM
I only do threesomes with groups of six or more.

thethinker42
04-30-2009, 11:23 AM
Which reminds me, Overtired, how creepy is it that there are married people on these sites trolling for threesomes?

I'm all for alternative lifestyles... But, don't message me about threesomes unless I specifically state I'm into that sorta stuff, 'kay?

Especially when there are specific sites for that sort of thing.

Incidentally, I met my husband on matchdoctor.com in 2002 and we got married a few months later. Viva la internet dating!


I only do threesomes with groups of six or more.

That would just get entirely too...busy...for me.

Wayne K
04-30-2009, 11:57 AM
That would just get entirely too...busy...for me.

Then you'll need to buy my "how to" manual.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
04-30-2009, 03:12 PM
Worked for a friend of mine - he used a local site and he's been married for about ten years now.

badducky
04-30-2009, 06:04 PM
Someone should put up a kind of dating website ICQ... People get scattered through all these different sites.

I picked this one because I figured the free one would have the most artistic types.

cray
04-30-2009, 06:08 PM
quickwit asked me to post this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoebEL4LaBE).

badducky
04-30-2009, 06:49 PM
Cray...

Okay. Uh. Why?

rhymegirl
04-30-2009, 07:01 PM
Cray...

Okay. Uh. Why?

Because your thread title says single ladies and that's the name of the song.

cray
04-30-2009, 07:13 PM
Cray...

Okay. Uh. Why?


you're going to have to ask quickwit, badducky.
quickwit claims he knows that whole dance routine by heart though.

badducky
04-30-2009, 07:17 PM
Quickwit sounds like my kind of guy. Too bad he's male.

cray
04-30-2009, 07:17 PM
:roll:

Rachel
04-30-2009, 07:20 PM
Who cares about the hair? HE LIKES BJORK!

:roll:

2old2pb
04-30-2009, 07:22 PM
I met my wife at an online dating service. We just celebrated our 7th aniversity on the 22nd.

Leukman
04-30-2009, 07:26 PM
Quickwit sounds like my kind of guy. Too bad he's male.

Wait...Quicky's a guy? :Wha:

quickWit
04-30-2009, 07:27 PM
Quickwit sounds like my kind of guy. Too bad he's male.

Yeah. Too bad. :)

Rachel
04-30-2009, 07:32 PM
What's up with all the cute animals... if I can go off on a tangent here. :D

badducky
04-30-2009, 07:37 PM
There's nothing cute about those animals. Haggis' avatar... Now that's an animal brings cheer to my heart...

quickWit
04-30-2009, 07:38 PM
What's up with all the cute animals... if I can go off on a tangent here. :D

Oh, just the mods abusing their power again.

Nothing to see here. Move along.

:)

2old2pb
04-30-2009, 07:47 PM
Oh, just the mods abusing their power again.

Nothing to see here. Move along.

:)

That avie is cute as hell.

Leukman
04-30-2009, 07:49 PM
I am not cute.


I am pretteh.


I feel pretteh.

quickWit
04-30-2009, 07:49 PM
I am not cute.

No shit. :)

badducky
04-30-2009, 07:50 PM
If we could return the subject of this thread back to... ME and internet dating.

anybody have any cool horror stories?

I only have one where the person I met had gained *lots* of weight since her photos. I mean, I still had fun and gave it a shot, but, wow. No second date there.

quickWit
04-30-2009, 07:52 PM
anybody have any cool horror stories?

Well, I keep getting hit on by dudes. That's pretty horrifying.


Carry on. :)

Leukman
04-30-2009, 07:54 PM
Well, I keep getting hit on by dudes. That's pretty horrifying.


Carry on. :)

Your personal problems with Cray have nothing to do with internet dating.

So drop it.

badducky
04-30-2009, 07:58 PM
I'm never offended when men hit on me. I consider it a complement to be hit on by anyone.

Except people looking for threesomes, when I'm not specifically advertising interest in that sort of thing.

Rachel
04-30-2009, 08:00 PM
If we could return the subject of this thread back to... ME and internet dating.



Sorry about that.

nevada
04-30-2009, 08:02 PM
one guy (and this is a horrible reflection on me) looked pretty decent in his photo so I decided to meet him. I drove into the parking lot, parked, and got out of my truck and then he got out of his car and he looked like bubbles on trailer park boys. I walked by him and just kept going into the pet store, bought dog food, and left. Yes, totally shallow of me.

http://www.trailerparkboys.com/ the guy with the coke bottle glasses.

DeleyanLee
04-30-2009, 08:35 PM
Why is it shallow of you? Looks are a part of attraction. If you weren't attracted on that base level, then why put out the effort of getting to know him?

Humans have a certain shallowness when it comes to finding a mate/lover just naturally. Instincts are there for a reason.

Ghods know that I've heard variations on those kinds of lines often enough from guys I've met via dating services. What's good for gander should be good for the goose, after all.

ETA: You're cute, BadDucky, but you're a baby and I'm not a cradle robber. Otherwise, it could be interesting.

dclary
04-30-2009, 09:09 PM
I joined OKCupid about Thanksgiving or so last year.

Just after Christmas, I made a post about how much I hated stupid women, and would only date someone who did not have profiles that read like:

"I lik u and want u 2 b my friend! I like 2 go 2 the mall"


A girl responded to my post who thought I was dead on. She was cute. We started messaging each other, then took it to google gtalk. On my birthday (Jan 8) she gave me her phone number, and we began talking every day.

She lives in Oregon, and for Valentine's Day I drove up there (about 750 miles).

Since then we've been Skyping every night. I've been up to Oregon 4 more times since then, and she's been down to Fresno once. I'm heading back up there tomorrow, and the current plan is that in July she'll be moving in with me down here in Fresno.


So yeah. Against all odds, OK Cupid is pretty damned amazing, near as I can tell.


I met some very cool people, guys and girls, some of whom I still correspond with, even though I've now shut down my OKC account (that's the ultimate consumation of your online romance, btw. ;)).

DeleyanLee
04-30-2009, 09:13 PM
FWIW, I know a lady on another site who met her hubby via OKCupid. They'll be married 4 years this fall, IIRC. They seem to be happy, from what she says.

I went on OKCupid for a while and the only serious offer I got was from my ex-husband, who didn't recognize me from my profile. That was kinda freaky, especially since s/he's claiming to be transgendered now and was seeking a lover. That didn't enhance my experience at the site much, honestly.

cray
04-30-2009, 09:21 PM
do you like pina coladas?

Leukman
04-30-2009, 09:25 PM
I went on OKCupid for a while and the only serious offer I got was from my ex-husband, who didn't recognize me from my profile. That was kinda freaky, especially since s/he's claiming to be transgendered now and was seeking a lover. That didn't enhance my experience at the site much, honestly.

:Wha: Wow. That's...uh...wrong.

MattW
04-30-2009, 09:38 PM
I have a couple of stories from when I was single and drank and skanked my way through depression, and expanded the search online. Found exactly what I was looking for, but not what I needed - I had already met my wife years before, but needed to pull myself together and grow up a little before I could see it.

Sweetleaf
04-30-2009, 09:52 PM
I went on OKCupid for a while and the only serious offer I got was from my ex-husband, who didn't recognize me from my profile. That was kinda freaky, especially since s/he's claiming to be transgendered now and was seeking a lover.

A friend of mine came across her ex's profile on one site and his photo was him lounging in a leopard print g-string.

*shudder*

She was glad she backed out of that one.

badducky
04-30-2009, 10:31 PM
I feel lame. My horror stories suck. The few people I have met off the site have, with the one exception, been really cool, nice people.

writeronfire
04-30-2009, 10:34 PM
If we could return the subject of this thread back to... ME and internet dating.

anybody have any cool horror stories?

I've met some wacky guys in my life. And some of those people lie, lie, lie.

quickWit
04-30-2009, 10:36 PM
I've met some wacky guys in my life. And some of those people lie, lie, lie.

Do not.

:)

writeronfire
04-30-2009, 10:41 PM
Do not.

:)
Did too!
You told me you were a stallion, not a bunny rabbit.

badducky
04-30-2009, 10:45 PM
Yes, people lie on-line, as well as in life. Alas, 'tis part of putting oneself out there.

I'm lying about the death ray gun, but not the goggles.

And, I actually lie for a living. I make up fabulous tall tales and convince people to believe them for a little while. It's fun. Everyone should do it.

quickWit
04-30-2009, 10:45 PM
Did too!
You told me you were a stallion, not a bunny rabbit.

This is my sensitive side. :D

vrabinec
04-30-2009, 10:54 PM
I tried Match.com for while when the wife and I were separated. I was 42 at the time and I kept getting hit on by 18 year-olds with smokin' bods from places like Bogata and the Congo who wanted me to fly there and pick them up on deserted backwood streets. Oh, and the single mothers of 10 in search of a great guy who's looking for a stable relationship loved me too. Never made a single date on that site. Good thing too, because the wife and I got back together.

writeronfire
04-30-2009, 10:54 PM
Yes, people lie on-line, as well as in life. Alas, 'tis part of putting oneself out there.

I'm lying about the death ray gun, but not the goggles.

And, I actually lie for a living. I make up fabulous tall tales and convince people to believe them for a little while. It's fun. Everyone should do it.

Well, here's the thing. I'm a writer, too, so in that sense I lie. Nothing wrong with that. But some people are extremely deceptive.

There was one guy who said he has never done online dating before, doesn't need to meet women that way, wrote all this sincere-sounding stuff and sent the same exact email to a girlfriend of mine. Yes, we compared notes.

badducky
04-30-2009, 11:00 PM
Oh, and the single mothers of 10 in search of a great guy who's looking for a stable relationship loved me too.

Women my age don't have ten kids, that I've seen, but I don't understand why kids are a dealbreaker. Life happens, after all, and we all try our best to make our happiness out of the ashes.

writeronfire
04-30-2009, 11:04 PM
This is my sensitive side. :D

Hmm. Not bad. A stallion AND a sweet bunny. I guess I could live with that.

But are you available?

badducky
04-30-2009, 11:08 PM
No! Everyone on the internet is lying! It's Haggis in disguise! Turn your back for a minute, and he'll stab you with his dirty syringe!

quickWit
04-30-2009, 11:11 PM
Hmm. Not bad. A stallion AND a sweet bunny. I guess I could live with that.

But are you available?

*Calls to wife*

Honey! Am I available?



Oooo. I think that's her "No. No, you're not" look.


Pray for me. :)

dclary
04-30-2009, 11:13 PM
Women my age don't have ten kids, that I've seen, but I don't understand why kids are a dealbreaker. Life happens, after all, and we all try our best to make our happiness out of the ashes.

One girl I met on Singlesnet.net. This was our first date:

"I have a kid, is that a dealbreaker?"

Um... no. Not really. I love kids.

"I'm still married. But my husband lives in San Fran and we're never getting back together. Is that a dealbreaker?"

Um... no, I guess not. If you think you're single, I think you're single.

"I have herpes. Is that a dealbreaker?"

Um... check please!



True story. o_O



Ducky, it's a dealbreaker for guys who are looking not for a relationship or a family, but just someone to date and have fun with.

As much fun as single moms are (and clearly they understand the entire babymaking process at this point), they're also huge wet blankets sometimes because they (usually) understand they need to be responsible, and end up being more restrictive in the kinds of activities you might want to plan.

dclary
04-30-2009, 11:14 PM
*Calls to wife*

Honey! Am I available?



Oooo. I think that's her "No. No, you're not" look.


Pray for me. :)

Her reply:

You're gonna be!

Wayne K
04-30-2009, 11:24 PM
Yes, people lie on-line, as well as in life. Alas, 'tis part of putting oneself out there.

I'm lying about the death ray gun, but not the goggles.

And, I actually lie for a living. I make up fabulous tall tales and convince people to believe them for a little while. It's fun. Everyone should do it.

I was a member of a site like this one for a while as a woman--it was inadvertant--I just didn't know how to change my wife's name name on the damn thing. I didn't care because I had no intention of posting, but I completely overlooked my inability to shut up and three thousand posts later I was a completely different person--it was actually kind of fun.

Then one day I heard one of the radio personalities this site was devoted to say on the air that he believed that people were doing exactly what I was doing and I stopped visiting.

vrabinec
04-30-2009, 11:27 PM
Women my age don't have ten kids, that I've seen, but I don't understand why kids are a dealbreaker. Life happens, after all, and we all try our best to make our happiness out of the ashes.

Kids aren't a dealbreaker, but they sure seem to make a guy more attactive in a single mom's eyes. You smell the desperation in their e-mails. Usually they were in their early-mid 30's, 3-6 kids (the ones with 1 or two kids seems to be less desperate). They land some Prince Charming who gives them their 4.5 screaming kids then leaves them for the secretary. Now they need a second income and a man to settle Johnny down because Johnny's not intimidated by mom and needs a father figure to get him bcak on the right track. My kids are already out of the house and have moved on. I sympathize with these moms, I really do. IMO, there is no more sympathetic figure on earth than a desperate mother, but I think it's safe to assume that the relationship will revolve around the children, and that moments of quiet levity with your new bride would be one a month at best. Sorry if it's insensetive, but I want to enjoy my life a little more than that.

badducky
04-30-2009, 11:40 PM
vrabinec, it is false to presume that all women will behave in such a way.

Ultimately, the deal breaker is not the children, but the inability of that person to be happy by oneself, whether things work out or not. What you're describing has nothing to do with women who have children, but with a problem that happens across ages, genders, and spectrums.

If I end up staying single, I will be perfectly okay, and happy. I like to be around people who share that trait.

vrabinec
04-30-2009, 11:53 PM
vrabinec, it is false to presume that all women will behave in such a way.

I didn't presume anything. I'm just relaying my own personal experiences with on-line dating. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who had different experiences. But THAT is how the ones that contacted me behaved.




Ultimately, the deal breaker is not the children, but the inability of that person to be happy by oneself, whether things work out or not. What you're describing has nothing to do with women who have children, but with a problem that happens across ages, genders, and spectrums.


For me, there were countless dealbreakers. I wanted someone around my station in life, about the same age, and looking for a husband, not a father for her children (and there are plenty of women out there with kids who ARE looking for a husband, and not a father of their kids, but the ones with a LOT of kids that I met on-line weren't among them.) And, maybe YOUR experience was different, but MY experience was that the single women didn't ooze desperation like the women with a bunch of kids.



If I end up staying single, I will be perfectly okay, and happy. I like to be around people who share that trait.

Suit yourself. I love women, and I want one around til the day I die.

Lyra Jean
05-01-2009, 12:09 AM
If we could return the subject of this thread back to... ME and internet dating.

anybody have any cool horror stories?

I only have one where the person I met had gained *lots* of weight since her photos. I mean, I still had fun and gave it a shot, but, wow. No second date there.

There was a guy I went as far as talking on the phone. He lives in Massachusetts and I am in Florida. He was extremely overweight, his favorite food was fried, fried, and fried and had no interest in exercising. When I told him I was interested in just being friends with him. He was a good conversationalist. He went haywire and said I was too picky and I would grow up old and alone and never meet anyone. We've only exchanged a few emails and had two telephone conversations. No thanks.

I was speaking with another guy. He was a single dad with joint custody. He basically told me that I wasn't his children's mom and that I wouldn't have anything to do them or their lives. I'm just like wow. I never would have thought of myself as a replacement but if you are just going to cut me out of a huge part of your life, no thanks.

Luckily for me nothing face to face. Unless you count the "family friend" who knew me since I was 4. He was interested in making me his wife. Yeah, creepy especially since he is married already. He was always asking me why I wouldn't flirt with him online and such. It made me ill and a little scared cause he knew where I lived and where I worked and where I went to school. Lucky for me nothing happened.

Lyra Jean
05-01-2009, 12:14 AM
one guy (and this is a horrible reflection on me) looked pretty decent in his photo so I decided to meet him. I drove into the parking lot, parked, and got out of my truck and then he got out of his car and he looked like bubbles on trailer park boys. I walked by him and just kept going into the pet store, bought dog food, and left. Yes, totally shallow of me.

http://www.trailerparkboys.com/ the guy with the coke bottle glasses.

When me and my fiance finally decided to meet we agreed that upon meeting if either one of us thought it wouldn't work out we would tell each other right away so as not to waste each others time.

When I went to Books-A-Million and waited for him. I saw a large blonde guy smoking. I thought it might be him and I'm like crap. So when he actually arrived I was so relieved that it wasn't him. A few months later he commented about how happy I was to meet him and I told him about the unkempt homeless looking fellow who I thought was him. He saw him too and understood about my exuberant happiness. We laugh about it now.

Lyra Jean
05-01-2009, 12:20 AM
Women my age don't have ten kids, that I've seen, but I don't understand why kids are a dealbreaker. Life happens, after all, and we all try our best to make our happiness out of the ashes.

My dad was a single parent so I was open to guys with kids. But I had step-brothers and they were hellions. I could see why it was a deal breaker but then my first stepmom wouldn't let my dad discipline her kids but she was allowed to discipline me and my brother.

som1luvsmi
05-01-2009, 12:32 AM
Kids aren't a dealbreaker, but they sure seem to make a guy more attactive in a single mom's eyes. You smell the desperation in their e-mails. Usually they were in their early-mid 30's, 3-6 kids (the ones with 1 or two kids seems to be less desperate). They land some Prince Charming who gives them their 4.5 screaming kids then leaves them for the secretary. Now they need a second income and a man to settle Johnny down because Johnny's not intimidated by mom and needs a father figure to get him bcak on the right track. My kids are already out of the house and have moved on. I sympathize with these moms, I really do. IMO, there is no more sympathetic figure on earth than a desperate mother, but I think it's safe to assume that the relationship will revolve around the children, and that moments of quiet levity with your new bride would be one a month at best. Sorry if it's insensetive, but I want to enjoy my life a little more than that.

I knew it!! THAT is why I was scared s***less when I got divorced two years ago! I have four kids and was 26 at the time, and that is the very thing I thought guys were gonna think about me. That's why I thought that I wouldn't even be able to get a date, because guys were gonna be thinking I was trying to "land" them!

Sorry B-ducky, didn't mean to hijack your post, that just struck a sore spot. BTW, I read your profile link. That was awesome and I think your hair is rockin'. :)

vrabinec
05-01-2009, 01:05 AM
I knew it!! THAT is why I was scared s***less when I got divorced two years ago! I have four kids and was 26 at the time, and that is the very thing I thought guys were gonna think about me. That's why I thought that I wouldn't even be able to get a date, because guys were gonna be thinking I was trying to "land" them!


Ah, but I think you miss the point. I went into it looking to "land" a woman as well. That's the whole point of going on those sites. The problem arises when I'm 42 and it's some 28 year-old hottie of the type that has never given me a second glance in my life. I think I have a pretty good idea of who's in my league and who isn't, who I'd appeal to and who I wouldn't. After that many years of life, I have no delusions nor some deflated sense of my own appeal. I want someone who's in my league.

Women with faces like the one you've got on your avvy were asking for dates. They need to be with someone younger and better looking than me, but, in their desperation to find a father for their kids, they seem to be willing to settle. I would say that, had there been some woman in my age range I felt was on equal footing with me and she had a bunch of kids, I would have jumped at the opportunity. But all the women my age already had the kids out of the house (or just about). THOSE were the ones that held he most promise and I believe I would have ended up courting one of them had I not stopped.

badducky
05-01-2009, 01:36 AM
I knew it!! THAT is why I was scared s***less when I got divorced two years ago! I have four kids and was 26 at the time, and that is the very thing I thought guys were gonna think about me. That's why I thought that I wouldn't even be able to get a date, because guys were gonna be thinking I was trying to "land" them!


No, no I bring it up because this stuff is worth talking about and fleshing out. I hope you and Vrabinec continue talking about this issue.

I want to learn from other people's mistakes, and other people's false assumptions.

Four kids is a lot of kid, but unless you were talking about four different fathers, I don't think I'd blink, though it hasn't come up. Most I've seen in my area is three kids, and it wasn't what made me look click on to other ads. Again, life happens. Adults know that.

As for vrabinec's thought... Well, I don't know about that. I have yet to be contacted by anyone not about my age, kids or no. I don't think my profile reeks of responsible role model, though. Nor should it.

Lyra Jean
05-01-2009, 02:05 AM
I used ChristianCafe.com. It worked for me as me and my fiance met using that site and we are getting married in September.

Being a Christian dating service brought up it's own problems. Like the majority of men looking for virgin wives. I'd read their profile and we had a lot in common and probably got along well except for that one caveat. I never got up the nerve to ask if they were virgins though.

badducky
05-01-2009, 02:14 AM
Being a Christian dating service brought up it's own problems. Like the majority of men looking for virgin wives.

Wow. That's scary. Bet they're still single.

Hard enough finding love when you aren't a judgmental, self-righteous blowhard.

I can't imagine a universe where that would matter either way.

Wayne K
05-01-2009, 02:30 AM
Being a Christian dating service brought up it's own problems. Like the majority of men looking for virgin wives. .

That's brilliant in it's way.

vrabinec
05-01-2009, 02:35 AM
As for vrabinec's thought... Well, I don't know about that. I have yet to be contacted by anyone not about my age, kids or no. I don't think my profile reeks of responsible role model, though. Nor should it.

Well, we had to designate what we were looking for from the relationship, and I indicated I wanted a long-term relationship that would hopefully lead to marriage. So, that probably sets a tone. By the way, I was amazed at how many women checked off that they were not interested in marriage but contacted me anyway, indicating that they would cobsider marriage if it was the right guy. I immediatley considered them dishonest, presuming that they had hoped to give no vibes that they were looking to get hitched, and then latch onto the guy anyway, once they'd gotten their foot in the door. For all the truth you'd think you'd get on those sites, there's a lot of deceit going on. I don't get it. The truth is so much simpler.

badducky
05-01-2009, 02:38 AM
That's brilliant in it's way.

Right, if you were out to take advantage of someone didn't know better, it's the first place to look.

Wayne K
05-01-2009, 03:17 AM
Right, if you were out to take advantage of someone didn't know better, it's the first place to look.
Exactly.

som1luvsmi
05-01-2009, 03:17 AM
Ah, but I think you miss the point. I went into it looking to "land" a woman as well. That's the whole point of going on those sites. The problem arises when I'm 42 and it's some 28 year-old hottie of the type that has never given me a second glance in my life. I think I have a pretty good idea of who's in my league and who isn't, who I'd appeal to and who I wouldn't. After that many years of life, I have no delusions nor some deflated sense of my own appeal. I want someone who's in my league.

I'm sorry. I guess I did miss your point, because I see it, now. :)





Being a Christian dating service brought up it's own problems. Like the majority of men looking for virgin wives. I'd read their profile and we had a lot in common and probably got along well except for that one caveat. I never got up the nerve to ask if they were virgins though.

Hmm... don't know how I feel about that.

Silver King
05-01-2009, 04:05 AM
I tend to agree with vrabinec in some of his observations, in particular his reticence to take on a mate with several children. Nothing wrong with that way of thinking, and in fact I find it a smart way for him to proceed. Hell, I've had an almost impossible time raising my own kids, and I could never fathom some other sucker taking on that role. And unless I was dead, I'd try to talk him out of it, no kidding, for his own sake.

thethinker42
05-01-2009, 04:13 AM
If we could return the subject of this thread back to... ME and internet dating.

anybody have any cool horror stories?

I only have one where the person I met had gained *lots* of weight since her photos. I mean, I still had fun and gave it a shot, but, wow. No second date there.

That happened to me, too...the guy had gained 125 lbs since his pics were taken. Sorry dude, physical attraction is still important, and more than that, misrepresenting yourself is dishonest. FAIL.

I also met one guy, dated him for a while, then got an e-mail from his girlfriend asking who I was and what I was doing. I wrote back explaining that I had no idea he had a girlfriend (let alone one who was 8 months pregnant...he and I had been dating for about 6 months). She was completely level-headed and reasonable. Many years later, she and I are still friends, he's long gone.

Ahhh, the intertubes. Gotta love it.

thethinker42
05-01-2009, 04:24 AM
I just want to add my two cents to the comments regarding kids being deal-breakers...they WERE a deal-breaker for me when I was dating for one simple reason: I didn't want kids. None of my own, none of anyone else's. I made it abundantly clear in my profile that I neither had nor wanted kids, and that included stepkids (which oddly enough, increased my responses by a rather significant percentage after I added that bit).

It had nothing to do with the way single dads "are" or anything like that...I just didn't want kids. Period.

vrabinec
05-01-2009, 04:49 AM
I just want to add my two cents to the comments regarding kids being deal-breakers...they WERE a deal-breaker for me when I was dating for one simple reason: I didn't want kids. None of my own, none of anyone else's. I made it abundantly clear in my profile that I neither had nor wanted kids, and that included stepkids (which oddly enough, increased my responses by a rather significant percentage after I added that bit).

It had nothing to do with the way single dads "are" or anything like that...I just didn't want kids. Period.

If you're clear about that up front, that's cool. My dilema was that I raised 2 step-kids with my wife, and I was willing to have kids even at the age of 42, but I wasn't willing to take on step-kids again UNLESS the woman was still willing to have kids with me on top of that (and that was a dealbreaker for THEM countless times, because they didn't want any more kids). I know that sounds shitty in a way, but if you don't ask for what you want, you rarely get it.

And, by the way, I kinda made it sound like it was just the women who were deceitful, and that's not the case at all. I didn't check out the guys all that often, but every now and then I'd take a peek at the competition, particularly in my age group, and 70% or more were full of shit. Maybe it's because I was a womanizer in my youth, but I can smell a wolf's den from a mile away, and there is a boatload of guys out there who claim they're separated, and who claim they're willing to consider marriage, and you just know they're full of crap.

It's amazing how many b.s. profiles you have to sift through to get to one reasonable possibility. And these sites that claim they do the legwork for you by matching you up based on the profile you enter are full of crap. They were setting me up with chicks from the Phillipines, like I'm gonna drive from D.C. around the world to take them to dinner.

All that said, I did narrow it down to several women I think I would have enjoyed courting. So, it's worth it, you just have to work your ass off.

Silver King
05-01-2009, 05:09 AM
...I just didn't want kids. Period.
One of things that surprises me most about this thread is how many people act like kids are NOT a deal breaker. I mean, come on. I'm a decent person, not bad looking with a steady income who owns most of his possessions outright. And by the way, I have four children. And four grandchildren.

Ding ding ding!

Oh, and my oldest boy was arrested recently, and my second son needs thirty grand to avoid foreclosure, and one of my grand kids was sent home from day care with the worst case of head lice known to mankind, and my daughter twisted her ankle while trying to turn a shopping cart, and my newest grand baby is colicky and crying all the time to the point that I might twist his head off at any moment.

I could go on and on, and I should, but you know where I'm coming from by now. It never ends. Ever, no matter what anyone else tells you.

thethinker42
05-01-2009, 05:10 AM
It's amazing how many b.s. profiles you have to sift through to get to one reasonable possibility.

Ironically, that's EXACTLY how I met my husband.

I was IM'ing with a friend (an ex-boyfriend, actually), lamenting the fact that so many profiles were lame, stupid, etc. I was going through random profiles, picking out quotes, and pasting them to show him just what I was having to sort through.

In doing so, I clicked on one profile. I sifted through it looking for stupidz to send to my friend so we could laugh about it.

Thought to myself, "Hmm. This guy actually sounds kind of interesting."

Sent him an e-mail. He e-mailed me back a few minutes later. We got on IM. 30 minutes after the first e-mail, we were on the phone. 3 days later, met. A few months later, engaged. Five months after that, married. That was in 2002.

So...as aggravating as they are, I have to say that those BS profiles have their own special place in my heart. ;)

thethinker42
05-01-2009, 05:14 AM
It never ends. Ever, no matter what anyone else tells you.

Exactly. And while I know some people are happy with children, I know myself, and I know it's not the life for me. Thus...deal-breaker. A lot of my single mom friends think guys are assholes for saying "No, I won't date a single mom", but hey, they're being honest with themselves and they're being honest with the moms. "I don't want kids (or I don't want someone else's kids), so let's not waste each other's time."

Ironically, some of my friends who bitch about people who won't date single parents are the same people who will outright reject someone if they're in the military because they "can't handle that life". Well...I can handle the military life. I cannot handle being a parent. Different strokes...doesn't make anyone an asshole for being honest and forthright about what they do and don't want.

/RANT

Wayne K
05-01-2009, 05:21 AM
I love kids




if they're properly cooked.

vrabinec
05-01-2009, 05:23 AM
One of things that surprises me most about this thread is how many people act like kids are NOT a deal breaker. I mean, come on. I'm a decent person, not bad looking with a steady income who owns most of his possessions outright. And by the way, I have four children. And four grandchildren.

Ding ding ding!

Oh, and my oldest boy was arrested recently, and my second son needs thirty grand to avoid foreclosure, and one of my grand kids was sent home from day care with the worst case of head lice known to mankind, and my daughter twisted her ankle while trying to turn a shopping cart, and my newest grand baby is colicky and crying all the time to the point that I might twist his head off at any moment.

I could go on and on, and I should, but you know where I'm coming from by now. It never ends. Ever, no matter what anyone else tells you.

I know what you're saying on one level, but then another part of me says that one of my dauthers is an absolute delight, and THAT never ends, either. She's a bigwig over at IBM, she's funny, we love each other, and I couldn't be happier. Of course, the other daughter was a stripper, got thrown in jail for a year while trying to rob some poor little old lady because she was looking for a heroin fix. So, yeah, there's the bad with the good. But, even the "bad" one is coming around. She almost has her college degree now. Still, when it was bad, it was bad.

dclary
05-01-2009, 05:26 AM
I love kids




if they're properly cooked.


I love kids too, but I can't eat a whole one.

dclary
05-01-2009, 05:28 AM
I know what you're saying on one level, but then another part of me says that one of my dauthers is an absolute delight, and THAT never ends, either. She's a bigwig over at IBM, she's funny, we love each other, and I couldn't be happier. Of course, the other daughter was a stripper, got thrown in jail for a year while trying to rob some poor little old lady because she was looking for a heroin fix. So, yeah, there's the bad with the good. But, even the "bad" one is coming around. She almost has her college degree now. Still, when it was bad, it was bad.


With no disrespect meant... if your two daughters were one woman? I'd be so all over that it wouldn't be funny.

Except for the heroin part.

But sexy, stripper, uber-smart geek executive?

DING DING DING DING! We have a genetic winner!!!

vrabinec
05-01-2009, 05:41 AM
With no disrespect meant... if your two daughters were one woman? I'd be so all over that it wouldn't be funny.

Except for the heroin part.

But sexy, stripper, uber-smart geek executive?

DING DING DING DING! We have a genetic winner!!!

Eww, I need a bath. But, yeah, if it was someone else's daughter and I was 25 again...But, still, ewww

Silver King
05-01-2009, 05:46 AM
I know what you're saying on one level, but then another part of me says that one of my dauthers is an absolute delight, and THAT never ends, either. She's a bigwig over at IBM, she's funny, we love each other, and I couldn't be happier. Of course, the other daughter was a stripper, got thrown in jail for a year while trying to rob some poor little old lady because she was looking for a heroin fix. So, yeah, there's the bad with the good. But, even the "bad" one is coming around. She almost has her college degree now. Still, when it was bad, it was bad.
I have three boys and one daughter. I always thought when our girl was born that my wife would favor her somewhat. But she never did and fawned over our sons even more.

My daughter and I became very close, more so than I ever did with my boys. And we're still like two peas in a pod, and what's really cool is that we share the same birth date and time, almost to the minute, twenty years apart. :)

Sweetleaf
05-01-2009, 05:59 AM
A lot of my single mom friends think guys are assholes for saying "No, I won't date a single mom", but hey, they're being honest with themselves and they're being honest with the moms. "I don't want kids (or I don't want someone else's kids), so let's not waste each other's time."

/RANT

A friend of mine went out with a guy who made it clear from the start that he didn't want kids and he wanted nothing to do with her daughter. She held it against him through the entire relationship and when they finally broke up she played the matyr over how she was so hard done by because of his attitude. For god's sake, he told you at the start! What did you expect?

Personally I could never figure out why they got together in the first place.

2old2pb
05-01-2009, 06:08 AM
I used ChristianCafe.com. It worked for me as me and my fiance met using that site and we are getting married in September.

Being a Christian dating service brought up it's own problems. Like the majority of men looking for virgin wives. I'd read their profile and we had a lot in common and probably got along well except for that one caveat. I never got up the nerve to ask if they were virgins though.

Wow, isn't a virgin wife a little unrealistic? What are they expecting, to get hitched up with a 15 yo in HI? With parent's consent? It wasn't common in my neck of the woods in CT; it was younger still in NY and MA.
At least the girls, nevermind women, that I knew.

vrabinec
05-01-2009, 06:24 AM
Wow, isn't a virgin wife a little unrealistic? What are they expecting, to get hitched up with a 15 yo in HI? With parent's consent? It wasn't common in my neck of the woods in CT; it was younger still in NY and MA.
At least the girls, nevermind women, that I knew.

When I was 6, I wanted to remain a virgin. When I was 16 I wanted a virgin bride. When I was 26, I wanted a virgin ho. When I was 36 I wanted a virgin who'd do me, my buddy, and my buddy's sister. When I was 46, I wanted to hear good virgin jokes. I don't know what I'll think of virgins when I'm 56, but then, I'm a vile and disturbed man, so I'm sure I'll think of something.

dclary
05-01-2009, 06:30 AM
Wow, isn't a virgin wife a little unrealistic? What are they expecting, to get hitched up with a 15 yo in HI? With parent's consent? It wasn't common in my neck of the woods in CT; it was younger still in NY and MA.
At least the girls, nevermind women, that I knew.

It's not quite THAT rare.

My late wife was a virgin until she was 28. I know several other women who managed to wait until their 20s as well. Plus, there's quite a few women who lost their virginity to their eventual husbands.

vrabinec
05-01-2009, 06:34 AM
It's not quite THAT rare.

My late wife was a virgin until she was 28. I know several other women who managed to wait until their 20s as well. Plus, there's quite a few women who lost their virginity to their eventual husbands.

How about for guys? I know of one.

It's a little tougher to find a guy who got married as a virgin.

Lyra Jean
05-01-2009, 07:13 AM
If you're clear about that up front, that's cool. My dilema was that I raised 2 step-kids with my wife, and I was willing to have kids even at the age of 42, but I wasn't willing to take on step-kids again UNLESS the woman was still willing to have kids with me on top of that (and that was a dealbreaker for THEM countless times, because they didn't want any more kids). I know that sounds shitty in a way, but if you don't ask for what you want, you rarely get it.

And, by the way, I kinda made it sound like it was just the women who were deceitful, and that's not the case at all. I didn't check out the guys all that often, but every now and then I'd take a peek at the competition, particularly in my age group, and 70% or more were full of shit. Maybe it's because I was a womanizer in my youth, but I can smell a wolf's den from a mile away, and there is a boatload of guys out there who claim they're separated, and who claim they're willing to consider marriage, and you just know they're full of crap.

It's amazing how many b.s. profiles you have to sift through to get to one reasonable possibility. And these sites that claim they do the legwork for you by matching you up based on the profile you enter are full of crap. They were setting me up with chicks from the Phillipines, like I'm gonna drive from D.C. around the world to take them to dinner.

All that said, I did narrow it down to several women I think I would have enjoyed courting. So, it's worth it, you just have to work your ass off.

I could never honestly sign up with e-harmony because I always ended up answering the question according to how I wanted to be not how I am now.

My fiance signed up with e-harmony, 3 month plan. He was getting one match a week until the last week of his plan then he was getting about 5 or 6 matches a day. Talk about a waste of money.

badducky
05-01-2009, 09:38 AM
Yeah... I don't trust E-Harmony. I just find it hard to believe their dumb ass questions have better judgment than I do.

Lyra Jean
05-01-2009, 09:56 AM
Yeah... I don't trust E-Harmony. I just find it hard to believe their dumb ass questions have better judgment than I do.

I talk back to the TV. "I want a picture and a paragraph." I have friends and family to filter out the whackjobs.

SPMiller
05-01-2009, 10:13 AM
Yeah, I have some stories about OKCupid, but I'm certainly not proud of all of them.

During OKC's infancy, I was a member of a certain programming community that made a game of creating fake profiles on OKC to see how many messages we could get per day. That was eye-opening in a number of ways. Wouldn't do it again, thanks.

When I took the site more seriously, I had no good experiences, so I started clowning around in random journal threads. Met a lot of awesome people that way.

Wayne K
05-01-2009, 01:33 PM
My wife wssn't a virgin when we met but that doesn't matter to me, I'm not shallow like some guys are. Besides, she has a nice rack.